Broken Glass
by FaeryPrincess59
Summary: The sequal to 2Xtreme, Destiny tries to fix things with Matt and Jeff. Can she handle a demanding job, a year old son, and a crumbling life with the two she loves most? Her life was all ready 2Xtreme, now she has to walk on Broken Glass
1. Default Chapter

It's been a year since that whole Matt thing went down, a year. And for a good six, six and a half months there was no Hardy Boyz, none. They wouldn't talk to each other, in or outside of the ring. Matt tried apologizing, but Jeff wouldn't hear it. Forget about me and him, he won't even look at me.   
I can't begin to tell you how horrible I feel. I wanted to die. My guilt almost got the best of me a few time, a lot of times. The notes and apologies I sent to Jeff, all turned down. I can't blame him, I really can't. If that was me, I wouldn't talk to me either.   
Paul took it really bad. He got to Matt first. He held him by his shirt collar over the balcony in Matt's room, eight floors high. When he got to Jeff, he beat him so bad for what he called me. Jeff had to sit a whole week out. He was mad at me too, and rightfully so. Everyone was angry.  
I'd like to say that everything worked out within two weeks time. But, for a good six months, like I said, there was no Hardy Boyz. There is now, but it will never be the same. Nothing will ever be like it was. Unfortunately, that's the price we all have to pay.  
The whole situation boiled over into our Alliance, there is none. Sure, we're still friends, but it just didn't last. I'm the only one who really talks to them like we used to. It took a week for everyone to feel comfortable around each other again. Everyone feels bad for Jeff, who wouldn't? They were so angry at Matt, it took more than a week for them to talk to him. But, Matt got back on their good side, somehow. No one really knew what to do around me. They were very angry, and ashamed, but at the same time, they were sorrowful. They weren't so quick to talk to me, but were always there when I needed them.   
Unforgiven changed my life. The match was intense, Kurt Angle nearly rapped me, I came in the WWF Champion, left the Women's Champion, and probably had the best match of my career. But, I lost the love of my life that night. Nothing could compare to that. I would have given it all back just so I wouldn't have made that mistake. Not only did Jeff have to deal with the fact that the father of my son was his brother, but I had messed the relationship up because I slept with his brother.   
It was now RAW. I had lost the Women's Title only once to Ivory, but one it back two weeks later. I am the longest reigning Women's Champion. I wouldn't be defending that belt tonight, but was in a Tag Team Title match with Chris Jericho. Chris and I formed a tag team after the downfall of Team Xtreme. There maybe a Hardy Boyz, but there isn't a Team Xtreme. Chris took it upon himself to build me back up, so to speak, and we joined up.   
The Hardy Boyz lost their Tag Team Titles the RAW after Unforgiven, only because Jeff demanded it. There was just no way they could be the champs in that condition. Jeff's now the Intercontinental Champion. The Dudleyz were once again the Tag Champs, and Chris and I had a shot at becoming the champs for the first time in our careers.   
"Ready?" Chris asked me.  
"Yes," I answered. "Future WWF Tag Team Champions."  
I obviously wasn't the WWF Champion anymore. Vince's final attempt to screw me came a month after Unforgiven. I had to face Triple H. I loved having that belt around my waist, but Paul deserved it more than me. I told Paul not to worry about the match. Go out there and fight me as if I was The Rock. He said he couldn't just do that. He said he would try his hardest to go out there and do what he had to. After he won, via Pedigree, he helped me up and hugged me, showing Vince, and the world, that it would take more than a belt to break us up.  
Anyway, Chris and I came out to his music. Fans loved it. They were unaware of what happened one year ago. They had no idea why Matt and Jeff stopped tagging together. They assumed that they weren't all together, since the RAW after Unforgiven, but had no idea of why. They loved it when they saw Matt run down and help Jeff win a match, and when Jeff nodded back to Matt, they went crazy. Almost as crazy as when the boys tagged together again. I'm glad they have no idea.   
Chris and I really established ourselves as a tag team to be noticed. We almost won the Tag Titles from Too Cool. It was our time now, our time to shine. No one was going to stop us now.   
I got on the apron as Jericho took on Buh-Buh Dudley. My fighting took a turn for the better after I won the WWF Title. I started fighting men more, and even heavy-weights. After Unforgiven, things got even better, in terms of wrestling. I was the Intercontinental Champion for a few days, I was the Hardcore Champion for 24 hours, winning the first match on RAW and losing the first match that Smackdown.   
Even Vince changed. After trying to screw me with the Triple H match, he came to his senses. He doesn't hate me anymore and is the reason I became Hardcore Champion. He starting to treat me like a main eventer now.   
Jericho tagged me in and I went right after D-Von. My style stayed the same, be Xtreme. But I got more technical, more powerful. I studied matches of the normal main eventers, like The Rock, Triple H, and Stone Cold. I asked questions, learned first hand from them. I wanted to take full advantage of the opportunities that were given to me. A new Destiny emerged from Unforgiven. A new Destiny piled through personal wreckage and emotional stress. I didn't want to let anyone down, mostly myself.   
Jericho and I double teamed D-Von until the ref told me to get out. So, I did. We wore the Dudleyz down, broke them apart. I was fighting Buh-Buh on the outside of the ring as Jericho had D-Von inside. Jericho then got D-Von in the Walls Of Jericho, and he tapped like a sonvabitch. We were the new Tag Team Champions. I slid into the ring, and jumped at Jericho. He held me up with one arm, the other hand held the belt, and he held me as I screamed, nearly cried actually. It was real emotional. The hugs were real, and everything. We had spent so long chasing the Tag Team Titles and now we had them. I remember it being very emotional. I had tears in my eyes, and Jericho had a tight grip on me. It was great.   
I took my new belt to my locker room. Dwayne was walking down and came in to congratulate me. What sucks about all there is now Alliance, like I said before. They have their emotions in tact now, but it's not the same. And, like I said, I still get along with them, great actually. It was just very rough at first. Everyone wanted to kill Matt. They all calmed down now. But, Chris and Paul are the only ones I fight along side of now. And, I have fought other Alliance members, Edge, Christian, and The Rock on Smackdown. I have never fought a Hardy, though.  
I guess it's a good thing there's no Alliance. The best storylines involved the members of the Alliance and our matches were always the best. Anyway, Dwayne and I sat down and talked about our match.  
"You said you didn't mind tapping, right?" Dwayne asked.  
"Nope." I answered.  
"Well, that's how it'll end. After an intense match."  
"All right." I said. "You said we'd go out there and just do it."  
"Yeah, just go out there and do it. You do your signature and I'll do mine. We both kick out. Welcome to the world of the main event."  
I smiled. "Thanks." And, Dwayne left. My new signature move was a modified Corkscrew Moonsault. I had Jeff's, but that obviously can't happen anymore. It didn't matter. I liked my new status in the WWF. Not being a part of the best damn team in WWF hurt like hell, naturally, but I like where I am now. Unforgiven gave birth to a new style, a new Destiny. It was the only good thing to come out of that whole situation.   
Chris came in. He looked at the belt in his hands. He shoved my leg and smiled. It was his first WWF Tag Team Title victory, as was mine. It was safe to say we were just a little happy.  
"It keeps getting better for us." Chris said.   
"It has." I said.  
"What's next? I become the Intercontinental Champion?"  
"Would be sweet." I said with a smile.   
"It would." He leaned back in his chair. "You got DJ tomorrow, don't you?"  
"Yup." I answered.  
"Just think, a year ago, this wouldn't happen."  
"Do you have to bring that up?"  
"Haven't talked to him then, huh?"  
"No, I haven't." I sighed. "I've come up with a million things to say, but when it comes down to saying it, I forget. There isn't a damn thing I could say that should make him forgive me. I messed up, the worst mistake of my life. If I could go back in time, you can garan-damn-tee I'd change that. I don't care that I probably wouldn't have the success I have now. I just want Jeff back."  
"He hasn't really said anything about that to any of us. He talks to Adam and Jay a lot, you should ask them. You know you messed up."  
"Royally. It's nice that things are sort of getting back to the norm. Matt and Jeff are a team again, and y'all are talking to Matt again." I said. "Things are as good as they could be, I guess." I paused. "Why were you easy on me? It was just as much my fault."  
"We weren't as mad at Matt as we made it out to be. The whole situation caught us off guard. We didn't know what to think, it seemed natural to us to get more mad at Matt. We were angry with you, we were. But, for me, I saw someone who had messed up, and knew it. I saw someone who needed so much help just getting through one day." He looked at me. "You know he's the one for you and he knows your the one for him. Maybe he'll forgive you. You don't know until you try."  
"I did try." I said. "My apologies fell on deaf ears."  
"Keep trying. Me and Jessica got into a fight once before, I won't say about what, but it takes a lot of apologies to fix mistakes. Trust me."  
I sighed and started packing up. I showered and changed. Chris and I drove back to the hotel. Chris and I became very close after what happened. But, no one could take the place of Paul. He was my father. He will always be my father. After what Kurt tried, and when I called Paul, daddy, he really lived up to the part. Together, the two of them pulled me out of my depression.   
What became of me and Matt? Well, we didn't talk for a month of so. But, that changed quickly. We had a son to raise. God, does Matthew look like his father. It was weird, and it was hard. We did the best we could. Trying to do what's right for out son. Matthew is all that matters to us. If raising Matthew was hard before, it was harder now. Matt and I took it one day at a time.   
"I have to get Matthew from Laura and give him to Matt." I said as we drove along.  
"Got to love stage crew." Chris replied.  
Once we got back, I got my son. I told him he was going to see daddy and his face lit up. I went back to my room to get all of his things and then brought him to Matt. Both were happy to see each other.   
"Hey, how's he doing?" Matt asked.  
"He's all right. He's this close to walking and he's getting into everything. Have fun." I handed him Matthew.  
"Congrats on the Tag Team Title victory." He said.  
"Thanks."   
"You and Chris really have a tag team going on. One day you'll be good enough to take on the Hardyz!"  
"We are, but I've been trying to avoid that. Vince wants me to, but I just can't. Not yet."  
"No, one's rushing anything."  
"Has Jeff said anything?" I asked.  
"Jeff wasn't the one to really open up. Now, forget it. It's amazing we're a team again."  
"You've got that natural brotherly chemistry. It's a relationship that's stronger than anything."  
"You and Jeff had something deep too. He'll come around."  
"That's what Chris said." I sat down.  
"You could stay here, you know." He said.  
"No, I better not. It's not the best time."  
"Oh, right." Matt said. "I'm going to keep him a few days."  
"All right."  
I left and went back to my room. I passed Jeff's room on the way to mine. I always knew what room he was in. I stopped at his door, ready to knock. But, I didn't. Any ideas I had on what to say were forgotten and I walked to my room.   
When I got yo my room, I was all alone. I didn't have my son anymore. I sat in a chair and dazed off. The room was so silent my ears were ringing. When I came around, I found myself crying. I got up, washed my face, and changed into my PJs. I laid in bed looking at the ceiling. Sleep finally came to me. But, not easily. 


	2. Chapter 2

The following morning, I was cleaning up the room. I found some of Matt's toys and things. It was tedious, but it had to be done. I was in the middle of my cleaning when there was a knock at the door. I brushed pieces of my hair that fell out of the pony tail back and answered the door. I opened the door in baggy sweat pants and a Y2J shirt. It was Paul.  
"Hey baby girl." He said.  
"Hey daddy." I replied. Since the whole Kurt thing at Unforgiven, Paul and I were honest about each other. After everything happened with Matt, he told me how he felt, how he really felt. And, how he was honored to have a baby girl like me, it made me cry harder. We've come a long way in our relationship since I got here.  
"Cleaning?" He asked. "You must be bored."  
"I've got hours to kill before my interview and photo shoot with RAW Magazine." I said. "I've got to leave at 12:30."  
"You have a cover story?"  
"Yeah. My incredible change of style." I smiled. "I'm the game now."  
"Well, you're the Women's Champ, you've been IC Champ, and Hardcore Champ for 24 hours. That's impressive."  
"Like I said, I am the game."  
"I have an apprentice." He smiled. "You don't have Matt. Let me take you out before the big shoot and stuff. I'll take you to where you have to go."  
"Let me get cleaned up."  
I got some clothes and went to get changed. I had a pair of jeans and some shirt I got last time we were in New York, which is where I live now. In that damned apartment I grew up in. I'm not in Cameron anymore, for obvious reasons. My parents died a few months back. It's a Godsend and a bad thing all at the same time. So, I took the place. During the time I didn't have a place to stay, Paul took me in. God, am I thankful for Paul.   
I put my faded blue hair back up and came out. It was a warm fall day out, almost November, but felt like late September. I grabbed a light jacket and my bag with my belts and we left. I was asked to bring my belts along.  
"Where are we going?" I got in the passengers seat.  
"Figure we'd go to lunch and talk."   
"I'd like that." I said.  
Paul drove to a Friendly's. I always loved the times I spent with Paul. He meant the world to me and was always there for me. He was there for me, no matter what it was. He was my daddy, my world, the only man I needed in my life. He was the only one there for me through everything. I was sort of thrown at him and he handled me so well. We took to each other, and we're the perfect pair.   
"How's things going with you?" He asked.  
"All right." I answered. "They could be better."  
"Yes, well, things happen." He said. "I have to say, though, you're doing all right."  
"If it wasn't for you, and Chris, I wouldn't be here. I owe you so much."  
"I did what I thought was right." Paul said.  
"You saved me." I told him. "You saved me, daddy."  
He smiled. "You have Dwayne on Smackdown, don't ya?" He said. "Good luck."  
"Thanks. I'm not going to win, but hey, it's experience."  
"I'm proud of you, hun." He told me. "You've come a long way from a bad situation."  
"Being in the ring is the only place I feel comfortable, feel right. I don't feel right anywhere else anymore, I can't."  
"I know it's rough." He replied. "But, you're doing just fine. I am very proud of you."  
"Thank you, daddy."  
"Anyway, you want me to be at ringside with ya?"  
"No, I got it. I'll be all right."   
"You've come along way."  
"I've had the opportunities." I said. "Vince has changed his ways."  
"I know, since the match you had with me." He replied. "I won't lie, you gave me a run for my money."  
I smiled. "Naturally." I was surprised to hear him say that.  
Paul and I talked about my match against Dwayne. It was going to be some match. I wouldn't call it an even match, but we were charismatic and we could sell it. Dwayne was looking forward to working with me in that manner. And, I was very happy to have the chance to fight him.   
"Fans love the new Destiny." Paul said.   
"Me too, but I still have one thing left to fix." I replied.  
"Time will tell."  
"It's been a year. Time has told all it can."  
"Well, you've learned something."   
"I'll say. And the coast is killing me." I said.   
"I can't say you didn't deserve it."  
"I know." I said. "I know."  
Paul, like he said, dropped me off at the photo shoot and interview. He opped to stay and watch. This was my first solo cover story ever, hard to believe. I had some idea of what would happen. I sort of knew what they would ask me. I had to be ready.  
"I'm here with Destiny, Women's Champion and 1/2 of the WWF Tag Team Champions." The interviewer by the name of Charles said. "It's great to have you here."  
"Thank you. It's good to be here."  
"For the past month, you and Chris Jericho have been chasing after the Tag Team Titles. Now, the both of you own that title for the first time. What was going through your mind during that match?"  
"Well, I was really psyched and nervous. I, and Jericho, wanted those titles very badly. We knew it was our time the moment we stepped into that ring. Personally, I was just trying to stay focused on the match and win."   
"The match was incredible. Congratulations."  
"Thank you."  
"We all know of you infamous feud with Lita. That hasn't died down any even since you tagged with Jericho. The two of you of you will meet in a steel cage at Unforgiven in two weeks. And, the WWF Women's Title is on the line."  
"That's right. Last year, if you remember, I ripped into her and became the Women's Champion. This year we meet for the same title in a steel cage. And, the outcome will be just the same."  
"Lets go back to Unforgiven last year. A stronger, more charismatic, more dynamic Destiny emerged. In this past year, you have accomplished more than many in their entire career."  
"Longest reigning Women's Champion, Intercontential Champion, Hardcore Champion for 24 hours, first time female World Wrestling Federation Champion, and first female to be part of the Tag Team Champions." I said.   
"Your accomplishments are something else."  
"Thank you." I replied. "I am thankful for what I have received in the World Wrestling Federation. No woman, and even many men, have been able to do what I have done."  
"Having done what you have, what are you plans for the future?" He asked.  
"I'm not one to look into the future. Live for the moment, ya know. I would like to, though, own every WWF title out there. I am well on my way. I want to continue to burn up the women's division. I want to show the world what a tag team Jericho and I are. I want to prove to everyone that I am not a silicone filled airhead like most of the females we have working for us. I want to exist to inspire."  
"You are doing just that. Inspiring the next generation of WWF Superstars both men and women. I am proud to be sitting next to you."  
"Thank you, it's an honor to be a double champion like I am and it's an honor to be as successful as I have been. I will only get better, and you'll be seeing gold around my waist all the time."  
"It's a color we're used to seeing on you, like many other colors we've seen on you."   
I laughed. "I'm a colorful person."  
"You mentioned you wanted to prove to the world what a great tag team you and Chris Jericho are. You have proved to us all ready, and winning the Tag Team Titles sealed the deal. Where do you think this team will be in the next year?"  
"Still going strong. Jericho and I have chemistry, a strong bold chemistry that will shine for years to come. This team isn't going anywhere any time soon. We will continue to show the world what we can do. You will be seeing us all the time."  
"The WWF fans love you guys and really took to you."  
"And, we love the fans. I think I speak for Jericho when I say, we love our fans. It's because of the WWF fans that we are as big as we are. Those fans are what make the World Wrestling Federation as big as it is. Vince McMahon doesn't make the WWF what it is, and the superstars don't make the WWF what it is. The fans make the WWF what it is."  
"If we could talk about Vince McMahon."  
"If you wish." I said.  
"Vince McMahon was never on your side, never. But, now we're seeing a different Vince McMahon. We're seeing a Mr. McMahon that shows feeling and emotions. He's still the same Vince McMahon, in a way, but he's also different."  
"Very different. I really can't give you any reasons why he changed his ways, but it's a good thing for all of us. He shows compassion now for his employees, and it's a big step in making the World Wrestling Federation work."  
"What belt will we be seeing you reach for next?" He asked.  
I laughed. "None yet. I am very happy being a double champion. If an opportunity comes my way, I'll take it. But, I'm not looking for anything."  
And so went the interview. Next, was the photo shoot. I still kept my ground when it came to revealing my body. I still never appeared in a bra and panties match and was never involved in a Divas photo shoot. I was never comfortable with that. I wasn't a bitch about it, I didn't have to be.   
"All right. I want to get the hard shoot out of the way first." The photographer said. "I know your really not into all that Divas stuff, but I want to do this shoot."  
"Oh, no, that doesn't sound good."  
"I want to use the belts. One around your waist and the other around your chest." He told me. "You can wear your underwear under the one belt." I looked at him. "You don't have to."  
"I-uh-wow." I said with a smile. "You weren't kidding when you said Divas."  
"You don't have to."  
"I'll do it. Just this one time."  
"All right, good, good. Women's on top, Tag on the bottom."  
I kept my underwear on, freaking neon green thong. I had a long jacket on over the belts when I walked out. I was reluctant to take it off at first. Paul was there, and I knew what he'd do. But, I said I was going to do it, and I never go back on my word. The jacket came off.  
"For the record, I am incredibly embarrassed." I said.  
"Don't worry, Destiny, we're only taking a few shots." Man, was Paul shocked.  
I stood there in the two belts, and underwear. It was so embarrassing and akward, but I went along with it. I'll admit, it was fun and sexy, but I'll never do it again. I wasn't Trish, I wasn't Amy. I wasn't like that, it wasn't my deal. But, getting to be sexy like that was pretty cool.  
My physical style didn't change at all. My fighting style was updated, but was still risky as hell. When it came down to appearance and clothes, I was just the same. Same clothes style, same look. I didn't feel the need to change my look. The photo shoot showed that. It was just me in my own clothes.   
"Thanks for the belt shots." The photographer said when it was all said and done. "Took guts."  
"Thanks, and no problem. But, that was a one time deal only."  
Paul was still in shock. Millions seeing his little girl like that. He looked at the photographer and that guy walked away quickly. I laughed. He put his arm around me and we left.   
"That was, some photo shoot." Paul said.  
"It was just a few shots, they're only using one." I told him. "Did I like it? No, not really. But, I did it for the WWF."  
"I'm just shocked." He said. "Didn't know you'd actually go through with it."  
"Neither did I, but I did. Only going to use one, and that's in the centerfold. It was my Divas moment, my only Divas moment."  
"I know how you stand on that." Paul said.  
Word of my belt shots got around the locker room. I walked in and got a standing ovation. I bowed and put my things down. Adam came by and sat down. He had a huge smile on his face.  
"I'm getting that issue." He said.  
"I can't believe I did that." I smiled and shook my head.  
"It's a change."  
"One I won't be keeping." I said.  
"Aw nuts!" He laughed and Paul walked over.  
"Don't get any ideas." He told Adam.  
He stood up. "Don't you worry."  
He and Jay left to go back to their locker room. Stephanie, Paul, and I shared a locker room. Jericho was sort of in and out. I hated most of the girls in the girl's locker room, and I couldn't go anywhere else. Besides, Paul forced me to be with him. With Jericho as my new tag partner, does he rank on Stephanie? Yes, he does. But Steph's always got a zinger of her own. So, it's not so bad.  
"I know what you're thinking." I said. "Just, can't believe I did that. Never again."  
"I'm getting better, aren't I?"  
"What do yo mean?" I asked.  
"I didn't yell or anything." He answered. "I was good about the whole belt thing."  
"Don't worry, never again."  
Chris popped his head in and said, "ready?"  
"Yup." I answered.  
"I have Jeff tonight."  
I looked up. "You do?"  
"IC shot." He smiled.  
"Good luck." I told him.  
"Thanks." Then, he left.  
I put on a pair of pants and a Y2J shirt. I wore a blue fishnet under the T-shirt. Like I said, my style didn't change. Paul changed, putting on his ring gear and his own shirt. The show was just starting and we had time to kill.  
"I'm going to wander." I said. "I have to cut a promo."  
I walked down the hallway, dragging my feet. I said hello to everyone who passed in the halls. I seemed to know everyone without even trying. Matt was walking down the hall, holding Matthew's hand. It was an adorable sight.   
"Good luck." He said to me.  
"Chris has Jeff tonight."  
"Ouch."   
"I know." I sighed. "Should I go to ringside with him?"  
"Up to you." He said.  
"I know." I got down on one knee. "Hey, Matt." My son hugged me. He's so much like his father. I've seen baby pictures of Matt and they look so much alike, it's scary.  
"He turned my room upside down." Matt said.  
"Told you." I smiled and picked him up. Matt wasn't fond of haircuts, so Matthew's hair was pretty long.   
I said good-bye to Matt and my son and went to cut my promo. No one could compare to The Rock when it comes to promos. But, I was going to try. Try my hardest. I hung around with Coach before I had to say what I had to say.  
"Destiny, tonight you take on The Rock." He said. "You have never faced The Rock."  
"I've had a lot of firsts here in the World Wrestling Federation. This is just another. I'm confident that I'll win tonight. Lets face it, The Rock and I are similar in a lot of ways. The both of us have been WWF Champion, the both of us have been Intercontinental Champion. The both of us are funny, and have a way with words. And, the both of us are very good looking. But, it's not about that tonight. Tonight, The Rock will meet his Destiny." I walked away.  
Corny? Oh, hell yeah. But, I didn't care either way. I walked around thinking if I should join Chris at ringside. He was my tag partner, and this was a title shot we're talking about. It seemed right. I must have walked up and down the same hallway a million times.  
"Is there a reason why you're pacing outside my door?" Vince asked.  
"I'm sorry, Vince. Just thinking, ya know. Chris has Jeff tonight for the IC Title."  
"That he does." Vince said.  
"And, I don't know if I should join him at ringside. He is my partner and all."  
"Well, I can't tell you what to do."   
"I know. I'll think of something."  
"By the way, how's your son?" Vince asked.  
"He's fine." I answered. "Looking more like daddy everyday."  
"That's wonderful. He's a great kid, pleasure to have around."  
I smiled and thanked Vince. I went back to the locker room. Paul and Stephanie were joking around. They were so cute together. I sat down in a chair. Paul sat on the floor next to me and looked at me for a while before talking.  
"Thought more about assisting Chris anymore?" He asked.  
"Yeah." I answered. "And I still don't know what the hell I'm going to do."  
"You're very spontaneous, Des. No one has any idea what the hell goes on inside that head of yours. Honestly, I don't want to know what goes on up there. I'm afraid of your mind."  
"I'm afraid of it sometimes too." I smiled.  
He laughed. "I have to do my thing." He stood up and walked out.  
"You have balls." Stephanie said. "That photoshoot was something else."  
"I know! I'll never live it down."   
"It's your moment of glory." She said.  
"One I'll never do again."  
She laughed. "You can be sexy!"  
"Yes, I can do that wearing clothes."  
She laughed again and went to change. I put on a new Y2J shirt and went to change. I was putting my big boots on when there was a knock. Stephanie answered it. Chris walked in.  
"Hey champ." He said to me.  
"Hiya, Chris." I replied. "Double gold for you after tonight."  
"Yeah, I know. I net Jeff's not that happy he's got to drop the belt to me." He shrugged. "I have to get out there."  
"Wait, I'm going too." I said.  
"Sure?" Stephanie asked. I nodded. "All right."  
Chris and I walked to the ring. I was thinking about what I was going to do to Jeff. I couldn't mess everything up in that match. I knew I had to keep my ground. Just being there was going to be a big enough distraction for Jeff.   
"You sure you want to do this?" Chris asked me. We were by the curtain. Jeff was all ready out there.  
"I'm sure." I answered.  
The intro to Jericho's music hit. We walked out together. Jeff's face was picture perfect, I hated it. It was times like these where I wonder why I'm still doing this. I went into the ring. It was the first time I stepped into the ring with Jeff since Unforgiven. One year and I never stepped inside the same ring with Jeff. I avoided it as much as possible.  
Jeff and I looked at each other. We had the stare down, as if we had the match. It was too intense, but I couldn't look away. Jericho broke the stare down with a few shots to the back of the head. I got out of the ring and watched the match. It was a tough match to watch. Former tag partner against the new tag partner. That's all I am now, the former tag partner. I didn't want to see Jeff lose, but I wanted Chris to win, which he was slated to do.  
Jeff wouldn't mind dropping the belt. He wasn't like that. It did bother him that it had to be Chris, my tag partner. I cheered Chris on best I could. All three of us knew the out come of this match, it didn't make Chris's victory any easier to swallow.   
After his victory, I went into the ring and raised his hand in victory. The whole ring presences was horrible. You could feel the coldness. It wasn't the best place to be. I wanted to cry. I saw Jeff out of the corner of my eye, and how he looked. I couldn't just run out of there. Chris had to do his thing in there before we could leave. It wasn't fast enough.  
Once we got backstage, I just about cried. Stephanie was backstage walking around and hugged me. I hugged her back and then went straight to the locker room to change. I put on a fishnet and a tank-top under that. I was stretching and bouncing. I had to get in the mind set now. I had to forget about Jeff and think about the match.  
"You ready?" DJ asked me.  
"Yup." I answered. "If you weren't slated to win, I'd kick your ass."  
He laughed. "I'm the Great One."  
We walked to the curtain together. He patted my shoulder and wished me good luck. I took a deep breath and then my music started. I came out with a huge pop from the crowd. I slid into the ring and showed off my double gold. The Rock came out next and the fans exploded. I paced around the ring as he did his thing. He shot his head to me and stared at me.  
"Former teammates square off again tonight." Michael Cole said. "If you're just joining us, Chris Jericho defeated Jeff Hardy for the Intercontinental Title. And now The Rock is set to face Destiny."  
Rocky and I squared off. This was less tense than being out here with Chris. We had fun with it. That's what it should be about, fun. We talked to each other during the match. Mostly, we didn't even talk about the match. It was a way to keep your sanity. When we weren't talking about what to do next, we told each other jokes. It was hard not to laugh.   
Anyway, I had gotten The Rock right where I wanted him. I got on the turnbuckle ready to nail the Destiny Drop. It's a pretty much guaranteed knock out. Meaning, if I land it, you ain't getting up. I nailed the move perfect, and went for the cover.  
"It looks like The Rock has met his Destiny. This could be a huge upset!" Cole cried. But, he just kick out. "Oh my, God! How the hell does someone kick out of that?"  
We got to the count of five on a double fall before I got up. I fired a few right hands before Rocky got me in The Rock Bottom. Then, he went for The People's Elbow. He went for the cover, but I kicked out just before the three count.  
"How the hell did Destiny kick out of the most electrifying move in all history!"  
"You have to give Destiny credit, she's one tough cookie." Tazz said.  
How was the match won? Via submission like I said. The Rock got me in the Sharpshooter. And, after a long struggle of making it to the ropes and being pulled back, I tapped.   
"The Rock picks up the victory, but I know he's thanking the man upstairs." Cole said.  
I walked backstage and Dwayne jumped at me. I screamed then laughed. I slapped him on the shoulder. He put his arm around me and we walked to the locker room.   
"You know, they still call us former partners." Dwayne said.   
"What do you mean?" I asked.  
"Every time one of us fights, they still say former partners."  
I shrugged. "They wish we were."  
He shoved me playfully and I went into my locker room. Paul clapped. Chris came out of the shower. He smiled. I grabbed my street clothes and went to shower. I pulled the curtain and turned the water on. Chris yelled at me to hurry up. I hurried up as fast as I could. I came out and grabbed my bag.   
"I have to stop giving you pointers." Paul said.  
"Ha! Like you helped?"  
Actually, Paul's pointers were a big help. My success was a mix of his pointers, help of other former Alliance members, Vince McMahon(beleive it or not), and my own personal will power. I was very determined to show everyone what I was really made of. I didn't want to live in anyone's shadow. I wanted to shut the bad critics up and show everyone what a real woman could do.  
I threw my bag in the back seat of Chris's rented car. The four of us talked some more before deciding to leave. I stuck a Pearl Jam tape in the cassette player and sang along.   
"Destiny, the singing, double gold holding, WWF Superstar." Chris said. "Is there anything you can't do?"  
I opened a bag of chocolate covered pretzels. "Hang on to a good relationship." I answered putting one in my mouth.  
"It will work itself out."  
"It has, it's all said and done." I said. "He moved on, and I'm trying to."  
"What you two had was too great and too special. You both know it. You both know you'll never find another lover like yourselves. He knows it, you may not think he does, but he does. There is still a love there, because it was just too good."  
Everything Chris said was true, in my case. I still loved him, and I knew there was no one in the world more right for me than him. But, I just didn't know about Jeff. No one really knew about Jeff, and those who did weren't so quick to talk about it. Probably because I wasn't so quick to ask about it.   
When we got to the hotel, Vince congratulated Chris and I. Why was Vince on our side? Well, when our Alliance broke up, he was happy, he got what he wanted. But he realized that his best superstars were against him. And, a week after Unforgiven, the day after I lost my WWF Title, he tried to build a new relationship with us all. he suddenly realized what he had Character and real life was finally separated. I believe he was just to caught up in the character.  
I put my things down in my room. I opened the window and let the cool air in. I took myself back to last year. Replaying the situation over in my head. I had so many chances to prevent it. I could be with Jeff now, just like I was before all this mess. Everyone says it'll come together, but why would it? If you were him, would you? I think not. I wouldn't go back if I were him.  
I closed the window a little, changed, and went to bed. I dreamt about the whole situation. Tossing and turning all night. I didn't sleep well at all. But, I brought it upon myself, though. 


	3. Chapter 3

I was lucky and had the house show off. Matt said he wanted to go out for brunch. Me, him, and Matt. A family thing. Like I said, I'd like to say mine and Matt's relationship wasn't effected, but it was. Which is harsh and hard to deal with since we have to try and raise a son normal in this environment. If it wasn't hard enough, now we have to sift through all the bullshit.  
Matt came to my room with Matthew around 11:30. We went to a diner. It was a cute diner. All we got for Matt was dry cereal, he's such a mess. He can't keep anything in his mouth, it's hard to take him out. Just last week, Paul, Matt, Stephanie, and myself all went out for dinner, and little Matt came along. What a mess this child makes.  
"You did incredible last night." Matt said.  
"Thank you." I smiled.  
"Come along way. You really pushed yourself to really make something of yourself."  
"Want to show the world what I can really do." I looked at Matthew. "You know, he's not that bad anymore." I smiled.   
"Yeah, he's moving right along." He said. "It took a lot of guts to go out there with Chris. Didn't think you'd face Jeff."  
"When I told Chris I'd go out, I didn't really think about it. You know how my mouth does things without me knowing. Then, I walked down that ramp and saw Jeff. I wanted to turn around and walk back."  
"You handled yourself well." I smiled. "You did."  
"Never again." I said. "I wanted to throw up."  
"Glad you didn't." He finished eating and I did too. "You were a professional."  
"Yeah, just doing my job."   
After, Matt and I didn't want to go back to the hotel right away. The two of us had the house show off. Matt wanted to take Matthew to a park. I wasn't in any mood to go back. It was very calming, in a way, to see all the little kids running around.  
"He's getting big." Matt said.  
"He looks like you." I replied. "Matt, no, don't eat the sand." I picked him up. "He looks just like you."  
"He's got Jeff's eyes. Those are Jeff's eyes." He pointed out. "He's a Hardy, no mistaking that."  
"He is, he sure is." I said.   
We spent an hour there. Matt wanted to fix Team Xtreme in and out of the ring. It was hurting him too. He knew it was partly his fault. He's been trying to put an end to it. He told me he knew Jeff still loved me. He said that his relationship with Jeff may be tainted, but it was still there, and Jeff hasn't lost faith. According to Matt, I was still in the picture. I didn't know how much of that I actually believe.   
"He has a match tonight." Matt said. "The arena's about an hour away. If we leave now, we'll make it."  
"I don't know, Matt." I said.  
"No one's saying you have to run out."   
I slowly gave in. I wanted to see him, but it was so hard to. I wanted to see him, but I knew he didn't want to see me. But, Matt insisted that he didn't hate me. I mean, he did say a lot of things, but he never once said he hated me. I guess that's a start.   
We pulled up to the arena and Jeff was just walking out. I went to the curtain and watched on the monitor. Matt was holding Matthew and talking to someone. Jeff had Edge and I wanted to make an impact. I grabbed a steel chair and ran out. No one knew I was ever here. Jeff thought I was going to hit him. The three of us looked at each other. Then, I nailed Edge in the head. I dove out of the ring before the ref could even see it. Jeff got the win over Edge. Jeff looked at me weirdly as I walked backwards up the ramp.  
"What was that?" Matt asked me.  
"Spur of the moment thing." I answered. "Can be please get out of here." I took his arm and dragged him.   
I ran to the car and waited for Matt. He settled Matthew into his seat, slowly. I was itching to get out of there. Matt did finally get into the car, but he didn't start the car up right away. I shot a look at him.  
"Calm down, Jeff isn't going to kill you." He said.   
"You don't know that! Why did I do that? What was I thinking?"  
"You were being noble, chill out." Matt finally turned the car on and we left. Matt pressed play on the tape player and "Betterman" began to play. It was the song that started it all. I turned my head.   
"He's not going to be mad." Matt said after a few minutes. "Why are you so worried?"  
"I just am." I snapped back.  
"Woah, calm your buns."   
"Do we have to listen to this song?" I asked angrily. I put on "Immortality".  
"Something's bothering you." Matt said. "What?"  
"Nothing that I want to talk about." I said snotty.  
"When you want to talk, I'm here."  
I looked at him. "Do you have to be so Goddamn nice all the time?"  
"Des, what's wrong?" He put his hand on mine. I took my hand away. "All right."  
"Don't you get it?"  
"Get what? What's wrong?"  
"The song, what happened." I said. "You're still so freaking nice."  
"I want to keep this family together. And, what song are you talking about?"  
"'Betterman'. Matt, don't you get it?"  
"Destiny, I'm sorry." Matt said. "You need to calm down." We stopped at a light and he looked at me. I looked back, right in the eyes. "Chill." He took my hand again. "It's going to be all right." I let out a sigh, and then we went. "You don't mind taking the long way, do you?" He asked me. "I want Matthew to fall asleep."  
"Not at all." I answered.  
"Because, if you want me to go back-"  
"Trust me, Matt, I am in no rush to get back."  
I fell asleep before my baby did. Matt carried me to his room. I woke up in one of the beds. In the bed next to me was a sleeping Matt. Matthew was on Matt's chest eating his father's hair. I smiled and pulled the covers over my shoulder and watched. Matt didn't even notice, he was out. I smiled and waved to my year old son, but he just kept eating Matt's hair.  
I rolled over on my back and lifted my leg up having my knee touch my nose. I laid like that for a while. I felt the good burn in the back of my leg.  
"Oh my, God." I heard Matt yell. I looked at him. "Why didn't you tell me my hair was the main course." I shrugged. "Put that down, you're hurting me." I put my leg down.  
"Needed a good stretch." I said. I pulled my other leg up.  
"Stop!" Matt covered his eyes.  
"I'm done, you can look now." I laughed.  
"Don't do that around me again."  
"Oh chill." I rolled over and faced him. "I'm sorry about before."  
"It's all right." He said. I pulled the covers off myself. "I almost forgot how beautiful you are."  
"Matt."  
"I'm sorry. You don't need to hear that."  
"It's all right." I said. He got up and kept Matthew on the bed.  
"Can I ask you something? You may not want to hear it." He said. "Have you ever, once, thought about us as a family, as more than juggling Matt back and forth?"  
It caught me off guard. "Have I? Yes, I have. Are you trying to tell me something?"  
"I don't know. I do know I was raised to do the right thing. And, for a year and a half I've been debating on how to do the right thing. What's best for Matthew."  
"I want what's best for Matt, too." I said. "I do, but, Matt, are you sure?"  
"I don't know. I just want what's best for him."  
We didn't come up with anything. We danced around it. Knowing we were both working in the best interest of Matthew. He was our top priority in life. And, whatever decision we were to make, it would be for him. We didn't care, it was all about our son. When I left, I was very confused. I didn't know what was going on. I went to Paul's room. I knocked twice. I heard footsteps and Paul opened the door.   
"Hey hun." He said. I walked in. He was alone. "What's up?"  
"Matt and I were talking about the best interests of Matthew." I answered.   
"Parents normally want what's best for their children."  
"He wants to be a family." I said.  
Paul looked at me for a few seconds. "Did you?"  
"He didn't officially ask."  
"Would you?"  
"I don't know. It would be best for Matthew. He'd have both his parents. Handing him off like this isn't healthy."  
"This is a major thing here. I mean, a huge step. Are you sure?"  
"I don't know what I'm sure of."  
"You have to think about all this. I mean, really think." He looked worried.  
"I will. I am." I said. "I'm still in shock over it."  
"As am I." He said back down. "I should talk to him."  
"No, Paul, don't." I looked at him. "Please, don't."  
"If that's what you want."  
"That's what I want."  
I knew Paul was very uneasy, to say the least. And rightfully so. Someone wanted, or was considering for the sake of our son, marriage, with his daughter. Paul was acting like any father would. He was nervous, for my sake. And, for the first time, I didn't mind. Because, I was completely scared senseless.  
I stayed with Paul for a while. Stephanie came back. She knew instantly that something was up. I told her that I would tell her when I felt the time was right. I told them that I was going to leave, and when I walked out I saw Matt. He putt Matthew down, looked at me, and smiled weakly. It was awkward.  
"This isn't what I wanted to happen." He said.   
"Me either." I looked down. "It's a big step."  
"You don't think I know that? Destiny, it isn't any easier for me. I've been toying with this since you came back with Matthew for the first time. I've been thinking about doing the right thin. I haven't been feeling good since Unforgiven. I've been depressing, even suicidal. The only time I saw any light was when I was with you and Matt, when we are a family. I don't want you to do anything out of pity for me. But, I know this is the right thing."  
I didn't say anything. I went to him and hugged him. "You don't have to be alone anymore, Matt. Not anymore. We are a family." I ran my hand through his ponytail. I could tell he was crying. "You can always talk to me." I rubbed his back. "Everything's going to be all right. I promise."   
I heard Matt sigh. A long, hard sigh. I looked down at Matthew. He was eating his shirt.   
"I'm sorry." Matt said.  
"Don't apologize. You can't help it. It was traumatic. I flirted with suicide, I have. But, we're going to make it, as a family."  
"I was just raised to do the right thing." He wiped his eyes.   
"I want to do what's right, too. It will be best for Matt." I looked down at him again. "It's getting late. We'll talk in the morning."  
"All right." He said. "I'm still keeping him."  
"Ok." I saw Matt turn to go to his room. "Oh, and Matt." He looked at me. "Don't be afraid to call."   
He nodded and I went to my room. I saw Jeff coming down the hall. He looked at me, like he wanted to say something, probably about the match, but didn't say it. I went in my room. I started thinking about what I did, and what was going on with Matt. I started crying again. I cried so much in the past year. So many tears stained my pillow at night. I've thrown up so many times because I couldn't cry anymore, and I had to get something out. There have been so many times where I have woken up screaming, running out to the balcony or out the room because I couldn't breath. My life was a living Hell after Unforgiven. And that act I put on in front of the cameras and to all of the guys backstage was just that, an act. I tried hard to keep my spirits up and show everyone I was all right, and I can bet that most of the time they saw through that. But, I never let my fans know what was really going on.  
I tossed and turned all night. I couldn't sleep. I started crying again because I wanted to sleep. I finally gave up on sleep. I sat up in my bed and screamed, "why! Why, God, why!?". I knew I wouldn't get an answer. I laid back down and put my head under a pillow. I started bawling. I ran into the bathroom and threw up. I was ready to put my fist through the mirror. When I got back in bed I took out a notebook of Jeff's poetry. I had him copy all of his poems into a notebook for me awhile back and he did. His poetry always made me feel better. I did manage to get in four hours, maybe.   
"You all right?" Stephanie asked me. I was falling asleep at the airport.   
"Didn't sleep much."  
"Again?" My insomnia was know throughout the federation. The seriousness of it, however, was not known.   
"No big deal." I said. "Hey, don't worry about me."  
"I do. What did you and Paul talk about?"  
"Matt wants us to be a family." I said.  
"How sweet."  
"No, he means officially. With rings and everything."  
"Oh, oh! Are you going to do it?"  
"I don't know what I'm going to do. I want what's best for Matt, he's my main priority."  
"He should."  
"And, since he is, doing this doesn't seem like a bad thing."  
"You're willing to do that?" She asked.  
"For Matthew, yes. Anything for him."  
"I think you really should think this over, with Matt. This is a decision that will forever effect the three of your lives, good and bad."  
I nodded. Our flight was called. I walked to my seat. I leaned my head back in my chair. Jeff walked by and nodded at me. I responded with my own nod. When he walked past, I sighed and put my diskman on. I asked Adam to make me a CD. I didn't really give him a list, he knew what I liked and put things on it. I hadn't listened to it yet, until now. The first song on there was The Calling's "Wherever You Will Go". I died. I always sang it, so I knew why it was there. But, I never realized what it actually meant, until now.  
I was able to get some sleep on the plane. I sleep more on planes than in bed. Probably because I knew a lot of people was there. I wasn't alone. It was a weird sleeping habit that would always catch up to me by the end of the week.  
"You look like you could use a friend." Stephanie said.   
"Hey, hun." I moved my things over. "Make yourself comfortable."  
"How you doing?" She asked.  
"All right." I answered.  
"You sure? I see you try and look happy, but deep down, I know you're not."  
"I am, really." I said.  
"Put and thought into Matt's offer?"  
I stayed quiet for a few seconds. "Want to be a maid of honor?"  
"Destiny! You, you sure? You really sure?"  
"By sure, do you mean I love him? No, I don't. But, I love my son more than life itself. I'll do anything for him."  
"But marriage?"  
"For Matthew, anything's possible. If I have to marry Matt, I'll marry him. We both know what's in it. I know it sounds crazy, but look at it from my point of view."  
"But, you're sacrificing ever finding your true love."  
"I found him, and I messed up." I said.  
"You don't know that. Jeff may not be the One. And, if he is, maybe hope isn't all lost."  
"He was, and it is." I said. "Matt and I get along, well. It makes sense. No one could ever understand. If you had a child of your own."  
"I couldn't imagine that." She said. She sighed. "If that's what you want, I'll be right by your side."  
I hugged her. "Thank you."  
"You have to really talk to Paul. Tell him you want to do this."  
"Right now, that's the last thing I want to do. I have to talk to Matt."  
She nodded, and understood. She always understands. We had another house show to go to. This time, I had to go. I figured I'd ask Matt to dinner after the show was over. We needed to talk. Stephanie said she'd watch Matt.  
When we got off the plane, I met up with Chris. He was talking to Buh-Buh Dudley, holding the belt around his shoulder. I shook my head and laughed then walked over to them. I put my hands on my waist and Chris put his arm around me. I smiled.  
"Yup, boys, the new tag team reign is in place." Chris said. "Sorry, but no one can take these belts from us."  
"Sorry to bust your bubble, but we've got a shot on Smackdown." Matt said walking over. My face grew white.  
"Just bring." Chris said.  
"Have to steal catch phrases." Matt said.  
"Here's one of my own, please shut the hell up." The two laughed and shook hands.  
I couldn't fight the Hardy Boyz. No chance in hell. I couldn't get in the same right as Jeff. I actually started shaking. It was horrible. Chris noticed and excused us. He brought me to a chair and said, "I didn't know." He looked at me. "If I did, I would try to change it."  
"I'm sure Matt tried. They deserve it."  
"I'll do most of the match." He said.  
"No, no. If I'm going to have to be in there, I have to make the best of it. Besides, once it's made public, it'll be the most talked about the match. First time in a year."  
I don't count Chris's title match. I didn't fight Jeff, I was just there. Now, I had to. I worried if Jeff would take out the year's aggression on me. I'd be Jeff's personal punching bag. It scared me. Many underestimated Jeff's power. He had power, it just didn't show like with Triple H or the Undertaker. But, he could kill someone just as easy.   
"Sure you can do this?" Chris asked.  
"I've got a week to get it together." I said. "I'll be fine."  
He walked away. I sighed and walked to baggage claim. Stephanie was there getting her things. I stood right by her. She didn't notice at first.   
"You scared me." She said placing her hand on her chest. "Have you talked to Matt or Paul yet?"  
"I don't know what I'll tell Paul. I told him Matt offered it. I don't want to talk to him yet. I want to sort through it first, really talk to Matt. Make sure we're clear on it all. I don't want anything to happen if we're not clear on why we're here."  
"I won't say anything." She replied. "I won't."  
"Thank you."  
I got my things and smiled. I went to find Chris again. He had just rented a car and was talking to Paul. I walked over and dropped my bags. I looked up at the two of them and said, "I don't see any of you so quick to help a lady. Geeze."  
"I don't see a lady." Chris replied.  
"Up yours." I said. I smiled. "You ready hunny?"  
"Oh, yes love." Chris answered. We laughed.  
"You two are unreal." Paul replied.  
"I know." I said.   
"Des, you doing anything after the show?" Paul asked.  
"Yes, I might." I answered.  
"All right, I'll talk to you later." He said.  
When Chris and I got our car, my mood changed. Well, it didn't just change, the act was lost. Chris noticed right away, he always notices. We pulled out of the airport and he said, "what's on your mind?"  
"The match." I answered. "The final week before Unforgiven and I have to face Jeff."  
"I know you. I've been working with you for two years. I've been right by your side for almost a year. I know how you are in the ring. I know you always have your head on straight, you're focused. And, at Smackdown and Unforgiven you will be just that, focused." He said. "I have no doubts you'll do just fine."  
Vince wanted to meet with us, and the Hardy's about the match. He was considerate, meeting with both teams separately. He told us who would win, and some ideas on how it should be done. But, like always, the match was up to us.  
"All four of you can fly pretty well. I like that. The match should show off your high flying ability. But, I know what kind of ground wrestlers you are. And, I like that too. Don't be afraid to show off how well you can grapple as well."   
"You got it, Vince." Chris said.   
"Destiny, fans haven't forgotten about Team Xtreme, and you and Jeff. In the back of their minds they want a reunion. They never got a straight answer. All they know is that the title defense after Unforgiven last year was ugly at best." Vince said. "I would like you to try and show some compassion, some resentment in fighting. You and Matt are going to hook up first, and I told him the same thing. Hesitate."  
"What about Jeff?" I asked nervously.  
"I don't know." He answered. "I didn't tell him anything. I'm sorry, but it's not easy to deal with all this. I'm not placing any blame on anyone. But, I don't know Jeff's game plan. I told Matt to keep an eye on him, tell him that he's got to stick to the game plan."  
"If things get too rough, I'll get in there." Chris said.  
I was a wreck after the meeting. No one knew Jeff's game plan, and I had a feeling that the game plan we just discussed would go out the window. The whole match was a mystery. Vince couldn't even tell if Jeff was comprehending what he was saying.   
"I'm going to talk to Matt about the match. Want to come?" Chris asked.  
"No, I'm going to back to my room and lay down. I have a headache from the flight."   
"I'll take notes."  
I went to my room, laid down, and cried. Why was I still here? Anyone smart enough would have stopped, or at least taken a little time off. But, I kept going, full force. I guess that why I'm such a good wrestler and I'm so successful. I just keep going. I used my pain in the ring.   
I knew that the match would be nothing short of hell. I had no one to blame but myself. I messed up, I screwed up, I deserved it. I knew the emotional bar would be raised. I knew what I had to do, but it was going to be so hard to do it. My mental and emotional state about Jeff was horrible. I didn't know how I was going to do this.   
After twenty minutes of crying, I threw up. I washed my face with cold water. God did I look like hell. I leaned against the tub. I thought if I die now, it would be all right. I won nearly every title, I was a champion, a double champion. I was on top of my game. But, just before I was preaching about what was best for Matthew.   
"Des, I'm going to lunch, want to come?" Stephanie called through my door.  
"Give me one-second." I dug through my makeup and made myself look normal. I opened the door and let Stephanie in. I changed my shirt and grabbed my wallet and we left. "Where are we going?" I asked.  
"Don't know. Figured you would."   
"I want ice-cream." I said. "A big sundae, all to myself." So, we went to a diner down the road.  
"Damn, Destiny." Stephanie said. "How do you stay in good shape?"  
"I'll go to the hotel and throw this up." She looked at me. "I'm kidding." I wasn't. "I work it off."  
"Very well too." She had a salad. "I know this isn't your favorite topic to talk about, but what are you going to do?"  
"I told you, I'm going through with it. Matthew means everything to me. Matt and I both know what's at steak, but what else do we do? It's all ready bad enough both his parents are WWF Superstars and are never home. He's been on the road since the day he was born. And, when we're off, he's in New York with me while his father is in North Carolina. At least he'll have some sort of normalcy if we go through with it. His parents will be together, under one roof." I answered. "I know what we have ahead of us. Matt and myself being in the World Wrestling Federation is hard, there's no time. And, I don't know where we'll be in this business by the time Matt's ready for school. I'm willing to put my career on the line, only working on televised shows. But, he means more to me than anything, and I'll do anything so he doesn't go through what I did."  
"Your intentions are noble, very noble. You're doing more than any parent would. You doing what's right, not caring about tomorrow. Live for the moment, isn't that right? You'll always live by that. If it feels right, you're going to do it. If it feels right, I'm right there by your side."  
"Thank you. You have no idea how badly I'm going to need you." I said. "I've got a Tag Team Title defense on Tuesday against Matt and Jeff."  
"Ouch, harsh."  
"I know. You're father talked to Chris and myself about it. It won't be easy. I don't know if I'm going to be able to get into the match. How am I going to do it?"  
"You will. I believe in you."  
"We retain the belts, but I don't care about that. I just have to get through the damn match."  
"It'll be just fine." She smiled. "Trust me."  
I did finish that sundae myself. We got back to the hotel. Stephanie and I talked for a little outside my room. She told me again that the match was going to go just fine. When I went into my room, I threw up that sundae. A few minutes later, Chris knocked. I opened the door and he walked in.  
"Took noes." He put them on my bed.  
"What did Jeff say?"  
"Not much, as usual. Matt's got his eye on him, though. I'll be honest, no one knows what's going on in his head. Will he follow the game plan? I don't know. Should you worry? Probably. Go out expecting everything."  
"That's good news." I said sarcastically.  
"If you stay focused, you'll be fine."  
I sat on the bed and read over Chris's notes. I was going to be the one to pick up the victory. Chris made a big notation that it was Matt's idea. I'd do a Moonsault to him after Chris did the Walls Of Jericho. I'd be doing a Destiny Drop to Jeff, then Matt was going to break it up. Then, I'd be a victim of a Twist Of Fate and Swanton Bomb before being saved by Chris. Who knew if this would work.  
"It won't be that bad." Chris said. He was folding papers, trying to make something. "We tried to keep you and Jeff far from each other." He pointed to the notes. "See, you're hardly in the ring together."  
"Guess that's a good thing."  
"If it gets too rough, tag me in. Matt expects it." I nodded. "We have single title defense on RAW."  
"Cool, who do I get?"  
"Molly. I've got Edge. Better be at ringside."  
"If you're there for me." I said. "And, I won't use a chair."  
"Got ya." He smiled. "Want to know something cool?"   
"Sure."  
"As Vince told me about our matches, two minutes ago, he also mentioned entrance music. We're using mine, so are you. When we tag, we got a video for the both of us. I keep my video, and you get one, to my music."  
"That's what's so cool? Wow, Chris, I'm amazed."  
He threw a pillow at me. "You're too much. I don't know how your husband will be able to handle you."  
I smiled. If he only knew. Chris stayed with me for a good part of the afternoon. We talked about the match, going over the notes. He kept telling me to chill out. He left around five. Then, it was off to the house show. I had Crash Holly. I came out alone, neither Chris and I didn't feel like joining the other to ringside. The new music and video played. The match wasn't that big. I won. After, as I was walking backstage, I saw Jeff.  
"Going to be using chairs in Chris's match?" He asked.  
"No, I'm not going to be there." I answered. "I'm sorry."  
"Don't be."  
And that was that. My son was running around the locker room, well trying to, holding on to the bench as he walked. Matt was watching him and talking to Jay. I walked in and picked my son up and sat down.   
"He's almost walking." Matt said.  
"He's going to be touch." Jay said. "He tripped at it didn't even phase him."  
"Oh, no, not another wrestler." I said. I raised my son up and looked him in the eye.  
"Oh, he will be. He was raised in it." Jay replied. "Next high flyer."  
"That's just what I need, worrying about my son breaking his neck." I said.  
"But he's got it easy. His parents are Matt Hardy and Destiny Diaz. The best female wrestler around, and one from the best tag team ever. The WWF can't wait for this kid to grow up."  
"Like Dwayne, huh?"  
"DJ's third generation. He'll be second." Jay said.  
"I know." I put my son down. He was walking along, one hand on the bench, and he tripped, and got right back up.  
"What did I tell you?" Jay said. He crawled to Matt and started playing with him.  
"You said a while ago you didn't want him to be a pro-wrestler." Matt said. "When you first said it, I thought you were crazy. But now, I see where you're coming from."  
"I know what we do, and God, do I love it, but I'd be too afraid he'd get very hurt."  
"There's always that risk. He's a year old. Him becoming a superstar is far way."  
I laughed at Jay. He really liked having Matt around. He always wants to baby-sit. I think Jay was getting to that point in his life where he wanted to settle down, have a family. He'd hint on it, and deny it up and down when we'd ask, but he was looking for that stability in his life.  
"This'll be you one day, Jay." Matt said. "A father."  
"Not yet." He said. "When I'm done here in the WWF."  
"You'll make a great father." I told him. I picked up my son.  
"He got big." Jay said. "I remember the day you brought him here. He was this big." He smiled.   
"He's not a baby anymore." I looked at him. "Matt, are you doing anything after the show?"  
"Nope." He answered.  
"Good, could we maybe go get a drink or something, I really need to talk to you." I said.  
"Sure, when I'm all done, we'll go."  
"All right, cool. Steph said she'd watch Matt."  
"I'll do it!" Jay said. "I'll do it."  
"Sure?" I asked.  
"Hell yeah. I'd love to watch the little guy." He smiled and took him from me.   
"All right." I said.  
After Matt's match we went to get drinks. I didn't come right out and say what I wanted to, and Matt knew why we were there. It was hard to come out and just say, Matt, let's get married. It wasn't like that. I wanted to make sure Matt was on the same page. I was willing to do it.  
"We both know why we're here." I finally said.  
"I had a feeling." He replied. "I know I might of thrown the subject out like that, I never intended to. I just-"  
"Matt, it's all right. If you were serious about it, so am I." I said. "I want to do this." 


	4. Chapter 4

He looked at me. Then, he put his drink down. "You sure?"  
"Yes, I am. It's what's best for Matt, isn't it?"  
"It is, it is." He said. "It is. And, don't worry about Jeff. I'll talk to him. We were raised the same way. He'll understand."  
"Jeff." I said. I had totally forgotten about what he'd say.  
"I'll talk to him, it'll be all right." He took a sip of his drink. "I think now it would be best if we don't tell anyone. I know you're going to want to tell Paul and Stephanie."  
"Paul knows it's in considering. Stephanie knows it's going to happen." I said.   
"Ok, that's the way it should stay." Matt replied.  
"So, this is it. We're getting married?"  
"We're getting married."  
The smiles were too big to hide. We were both in this for Matthew, that's what it was all about. I mean, we were doing the right thing, right? Of course we were. And, no one, at that time, could talk us out of it. I would become a Hardy, but it wouldn't be Jeff that would give me that name.   
After drinks, Matt and I went back to the hotel to get our son. Matt knocked on Adam and Jay's door, Adam answered. We walked in. Jay was laying on his bed, Matthew was on his chest. Both of them were sleeping. It was so adorable. Adam got back in his bed. The lights were off, the only light was from the TV. Adam was in sweat pants, no shirt, he was tired.  
"Thanks." I said going to get my son.  
"No problem. You know he loves it." Adam replied.  
"When he wakes up, tell him we said thank you." Matt said.   
"You got it." Matt walked me to my room. He took Matt from me.  
"I'll take him." He said.  
"Again?"  
"Yeah, all of his things are in my room." He replied.  
"All right." I said.  
Then, Matt went in and kissed me. And, I didn't do a damn thing to stop him. I hadn't been kissed in a year, and Matt was so good at it. Very good at it actually. I watched him walk away and then I slipped into my room. I smiled widely and fell onto my bed. I couldn't sleep. A mix of excitement about getting married and Matt's kiss kept me up for most of the night.  
At around ten that morning, the phone rang. I rolled over and answered it, "who the hell is this and what the hell do you want?"  
"Not a morning person, have to get used to that." Matt said.  
"You should know that." I replied.  
"I do. Anyway, I wanted to know if you wanted to go ring shopping. I have money with me now, and time, and I can say this, both won't last long."  
I laughed a little. "I know what you mean. Sure, give me ten minutes. Where are you taking Matt?"  
"I called Jay, he'll take him."  
"What did you tell him?"  
"I told him that we were going out for a little. He doesn't care."  
"Yeah, he wouldn't." I said. "He loves taking that kid."  
"So, ten minutes? I'll be at your door."  
"Right."  
And we hung up. Ring shopping. It was all too serial. I remember when I first came here I had to get my birthstone ring fixed, and there I looked at engagement rings. Never once did I think I'd own one this soon. I looked down at my bare hand and realized that after today, it wouldn't be bare anymore.   
After I got out of the shower, as I was putting my shoes on, there was a knock. I knew it was Matt. I got up, with one shoe, and opened the door. He smiled and walked in. I put my other shoes on. We weren't dressed like we were going some place special. I was in ripped jeans and a Trash and Vaudeville shirt, it's a clothing store in New York City. It's not your conventual clothing store, it reeked of Team Xtreme. Anyway, Matt too was in jeans and a T-shirt.   
"Jay's got Matt." Matt said. "Didn't mind in the least."  
"Of course he wouldn't." I smiled.  
"Lets go get a ring."  
I nodded. It was weird going shopping for a ring, with Matt. It was weird because I had envisioned myself doing this with Jeff. Now, I was doing it with his brother. At one store, I saw the same make and model of the ring I liked when I had my ring fixed. Matt noticed my interest in it.  
"Want that one?" He asked. I nodded. "Can we try this one on?"  
The lady came over. "I don't think you'll like that."  
I caught on right away. "Yes, we would." Matt said. "We want to try it on."  
She let out one of those sighs and took it out. "It's a very expensive white gold with diamonds ranging from 14K to 18K."   
"Can she try it on?" Matt asked  
"I really don't think you would like this one."  
I took the ring from her hand. "I'm trying this on." I put it on and it fit.  
"Looks great." Matt said. He rested his head on my shoulder. "Looks good on you." He went back to the lady. "We'll take it."  
"You sure?" She asked.  
"What's your name?" I asked her.  
"Lucy."  
"Well, Lucy, my name is Destiny Diaz and that's Matt Hardy. You know who we are? Of course not, you wouldn't. We're pro-wrestlers. Yeah, for the WWF. Anyway, we're buying this ring." I was such a bitch about it. "Since when were you the Goddess of jewelry. Do not assume that we do not have the money, because we do. So, take your ugly self over to the register and ring this up!"  
She didn't say anything. She took the ring and rung it up. Matt looked at me. "Well, you settled that one."   
I smiled. "Leave it to me."  
She handed us the ring and we left. I put the ring on and couldn't stop looking at it. Matt put his arm around me. We went to the food court to get something to eat. There, we started talking about this whole thing.  
"How long do we wait? To tell everyone I mean." I asked.  
"I want to talk to Jeff first." Matt said. "After, then I don't care who you tell."  
"All right." I replied. "When are we going to do this?"  
"I don't know. Spring, maybe summer. We'd have to talk to Vince, tell him."   
"Right. Planning's going to rough." I took a sip of my Snapple. "We'll do this."  
"Of course we will."   
We left the mall after we ate. I told Matt I wanted to take Matthew, so Matt got his things for me and I got my son. Jay answered the door, Adam was out. Matthew was on the bed, crawling around.  
"Thanks, again." I said. I picked him up.  
"Wait." He took him and put him down. "Matt, come here. Come to mommy."  
I looked as my son started walking to me, without holding onto anything. I started to scream. "Oh my God! Jay! Get Matt! Get Matt in here!" Jay ran and got Matt.  
"What, what's wrong?" Matt asked.  
"Look!" I said.  
"He's walking!"   
We gave our son a big hug. Jay walked by and did a double take. I think he noticed my ring. But, he didn't say anything about it. He patted Matthew's head. "He was doing it before. I had to tell you."  
"My baby boy's walking." I smiled.   
Matt and I thanked Jay again before leaving. I was taking Matthew this time. Matt walked me to my door. I turned and faced him, with a smile on my face.  
"I'm going to talk to Jeff." He said. My smile faded. "Don't worry, it's going to be all right. Ok?" I nodded.   
I went in my room and put Matthew down. There was plenty to worry about. Jeff wasn't talking to me because I slept with his brother, now I was going to marry him. I didn't want Matt to take the chance in losing his relationship with Jeff...again. I was in a daze. My son was walking in between the two beds, going from one bed to another. I turned my head for one-second and I heard Matt cry. He had fallen and cut his arm. Naturally, I freaked. So, I brought him to the only place I knew, Paul's. Stephanie opened the door.  
"He cut his arm." I told her.  
"Aww, poor baby." She took him and I walked in. Paul was sitting down at the desk writing something.  
"Hey baby girl." He said.  
"Hey daddy." I replied.  
"He'll be fine." He told me.  
"I know, I'm just really stressed out." I said. He came over to me and I put my hand behind my back.  
"He's fine." Stephanie said. She came out with Matt and he had a Band-Aid. I reached out to get him.  
"Destiny, what is that on your finger?" Paul asked me.  
"What are you talking about?" I asked.  
"You damn well know what I'm talking about." He answered. "Stephanie, take Matt and go away."  
"Sure, hunny." Stephanie said. She took him and left.  
"Please tell me that this is just some ring you found laying around." He said.  
"It's not." I told him. "Matt and I are getting married."  
"Jesus Christ, Destiny. What the hells wrong with you?"  
"What are you talking about? This is in the best interest of Matthew. At least now he'll have a family."  
"He has one. He's got both of his parents here plus all of the other superstars." Paul told me. "You're making a mistake. You're not doing this. I forbid it."  
"Who are you to tell me what to do!" I yelled.   
"You are a 24 year old wrestler. You do not need this."  
"You're right, I am 24 years old. I am old enough to make my own decisions. You are not my father!"   
That shut Paul up for a little. He walked closer to me. "Don't you ever say that! I am more of a father than your real father ever was!"  
"You may be a father figure, but you are not my father. And you will not tell me what to do!" I got up in his face.  
"That's bullshit, Destiny, and you know it. I know more about you than your birth father did. Don't give me that shit! I can't believe you would go behind my back like that. I thought I knew you better than that!"  
"Well, you were wrong. You don't know me at all!" I screamed.   
"That's where you're wrong." He backed me up against the wall. "I know you, I know you inside out. And, I know that this is a mistake, on you will regret for the rest of your life. You made the mistake one year ago when you slept with him. Marrying Matt Hardy isn't going to solve anything, and you know it." He talked firmly, but he didn't yell. You could tell he was angry. Well, duh.   
"Do not tell me what to do! I'm not your daughter! Matthew was the best thing that ever happened to me. Having my son and marrying Matt are the only things that have ever made sense in my life! At least I know how to care about my kids. I don't see you so quick to help yours out." I looked him straight in the eyes. "You are nothing but a coward. I pity your children, if you can even get to that point. You are nothing but a small boy, you're not even a man. You're a scared little boy."   
He turned from me and I thought I had this won. He then turned around and pushed me into the wall twice, and Paul's a very big guy. "You listen to me and you listen good! Whether you like it or not, I am your father! I don't want you making the biggest mistake of your life! If you walk out this door, and marry Matt, you will never see me again. I will be gone faster than you can say daddy. No daughter of mine would do this. Get the hell out of my room, I don't want to see you."  
I left the room quickly. It all didn't hit me at first. I wrote a note to Stephanie and tapped it to my door. In it, I told her to leave Matthew with Jay for a while. When I closed the door behind me, I sat on the chair on the balcony. Then, it all hit me and I broke down. I started hysterically crying. So bad, that I couldn't breath. And, when I say I couldn't breath I don't mean I was gasping for air, I mean I really couldn't breath. I tried to stand up to get in the room and I just hit the balcony floor. It hurt my knees, pretty bad, but I couldn't move.  
I was out there for a while, and I was hysterical the whole time. I was slowly fading away. Matt banged on the door, yelling in for me. But, I couldn't get up. I didn't want anyone to know about what happened with Paul. Matt continued to bang on the door. Then, I heard Stephanie yell, "where's Paul?". Matt then told Stephanie to wait at the door, and he left. Next thing I knew, he was in my room.  
"Oh, shit! Destiny!" He yelled. "Stephanie!" I was laying on the balcony floor, nearly out of it, and it was getting chilly out. "Des, hunny, stay with me. I need you to calm down and breath."  
"Oh, my God!" Stephanie cried. "And, I can't find Paul anywhere."  
Matt picked me up and put me on the bed. Stephanie put cold washcloths on my face and body. I did eventually calm down. But, I wouldn't talk about anything. I just laid there, and Matt rubbed my back. I didn't want anyone to know that Paul got extremely pissed at me and disowned me. Even though I deserved everything that came to me.   
"Destiny, what happened?" Matt asked again, for the millionth time. I just shook my head.  
"Oh, no." Stephanie said. She had put two and two together. "No, no, no."  
"No what?" Matt asked.  
"Nothing. Could I have a few minutes alone with Destiny? Jay has Matthew, go there." She told him. Matt left. "Lets see, you're in horrible shape and Paul's missing. I can't believe he'd do this. What did he say? What did he do?"  
"He hates me." I said, starting to cry again.  
"No, he doesn't." She told me. "I'll talk to him, it'll be all right. This marriage thing is weird for everyone. He has to get used to it." I nodded. "Don't worry, Destiny. It's going to be all right." Stephanie lifted my shirt up so she could put the cold washcloths on there. "Oh, my God. Destiny, I'm afraid to ask but, what happened to your back? Why are you all bruised?"  
"How bad?"   
"Bad." She answered. "No, he didn't. Did he hurt you? I swear to God, I will beat this man." As she was saying that, Matt came in.  
"Who hurt you?" He asked. "Destiny, who hurt you?" He paused. "I'll find that ass hole."   
And he was gone. Stephanie took Matt and called Jay's room. She explained something had happened and she really need him to watch Matthew, maybe even overnight. Jay came down and was happy to watch him. He knew something was wrong, but knew better to not ask.  
She kept me calm and stayed with me. I wouldn't let her leave. I deserved it, the things I said were cruel and harsh. It was like a young daughter running off to get married when her father knew she wasn't ready. And, like most who are in their late teens and early twenties, they don't want to hear it from anyone. I wasn't exactly in my early twenties, but I was acting like that. He was right, like always.  
Matt returned, unharmed. He didn't say anything to me at first. He just walked back and forth, muttering cusses and things under his breath. Stephanie looked scared. This was, after all, the love of her life.  
"I don't know where the hell he is." Matt said. "He's lucky too."  
"Matt, I know you're very angry right now, and you have every right to be. But please, don't do anything to Paul. Let me talk to him, he'll listen to me. You're not in the right mind set to be dealing with this. Please, don't go after him."  
"Do you see what he did to Destiny?"   
"I know, I can't believe it either. But, he's not exactly very happy with this whole marriage thing, and that involves you too. He'll more than likely go off on you, and you are not a girl, think of what he could do to you."  
Matt thought about it. "Fine, I'll hang low."  
"Thank you." She said. "Your son's with Jay."  
"Thought so."  
"You need to chill out. Why don't you take the car out and just leave? Cool off for a while. Then, go to the arena and use the energy in the ring." Stephanie suggested. She got up and pushed Matt to the door. "You need it. I'll see you are the arena." And she closed the door.  
"Stephanie." I said. "Could you do me a favor?"  
"Anything." She said.  
"Could you please talk to your father and get me out of the tag match with Chris tonight? I can't get in the ring, I can't."  
"Leave it all to me." She said. "Lay down."  
There was no way I could fight tonight. And, my back was so sore RAW would be hell. I had to suck it up, RAW and Smackdown would be painful, but I had to do it. Being in the ring was my therapy, it was the only place I felt good in, natural in. And, I knew when I would get into the ring, the pain wouldn't be so strong, the emotions of what I had just went through would be used as fuel, I would be focused and I'd be ready. 


	5. Chapter 5

Stephanie didn't want to leave me alone. I told her I'd be fine and to go to the show. She was very reluctant to go, but I gave her the OK. As we were talking there was a knock at the door. Stephanie answered it. Jay walked in with Matt.  
"I can look after him as long as you want me to. I know what just happened to you knocked you a little silly. I can watch him." He said softly.  
"I don't want to set you back any."  
"It's nothing, Des. I don't mind in the least. I love the little guy. I have some of his things I got from Matt before all this. I don't care at all." He told me. "In fact, I insist on watching him while you get through this. You don't have to worry about it, I won't kill him."  
"I know, it's not that. I trust you. I just don't want you to have to play parent without wanting to."  
"I do want to." He said. "Adam doesn't care if that's what you're worried about. Trust me, it'll be all right." He walked to me, bent over, and kissed the top of my head. "He'll be fine. I'll come in to check on you later." Stephanie handed him a room key.  
"See, it's going to be fine." Stephanie said. "I hate to do this, but I have to leave."  
"I know." I replied. "Go."  
"What if I see Paul?" She sounded nervous.  
"Do what you wish." I told her. "Tell him whatever you want to, at this point I don't care."   
She kissed the top of my head and left. I closed my eyes and when I awoke, Jay was in there. Matthew was walking around best he could and Jay was watching him. He smiled at me. I smiled back and rolled on my side.  
"How's your back?" He asked.  
"All right." I answered. "I'm doing better. My nerves are settling."  
"That's good to hear." He picked Matthew up. "I was just going to leave when you woke up."   
"He likes you."  
"Excuse me?"  
"Matthew, he likes you, a lot. I can tell. I know what you're going to say, the things you say everything this is mentioned, but here it goes anyway, you'd make a good father. You really would. And, I know deep down you want kids, badly."  
"I haven't denied wanting kids. I've wanted kids for a while. And, I guess it's now showing." He looked at Matthew. "I do want a family. I'm missing something very important though, a wife."  
"Don't go looking for one just to have one. You know what you're looking for."  
"I do, but do you have any idea on how hard it is?" He asked.  
"Yes." I answered. "She'll show up." With that, a loud thud came from outside the door. Jay opened it. "Who is it?"  
"Excuse me, you wouldn't happen to know where Mark Calloway is, would you?" She asked. I could hear her.  
"Actually, he's at a show." Jay answered. "And, I couldn't really tell you what room is his, I have no idea. Hang on one-second." I knew what he wanted before he had to ask.  
"It's all right, Jay." I told him.  
"Want to come in here then? Until Mark comes back?"  
"Sure." She answered. I saw her walk in. I instantly knew she was related to Mark. She had his eyes and she resembled him. She was very pretty with brown hair and blue eyes.   
"Hi, I'm Destiny." I said.   
"I know." She replied with a smile. "Amaya."  
"Have a seat." I told her. Jay picked up my son and put him on the bed he was sitting on. I was now sitting up and my shirt was down so my bruises were hidden.  
"I'm sorry, I wasn't supposed to come in so late. You see, I'm Mark's younger sister and he wanted to spend some time with me so he asked me to come here and my flight was delayed and everything. I don't mean to be a burden."  
"You're not." I told her. "I would have been stuck with him all damn night anyway, you're a life saver." She laughed.  
"All right." She smiled. Jay was eating it up.   
"Are you a fan, or are you someone who's just related to him?" I asked her.  
"I'm a pretty decent fan. I don't know enough to write a book on the sport, but I know enough about it to call myself a pretty decent fan." She answered.  
"Very well said." I replied.   
"Who's child is that?" She asked. "He's adorable."  
"He's mine." I answered. "My baby boy."   
"How do you do it?" She asked.   
"One day at a time." I answered. "One day at a time."  
"How you handle life." She said.  
Amaya was a sweet girl. She was defiantly related to Mark, you could tell by looks and actions. I could also tell that Jay was very much interested in her. I notice these things, and I could tell now. I, I could tell she was thinking the same thing about him. The light bulb went on in my head.  
"When do you think they'll be back? I don't want to put you out anymore than I have to." She said.  
"Don't worry, Amaya." Jay told her. "We need the company."  
"Yeah, Jay gets boring after a while." I joked. He threw a pillow at me and it hit my back. "Ouch you asshole."  
"Sorry." He said. He laughed to himself a little. I heard running down the hallway and there was a knock. Jay got it.  
"Destiny." Steph came running in. "Wow, you look a lot-who are you?"  
"Amaya. I'm Mark's younger sister."  
"Oh, hello. I'm Stephanie McMahon. I saw Mark go to his room. Room 238."  
"Thank you." Amaya said. "Thanks to the both of you."  
"No problem." I smiled and Jay smiled too.   
"I'll take Matthew again." Jay said and left.  
"Where's Matt?" I asked.  
"With his brother." Stephanie answered. "It's all right."  
"What about Paul?"  
"No one talked to Paul all night. He didn't talk to anyone." She told me. "Look, don't worry about Paul now. He needs time."  
"I'll give him it."  
"And, I'm sure by tomorrow thing's will be better." She said.  
"We all hope it will." I replied. "How was Matt?"  
"He was all right. He was pissed off, I had to plead him again to not go looking for Paul. Believe it or not, Jeff was a big help. They had a tag match and Jeff kept him busy the whole time. No fights broke out. But, after his match, Matt left with Jeff."  
"You don't know where?" She shook her head no. "I hope he's all right."  
"He is. He's with family."  
"With Jeff."   
"I know things with you and Jeff aren't so good, but Matt and Jeff are still brothers. They still look out for each other." Stephanie said. "I wouldn't worry about either of them."  
I nodded. I laid back down and Stephanie stayed with me until I fell asleep. I couldn't shake the actions of earlier from my mind. It kept me awake most of the night. That, and I was worried about Matt. I didn't know what he'd do. He was with Jeff, which made me feel somewhat better. But, what if he found Paul? What would they do to each other? My mind tossed and turned as my body did all night.   
The following morning, I met everyone in the hotel restaurant for breakfast. People were beginning to ask. No one had really seen or spoke to Paul since yesterday. Jay knew, he was down there with Matthew on his lap. Stephanie knew too, and many were asking her. All she could say was, "I don't know". Not many bought it, but it was all they could get out of her.   
"How are you this morning?" Adam asked. "Better?"  
"Yes, somewhat. Not really. Did Jay tell you?"  
"He did. I'm not going to say anything, if that's what you wish."  
"It is." I said.   
"Then my lips are sealed. If anything should happen, you know you can come to me."  
"I know it."   
"Glad you do. Jay's doing fine with your son. Everything's great."  
"I don't doubt him."  
"You are brief in words." Adam noticed.  
"I am."  
"Why?" He asked.  
"I don't feel much like talking, if that's all right." I answered. "My mind is full."  
"I understand. Remember, I'm always here for you. Are you able to fight tonight?"  
"Able, probably not. But I will." I replied. "I have to. I have singles competition. A title defense against Molly. I need to be there."  
"I knew you'd answer that way." Adam said.   
"You know me all too well." I smiled.   
"For better or worse."   
"Hopefully for better." I replied.   
I smiled again and ate my breakfast. Jay wouldn't let me take Matthew back yet. He said not until I was ready, and he knew I wasn't. I took a long walk outside. It was beautiful out. I wanted to take advantage of this. As I walked, I saw Steve coming in with Debra.   
"Hey there." Debra said to me. "How are you sweetheart?"  
"Fine, and yourself?" I answered.  
"Enjoying the last week before Unforgiven." Steve answered. "You have yourself a big match."  
"I do. I can't wait."   
"So, that feud with you and Amy hasn't calmed down any?"   
"Steve." I said.   
"Right, dumb question." He laughed. "Seen Paul at all?" I shook my head. "Really? I nodded again. "Something bothering you?"   
"Nothing." I answered.  
"You grew quit at the mention of Paul's name. That sumabitch do something to ya?"  
"No, no nothing." I answered.  
"Sure doll?" Debra asked. I nodded and went on my way. I didn't want anyone to know what happened between Paul and I. It was our business. I didn't want people to feel sorry for me and be angry at Paul. Paul's emotions always seem to get the better of him at times like this. And I knew in days time, he'd cool off and it would all be forgotten.   
The walk did help in clearing my mind. Upon my return, I saw Amaya walking out of the hotel. I walked over to her. If I wanted to set her up with Jay, I had to befriend her.  
"Something wrong?" I asked her.  
"No, nothing. It's such a nice day out." She answered. I nodded. "Thanks again for being so sweet last night."  
"It was nothing." I told her. "Was Mark good to see you?"  
"He was." She smiled. "I'm going for a walk. I see you later."  
"Bye now."  
I went back in the hotel and saw DJ go in the weight room with Chris. I followed. A few guys were in there. Adam was, as was Mark. I sat down at a machine and watched, lifting some, but not much.  
"I know you can do better than that." Chris told me.  
"I know, but I don't feel like it. I'm freaking lazy right now."  
"I know what you mean." Adam said.  
"Adam, you're too damn lazy." DJ joked.  
"You're right." Adam laughed. "So, you ready for that cage match?"  
"Yes." I answered. "Good and ready."  
"Don't kill yourself, or Amy. We all know how you can get in the heat of the moment." Chris said.   
"I'll do what I have to."   
"That's why we worry." Chris replied. I smiled.  
"Chill out, I'll be a good girl."  
"Yeah, right." DJ laughed.  
"Mark, I had the liberty of meeting your sister last night. I just saw her before too." I said.  
"You did?"  
"Yes, I did. Sweet, sweet girl." I answered.  
"She is." He said.   
"She went for a walk, if you're wondering."  
"She told me."   
"Anyway." Adam said. "I really don't feel like fighting tonight."  
"I do." I said. "I get Molly."  
"Title defense, I know. Jay and I have Matt and Jeff."   
"Matt's a little pissed, I'd watch him in the ring." I told Adam.  
"I know." Adam replied.  
We talked for a little while longer, and then all of us had to start heading to the arena. Chris and I drove together. He didn't know about Paul, and wanted to know what was going on. I didn't want to say anything at first, but I felt I had to. At a red light I lifted the back of my shirt up and showed him the bruises.   
"He did that? Paul did that?" He asked. I nodded. "Shit, what the hell happened?" I looked at him. "God, Destiny, you show me this and you don't tell me? You have to now."  
"All right, all right. Matt and I are getting married." I blurted. "We're doing it because of Matthew. We want to be a family." He didn't say anything. "Chris?"  
"You sure about this?" He asked me.  
"I am. It's for Matthew, I'd do anything."  
"I know you would." He sighed. "Who am I to stop you?" I smiled and kissed his cheek.  
"This means a lot to me."   
We arrived at the arena and went to our locker rooms. Molly and I talked briefly about our match and went our separate ways. I walked aimlessly down the hallways. I knew this match would do it's toll on my back, but I knew it would also clear my mind. I was looking forward to getting into the ring.   
When I got out there, I told Molly I'd be rough. "I'm apologizing now for anything I do. I'm pissed off and I need to vent." I told her in the first lockup. "Don't worry about it." She replied. And, I went on. I felt bad for the amount of punishment I made Molly take in. But, she handled it like a pro. When it was all said and done, I took my belt and walked angrily up the ramp.   
"Lita, take notice of this match." JR said. "Destiny showed no mercy towards Molly Holly." The thing was, I was trying to set an example for Amy. I was setting one for Paul. Kind of like, well here I am battered and bruised and I can still kick ass, you can't stop me.   
"I'll agree with you there." King replied. "Destiny is on a path of destruction and her path leads her to Unforgiven."  
I pushed past everyone backstage and into my locker room. I threw the belt into my locker and sat down, putting my head in my hands. There was a knock and Mark walked in. He took a seat.  
"Now, I know you admire me and all, but you don't have start acting like me." He told me. I looked up with a deadly look on my face. "All right, this isn't about Amy, is it?"  
"What it's about isn't anyone's Goddamn business." I told him. "Sorry, I'm just on edge right now."  
"It's all right, sit down chill out." He said. He stood up and started rubbing my shoulders. "Well, I do know it's not about Amy, in fact, it seems far worse."  
"It is, and it's a personal issue I don't want to talk about. Things will be said when the time is right."  
"No one's pushing you to talk." He said. He stopped. "I have an interview to do. Kane and I have a big match."  
"Go." I told him. "Kick ass."  
"Naturally." Next in the room was Matt. It was the first time I had seen him since it all happened.  
"You did good." He told me. "Couldn't tell you were hurting."  
"Well, now I'm feeling it."   
"I haven't talked to Paul, haven't seen him either. But, he is here. He's got a match against Steve."  
"I know he's here." I sighed. "I hate that he's mad at me."  
"I hate it too." Matt sat down. "And that he hurt you."   
"I could careless about that now, really. He's just angry at me."  
"He has to accept this." Matt said. "I mean, we're doing this."  
"We are." I got up.  
"Where are you going?"  
"To walk around the arena, find Chris tell him I'm hanging backstage."  
"All right. Be good."   
I nodded and left. I told Chris, and he understood. I had come up with a plan that I knew I had to do. Paul had Steve tonight. After I walked around the inside of the arena, and outside of it, I came back inside in time for their match. I hung backstage, holding a steel chair. And, when the time was right, I ran out and nailed Austin in the back. The bell rang for a DQ and Austin stunned me, then left the ring. Paul got back up and came over to me, where Stephanie all ready was. He grabbed a mic.  
"Austin! Austin, where the hell do you think you're going?" He yelled. "You think this is over? I don't think so. You touch my baby girl like that, and I'm going to have to break your neck. Get your ass back in here!" Austin turned and looked at him. "C'mon Austin! I can wait here all night."  
It didn't take Steve long to get back in there. Stephanie rolled me out of the ring and the two had it out. She leaned me against the ring and looked at me, make sure I was all right.  
"What were you thinking?" She asked. "Your neck, you're back, you fine?"  
"I am." I answered. "Bruises hurt like a bitch."  
"If you wanted to get Paul's attention, there are easier ways." She smiled and helped me up.  
Triple H and Austin fought some more until refs came out and broke it up. And RAW went off the air. EMTs took me to the back just to make sure everything was all right. My bruises were found by them, and I made up some BS story about them. Then Paul came in.  
"Leave us, please." Paul said. My shirt was cut in the back and my bruises were shown. I rolled over. "What were you doing?"  
"Hitting Steve in the back with a chair." I answered.  
"Don't get smart. Why were you there?" He kept looking at my back.  
"Because I wanted to be there." I answered. "Did you mean what you said?"  
"We're working, I had to work on the story line." He answered. My heart sunk.  
"And no, these bruises aren't from the ring." I said near tears. I got up and ran off.  
I ran, crying, down the hall. I ran into Jay. He held me and told me to calm down.   
"It's all right, Destiny, it's all right." He told me. "I've got Matt, everything'll be all right."  
"Why?" I cried. "Why?"  
"Why what?"  
"Why must he be like this?"  
"I don't know, hun, I don't know." Matt saw us and knew. Paul walked across the other end of the hall way.  
"Asshole!" Matt yelled. Then, he made a bee line for Paul. 


	6. Chapter 6

I yelled at Matt as he ran, but Matt was too fast and didn't care. He just ran and gored Paul and started punching him. People gathered around them and tried to stop them. But they just kept going at it. They didn't care. I couldn't take it anymore, I ran.   
This was going too far. I ran out of the arena and sat on a bench. Jay caught up with me. Blood was trickling down his face from a cut on his head. I knew he had tried to stop it. He didn't say anything at first. He sat down next to me and wiped some of the blood off.  
"It's over." He told me. "Vince is with both of em now."  
"Vince? Oh my God." I said. "He'll do something for sure."  
"He's got two of his best men in there. He won't do anything too drastic."  
"I have to get in there." I got up.  
"Des, I think it's best if I took you back to the hotel."  
"No."  
I went back into the arena and went to find Vince. A man was standing outside the door and told me it was better if I just left. I wouldn't. I kicked him right in the balls, and let myself in. Matt and Paul were seated in two chairs, looking down. Vince looked up at me.  
"Destiny, I was just going to send for you. I'm glad you didn't leave the arena."  
"What's going on, McMahon?" I asked angrily.  
"Chill out, chill out." Vince said.   
"I know you, McMahon. I know how you work. Don't pull any shit on me."  
"Destiny, no one's trying to pull anything. Trust me."  
"Now that's something I don't think I can do. I know your past, I know how you work, McMahon. Like I said, I know you. I know what you've done to me, and to others. DTA, don't trust anyone."  
"I can see why you'd say that. I'll admit, last year was not my best. But, you know that I have changed."  
"Have you? Or are you trying to gain everyone's trust and then drop us when we believe in you."  
"Destiny, please sit down. I know how this marriage could put a few on edge. We have to talk about that. Think about how it'll effect the working conditions around here."  
"And how the hell would you know?" I asked. "Who told you?" I looked at Paul and Matt.  
"It doesn't matter who told me. I know, and I want to work with all of you on this. I know your relationship with Paul. I know the both of you cherish that relationship and I know this is killing you."  
"Well, I wouldn't say that." Paul said. "I told her, once she left my hotel room, there was no going back."  
"Well, maybe if you weren't so rough on her, and treated her right, she wouldn't have had to be so harsh." Matt snapped back.  
"If you weren't such an asshole we wouldn't have had that conversation."  
"Both of you, shut up or I'll suspend the both of you, and I really don't want to have to do that." Vince said. "Now, Destiny, I can understand why you might be so hard on me, and on those sitting in this room. This is stressful. But, we all have to work on this."  
"Yeah, we do." I replied.  
"I'm done with this bullshit." Paul stood up. "There's no point. You can't make me change my mind." And he left.  
"Don't worry about him." Vince told me. "I'll work on him. It will all be all right."  
"Yes, of course it will." I said, choked up. Then, I left. As I left McMahon's room, Jay was waiting for me.  
"Well?" He asked.  
"I just want to go home." I told him. "Just, take me home."  
"All right." Jay followed me. "Was it really that bad?"  
"I-I don't know. I just want to go back to the hotel." I answered. "Please."  
"We're getting there." He said. "Tell me, please?"  
"I'm just so confused right now."  
"Well, if I was in your position, I'd be confused to." He started driving. "It'll all fold out. Just, give it time."  
"I don't know if that'll work." I said. I looked at him, tears in my eyes. "Jason, things aren't looking so good. In fact, things are looking really bad."  
"Oh, Des." He put his hand on mine. "I promise, thing's will work out."  
"Don't make promises you can't keep."  
"I don't." He told me. "Look, there's a lot going on. I mean, Paul's got something out for Matt. And, that just boiled over. You've got to chose between your son and family. It's hard, I know it is."  
"This is why Paul freaked out." I stuck out my hand.  
"Holy shit, Destiny!" Jay yelled. "This would be why Paul would pissed."  
"I have to." I said. "This is for my son."  
"You would do something like that for him." He replied. "I think it's noble."  
"You're the only one. Everyone thinks I'm crazy."  
"You are. You were crazy since day one, but that's you. This is noble, something you're doing for your baby boy. The two of you have guts. I'll tell you that."  
"Are you jealous?"  
"What?"  
"Jealous. I know you want to have a family and settle down. I know you do."  
"I do, I know I do. And, I also know that now isn't the best time for it." He said.   
"Tell me about it. I'm scared to death of doing this. I have a child, that can be career suicide. I was lucky, very lucky that it didn't happen to me. I am so lucky and I thank my lucky stars that it didn't. But, there's a lot at stake here, a lot. And, I try not to be selfish about it, but at times, you can't help it. I would think nothing of dropping everything to be a housewife, and stay with Matthew. I'd let Matt continue to work here on the road."  
"That's not you, that's not you at all. You're not a housewife, you never will be." Jay said.  
"I know, and then other times I think of me in this business. And, I've got a lot in here, I have a lot invested in it."  
"That you do. You have a lot invested here. You're the best. Top of your game." He told me. "You've been able to balance it before. You still can now."  
"Yes, but now I've lost the support of the two men I love the most. Paul and Jeff hate me."  
"Paul can't hate you that long. He's your father, nothing can change that."  
"Yes, but now I've been disowned." I sighed. "I know I said somethings that were harsh. And, I'm sorry I said them. But, I was so pissed off at him."  
"And, I can understand why. But, you never had a father, and Paul's the only thing you got. You know that, he knows that. Your his child, and he loves what he's got with you. But, like every father, he's on edge about marriage. I mean, I can understand where he's coming from. And, Paul's an emotional guy. He's shaken up. I know if you give him time to think it over, he'll come around."  
I started to let the tears fall. "I need him, Jay, I need him. He is my daddy, and without him, I don't know what I'll do. He means the world to me. I need him, I need Jeff."  
"Jeff'll come around too. He's hurt, what you did was wrong. Give both of them time. I can't guarantee that you and Jeff could get anything going, and by the looks of things, that's not an option. But, he could come around. Both of them, they'll come around."  
"It's been a year, Jeff's not coming around. He'll never forgive me, ever. Paul, I know it'll be the same way."  
Jay pulled into the parking lot. "I'll hold onto Matt. I know you need the time. Come by in the morning, we'll talk."  
"OK." I got out and went to Chris's room.  
"Hey." He answered. He looked like he just woke up.  
"I'm sorry, I know it's late." I said.  
"No, it's all right. I was worried about you. Come in." He let me in. I sat on a chair. "What happened?"  
"A lot of things. Paul and Matt went at it. Vince got involved. He knows about the marriage. Things are falling to pieces."  
"It's all right, Des." He hugged me. "It's all right."  
I'm not normally this emotional. I don't go to people looking for sympathy. In fact, I'd rather be alone in my time of need. But, today was different. I needed people. I needed someone, anyone. There was a knock on Chris's door. It was Jeff.  
"Hey, if you see Destiny, tell her that Matt's staying with me. I'm going to watch over the punk so he doesn't get in trouble."  
"Yeah, sure." Chris replied.  
"Wow, he would have talked to me."  
"Told you."  
"Can I stay here?" I asked. "I need to be with someone. I don't trust myself alone."  
"You can stay here as long as you want."  
I hugged Chris. It was true. I didn't trust myself alone. I needed to be with someone. I went to my room and got what I'd need for the night. I got in the other bed next to Chris. He fell right asleep. It took me a while. I tossed and turned all night. I couldn't get into a deep sleep. Too much was on my mind.   
"Des, lets go." Chris told me. I looked at the clock. It was 10:30. I had just fallen asleep. "Get up, get up. We have Smackdown and we have to catch a flight."  
"Damn it all to hell!" I rolled over.  
"Lets go, babe, get up." He pulled the covers off. "Now!" He pushed me off the bed.  
"Ow." I said. "OK, I'm up, I'm up."  
I took my things and went into the shower. I sort of stood there for a while before doing what I had to do. Obviously, last night was still on my mind. I didn't know what to do with myself. Paul meant the world to me, and I made him feel lower than dirt. He responded with his own words that made me feel the same way too. I wanted to make him happy, but I didn't want to back down. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to make other people happy, which isn't me at all. See what happens when I try to please people.  
I got out and put a hat on my wet hair and left the room. I got the rest of my things and Chris and I went to see if Jay had left his room, which he did. We met up with everyone in the parking lot and in the lobby, everyone waiting to leave. Chris and I walked over to Jay who was just leaving the hotel.  
"Hey babe." Jay said to me. He kissed my cheek. "How are you feeling?"  
"All right." I answered. "How's my baby?" I took my son out of his arms.  
"He's doing fine." Jay told me.   
"I'll take him to the airport with me."   
"Sure thing, Mom." He smiled and weakly punched my shoulder.  
"Thank God for people like Jay." I said as we walked to the car.  
"Great guy." Chris replied. We put our bags in the trunk and I set Matthew up in his seat. "Are you going to talk to Matt at all today?"  
"I don't know. I haven't seen him. Jeff's probably going to want to keep a close watch on him, and I'm the last person Jeff wants to see."  
"You don't know that." Chris said. "He was looking for you last night, wasn't he?"  
"He probably was saying that. If I see Matt, I'll talk to him."  
"Are you going to talk to Paul?"  
"Do these bruises say I'm going to talk to him?"  
"OK, fair enough." Chris replied. "You do know that you will have to."  
"I know I'm going to have to. But, now, he hates me. And, he's got ever reason to."  
"I know for a fact that he doesn't hate you." Chris told me. He sighed deeply. "Des, I don't want to bring this up, but we have Matt and Jeff tonight."  
"Shit, that's right." I said. "Matt's pissed off, Jeff hates me. Things couldn't get any worse."  
"Matt'll keep it together for the match, he's focused like that. We still have our plan, and it'll work out. I promise."  
I didn't believe him, but I told him I did. I didn't say anything when I walked into the arena. I went into the girls locker room, put my things down, changed, and left. I walked around the arena looking for someone to be by. I found Paul. And, I had to pass him.   
"Paul." I said. He stopped, but didn't look at me. "I know things between us aren't good, there horrible at best. And, I know that it's my fault, I'm sorry."  
"You should have thought of that before." He said coldly without turning around, then walked on.   
I took a deep breath and started walking slowly away. I found myself walking around in circles for the half hour before Smackdown. I walked around the same hallway for that whole half hour. No one noticed I was gone, or that I was doing that. Unless they did, and just gave me my space.   
I guess maybe I tried to avoid the match. Which, I couldn't do. Chris found me and told me that we had to get to the ring. Our music hit first. I had butterflies in my stomach like you wouldn't believe. I felt so sick. I didn't do anything on the turnbuckle, I just stood there. Then, the Hardy Boyz music hit.   
"Destiny, clearly uneasy about being in that ring right now." JR said.  
"Look at her, she's shaking." King replied.   
"Obviously, all is not well with Team Xtreme."  
Uneasy was an understatement. I was down right scared. Matt was pissed, and I could see it in his eyes. I just hoped everyone stuck to what we had talked about. I would hate for this match to go south. With Matt in a very foul mood, who knows what he might do, and Jeff was pissed off at me, I wasn't in the mental state to be anywhere. I think Chris was the only sane one. I started off first, and Matt and I did show some hesitation in locking up. Like we were supposed to.   
"It looks like Matt and Destiny showing hesitation locking up." JR said. "These two fellow teammates aren't keen on fighting each other."  
Matt and I did what we were supposed to. The match didn't go so bad, until I got stuck in the ring with Jeff, my second time. And, that's when hell broke lose. Jeff threw out the ideas we had before. He wanted to punish me. I deserved it. He wouldn't let me get a tag off, and Matt couldn't do anything but yell. Jeff wouldn't listen.  
"Matt Hardy yelling to his younger brother Jeff to let go of poor Destiny." JR said. "Destiny desperately needs to make the tag."  
"Yeah, but I don't think Jeff's going to listen to his older brother. He's out for blood. Destiny's blood. Just don't hurt her puppies!"  
King, that was the last thing on Jeff's mind, my puppies. Or maybe, they weren't, but King's accusation was far from accurate. I knew I was in for a lot of trouble when Jeff got his hands on me. The look in his eyes and the his grip on my body said it all. I knew I was in for it.  
Chris yelled at Jeff the whole time. Matt and Chris tried to break it up, but Jeff glared evilly at Matt and knocked Jeff down. There was nothing I could do. Jeff got me in the Twist Of Fate and then the Swanton Bomb. After, Matt got in the ring and started yelling at Jeff. Matt was now the legal man. He whipped me into the corner and Jericho made the tag.   
I rolled out of the ring in pain, and I was in a lot of it. I leaned against the steel steps and felt the tears rise up. I knew I was in an arena with 12,000 or more people and millions would be watching at home would notice, if it was caught on camera. I didn't start to cry, but tears fell from my eyes. I didn't want to finish the match. For the first time in my whole career, I wanted to walk away from a match. And, for the first time in my career, I started to.   
I started walking up the ramp, leaving Chris alone to defend our titles. Chris noticed, Matt noticed. And, there was nothing they could do about it. The tears started falling faster. I got half way up the ramp before I stopped. I stopped and stood there, back to the ring. Fans didn't know what to make of what I was doing. But, put the pieces together and figured out that I had something to do with the breakup of the Hardy Boyz and Team Xtreme.   
I wasn't going to let this get to me. I turned around and ran straight for Jeff. I speared him and started punching him. Chris and Matt were fighting in the ring and didn't know what to make of it. Jeff had gone in for a double team, but then I showed up. I pushed Jeff out of the ring and made it hell for him. Chris and Matt had to finish the match now, or I would be the one committing murder.   
After Chris pinned Matt, he went to me, belts in hand, and pulled me off Jeff. He wasn't too happy. And, when we got to our locker room, he told me. "What the hell were you doing?"  
"What I had to. He did the same to me. You think it's easy for me to get in that ring with Jeff? No, it's not. And, I didn't think I could get back in that ring after that. I started to leave. But, I couldn't. I had to show him what I could do. Don't get mad at me."  
"I'm not." He said. "I'm just worried."  
"Don't." I told him. "I know a lot of shit's been happening, and I am sorry about that. It's taking over my mind. I've got Unforgiven to worry about in a few days and I can't even get in the mood to kick the shit out of Amy."  
"I know, a lot's been going down." He sat down. "Des, you'll be just fine. I have faith in you. Unforgiven's no sweat."  
"Shouldn't be, I mean, it's only Amy."   
"Destiny." Matt said coming into our room. "That match was not at all what we wanted it to be. I'm sorry."  
"Don't be, it's all right." I put my hand on the back of my head, pulled it away, and spots of blood were on my hand.  
"What you did to Jeff sure made it better." Matt replied. He sat down. "I was so angry at him. He hasn't said anything about it."  
"I don't want a reason. I know why." I said. "I know why he was harsh, it's all right. He's got every right to be angry and pissed at me."  
I got up and left. I was hurt, naturally. But I deserved it. It didn't surprise me that he'd use me as his own personal punching bag. As I walked, I thought about all of it, everything that got me to this point. A lot of things got me to this point. This point meaning where I am in my career and with Jeff. It was like night and day. My career was so hot, so high. I couldn't do wrong. But, my personal life was crumbling. I was a mess.   
I rounded the corner and saw Mark walking my way. He noticed me and started walking over to me. He knew what happened in that match and knew what I had to be feeling.   
"Des." He said lightly. "You all right?"  
"I will be." I answered.  
"If you need-"  
"I'll be fine, Mark." I said. "I just want to be alone right now."  
"That's fine."  
He patted my back as I walked on. Things couldn't stay this way, they had to change. I was slowly going insane. I needed something to get me out of this. And Unforgiven was that thing. 


	7. Chapter 7

** Mark was concerned about me, and I did feel bad about. But, I was so out of it, so far gone that I couldn't feel a single emotion that was guilt and pain. I went back to my own room that night. I passed out on my bed and didn't bother changing. My head was really starting to hurt and the bleeding wasn't stopping. But, at that point, I didn't care.   
The following morning, I woke up and the pillow my head was rested on was red, and I was feeling weak. Not a good sign. I knew I was in trouble, and I knew I needed help. If I wasn't feeling so lousy about everything, I probably wouldn't have wanted the help. But, I knew I needed it. I called Chris.   
"Des, what's wrong?"  
"Come to my room, please." I begged, sounding out of it.  
"I'll be right there. You gave me a key last night." I just hung up and laid back down. Not even a minute later, but what seemed like forever, Chris came running in. I was on my bed, arm over the edge. "Destiny? What happened?" He saw the pillow. "Destiny, what the hell?"  
"My head." I answered. "I hurt it in the match."  
"Right. I'm getting you to a hospital to get stitched up. Who knows how much blood you lost all ready."   
He picked me up and carried me out the room, like a groom carrying his bride. As we walked down the hall, we ran into Dwayne. Chris told DJ what happened. DJ said it was typical it'd take me 24 hours to ask for help. DJ let us go and said he'd tell Matt what happened, and a few others.   
I got stitched up and had to stay there for a few ours, maybe over night, to regain the blood I had lost. Naturally, when I came around, I wanted out.   
"You scared me today, you know. Thought something really serious was going to happen to you." Chris said.   
"I'm sorry." I replied. "I guess I took a harder bump than I thought."  
"Sure looks like it."  
"I'll be fine for Unforgiven, right?"  
"Typical you, always worried about the gig. Yes, you'll be fine. You might get out tonight. If not, you're staying over night."  
"Please." I said. "I'm fine. I can leave now."  
"Not until that IV bag runs out and the doctors say you can go. You don't want to leave early and pass out during the match."   
"Yeah, yeah." I sighed. "How many did you tell?"  
"Dwayne. Told him to tell Matt."  
"And the rest of the federation."  
He laughed. "Yeah, probably." He smiled again. "You handled yourself well in the match."  
"I didn't think so. I wanted to walk away."  
"It was hard for you, I could see why you would."  
"I couldn't take it."  
"What made you come back?" Chris asked.  
"I wasn't going to be a quitter. I wasn't going to let it beat me. I knew I was better than that."   
"Sounds like you." Chris leaned back in the chair. "You surprised a lot of people. No one thought you'd walk out like that, and no one thought you'd take Jeff out like that, not even Jeff."  
"I bet." I smiled knowing I had done something no one thought I'd ever do.   
"The guys in the back were happy for you. They were sort of glad you did it."  
"Really? I figured the guys would be on the side of their own sex."  
"No, they were happy you faced him like that. I'll be honest, not many thought you'd do that. They knew you'd do something, but they had no idea it'd be like that."  
"Spontaneous, I like it."  
"That is a good word to describe you."   
Chris showed no intentions on leaving the hospital. I was really glad he decided to stay with me. We got off wrestling and started talking about life. He mentioned that he was happy to have the week after Unforgiven off. He told me that Vince had mentioned something would happen with him at Unforgiven that would cause him to be gone for a week.   
"So, wait, you're involved in a Triple Threat for the number one contendership for the Euro Title?"  
"Right, naturally, I'm not going to win, I have double gold all ready. But, Show's in this match as well as Bradshaw. So, it'll work out."  
"What's going to happen with me?"  
"Dunno. You've got your singles title. After you win at Unforgiven, you'll take that for a week. We've been talking about you winning at stuff, you are supposed to win, right?"  
"Don't know. Vince made the match in my favor, sort of. Whoever gets out of that cage wins. There is no winner slated."  
"Wow, that's big. He doesn't do that often."  
"He wasn't supposed to. But, he knew he could get a better match if we were really fighting hard for it."  
"So true."  
"It's going to be a lot harder on our bodies. I mean, we've really got to push for this. No one's taking the falls. This is as real as pro wrestling gets."  
"Sort of like last Unforgiven."  
"Exactly." I said. "That street fight, that was real. There was nothing fake about it. Now, I get to do that again, inside a steel cage. You thought last year was rough? Wait until Sunday."  
Last year at Unforgiven, a hardcore tag team match was held for the WWF Tag Team and Women's titles. There really was no set deal with Amy and myself. Matt and Jeff had a basic idea with both Dudleyz. Matt and Jeff knew they'd retain the titles, but the match was very loose. Amy and myself can't talk about matches. There's just no way. We give our ideas to the writers and they send it to the other. This Unforgiven, like last, there was none of that. Whatever was done in the ring, would be done out of no where. No plans, nothing.  
"I'll admit, I am nervous about it." Chris said. "We've seen how you two can be around each other."  
"Hey, the only one that's going to be totally messed up is Amy. I'll be fine."  
"Don't over work yourself." He warned. "I'd feel better if you didn't."  
"I have to do what I have to do. No one knows what's going to happen in that match. I don't know what's going to happen. I can't make any promises. Just that I'll leave the champion."  
"That attitude of yours isn't going to leave you. Don't let it." Chris said. He put his foot on my bed. "I can't be there for you. Your match is after mine."  
"I don't want anyone there. I want to do this myself, all by myself. I don't want anyone there to help me along the way. If she wants to bring anyone out, let her. I'll take them on too. This isn't about gold. This is about pride and honor. This is about domination."  
"Chill before all this blood boils." He pushed the IV bag. We laughed.  
But, that's what it was about. Pride, honor, domination, proving who was the best. I believe it was the Hitman who said, "I am the best there is, the best there was, and the best there ever will be". Wise words from Mr. Hart. And, like Brett Hart, I am the best there is the best there was and the best there ever will be. Since day one, the two of us have fought to prove who was the best, who was the biggest, and who was the nastiest.   
Chris spent the night in the bed next to me. He didn't say anything about staying, and it looked like he didn't mind in the least. He did leave for a short period of time, to get our things. I had to stay over night, if it didn't seem obvious all ready. When he came back he said that most of the federation was on him about me. I laughed, knowing that when he told DJ, everyone else would find out one way or another.  
"Everyone loves you." He said. He brought back a pizza and we were eating it.   
"Sometimes I wonder why."  
"Please." Chris said. "Since you got here, since that year and a half ago, it's been great. You defiantly liven up the backstage. You're, uh, defiantly different."  
"Different, I like that." I said. I smiled.   
"It is true. You are a little weird." He told me. "I can handle weird, I can handle nutty. But, do you know how hard it is to be in the ring with someone that I know can kick my ass."  
"I don't know about that." I said.  
"Oh, you do. You know you do. Before a houseshow, we have to lockup." He saw me smile. "What, I'm serious."  
"Ok, ok." I replied. "I'll do it."  
"After Unforgiven. I don't want to be put out of action before I have to."  
"Oh, like I could do that much damage to you?"  
"You probably could." He said. "I think you underestimate your power."  
"Maybe." I was looking down pulling cheese of the pizza I wasn't eating. "I can't wait to go home."  
"I know that." Chris replied. "And, I know if I wasn't here, you'd have signed out AMA."  
"Probably." I laughed. "I don't believe it, Unforgiven's only a few days away."  
"I know, it's crazy. It feels like we were just at Summer Slam." Chris replied. "Time flies."  
"You're telling me. It's all ready been a year. A whole freaking year." I looked down.  
"But look what you have done in that year. I don't think you would have done all of that if you were with Matt and Jeff still."   
"I'd happily give all of this up just to be apart of that again. All those belts I won, all the firsts. I'd give them all back."  
"No you wouldn't. Look at what you've got because of it."  
"I don't care! I could have done it either way. But, if I had to choose between all of this and being back with Matt and Jeff, I'd choose Matt and Jeff." I said. "I'm not saying our deal isn't good. Because it is. Tag Team Champs baby, but-"  
"Des, I know what you mean. You're not offending me." He told me. "Team Xtreme. Matt, Jeff, and Destiny. There's nothing better. Everyone knows it. There's no chance in hell anyone could recreate it."  
"Now, who knows if that magic will ever show again." I sighed. "So, what's the deal with you leaving for a week?"  
"Vince is giving me some time off. I'm supposed to get really hurt in that match. And, I'm going home."  
"Lucky you." I replied.   
"I know." He smiled. "Don't get the Euro title, but hey, I get to see my wife."  
"That's what it's all about, right?"  
"Of course." He answered. "Miss her."  
Chris and I talked for a while. And, I soon drifted off. I felt Chris kiss me lightly on the cheek. I'd like to say I slept good, or slept that much at all. But, I didn't. I saw Chris, out cold, sleeping. Everything was on my mind. The only good thing I could think of was getting in that ring on Sunday and beating Amy's ass. It was the only thing that was going to keep me sane. Life was too complicated for me. The only thing I found comforting was being in that ring. And, I almost lost that on Smackdown.   
Smackdown was on my mind heavy. The fact that I almost left a match killed me. I nearly walked out on my dream, on my match, my title defense. Things were so low, at their lowest for me to walk out. It bothered me so much that the idea was in my head. And it was driving me crazy.  
"You're finally up." Chris said. He was channel surfing.  
"I wasn't really sleeping." I replied. "Anything good on?"  
"Nope." He answered. "Bullshit news."  
"Wonderful." I sighed. "When do I leave?"  
"Soon?" Chris said. "I don't know."  
"You're so helpful!" I smiled. "I can't believe you stayed all night."  
"I wasn't going to leave you here alone." He said. "I told you, you would have left AMA."  
"Oh yeah, right." I replied.   
"I'll be right back. I'm going to find someone and try and get you out of here."  
"Yeah!"  
Chris smiled and left the room. I sat up and started looking for something to watch. I gave up. I pulled my knees into my chest. I took a deep breath and let out a deep, long sigh. I wasn't sure of what to make of anything anymore. Nothing made sense to me. I was slowly drowning in my own tears, and no one was noticing.  
Chris came back ten minutes later with a doctor. He said I was fine, cleared me, and we left. I didn't say anything at first. I didn't really know what to say. There was no doubt something was on my mind. But, I wasn't sure on how to get it out, and make sense.   
"Talk to me." Chris said. I looked at him. "Oh, don't give me that. You know there's something going on inside your head."  
"Always something going on inside my head." I told him. "I can't make sense out of it, out of anything."  
"Sounds complicated."   
"No shit." I said with an attitude. "Sorry."  
"Don't be." He replied.   
And that was it. When we got back, everyone was on me. I expected it. I told everyone it was no big deal and to leave me alone. My social desire died, and I didn't want to talk to anyone. I went straight to my room. I put my things down and sat in a chair looking out the window. I felt tears rise up and didn't hesitate to let them out. I cried, for about a half hour, straight.   
"Des? Can I come in?" Stephanie called through the door. I opened it. "What's wrong?"  
"I don't know." I cried. My head was in her lap.  
"Oh baby." She pulled me into her. "Even will all the success in the world, you're still miserable."  
It was true. I don't think a woman could get any better than me. But, I was willing to give it all up for some normalcy. I was getting more and more lost, more and more confused, pushed further and future from the course. I was loosing touch on who I was.   
"Des, I'm always here for you. No matter what you do."  
"Thank you."   
She brushed my hair with her fingers. "I know that you're not feeling well, that you're off somewhere. And, things with Paul aren't helping. A lot of things aren't helping. But, you have me."  
"I need you."  
"Then, I am here. I will always be here."  
I looked at her and smiled. She went on, saying how she'd be there for me and everything. Stephanie was defiantly something special in my life, and I needed her, more than anything. I don't know where I'd be today if it wasn't for her. Same thing with Chris. Since we formed the tag team, he's become my best friend.   
Within this past year, I found myself opening up to more people. My motto still remains DTA, but I was now opening up more to these guys. I wouldn't run down to Dj's room and tell him everything that happened. But, I was beginning to trust the members of the once unbreakable alliance. It did take a while.   
Chris returned to my room and Stephanie left. I was curled up on my bed in one of Chris's big long shirts, one that was long on him, and my underwear. I didn't care what I looked like, and Chris had seen nearly everything he could on me. Nearly. He sat down in a chair opposite me. He put his crossed his leg and slouched down.  
"How are you?" He asked. I shrugged. "What's up?"  
"I can't do this anymore. I've been nonstop for a year. I don't know anything anymore. I've been running around for so long I've lost touch with reality. I don't know who I am, I don't know why I'm here. Why would the WWF want me?"  
"Because you're the best we have." Chris answered.  
"I don't feel like it. I feel empty, I feel lost."  
"You need this break more than I do." Chris said. "I'll talk to Vince, give it to you."  
"No, Chris, don't. I don't want you to miss out on time with your wife because of me. You deserve it. I'll be fine."  
"You need a break. You're clearly cracking. Unforgiven, you go in, kick ass. Take all of this frustration out on Amy, I know you will. Then, take a long need vacation."  
"I guess I could leave for a week."  
"I was thinking maybe longer. Come back at No Mercy."  
"No Mercy? A whole month?"  
"Destiny, you are mentally, physically, and emotionally burned. You need this. Take if off. Vince'll give it to you, I know he will. You need this. Look at yourself. Walking out on matches. Crying, laying around. This isn't you."  
He was right, it wasn't. This wasn't me at all. I needed that month. I had nearly no time off since Unforgiven last year. My career took off and there was just no time to have a vacation. I needed to go to McMahon and ask him for my month. I wouldn't have made it if I didn't have it.   
I started dozing off and fell asleep. I was out for a while. When I woke up, Chris was talking to someone. I pretended I was still sleeping so I could hear what was going on. Matt was in there.  
"She needs it, look at her." Chris said.  
"I know." Matt replied. "Jay and I could handle Matthew while she takes the time off."   
"Right. How you holding up?"  
"All right, I guess." Matt answered. "Trying to balance a lot."  
"I know. Anything with Paul start up?"  
"Not yet. If it does, I'm willing."  
"It wasn't smart of you to go after him like that."  
"I know." Matt said.   
"What does Jeff really think about this?"  
"This whole marriage? He's taking it better than I thought. Of course he's angry, and of course he's hurt. But, I explained why I was doing it. It's the way we were raised. You have to take responsibility for what you've done. It took me almost a year to grow the balls to do that."  
"It is a noble thing." Chris said. "Give you that."  
"I know. You have the number one contender shot for the Euro Title don't you?"  
"Sunday, yes? What about you?"  
"Table elimination match with the Dudleyz." Matt answered. "Nothing knew."  
"Yeah, but the fans love it." Chris replied.   
"That they do. Bodies going through tables, the love it." Matt laughed. "I have to head out. Get Matthew. I'll be back around later."  
"All right, see ya later." As Matt left, I got up. "Hey you. You just missed Matt."  
"I did?" I asked as if I didn't know.  
"Yeah, he just left. He's taking your boy out."   
"I'll do it." I said getting up.  
"No, you stay here." Chris told me. "I don't want you doing much of anything until Unforgiven."  
"C'mon." I said. "I'm not a child, I can do things you know."  
"I know that. But, I just feel better if you rest."  
"I'm going to find Stephanie and go out to lunch. Can I do that all mighty master and God?"  
"Don't mock me." He told me. "Fine, get out of here."  
I smiled and went to Stephanie's room. I didn't want to knock, in fear that Paul would open. But, I had to. Stephanie opened the door and stepped outside. I told her I wanted to go to lunch and she jumped at the idea. She grabbed her purse and we left.  
"Has Paul said anything to you?" I asked on the drive over.  
"No, sorry, he hasn't." She answered. "He'll come around. He loves you."  
"I hope he still does. I can't lose anymore people I love."  
"You won't."  
"I'm thinking of taking a month off. Chris persuaded me."  
"You need it." She told me.  
"Leave after Unforgiven and come back at No Mercy." I said.  
"You really need it." She repeated. "Calm down, cool off."   
"Exactly."   
Stephanie and I went sat at a table and ordered. We didn't talk much about my decision to leave for a month, or anything. We didn't really talk about wrestling that much.  
"Maybe I'll come out and see ya." Stephanie said.   
"That'd be nice. I'll give you my tour of NYC." I told her. "Go shopping."  
"Sounds good to me. You know I'm up for shopping."  
"Why don't you bring your brother along?" I asked. "I haven't seen him in a while. I miss the little guy."  
She laughed. "I'll see what he's doing." She laughed again. "We could always play a trick on him, again."  
"We do each time we see him. Doesn't it get old?" I asked.  
We looked at each other and shook our heads. "Nah." We said together, and laughed.   
Unfortunately for us, Shane was busy. But, we still had other plans. Stephanie told me that she would defiantly come out to see me. She also to me not to worry about Matthew. That her, Matt, and Jay would make sure he was all right. I felt guilty about leaving him while I went home to cool off. Stephanie reassured me that I had nothing to worry about.   
"What do you plan to do for the whole month?" Stephanie asked.  
"Well, if I get it, I don't plan to do much. I'm just going to hang out, rest up. Put my life back in order. So, when I come back I have a clear head and I can put my career in full force again."  
"Sounds good. Are you going to think about maybe talking to Jeff?" She asked. "You're going to marry Matt, you should bury the hatches with Jeff, he'll be family."  
"Everyday I think about talking to Jeff. Everyday I almost do it. And, everyday I can't." I answered. "I do, however, plan on trying to fix mine and Paul's relationship. He's my father, and I have to have him in my life."  
"All right." She said. "I can help with that."  
"I need it." I replied.  
"Also, I could help with Jeff." She hinted.  
"I don't know about that." I replied. "If it's going to happen. I want to be the one who does it."  
"Fair enough."  
"I don't want anyone to do the dirty work for me. I messed up, and the same goes for Paul too. I want to be the one who fixes it. And, I know it's taking me an awful long time to fix anything with Jeff, and again it's my fault. But, I have to feel when the time's right, ya know? Everyone's rushing me into things, and telling me not all hope is lost. Maybe it's not. But, it's for me to decide, and when I decide to find out, I'll find out."  
"I understand." She said. "When you feel right, do it. And, if you don't, don't. But, I think you should. Only because one day, you will be family, and Matthew will want to know his uncle, and he's got some uncle in Jeff. And, as he gets older, and the relationship you and Jeff have doesn't get better, he'll know. I'm only saying this out of the interest of Matt, which is why you and Matt are getting married in the first place. For Matthew."  
"Exactly. And, I don't think I have ever really thought of it in that way. And, knowing that, it should make me want to do it, but it's not."  
"Don't rush into it. And, like you said, I guess the same goes for Paul as well."  
"Paul is a different story, in it's own way. Paul is angry at me because of my choice to marry Matt. And, it's all a misunderstanding. And, if the two of us, and maybe even Matt, can talk about it. I'm sure it'll work itself out. I'm willing, it's Matt and Paul I'm worried about."  
"Paul is. He won't admit it, but he is. He knows he was wrong."  
Stephanie told me that she'd talk to Paul as soon as we got back. And, before I left, things would work themselves out. I wanted to believe her, and part of me did. But, something inside me said I was once again screwed by my own faults. "I tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it doesn't even matter" **


	8. Chapter 8

The sins of last year grew more as Unforgiven grew near. Only hours until the big event. I was looking forward to getting in the cage and beating the crap out of Amy. I still had to talk to Vince about getting my time off, and I really hoped he'd give it to me. The more I thought about it, the more I realized I needed it.   
"Only hours away." Chris told me. He was in my room.  
"I know. I'm feeling it." I smiled. "I still have to talk to Vince."  
"Shouldn't have to worry about it. He'll give it to you."  
"I'm going now, before I forget and chicken out."  
I walked down the hallway to Vince's room. I knocked twice and he answered. I smiled and walked in. He shut the door and looked at me.  
"What do you need?" He asked.  
"A favor, a big favor." I answered. "I'm burned, I'm run down. I need time off, and not just a week. I was thinking of leaving after Unforgiven and coming back at No Mercy." Vince looked stunned. "I know it's a long time, and I know it's weird coming from me. But, for a year I have been pretty much nonstop. I don't know much of anything anymore and I need it."  
"That is true." He said. He sat down. "You are the very best I have right now. And, it would be weird if you just left."  
"I know. But, you can make it seem like I got hurt. This match tonight, it's not going to be an easy one."  
"I'd have to think about it. Chris has off for a week. I'll give you my answer after Unforgiven."  
"All right."  
I sighed and walked down the hall. I told Chris I was leaving early, very early in fact. I took my car and left. The arena was only twenty minutes away. But there was hours to kill. I needed the time to myself, to think, and to really get into this match. With my actions on Smackdown still haunting me, I had to psych myself up. This wasn't any match. I was going in there with no game plan, nothing. All I had was my belt and an assumption that I'd win. I didn't know what the rules of this match were, actually I did, there were none. Anything was possible. And, that did make me worry some more.   
I was parked on the side of a nearly vacant road. I wanted to go into the event with a clear mind, or a somewhat clear mind. It was impossible for me to have an actual clear mind. I tried to put together a match, some ideas I could use. It would be my last match before my vacation, if I was going to get it. I had to go out big.   
I spent so much time on the side of the road, thinking and plotting and coming up with ways to win. I finally left the road side and went to the arena. Fans were lined up and I knew I had to put the act on. I couldn't let them know just how miserable I was. I signed autographs for the fans that were out there before I was rushed inside.   
"Hey, Des." Marty, a stage hand said.  
"Marty, how are ya?" I asked.  
"I'm fine. Ring's set up, everything's going good."  
"Good to hear." I replied, and walked on.   
Stephanie was standing outside of the locker room. She saw me, waved, and came over to me. She hugged me and walked with me to the door. She didn't open it. She looked at me and said, "Paul's in there."  
"Oh."  
"Chris is in there too."  
"Oh."  
"I have no idea what they're talking about. But, it looks like Chris plans on sharing the locker room."  
"Oh."  
"Are you?"  
"I don't know. Right now, Paul isn't on my mind. It's surviving this match."  
"What number is it?"  
"Six." I answered. "I have a while to go."  
"Paul's eight, the main event."  
"I have a promo to cut later. If I get ready and leave my shit in there, I can do fine in the halls."  
"Are you sure?" She asked.  
"Yeah, let me change and I'll leave." I answered.  
She nodded and opened the door. When I went in, the room went silent. I don't think Chris and Paul were talking about me. I went in there, changed, put my things down and left with my belts. I walked around backstage.  
"Destiny!" I turned around and saw Adam run to me. "How the hell are you?"  
"All right." I answered. "You?"  
"Can't complain. Got some match up tonight. Good luck."  
"Thanks." I replied. "I have no idea what the hell's going to happen."  
"How's things with Paul?"  
"Ah, that's what you wanted."  
"No, I'm just-"  
"It's all right. I don't know. Things suck, a lot of things, everything."  
"Why's that?" He asked.  
"I don't know why. All I know is this, I'm trying to do right with my son and I'm losing a lot."  
"Maybe this just wasn't meant to be. Have you thought of that? Lets face it, you and Matt aren't exactly peanut butter and jelly, if you get what I mean. He got you pregnant, anyone can. I don't mean you're a slut, I mean any guy can do it. Anyway, you're doing fine now. Matthew has both of his parents, all of us around him. He's growing up in a family, we're his family. He may not have a traditional family, but he's got something better." Adam explained. "You're mistaking this for love." I didn't say anything. "Trust me. I may not be the best at these kinds of things, but I do know what I'm talking about now."  
He left me there to think about it. He was right, again. And, when Adam's right, he's really right. I sighed and sat down in a chair near the men's locker room. I had my Women's Title over my right knee and my Tag Team Title over my left knee. Michael Cole came up to me and tapped me on the shoulder.   
"Ready for the interview?" He asked softly.   
"Of course." I answered with a smile. Cole and I walked over to the promo/interview area.   
"I'm here with Destiny, WWF Women's Champion and one half of the WWF Tag Team Champions." He started. "It's good to see you here at Unforgiven. Now, tonight you engaged in a blood thirsty battle inside a steel cage, the Women's Title on the line."  
"Cole, that skanky, slutty, loss, bitch, Lita has been getting in my way time and time again. Each time, I've put her out. She hasn't been able to put her hands on my gold. Tonight, it'll be no different. I'm going to get extreme. Put that bitch out again. Deny her the shot at WWF gold. You're right, I am blood thirsty, and the only thing that can quench my thirst is the site of Lita's blood all over the ring. Oh, yes, Cole, it will be. "  
"You sound, harsh." He said.   
"Harsh? Of course I'm harsh."  
"Don't you think you should give Lita the benefit of the doubt. Maybe, after tonight, put this behind you?"  
"Are you on crack!? This will never be put behind me. I will make everyday of Lita's pathetic, miserable life a living hell." I replied. "And, once again, she'll meet the harsh reality that she sucks, that she will never own WWF gold, and as far as the fans are concerned, she can just wash away."  
And I walked away. My promo's to Amy weren't so hard to come up with. They were spoken from the heart. I walked down the hall now pumped up for the match. Each belt over a separate shoulder. I suddenly felt like The Undertaker walking down the hall getting ready for a match. I felt big and bad. I had no reason to.   
As I passed the men's locker room, that's just who came out. Mark jumped, literally, in my way and I, literally, walked into him. He looked down at me and chuckled to himself. He took the Women's Title off my shoulder and put it around his.  
"What do you think?" He asked, walking around in a circle, like a chick.  
"Oh, yes, Mark, that belt was meant for you."  
"How's your head?" He asked.  
"All right, I guess." I answered. "I'll live."  
"With the match you have lined up, you better." He put the title back on my shoulder. "Here."  
I talked with Mark for a little while longer and then Amy appeared on the TV. Time for her promo. I sat there and watched, wanting to here what she had to say.  
"Lita, tonight you have a shot to become the WWF Women's Champion." Coach said. "But, by seeing what Destiny said, how do you think your chances are?"  
"Coach, please, Destiny is nothing. Women's Champ? So what. Tag Team Champion? So what. It takes more than gold to make a woman. And, Destiny has a lot to learn about the WWF." I was feeling quit adventurous and started walking to her. "I mean, seriously, she's going to get extreme on me?"  
"Yeah, that's right." I told her.   
"Uh, Destiny." Coach said.  
"Tonight, Lita, once again you'll be embarrassed. Because, once again I'll kick your ass, miserably."  
"Oh, but you're wrong. I've got this feeling that tonight is not your night."  
"But tonight is yours." I told her. "I mean, I know someone is going to your hotel room. But, that's not the point. Tonight marks the fourteenth straight pay-per-view where I have kicked your ass. That's right, you haven't beaten me in thirteen straight pay-per-views. Tonight is number fourteen."  
And, I walked away. I was feeling back in the game. My worries and problems of before were now gone. And, I was Destiny, the WWF Women's Champion and one half of the WWF Tag Team Champions. I was the character I had created. That was not a good sign for Amy.   
I bounced around by the curtain before the match. Amy was on the otherside, looking at me. Adam was by my side, rubbing my back. The steel cage was being lowered. I watched, intensely as the cage lowered to the ground. I felt my stomach turn inside me. Lita's music hit first and she walked out. Then, my music hit. When I went through the curtain I knew things would be different after.   
I stood in front of the cage, looking up at it, measuring up what was inside. The ref had the door opened and told me to get in. I handed my belts off and went in. We didn't engage at first. We eyed each other, and walked around each other. I made the first move. I dove at her, knocking her down. I started punching her, closed fists. She flipped me over and was on me and started hitting me. I kicked her up. I stood up and shook it off. I got her in a swinging neckbraker and got up on the turnbuckle. When Lita stood up, I jumped off doing a diving hurricanrana. Lita stood up and swept her legs under mine and took my knee out. She smelt blood and went for my knee.   
I fought her off and made it to the ropes, pulling myself up. Lita ran at me and I ducked, sending her into the cage. I stumbled away from the ropes and fell on my ass. When I stood up I pulled her from between the ropes and cage and got her in the guillotine. She rolled over and I sat on her back and wrapped my arms around her neck. She bit me, hard and I had to let go. She hit me with a few good right hands and got me in the bulldog. She then tried to get out of the cage. I got her feet and sent her down, almost like a powerbomb.   
When I picked her up, I decided to pay homage to the Deadman and got her set up for the Last Ride. Unfortunately for me, she reversed it and sent me flying over her back. I hit hard, and felt that sharp pain in my back that I hadn't felt in a year. I rolled over, pain and tears in my eyes. This wasn't a good thing. Lita started stomping on my back, making it worse. I pulled her feet and sent her falling face first to the canvas.   
When I got up, I started throwing her into the cage, time after time. She could barely stand. But, somehow she managed to get me in a DDT. My back kept me down for a while. We both got up and the same time and I got her in a vicious Twist Of Fate. I went on the turnbuckle and did a Swanton and started to climb. As I reached the top, I felt hands push me down. Kurt Angle had made an appearance. He climbed into the ring and beat up me, yelling at Lita to get up and climb out. She got to the top, but Triple H was there and pie faced her off. The both of us were knocked silly. Triple H climbed down and got to Kurt. As the two men fought, I climbed to the top of the cage and performed a corkscrew moonsault taking everyone out. Triple H came too first and picked me up. Kurt was up next and hit Triple H from behind. Triple got up and got Kurt in the Pedigree. He then put me on his shoulders and helped me up the cage. When I got up on top. I looked down and the ring below, and Triple H, who looked up at me and smiled. I smiled back, raised my hands up and climbed down. When I hit the ground, I fell over. The ref handed me my belts and I raised them. Triple H opened the cage door and ran to me and lifted me up.  
I wrapped my arms around him, blood pouring from my head. I didn't know if this was part of a story line, or if he was really out here for me. He was all smiles, as he lifted me up. Kurt was helping Amy up in the ring, yelling at us both.   
When we got backstage, Paul didn't put me down. He continued to carry me to the locker room. No one was in there. He placed me down on a chair and stood there in front of me, still smiling from my victory. Naturally, I was confused as hell.  
"Destiny." He said. "I'm sorry. You needed someone and I left you out in the dark. As your father, I should have been there for you. I guess I was just so worried and so nervous about you. I don't want anything bad to happen to you. I don't know what I'd do if something did. You never had it easy, and I just want things to go right for you. I don't want you jumping into anything. But, I always should have known you'd make the right choice. And, I want to be there for you, in everything you do."  
"I shouldn't have been so harsh on you."  
"You had every right. Stephanie and Chris talked to me. I overreacted. I love you, and I will walk you down that aisle."  
"Paul." I jumped up, even though it hurt like hell, and wrapped my arms around him. "I love you, daddy."  
"I love you too baby." I got off. "I am not done with Kurt."  
"Don't. Don't let him ruin it." I told him. "Go out there and win. You got Steve, it's a guaranteed good match. Forget it right now."  
He hugged me again, kissed my cheek, and left the room. I sat down, smiling like all hell. Stephanie came in right after, as if she knew what was going on. She looked shocked, and confused. She sat down next to me and looked at me, "what happened?"  
"Thank you." I smiled and hugged her.  
"What did I do?" She asked.  
"Just, thank you."  
I got up and left. I walked down to the curtain to see Paul's match. I stood there, watching, smiling. I was in a lot of pain, so much pain, but this made it all better. As I was watching Paul's match, Vince came up behind me and told me he wanted to speak to me.   
"I've come up with a decision." He told me once we got in his "office".  
"And?" I asked.  
"You know you are very valuable to me. I need you around." My stomach sank. "Without, it will be weird. But, seeing as since you are my very best, you can have your month."  
"Thanks, McMahon." I smiled and left.   
"So, that's why you were thanking me." Stephanie said when she saw me. "I just talked to Paul."  
"Yes, that's why." I smiled. "I get my time."  
"Good, you need it." She replied.   
"I'm leaving, now." I told her. "I'm getting my things and leaving."  
"Stick around."   
"Nah, I need to get out. Start this vacation off right."  
"All right. I'll call you. Remember, take it light. You don't need to be running around. You need the break." She hugged me and went inside her father's room. I went to the locker room to get my things.  
"Hey boys." I said. "I'm leaving. I got my vacation time." Chris, Matt, and Paul were in the room.  
"All right, baby." Paul said. He hugged me. "See you in a month."  
"Later partner." Chris called from his bench. "Take it light. Clear your head."  
Matt walked to me. "Call you."  
I nodded. "See you all later."  
I flung my bag over my shoulder and whistled as I walked down the hall. I waved to guys as I walked. I went to the back exit. I was really looking forward to this vacation, I needed it. When I left the arena, I looked back and sighed. A year and a half of work had just ended.  
I threw my bag in the passengers seat. I didn't start the car right away. I sat in the drivers seat and looked straight a head. I actually thought about screwing this vacation and going back in there. But, I heard Stephanie's voice in the back of my head telling me to go. So, I started the car up, and drove off.   
I didn't slow up when I left, I didn't try to stop, didn't try to turn around, and I didn't look in the rearview mirror. I knew if I did, I'd end up going back. I looked next to me, my things were all there, everything. My belts laid over my bags. They weren't glittering, they weren't glowing, they were laying there. A weird feeling came over me, and inside the entire car. I felt like I lost a part of me, and I did. But, I knew I'd be gaining a part of myself I lost so very long ago.  
My decision to leave was pretty much a surprise, and I knew half that federation had no idea. Also, the fans had no idea. And, I did feel bad about leaving both on such a short notice and without warning. I just hoped that the guys in the back could come up with something to cover for me. On top of that, my son would not be with me. And, I felt extremely guilty about that. Part of me said, "turn around and get your son". Actually, all of me said that. But, once again, there was Stephanie's voice. And trust me, when you hear her voice a million times when you don't have to, you give in. I didn't want anyone to hate me for my decision to leave, and how I left, and everything that came along with it.   
When I got to the airport, fans for the pay-per-view were there waiting to leave. And, then I showed up. I didn't want to get any more attention than needed. But, when you look like I do: blue hair, baggy black jeans, ripped T-shirt, and blue fishnet under it. Plus, having two World Wrestling Federation belts near you, it's very hard to not cause attention. And, that's just what happened.   
The several fans that were there rushed over to me and started mobbing me. Airport security noticed, and turned this into the scene I didn't want. Three security men had to escort me to my plane. Once on it, I sat down and took a deep breath. I wasn't going to cry about leaving. I wasn't going to dwell on it. I finally felt like I needed the vacation.  
The flight home was calming and realizing. I knew I wasn't going to a show and I knew what was waiting for me. It was weird, sure, different, of course, but it was a feeling I had missed.   
No one knew, actually, hardly anyone knew. I really didn't want anyone to know either. I didn't want to make my month gone a big deal, something everyone had to know and make up for. As long as they could cover for me, that was just fine. No one had to make a project out of this, a big storyline. Oh, where's Destiny? Where did she run off to? No, it wasn't like this.   
"Aren't you Destiny from the WWF?" A teenager asked me. He was sitting in the row next to me. These boys where looking at me the whole flight.  
"Yes, I am." I answered.   
"Thought so. I saw you get on, with those belts, and knew you were." He said. "No one will believe us when we tell them that Destiny was on our flight."  
I turned me head the other way. I wasn't in the mood for anything.   
"So, what are you doing on this flight anyway?" He asked.   
"Nothing." I answered. "Going to New York."  
"Oh, WWF New York thing? Wish I could go." He looked down. He looked as if he wanted me to invite him to this autograph thing. Which, never was.  
I didn't want to talk to him, or anyone on the flight. I wanted to get home and crawl into bed and never get out again. The boys noticed my mood and didn't say anything more. When the plane landed, I offered to sign something and take pictures. I felt bad. I did that and walked off. I got my bags hailed a cab.   
I got the cab to drive me to the train station and got on the first train out. On the train, no one noticed me. Just how I waned it. I got off at Penn Station and walked down 7th Ave to my apartment in The Dakota. I stood in front of it for a while before going in. When I got in a wave came over me. I slowly walked to my room and slowly opened the door. When I stepped inside, I felt like I could breath again. I had felt like I had been holding my breath for the past year and a half and was finally able to breath.  
I put all of my things away and sat on the bed. My room hadn't changed since I was here last, everything was the same. I had pictures of me and the guys around my room. And I still had one picture of Jeff and I. I looked out the window of my bedroom and saw Central Park. I saw normal people doing normal things and leading, what appeared to be, normal lives. I didn't know normal. I didn't know what it meant or how it felt. I came here to New York to try and get that. I wanted normal. A normal life, what's that?  
I didn't want to leave the apartment for the whole month. I did have every intention of staying right in my bedroom. I looked at the phone as it rung. I picked it up.  
"Hello?" I asked.  
"Hey baby." It was Paul.   
"Miss me all ready?" I asked.  
"Of course." He answered. "Miss us?"  
"A few people, yes. But, not the company."  
"Is this the same Destiny I know?"  
"Yes, it is. Just a worn out one." I answered.   
"I bet you are. You got less days off than I did."  
"I know, it's horrible." I sighed.  
"You deserve it." He told me. "Take this month off and do what you want."  
"I plan on it."   
Paul and I talked for a little while longer. He then had to go. It was late and we were tired. I went to bed that night with ever intention to relax and not worry about the World Wrestling Federation or anyone in it. If someone had asked me at that moment to go back, I don't think I would have. If they were to hand me my son, I'd take him and leave forever.  
The following morning, I was feeling the match. My back and my knee killed me. I could barley walk. I set my bathtub up and sat in it. I had every intention on staying in that tub all day. But, the phone rang, and I went to get it.  
"Hello?" I asked.  
"Morning." Matt replied.  
"Hey, thanks." I said. "I was in the tub. How's my baby?"  
"Sleeping now." Matt answered. "He's doing fine, don't worry."  
"I do worry. I should be with him."  
"Destiny, you don't have to worry. He's got me, and the entire WWF around him."  
The entire WWF around him. Going back to what Adam was saying. I was starting to believe him more. Maybe I was mistaking this for love, or a form of love. Matthew needed his family, he did. But, he also had it, and more. But, what would happen if something were to happen to Matt or myself? I was torn.  
After I got off the phone with Matt I grabbed a jacket and went outside. I walked over to Central Park. I walked around thinking about what Adam told me, about what I wanted, about my son, my career, it all. I didn't know where I was going and what I was doing. Nothing made sense, I didn't even make sense.  
My train of thought switched to Unforgiven. This past Unforgiven and what happened. A lot happened that put a lot on my emotions. But, it was Amy bringing Kurt Angle back into my life that killed me. I hadn't dealt with Kurt Angle since last year. We didn't talk to each other and hadn't ran into each other. I liked it that way. I knew now, that Kurt Angle would be in my life once more. I couldn't handle Kurt.   
I had walked around the park for a few hours, a lot of hours. Nothing cleared out of my head. I was just as confused as when I came. But, that night, my emotions got hot. I had every intention to watch RAW that night. Both Chris and myself weren't there and I wanted to know what people were going to say about me not being there. I was sitting down when Lita's music hit. She came out, and as she walked out she pointed to the curtain. Kurt Angle came out with her. Both Lita and Kurt walked arm and arm down the ramp and into the ring.  
"Last night, I was cheated out of a victory." Lita said. The fans were on her, knowing it wasn't true. "I mean, I had every reason to win that match. But still, that dumb bitch beat me. I don't understand it."  
"Even after I helped!" Kurt cried. "Triple H, how dare you run down and try and interfere in Lita's match. Are you crazy!? We'll settle this tonight. A tag team elimination match. Me and lovely Lita here against you and Destiny. Your WWF Title and her Women's Title. What do you say?"  
"Kurt, have you forgotten? Destiny isn't here." Lita said. I knew something was up. "And, she won't be here for a long time."  
"Oh, that's right, how could I forget."  
"It seems that little miss perfect couldn't handle the pressures of the road anymore." She laughed. "She couldn't handle a lot of things and she needed a little break. Was the WWF too rough for you Destiny? Aww, I am so sorry."   
"I know, it's just so sad." Kurt replied. "But, I have some footage that will make you happy, Lita."  
On the Titan Tron, the video playing after I left McMahon's room, before I left. Somehow, they got this on tape and played it for everyone. While I was in the locker room saying good bye and everything. You bed I was pissed off. I was livid. As the footage played, I called McMahon's cell. He swore he didn't know. Then, Stephanie's music hit and she walked out.   
"You dumb slut." She yelled. "The only reason you didn't win was because you're not half the woman Destiny is. You could never be any of the woman Destiny is. Even with help, you couldn't win."  
"Is that so?" Lita asked. "If she was some kind of woman, she could balance a career and motherhood." The crowd went silent. She was exposing it all. "I am right, aren't I Kurt? She should be able to."  
"You know, Amy, I can't wait for the day Destiny puts you out for good. Look around, you have nothing. Absolutely nothing left. I've been counting down the days until you are run out with nothing left but that dirty thong you wear." Stephanie said, so seriously that it sent chills down my spine.  
"Oh please, Stephanie." Kurt said. "Lita here can at least handle her career. Destiny's nothing but a cheating whore."  
With that, Triple H's music hit. He walked to his wife. He didn't even bother to change. The look in his eyes were priceless. He burned through Amy and Kurt.  
"Kurt, you punk." He said. "How dare you address my daughter that way. Now, normally, I'd be using words you never knew existed. But, out of respect for the men in suits backstage, I'll refrain." He took a deep breath. "I hear saying something about a challenge. I accept. But, this intergender tag match will be between you and that dirty whore and me and my wife. And, Kurt, if you can somehow put the 1-2-3 on me, this belt is yours."  
He put his arm around Stephanie and walked out. I had nearly put a hole in the pillow in my couch. I was breathing heavy. I ran to the phone and called my travel agent.  
"I need a ticket to Connecticut now." I yelled. "How fast can I get there?"  
"I have a flight that leaves at midnight tonight. You should be there but at least one am."  
"I'll take it."  
There went my vacation, but I didn't care. I watched RAW pissed. The main event did calm me some. Kurt and Amy had no shot. Stephanie and Paul overpowered them. As the match ended, Test came down with a chair in hand. He took a swing at Paul and shoved Stephanie. It was a three on one pretty much. Soon, Matt ran down with, to my surprise, Jeff. They took down Kurt and Test. Stephanie took out Lita once more.   
When RAW was over, I was ready to leave. Nothing was going to stop me from getting what I wanted. I had messed both Kurt and Amy up before. Now, now I was really angry. I couldn't think of anything else but revenge. I was going to get my revenge. I was going to make sure they'd never talk again. And, I planned on taking Amy out, just like Stephanie said. 


	9. Chapter 9

I kept to myself on Tuesday. I didn't want anyone to know I was there. When it came time to the show, I hung backstage in the sound room, and those who were there didn't say a damn thing about it. First out was Lita and Kurt. Both, seemed happy about something. Even though they got their asses beat.  
"Well, it's another day without the stressful Destiny." Lita said. "And, I feel great."   
"Now, I know Hunter and his little slutty wife backstage are running around all happy because they beat us."  
"But, I can't think of anything else but the fact that Destiny is not here. And, yours truly has found some new dirt on the little bitch." A picture of my son was put on the Titan Tron. "Adorable isn't he? That right there is Destiny's son, Matthew." Then, a picture of Matt came up next to him. "That man is Matt Hardy, you all knew that. Take a good look, do they not look a like?"  
"I see it." Kurt said. "Lita, what have you found out now?"   
"Ladies and gentleman, Matt Hardy is the father of Destiny's son Matthew." I was ready to kill her, then and there. "But, there is more. Miss poster woman for motherhood left he child, here, on the road, while she relaxed in New York."  
That was it. My music hit and the crowd went absolutely insane. I, belt around my shoulder, walked on the ramp. I was angry, and I was ready to kill her. Both of them. Amy looked like she had seen a ghost, and Kurt knew he was in trouble.   
"How dare you? Who the fuck do you think you are?" I yelled. "Amy, how did that cage match happen? Kurt, did you fall victim to her slutty ways? When are you going to realize, Amy, that sex doesn't get you everything you want? You know, I do feel bad for you. I feel bad because you're never going to be someone in this world. You'll keep screwing anything with a dick between his legs until you feel important. Don't blame me for you mistakes. You fucked up in life, you're the one who brought all of this upon yourself. It isn't my fault that you can't do a damn thing right.   
"Bringing me down, does that make you feel better? Does it make you feel important, like you are something? Whatever you do to me, I can bring it back to you, 100 times worse. I can play the game, pretty fucking well if you ask me. And, if you think I'm going to sit back and let you talk about my personal life, then you've got another thing coming. I have my own footage. You, and someone else, doing what you do best. But, I'm not going to show it. My language enough has made the guys backstage go gray. What I will do is talk about it. You see, Lovely Lita here does have a few things going for her. If this wrestling thing goes under, which we all know it will soon, she can open her own 'wrestling' business. That talent is something you'll never out grown."  
"Destiny, I am through playing games with you." Amy yelled, it did sound like I was getting to her. "I am sick and tired of the shit you're pulling on me."  
"It seems you can't drink the poison you pour." I said calmly. "You damn well know this is more than WWF gold, it's more than the WWF. Jealousy, perhaps? The fact that I've got something in the World Wrestling Federation that you don't, or the fact that I've got something in life you don't. We all know that you're insane crush on Matt Hardy nearly got you thrown out of here. And, I'll admit that my son, Matthew, his father is indeed Matt Hardy. Or, is it the fact that my life, even though it isn't perfect, is something worthwhile. Yeah, so what, my life's got it's problems, it has it's complications. Everyone has them. And, to go out here and make sure the world knows what I'm going through is a little cowardly. Because, I could very easily tell these people what I've heard through my hotel door. And, yes, sex was one of them. But, it's the rejection of men, strangers, tossing you aside." As I looked, I realized that this wasn't about the WWF anymore. Kurt was looking on, confused, as we put on a show the WWF wasn't ready to show. We were playing out the these emotions right in front of millions. "You want to talk about who's pathetic, who's worthless. Why don't you take a look in the mirror, and you'll see."  
My music hit. A reason was needed to stop this, but I stood and stared at her, and Kurt. I wasn't done. During the commercial break, I attacked Kurt.  
"And you, how can you look at yourself in the mirror? Do you feel like more of a man when you attack someone half your size? Some man you are. You're not even an Olympian, you're a pussy. A coward who is afraid of everything-"  
Paul had to come out and take me off the stage. Amy and Kurt got off stage and Amy ran off somewhere, with Kurt following her. Paul had now flung me over his shoulder, carrying me off to the locker room. When we got there, he kicked everyone out and put me down.  
"It's nice to see you back." He said to me, calmly. "What the hell do you think you're doing? Going out there like that, unexpected. McMahon's probably going apeshit right now. You can't just show up and go out there and say whatever the hell you want to."  
"Paul, I never wanted to show up, but after yesterday, I had to. Don't you see what she's doing to me?"  
"I see, and I know. Stephanie and I were going to handle Kurt and Amy while you were gone. We can defend your honor you know."  
"But, if I didn't come back, the fans would have-"  
"You can't always think about them. What about yourself? Your mental state?"  
"It's still in shambles. But, it wouldn't have been any better after hearing that." I looked up at him. "She's ruining my life. Absolutely ruining my life."  
"That's what she wants. She wants to get into your head. She's playing mind games with you. You have to try and ignore her."  
"Do you have any idea how hard that is? She's exposing my whole life. I can't sit back and watch her ruin my life. I can't. I've got to react. I was brought up that way. Mostly left to fend for myself. This is how I handle things."  
"With you here, a lot of shit's going to go down. Someone's going to get hurt." He told me. "And, that's the last thing I want to happen. You get seriously hurt, or get let lose because you did something."  
"I know you're worried about me, but don't be. I'll only hurt you."  
"What does that mean?" He asked.  
"How I grew up, I have to do my thing. Now, I don't know what that might mean. It could mean anything. I don't want you to worry, I don't want anything to happen to you because of me."  
"Des, you sound serious, very serious."  
"I am. You know what Stephanie said, about me taking her out. I plan to do just that."  
"Destiny, please." Paul said, pleading with me. "You don't have to go to this extreme."  
"I do." I told him. "I do."  
He looked me in my eyes, and I think then he realized I had to. I had to do something. He sighed and hugged me. He knew there was no talking me out of it. I sat back down and tried to calm myself down. But, that was extremely hard. Nothing could calm me down.  
"Destiny." Matt said, he rushed in with Matthew. "When did you get here? Why? Are you all right?"  
I held my son. "Fine, or I will be."  
"If I would have known."  
"You wouldn't have." I walked over to the bench. I held my baby in my arms. Then, I put him down. "I'll be back."  
"Destiny, no." Paul said. He stood in front of the door. "Don't."  
"Move Paul." I told him, firmly. "Move or you're never having children."   
"It's a chance I'm willing to take." He said. "You're not leaving this room, not tonight. Not without anyone."  
"I'm going to McMahon's office, if you must know." I pushed him aside. "Let me go."  
He did. I walked down the hall, not speaking to anyone. I didn't even bother knocking on Vince's door. I just walked in. I walked right up to his desk and said, "I'll kill her."  
"Now, Destiny, I know you're upset. You have every right to be. I didn't know what was going on, but I couldn't cut them off. But, I don't want you to do anything crazy."  
"I am a crazy person. And, if you do not let me get a word or anything in, I will go completely insane."  
"I can give you a match, but you cannot kill her, you cannot be too harsh."  
"I can't promise that." I told him. "She's ruining my life, you know that. What do you want me to do? Fight it out in a predetermined match? Or, have a match like at Unforgiven, but not go too far? Vince, you have got to do something. Get rid of her, get rid of me. I'll quit if I have to."  
"Now, that's not fair. You're putting me in a position here. Either her or you. Now, I can't do that. Believe it or not, the fans are reacting to this fued here. Now, on the personal level, I can't do that either. Because, unfortunately, I can't make this a personal thing. I have to think business, as much as I don't want to. But, if it starts getting worse, where I can't handle it. Something will be done."  
"If you can't handle it now. I'll take matters into my own hands." I told him. "I have no problem playing vigilante."  
And, I left. Did I mean it? Sure I did. And, I wouldn't go back and change it. I was going to make sure Amy got what she deserved. And, I was going to do it my way. None of this WWF bullshit anymore. These matches did nothing. All it did was please the fans and gave us at the most, a half hour to vent. Something else had to be done, and now.   
I saw a wrench, a big one, lying near a tool box. I picked it up. I started walking down the hall, to find Amy. I was on a mission. I found the locker room and went right in. She was sitting, with Kurt, talking.  
"You stupid whore." I ran to her. "You fucking bitch. I swear to God I am going to kill you. You think you're tough shit, going out there and talking about my life. I can go on and on about your pathetic life. Because you're worthless, completely worthless. What have you got? You have nothing, absolutely nothing."  
"At least I don't have a son to worry about, and what's this I hear, a marriage in the works? You call me a slut, but I know what you did last year, or should I say who you did. Don't think I don't know." She got up and got in my face.   
"You want to play games with me. You want to push my buttons. Go ahead. I dare you. I dare you to go and try and play with me. Go a head, try. I dare you."  
"You don't know what I can do."  
"You mean who. And, I do. What, is Kurt going to fight your might? I am sick of running around in circles. Lets get to the point, Amy."  
"You're right, lets get right down to the point. I would like nothing more than to run your ass down. Make sure you never step foot inside the squared circle again. Hell, I'll make sure you never walk again."  
"You have tried to put me out before, and you have failed. What makes you think you can do it again? With all that shit you pulled, I have every right to use this." I held up the wrench. Then, let it fall to the floor. "But, I would be nothing more than a coward, like you. No better than you. And, why would I want to be anything like you?" I got closer to her. "Soon. Soon no one will have the displeasure of looking at you, seeing you, having to listen to you."  
"What do you plan to do? Take me out?" She laughed. "You can't do shit to me. Not a Goddamn thing."  
"Don't test me." It told her.  
"Come on, I'll give you a free shot." I could hear Paul's voice in the back of my head, telling me what not to do. "Afraid? Come on, hit me! You're so damn tough, why don't you hit me? A free shot. Lets go! You said you'd take me out. What, you a pussy?" She yelled. I stood there. "Thought so. Just a bunch of talk. You can't do shit to me. You're nothing." I watched her. "Well, I'm not some little bitch here on looks. And, here's why." She took a big swing at my face and nailed me right in the cheek. I could feel my face start to swell.   
I turned to face her. I put my hand on my face and I could feel it getting bigger. As she laughed, I patted her on the shoulder. When she faced me, I nailed her back. She nearly fell over. "Some pussy I am." I said. I stood over her and she looked back. She kicked me in the knee, my bad knee. I leaned over. She stood up and took a shot right under my jaw.   
It knocked me down on my good knee. As I sat there, I could see Kurt standing there, watching. Trish had ran to get someone. I stood up and took another shot to her face, then another, followed by another. She swung back. She got me a few good times in the gut. As I was catching my breath, she grabbed the wrench and went to hit me. I kicked her in the stomach and the wrench hit the ground. I hit her twice, once under the chin, and a second across her face. I kicked the wrench out of way. As I was, Amy thrust her shoulder into my stomach again, and knocked some of the wind out of me. I stumbled a few steps back. Amy got up and came my way, hitting me across my left cheek. I pie-faced her back a few steps and came up with my right fist across her jaw.   
My nose was pouring out blood, as was Amy's. Both of us were bleeding from our mouths and bruises and swelling was all ready going on. I didn't think anything was broken, if anything, my nose. But, I didn't look any better than Amy. Both of us looked like Hell. I'll admit it, she did get me good.   
Kurt tried to get involved while Amy was gathering herself. My knee hit his groin a total of five times and two right hands to the nose before he backed down. As I was watching Kurt hit the floor, Amy got me three times before I hit her back. Kurt managed to kick the wrench over to Amy. She took a swing, but I managed to move. I did a sweet kick to her back and she fell forward. The wrench fell a few inches away. But, I made sure she didn't get it. I stepped on her hand. Kurt grabbed my foot and sent me falling to the floor. Both Amy and myself got up and started swinging. I heard the door open.  
"Destiny!" Paul yelled. I had the wrench in hand and went to hit her. But, Paul grabbed me and pulled me away. Once again, I was flung over his shoulder, kicking and screaming.  
As I left, I saw a bloody Amy and Kurt on the floor in pain. A good sight to see. My blood stained the back of Paul's shirt. Droplets of blood trailed from the locker room in question to where Paul and I were. I could tell he was angry. His grip on my body was tight, and it hurt. Once we got inside a locker room, he threw me down.  
"Who the fuck do you think you are, huh? Who the fuck do you think you are? The shit you're pulling is going to get you thrown out of here." He yelled at me. "You really want to let this go?"  
"The shit I'm pulling is saving my own life. You see what she's doing? Maybe if someone opened their fucking eyes they'd see what's going on around here." I told him. "But no one wants to understand."  
"You realize that you're going to throw this career away. A career you've built up, one you've worked so hard for. You know what, fuck the career. You're going to lose everyone you have here. The only family you've ever know."  
"You're right, this is the only family I've ever know. And, if you were such good family, you'd take the time to see this through my eyes."  
"You're letting some stupid bitch get to you. And, by doing that, you're letting her win. She knows she's getting to you, she knows it. She knows she's fucking with you, and she loves it." He said. "But, instead of just letting it go, you've got to start a fight, you have to go out there and start something. You better hope that McMahon doesn't fire your ass."  
"If he did, he better get rid of her too." I said. "I am not going to leave this business knowing she's still here."  
"Don't put yourself there. If you continue with this, you'll have nothing left. You'll be no better than she is." He looked at me. "Is that what you want?"  
"I don't know what I want." I said. "All I do know is I want her gone. And I'll do whatever I have to, to make sure that happens."  
I got up and left. Paul lunged after me, but let me go. I wasn't going to cause more trouble. Amy had probably left, and I was in no condition to get into another fight. I walked around the arena. I knew that tonight could very well end my career. I had to gather myself. Think of what I could say to Vince if he asked. I knew he'd find out about this. And, I know I'd be in a lot of trouble if he did.  
"Des, what the hell happened?" Adam asked as he ran up to me. "I saw Amy in first aid, her and Kurt. What did you do?"  
"Please, Adam, I don't want to talk about it." I said.  
"That bad? She looks horrible. Destiny, what did you do to her?" He looked nervous.  
"Is she that bad?" I asked.  
"Yes." He answered. I smiled. "Destiny."  
"She deserved it."   
And I walked away. I walked past the fist aid room and saw her lying there. She had dried blood on her face, and new blood was pouring from her nose. I reached up and rubbed mine. Barely anything. I looked down at my shirt, and it was covered. I continued walking. I didn't care anymore. About them, about me, about what Vince or anyone thought about me. I was going to do what I had to.   
I decided not to stick around much longer. I overheard people say that Vince was looking for Amy, Kurt, and myself. I decided to run. I took my car and drove off, leaving only a note for Stephanie. I told her the hotel I was staying at. And, I told her to keep this in confidence, only telling Paul, and Matt. I really hoped she'd do that. I put it in her bag, and left.  
The hotel I was at was about ten minutes from the one everyone else was at. When I checked in, I made sure no one would leak the information of where I was. It did coast me some money, but I didn't care. About an hour later, I heard a knock at my door. I looked through the peephole and saw Stephanie there, Paul was at one side of her, and I could hear Matt, and my son. I opened the door.  
"You alone?" I asked.  
"Just with the people you asked to bring." She answered. I let them in. "Damn, girl, you cause a lot of trouble."   
"I know." I said. "I know."  
"What are you going to do?" She asked. "My father wants to speak with you."  
"I know he does. And, I have no idea what I'm going to do." I answered. "I'm not doing house shows, if anything, I'll show up for RAW on Monday, and take it from there."  
"Vince has to talk to you." Paul told me. "I hate to be the bad guy here, but you need to talk to him."  
"I will, when I'm ready." I said. I took my son. "He been good?"  
"Yes." Matt answered. He kissed my cheek. "You all right? Look at yourself."  
"I'm all right. It was just a fist fight."  
"I heard it was bad. I heard you guys used a few weapons." He said.  
"We tried to use a wrench, that was it. Damn you can spread rumors." I sat down. Paul looked at me. "All right, I'll go back. Just let me get cleaned up and I'll go back with all of you."  
"That's my girl." I went to the bathroom to wash up. "I don't want to force you, but you really should. Get this over with. He's talked with Amy all ready. And you need to get your side in, or you'll look like the bad guy. I mean, if you ran like you did, and didn't bother to show up until Monday, Vince would have to believe Amy's side, and I know that you had good reason."  
It felt good for Paul to back me like he did. I knew everyone in that room backed me. I knew that half the federation backed me, even if they thought I was a little extreme and wasn't fully sure why. But, they were on my side. Vince would have to take my side too, right?  
After I washed up, Paul drove me back. Stephanie went with Matt to the hotel. Matt wanted to put Matthew to sleep, since he was on his way, and Paul told Stephanie it would be best if she just left. Paul wanted to stay with me, make sure I didn't do anything else.   
"I told Vince I'd find you and bring you back." He told me. "He has Amy and Kurt there all ready. Security's got them in a locker room. It'll be just you and Vince, and me if you want."  
"I want you there."  
"All right, I'll be there." He took my hand. "You have nothing to worry about."  
We pulled into the parking lot and walked backstage. Our footsteps echoed in the vacant halls as we walked. It added to the drama of it all. We passed the locker room Amy and Kurt were held in. I looked as I passed. Amy was seated, Kurt by her side, looking rather upset. It made me feel good, but terribly bad at the same time. Paul knocked on the door.  
"Come in." Vince said. We walked in. "There's my Tyson."  
"Vince." I said quietly. I took a seat, Paul sat next to me.  
"Want to explain yourself today, Miss Diaz."  
"Yes, sir." I said. "When I came down here earlier, I want to apologize for that. I was hot, and I took it out on you. I still am hot, very in fact. And, I'm not sorry for what I said at ringside, or what I did in the locker room. I'm not sorry because I did what I had to. And, who knows what that's going to do to me or my place here in the WWF, but it does something for me as a person. I stopped taking crap from her, from anyone really. I went in there after a year and a half of abuse from her, and I showed her. I reached my breaking point, and I couldn't hold anything in any longer. The matches weren't enough. She taunted and teased me on and off camera, and off camera I was good about it. But, this was the final straw, and I couldn't take it. And, I'm not sorry for what I had done."  
"Well, Miss Diaz, I am." I knew I was in trouble the moment he called me Miss Diaz. "I am very sorry that you chose the form of action you did. You have to deal with the consequences of your actions."  
"Now, wait, Vince." Paul spoke up. "I agree what Destiny did was wrong, but don't you think if you were her, you'd do the same?"  
"I would go to my boss, Paul. I don't think it's wise if you get involved in this."  
"Wait, Vince. She did do that. And, from what I heard, you weren't to nice about it yourself. If your life was being threatened, like hers was, you'd take immediate action. I know you would Vince, because I know just what kind of man you really are. And I'll be damned if you would sit back and let someone do what Amy did to Destiny to you. You wouldn't take it. I wouldn't take it. So, what, Destiny was just a little extreme, I'll agree with that. And, I'll agree that it wasn't in her best interest to go after Amy the way she did. But think about it."  
"You think about this, Paul." Vince said. "I cannot have this going around in my federation. I have got to do something about this. Now, I've given Amy a months suspension, without pay. But, unfortunately for me, I've got the Women's Champion here, I've got a Tag Team Champion here. I've got to think of something." He paced for a little. "I would think nothing of giving you a month suspension without pay either. I wouldn't. In fact, I'd really like to do it, and am considering it."  
"I understand." I said. "But, before you suspend me and send me packing think about this. Everyday of my pathetic life, I have to wake up to what I did wrong, to the mistakes I've made. Every Goddamn day is a struggle for me, because I fucked up. The World Wrestling Federation seemed like a place I could go where I could get away from it all. But, unfortunately, my pain and misfortune has been played out for millions to see. So fuck me, fuck me since I lashed out. Fuck me since I decided enough was enough. Fuck me because I stood up for myself. Fuck me."  
I got up and left. I actually felt like spitting on him, but decided not to. I don't know what Vince decided, and I wouldn't know for a few days. I threw my side out in the open, and when I left felt like I made him think something, but I thought that something he was thinking was going to screw me over in the end.   
It was too hot inside for me and I had to get out. I sat outside in the parking lot on one of the few cars there, crying. What was I going to do now? Vince had every right to send me packing for a month, or until further notice for that matter. And, I didn't think I should have been unpunished, but I also had a slight advantage over my enemy. I owned gold. And, as tacky and as corny as it sounds, that could very well save my career.   
I could hear footsteps behind me, and I knew who it was. "Well?" I asked. No answered. Paul sat down beside me and looked at me. "Well, what did he say?"  
"Nothing, yet." He answered. "You do know you made some impact in there. I know Vince felt it. He doesn't want to admit it, but he felt it. You're right, no one understands what you're going through. And, in a way I'm glad, because I don't think I could be as strong. But, right there, I think that's the closest anyone has every come to understanding."  
"About damn time." I said. "So, you don't know if I got the boot?"  
"All I know is you're not to show up at a WWF show until Monday. Clear your head, think about things. It gives Vince some time to mull over what you just threw out."  
"I see. But, I've got a good chance of not coming back for a month?"  
"I can't say that for sure." He answered. "Don't worry about it. If you do get to come back, Amy won't be around. Isn't that what you wanted?"  
"Yes, it is." I answered.   
He helped me up. We didn't say much on the ride back. I told Paul to let me get my things at my hotel, and I'd check into theirs. He said he didn't mind. I had been away from my baby too long. When we arrived, those who weren't in their rooms looked at me. They all knew, and by the story Matt told me, who knew what they knew. Mark was the one who came up to me.  
"Well, slugger, I better stop teaching you how to fight." He said jokingly.  
"Trust me, your help is what gave me the victory."   
"You look like hell." He told me.  
"Don't I know it. Ten bucks says I broke my nose."   
"Why don't you find out?"  
"It'll be fine. I've got all the house shows off."  
"Oh, so you did see Vince." He said. "Well?"  
"I could be facing a months suspension without pay. Amy got it. But, he's unsure about me."  
"Good luck." He told me.  
"Thanks, I'm going to need it."  
I didn't want to get my own room, so I knocked on Matt's. He answered, surprised to see me. I walked in and put my things down. Matthew was asleep on one of the beds. I apologized for running in this way.  
"It's all right." Matt told me. "I understand. What did McMahon tell you?"  
"Well, I'm facing a months suspension without pay, if he gives it to me. He gave it to Amy, and I know he has know problem giving it to me. My belts is what's keeping him from doing so."  
"So, what did he give you until he decides."  
"I am not allowed to show up at a single house show. I don't know what he's going to do. He told me he has no problem enforcing that."  
"I know he doesn't. And, I hate to say it, but it's all because of what you did. And, I could understand why, but I do believe that maybe you went too far."  
"I-what?" I asked.  
"Too far. Look, there are times for fighting and there are times when you just need to let it go."  
This was a big part of the downfall of Matt and myself. I'll agree, I did go pretty far, but too far? Too far would be hitting her with that wrench. Too far would going more extreme than I did. I simply fought her. Something that men have done before. I didn't want to argue, I just wanted the night to end. So, I changed and went into bed next to him. By the time I fell asleep, I couldn't stand him. 


	10. Chapter 10

I could barely sleep that night. I was so angry at Amy, at myself, and at Matt. I couldn't stand him, or anyone for that matter. I kept looking at the bed my son was in. How could I do this to him? How could I get so wrapped up in myself and put him on the side? And, how could I marry Matt? I couldn't. I couldn't marry Matt, and I couldn't keep putting my son off like I was. If only life was so easy.  
With that on my mind, and a possible suspension, I gave up sleeping. I had put my heart into this business and it was slowly losing everything that drew me to it. It was losing it's appeal. Marriage was losing it's appeal too. I didn't love Matt, I didn't. What was I doing?   
I was sitting in a chair when Matt woke up. He rubbed his eyes and looked at me, and then his son. He sat up and adjusted the covers on the bed.   
"Hey, hun." He said to me.  
"Hey." I replied.  
"How are you?"  
"All right." I turned around.  
"Damn, your eye swelled up."  
I felt it, and it hurt. "Shit, really?"  
"Yes, really. I told you, that fight was a bad idea."  
I nodded. "Will you take him in the shower with you?"  
"Matthew? Sure thing. You feeling all right?"  
"No, Matt, I'm not. I got into a huge fight last night, one I am feeling now. And my career's in the balance. So, Matt, I'm feeling pretty shitty right now."  
"Jesus Christ, Destiny, you don't have to be so damn uptight about it."  
"Things are going just a little bad for me now. I think I am intitled to be just a tad uptight."  
"What has gotten into you?"  
"Look around, Matt, things are shit right now. Things are very fucked up."  
"Would you watch your language around him."   
"Look, I'm sorry. I'm edgy, very edgy. And, I don't need anyone pointing anything out to me. It's all fucking clear to me now." I got up.  
"Where are you going?"  
"For a walk around the floor. I'll be back, and I'm taking him. Have him ready, please." I answered. "You can do whatever you want while I have him. Go out, see a movie, hang with your brother, nail a few girls."  
"Wait, what?" He asked, then I closed the door.  
Lets add another thing to the list, PMS, and boy was it coming bad. I was about ready to explode, hemorrhage is more like it. I was on a path of rage fueled by a feud that was on the road to explosion, a near marriage that would be hell if it happened, and hormones.   
I started walking around the hotel. I wanted to take my son back from Matt, I wanted to be with him. I wanted out of that room. I wanted it to be like it was a year ago. Jeff and I were in love, I thought that's the man who be the one standing at the end of the aisle, waiting for me. I envisioned him being the father of my children. I never envisioned this as my life, with Matt. Why did I do this? I wanted things to be better with my son, but things were getting worse.  
When I returned, Matt had Matthew all set up. Without speaking, I took my son and left. I had nothing to say to him. I had his bag and a stroller and left. I saw Adam downstairs and he came up to me.  
"Any word?" He asked. I shook my head. "You taking Matt out?" I nodded. "Why so quiet?"  
"Right now, I am on the edge." I told him.  
"Des, let me hang on to the kid." He took Matthew from me. "By the way you look, I think it's best if I hang on to him."  
"You don't think I can handle my kid?"  
"No, it's not that. I just think you need some time to cool off." He took the bag and the stroller. "Trust me."  
That pissed me off more. I walked away, to my car. I got in, blasted the radio and took off. In the events that followed, I was glad I saw Adam down there. I almost didn't. I almost didn't see him down there. And, I thank God I did.  
As I was driving down the road, I was consumed by my anger. It was all I could think about. Everything was wrong, everything pissed me off. I sped down the road, not thinking about anything but how horrible everything was. I was driving fast and hard. I didn't slow down around a curve and started to swerve. Fortunately for me, the car didn't flip or turn on it's side. But, as I looked to my left, the carseat that would have held Matthew, was torn in half.   
I got out of the car and started walking. I felt warm dripping down my face, and knew I was split open. I could walk fine, and to the best of my knowledge, nothing else on me was that hurt. I considered myself lucky. All I knew, I had a gash on my face, somewhere, and my stomach hurt.   
A few minutes later, I was still standing by my car when an ambulance arrived. The put my on a stretcher and sent me away. There, I found out that I had a huge gash on my head, and I told them my stomach hurt. They took note and told the doctors at the hospital. I gave them Paul's cellphone number.   
I was in such a daze that I couldn't tell you what happened when you asked me. I didn't know if anything else was hurt on me, and what the car looked like. At that moment, I was in shock and I had no idea what just happened to me. All I knew, I crashed my car, and I'm bleeding, and my stomach hurts. What else? I had no idea.  
"My stomach hurts." Was all I said.   
"All right, hunny. We're going to make sure you'll all right. We're going to stitch your head up just as soon as we know what's bothering you in your stomach." A nurse told me. I felt comfortable and I felt safe.  
Because of my profession, and previous injuries, I needed a full work up. My stomach was bruised, nothing serious. Something that had started because of the fight. I was in the clear. I was sitting in a hospital bed, thanking my lucky stars that I was alive and well.   
"Destiny, someone is here to see you." The same nurse told me. Seconds later Paul, and Paul alone, came in.   
"Oh, God, I came as soon as I heard." He rushed to my bed.  
"I'm fine."  
"Thank God." He said. "The hospital called me and didn't give me any information. I was driving here thinking the worst."  
"Where's Adam?" I asked. "I have to thank him."  
"I'll talk to him when I get back with everyone." Paul said.  
"Tell him I say thank you. He'll understand."  
Paul nodded. "What happened?"  
"I don't know. I remember driving, and then being crashed." I answered. "It happened so fast, I don't even know what went wrong."  
"I'm just happy you're safe." He took my hand.   
"When am I going to get out?" I asked.  
"I don't know. Don't worry about that." He told me. "You're alive."  
I was alive, and I didn't have to be. All I could think about was the image of the carseat and how Matthew could have been there. I mean, the car was totaled. Seeing pictures, there was a lamppost involved, and my car wrapped around it. And, all I came out with was a gash on my head and a bruised stomach, actually a bruised liver, but whatever.   
Before he left, Paul said he would explain what happened to everyone and try to get something out of Vince. I nodded and watched him leave. When the door closed, I started to cry. Look what I was turning into. Someone I truly didn't want to be. I was dealing with a lot on my plate. I knew one thing, I knew I had to talk to Matt and end this. There was just no way I could go on pretending I was in love and pretending to play a role I couldn't do.  
I didn't expect anyone to come down that night. Infact, I didn't expect everyone to come down. Well, not everyone, but a few people. Adam was down, with Matthew. I thanked him a million times over. He told me he knew if that it wouldn't be right if Matthew was with me. But, he didn't know this would happen.   
"I knew that it wouldn't be safe for him. You were angry, and I know how you tend to be." He told me. "I had no idea all of this would happen."  
"I don't know how I can repay you."  
"No need." He smiled and hugged me. Of all my visitors, one surprised me the most, Vince.   
"Vince?" I asked.  
"This may not be the best time, but I did want to see how you were."  
"Fine." I answered.  
"Good. I talked to the doctors. You're out a month."  
"Damn." I said. "It's the bruised liver, isn't it?"  
"It is. I'm not going to pay you for this time off." He told me. "Think of it as your suspension." I nodded. "You understand that you are not allowed on a World Wrestling Federation televised event or house show. You cannot show up at a hotel holding WWF superstars."  
"I know." I said. "I know."  
He promptly left. That made me feel so much better. Tears fell from my eyes. I knew I was alone now, and was allowed to cry. And, I did until there was a knock and I heard Jay's voice. I wiped my eyes and told him to come in.  
"I called Chris." He told me. "He wanted to come down, but I told him it's best he stay where he is. You're fine."  
"Thanks, Jay. Means a lot." I replied.  
"You don't need this." He said, meaning the hospital. "It's more restrains for you, and that's the last thing you need."  
"At least someone understands." I said. "Vince let me go."  
"What?"  
"I got a month here. No pay. Punishment."  
"Oh, you had me worried. Well, I can't say you didn't deserve it. But, I also can't say I wouldn't have done the same."  
"Tell me this isn't a dream? Someone's actually understanding me? I don't believe this." I said with a little sarcasm.  
"No, I mean it. If someone invaded me the way Amy did for you, I'd make sure I hurt them so badly, they wouldn't be able to talk about what I had done to them."  
"I didn't get the chance." I said. "OK, so I did go a little out of the way, a little extreme. But, with good reason."  
"Right. Take the month. You needed it before. Cool off. Take Matthew, or don't take him. And, go somewhere. Not New York. Someone where you can lay low and relax." He reached into his pocket. "Here, it's the key to my house in Florida. Chris lives right next door if you need him. Take it. Chill out there."  
"Jay, I can't take this." I said.  
"Take it. Sweetheart, you need it. It's not like you're putting me out any. I'll be on the road. And, when I'm not, I don't mind being with you. I live alone, if you forgot. I could use the company when I'm home."  
"Will you be?"  
"Not sure. I'm either booked this whole week or the next, I'm not sure."   
"Thank you so much, Jay." I said. He bent down and hugged him. "This means so much."  
"Least I could do." He told me. "There's no better place to chill out then Florida, right?"   
"Right." I smiled.  
Jay was a breath of fresh air. He lifted my sprits, and made me feel so good. He wasn't going to dwell on what happened, he wasn't going to remind me of anything. He was there to talk about now, and he made me feel so good inside. He wasn't going to talk down to me, and make it seem like I had done everything wrong. That would come later, and by a man I'm supposed to love.   
When he left, Matt came in. I was in such a good mood from Jay that I was happy to see him, believe it or not. I had a smile on my face. But, Matt didn't. He sat down and looked at me. My smile slowly faded.  
"Vince made a decision." He said. Goddamnit! "See, I told you. What did I tell you? Look what you got yourself into."  
"Matt, it's not like I can fight anyway." I told him. "I've got this month completely out. And, I'll unfortunately ride coattails until I can get in there."  
"If you didn't do any of this, you wouldn't be here, would you?"  
"Not now, but I would have been someday down the line." I said. "Why can't you see that?"  
"What you did to Amy was wrong. What you did to the company was wrong."  
"Since when have you gave a damn about Amy?" I asked.  
"I don't. But what you did, that was wrong. And she got hers too, and she deserved it. But, you've got more on the line than she does."  
"Leave." I told him. "Leave." He looked at me as if I was crazy. "Do you not understand English, leave!"  
And he left. I was through with him and the bullshit. Matt and I were not meant for each other. Matt and I were meant to be friends, like family. Love was not meant for us. And, we knew that. We tried, sort of, and failed. We mistook sexual tension for something. Something I don't even know what.  
I was going to take my son and go to Florida. Chris was right next door, and for five days, he'd be there. And, when he wasn't, his wife would be. And she was a doll. Also, the house was on the water, I was there once before, last year, after everything happened. And, it was a generally calm and peaceful place. It was going to be perfect for Matthew and myself.  
I didn't want to see anyone, again. I was sick of people and I was sick of their phony personalities. I was sick of the rules I was going to have to follow. It seemed that I was the only one who had to follow them. Everyone was able to come and go as they pleased, I had to sit and be forced to conform and abide by the rules. It seemed that I was the problem and everyone else was able to do what they wished to me.   
I was able to leave two days later. Jay came down to get me. He asked and offered to take me to the hotel. I didn't know what to say. As he drove he looked over at me. I knew he wanted to say something.   
"What happened with Matt the other day?" He looked at me.  
"Nothing. He's an asshole." I answered.  
"What happened?" Jay asked, sounding concerned.  
"Nothing, he's an asshole."  
"Yes, you said that. But why?"  
"In his eyes, and apparently everyone else's, I'm the problem. The whole Amy situation was my fault."  
"That's not true. If she didn't push, you wouldn't have done what you did."  
"If only I could have married you."  
Jay smiled. Jay and I always had a special kind of bond. The incident that happened over a year ago was still in our minds, and it won't go away. I can't say it's the same tension that Matt and I have, but it's in a way, the same. With Jay, I knew something could be there, if we tried. But, neither of us wanted to try. We didn't have the desire to hook up nor spend the rest of our lives together as one. Jay was my best bud, and that's how it was going to stay. Matt and I had enough of that sexual tension to mistake it for anything.  
"You're only going to be happy with one person, Destiny. And, I think you should set some things straight with him, and with the one you're going to tie the knot with. You know you're not going to be happy with Matt, you won't. He's not right for you, not at all. He's like your family, and he should be your family. You and Matt can't last a day together, as a couple. There's no way. OK, so you have a child together. But, that doesn't mean you have to give up everything to try and make it work. It could be worse on Matthew if you marry Matt. Stick with what you know." Jay told me. "It's noble, it really is, but you have to think about what you're getting into. You're going into waters you haven't traveled, and that can be dangerous."  
"I know it is. And, I'm now thinking about it, and I now know it's worthless if I try. I want one person, I know where I belong."  
"Then go there."  
"You don't understand, Jay, I can't. Not anymore."  
"You can." He stopped the car. "You can."  
Jay got out and opened my door. I walked in to my room and got my things. As I was getting them, I heard a knock. I opened it and saw Stephanie. She walked in.  
"I heard." She said. "You going to be all right?"  
"I'll be fine. I'm going to live with Jay. Well, not with him, but in his house until this passes over."  
"That's smart." She smiled. "Call me, everyday. I don't care. Paul and I are worried about you."  
"I'll try." I said.   
"It was nice of Jay to let you live at his house."  
"I know. I didn't expect him to say that, or anything like that. I thought I'd be at home in New York. He told me it would be better if I went to his house and stayed there. I thought about it, and he was right."  
"He is. It's so nice down there. It's not the big city, it's not what you're used to. It's a change of pace. It'll give you time to heal. I mean, look at yourself. You look like hell."  
"I know." I replied. "My face is swelled, my liver is swollen, I'm scared as hell, I've got bumps and bruises everywhere. I look like I just got out of a war, not a wrestling match." I sighed. "I am tired and worn out. I'm on the edge, closer and closer I get. It seems weird and odd, but things aren't working out for me."  
"I know they are sweetheart. I hate to see you like this. Paul hates it too. He's worried about you. 'Destiny's all down' or 'Destiny's losing it' or 'I am so worried about Destiny'. He's really worried about you, so am I."  
"It's just, I feel like I'm the only one around here who has restrictions. It's like I have to follow everything and everyone else is able to come and go as they please." I sat down.   
"This month off will be good for you. Amy won't be around to make anything worse. The two of you will be off, enjoy it while you have it."  
Stephanie was right. And, she kept being right everytime she told me. I knew that this vacation would help me out a lot. I didn't waist any time getting my things and leaving. I stopped off to say good-bye to a few people. Paul, Jay, Adam, but I didn't go to see Matt. 


	11. Chapter 11

I had my son and went straight to the airport. This wasn't just a mental vacation. I needed the time off so I could heal, physically. The fight took it's toll on me, and the car accident. I got strange looks on the plane. My face was busted up and I looked like hell. I couldn't do anything about it.   
When we landed, I could see the bright Florida sun shine in through the windows on the plane. Matthew was smiling and reaching for the outside. I picked him up and carried him off the plane and got our things. I rented a big enough car for the two of us and followed the directions given to me by Jay. I didn't get totally lost. Living in New York, the way I lived, and being on the road so long, you get a feel for directions.   
I pulled into his driveway, parking behind his car. Jessica, Chris's wife, was getting the mail outside when I got out. She looked at me, for a little, then smiled. I had only met her a few times before. She waved and walked over.  
"Destiny, what are you doing here?" She asked. "I never thought I'd see you here."  
"Jay's letting me stay for a while." I answered.  
"Sweet boy, that Jay. Surprises me he's still single." She smiled again. "We've been watching. My God, darling, have you been busy."  
"I have. Chris enjoying his vacation?"  
"Yes, he is." She answered. "Almost up, but he's doing good. He's out right now. He should be back soon."  
"Good, have a few things to talk to him about. I'm going to be here for a while so we have to work some things out." I said.  
"He should be back in a half hour. I'll send him over. Or, better yet. You come over for dinner. What do you say?"  
"All right. I have to get settled, find my way around Jay's house."  
I carried all of mine and Matt's bags in and figured out where I was going to sleep. I settled in best I could and then walked next door to see Chris and Jessica. Matthew in arms, I knocked on their door. Jessica answered. She told me she didn't tell Chris that I was here.   
"Sweetheart, why don't you come in here." Jessica called. Chris got up and walked into the room.  
"Oh, my, Destiny." He hugged me. "What the hell are you doing here?"  
"Chilling out." I answered.  
"I could see why. I've been watching." He said. "Seems like you got yourself into a lot of trouble."  
"If you only knew." I replied. "I tell you all about it."  
I sat Chris down and told him everything. Why I showed up on RAW and said what I did. What happened on Smackdown. The fight, and my status with Matt. He seemed surprised about it. Like, he didn't think it would happen. But, also believed it would. I went into great detail about what happened. I told him everything the best I could. Why I showed up on RAW, why Smackdown was such a big deal, and why Matt and I aren't going to be Matt and I very long. He seemed the most surprised, and the least surprised, about the Matt thing. So, I went into that.   
"Destiny, if you don't mind me saying anything." Chris said. "But, why bother? Why start in the first place? You two fight like siblings, you act like siblings, you are siblings. For better or for worse. Why try?"  
"I didn't know anything else. My son was my first priority. And, that seemed right." I answered.  
And, that it did. We weren't thinking. After the Matt discussion, I talked about why I was here. What really happened on RAW, and what really happened on Smackdown. I told him about the fight, and why I was here in Florida and not on the road with the World Wrestling Federation. Chris had fear in his eyes, and wondered why I didn't do more damage to Amy and why I hadn't had more done to me. I explained, fully, why I did that.  
"If it was any other time, I know I wouldn't have reacted the way I did. But, I was just so emotionally fucked up, that I had to react that way. Anything could have set me off, but she went over board." I told him. "And, I bet it was part of her plan, push my buttons make me get hot so I'd react in that way."  
"If she had that in mind, then she would have had to of known she'd get in trouble for it too." Chris said.  
"I don't know then. All I know is, I'm here on a month without pay because of her. Ya know, the money doesn't even bother me. I don't care about that. I care about the fact that Vince McMahon cannot see what's going on in his business. He can't see that he's got two women that will think nothing of killing the other. But, he still pushes it and makes it nearly impossible to get a break from it."  
"Seeing it, somewhat, from his point of view, the thing you two have is bigger than anything he's had before. You make him money. And, Vince likes money. But, if he doesn't shape up, something will happen, something bad will come out of that."  
"In the words of Mick Foley, 'J.J. Fucking Dollar'." I said.   
I hadn't spoke of the car accident yet, and didn't plan on to. I wanted to keep that out of mind as much as possible, and I had no intentions on telling anyone that didn't know. But, Chris had led into it, and I blurted it out.  
"But seriously, if he doesn't know shape up, something bad will come out of it."  
"Yeah, like a car accident." I said.  
"Who got in one?"  
"I did."  
"How?" Jessica asked.  
"Anger, frustration. I wrapped the car around a pole." I answered.  
I told them what happened, to the best of my knowledge. So, in about an hour and a half, I explained the past three days in the greatest detail I have ever used in my life. Chris told me that he wanted me to get the most rest I could this month. He said that while he was here, he'd take care of me.  
I knew that being away would be good for me, but I also knew I would go crazy without the WWF. I was in a bit of a pickle, but knew it was best for me, physically and mentally if I just stayed put. I had worked myself into a frenzy. I was doing things without thinking, and was now paying the price for them. Something I had been doing my whole life, WWF career, and will continue to do.   
"Sweetheart, I'm glad you got down here when you did." Jessica told me. "I knew that Amy girl was bad news, I knew it."  
"Hun, if you only knew." Chris told her. Chris also said that he wanted to show me around and that we'd be going on a walk. Jessica smiled, and said that was a good idea and she would wait for us.  
"Destiny, you're running thin. You're wearing out the company. But, you're doing it in self-defense. Which, makes it worse for you." He told me. "You're right, there is no way Vince is helping the situation by booking these matches. And, no matter how much he's changed in the past years, the fact that he's still got a cold spot will always remain. There's no doubt. What you have to do is shove it in his face, and not physically, mentally. Show him what he's doing isn't doing shit for you."  
"But, like you said, Vince cares about money. And, as much as I'd hate to say it, we make a lot of money. Amy and I, we make a lot, and it keeps our paychecks heavy. And, that's a good thing. But is this really the price to pay to make so much? I'll happily give it all up just so I could go through one day without having to worry about what Amy's going to do next." I said. "And, I've tried talking to Vince, and nothing works."  
"Well, I'll go in there and say a few things. And, you know what, I'm sure many all ready are." He told me.  
"I know."  
It felt good to know that Chris would fight for me. I was using my soldiers in the a war for creative insight and moral differences. But, it bothered me to know that I wouldn't be on the front line, since I was the one to fire first in self-defense.  
"You just have no idea how it feels to be sitting here knowing that something is going on back with the WWF that I can't control, and I know I am involved in it." I said. "Vince has got creative control over me and my character, and I can't do a damn thing about it. I can only come to him with ideas, but I can't take over the complete character."  
"If all of us go to him, I'm sure he'll let up." He said. "But, right now, it's not something you should be thinking about. Think about resting up. You have been through too much too fast. You're body will thank you for the break."  
"I know."  
"Just promise me when you get back in the game, you'll be more careful."  
"I can't promise that." I said. "But I can promise I won't go looking for a fight."  
"I guess I can take what I can get." Chris replied.  
And that was that. Chris did take what he could get, and that was my promise. Chris talked to me about what I should do when I get back. How I should just not speak of what happened, and try not to run into Amy or Kurt as much as I could. I told him I'd do just that, but couldn't guarantee they wouldn't be looking for me. In fact, I told him it was a Goddamned given that they'd find me when Amy and I returned.   
When we got back, Jessica was sitting on the floor playing with my son. She got up when we came in. Chris said he was going to set up a barbecue. I sat down with Jessica and watched my baby crawl and walk around.   
"I wonder how you do it." She told me. "I wonder."  
"What? Him? Day by day. I'm thankful that I've got so many people around me to help me. So many people that would give their left arm for me. I don't know how I could ever repay any of them. They've done so much for me. No one has to do this for me, no one has to be this damn nice."  
"It's love, sweetheart. These guys love you. And, I don't mean I'm going to marry you love, I mean love like a brother loves a sister, like a friend loves a friend." Jessica replied. "I do, however, have an idea on how you could make their lives easier." I looked at her. "Stop getting into so much trouble."  
"I'm trying, really hard. But, it's not so easy."  
"Hunny, you have got to ignore her. Let her do everything and she'll be the one who gets in trouble for it. Show her she means nothing to you."  
"I know. And, this past week has been such a spur of the moment thing. And, that's me, ya know. Live for the moment, don't worry about tomorrow. I'm doing this for today. I never thought about tomorrow and what it could hold. And, this week has really shown that. Shown what I can do when I get hot. That fight in the locker room, my words on Smackdown, all of it was spur of the moment."  
"I know you've got that to uphold, and that you've come to adapt that style, but when it comes to this, you have to think. It's your job at steak, your life." She told me. "If people were meant to be so spur of the moment all the time, things like this would happen all the time, no one would care if you said anything. But, they do care. And you need to stop jumping into things."  
Of all the people to talk to me, Jessica made the most sense. She was pleading with me, but also being strong and stern with me. I knew what I had to do, and did try. But, I couldn't leave my live for the moment frame of mind completely behind me.   
I hung around pretty late with Jessica and Chris. We talked, had a couple of beers, and generally had a good time. We didn't talk again about why I was here, but talked about what Chris and I would do when I got back. And, at times didn't even talk about the business.   
"When I get back, we're going to kick up what we had going for us. Forget about Amy and Kurt, forget about it all. We're going in there and taking out our competition. Do what we did before either of us left." I said.  
"That's what I like to hear." Chris said with a smile. "Going in there and kicking ass." We tapped the tip of the beer bottles together. "Things are going to be better for Jericho and Destiny."  
"No doubt my partner. Keep these tag belts, add to our singles success, and take out anyone who wants to try and stop us."  
I smiled. At around one that morning, I carried my sleeping son back next-door. I placed him in the travel crib and changed into my pajamas. I sat in the bed and turned the light on. I sat there and read for a little. I looked around the bedroom. It wasn't Jay's room, but one of the few guest rooms. I loved what he had done to it, and almost wished this was my house. Sleep finally found me and I actually slept good for the first time in a while. I didn't care that I'd be out a month, I didn't care about Amy and Kurt, I didn't care about anything. I actually slept good, and deep.   
When I woke up I felt like I had slept off years of pain and suffering. I felt ready to move on. When I'd walk into the WWF doors, I'd be focused, on my career, and nothing more. This was my career to lose. It was so easy to lose, and so hard to win. It was a huge sacrifice, with a huge gamble. And, if you can't handle what comes your way, your odds of winning are less and less. You have to step up and take responsibility, you have to own up to your mistakes. And, you have to know when enough is enough. That is my problem.  
I walked downstairs and saw the two belts on the couch. Then, an idea dawned on me. Why keep singles gold? Why not build the tag team of Destiny and Chris Jericho more? Make the tag gold the most important. I wanted to drop the belt. I held it enough, long enough and I was ready to give it up for a while. Even for a long while. And, I knew just who to drop it to...Amy.  
Crazy? Hell yes. But, I knew I had one fight left in me. What a great way to come back. I was going to take it all out now, and never touch on it again. Well, not for a while, a long while. I figured I could come up with a great match where I'd lose to Amy. But, there could be one pothole in my brilliant plan, her bragging. I knew that this would also be a test of my will power. If I could just suck it up and deal with it.   
I had come up with the perfect cage match. I figured I'd handle her pretty hard in the beginning. Make it seem like she didn't have a chance. Then, have the tables turn. She kicks my ass. Pull out all the stops. I didn't want her to hold back, and I knew she wouldn't. I also wanted her to get the win on her own, something I knew she could do. I wanted us to be on the top of the cage and for her to throw me inside the ring. But, not just some throw, something hard, something viscous. Something, I knew she would have no problem with. Then, for her to climb down the cage and take the gold.  
I was very excited about my idea. So excited in fact, that I called Jay to tell him. I told him everything that was in my mind. There was a pause at the other end. "What do you think?"  
"I don't know, Des, that seems pretty freaky. I mean, you're here, at my house, trying to rid yourself of Amy, and here you are, wanting to fight her again? I don't get it."  
"It's the perfect way to for me to put this behind me. And, at the same time drop the Women's Title and concentrate on being a Tag Team Champion." I answered. "Look, I know it sounds crazy."  
"Why not, Ivory or Molly or even Trish?" He sounded like he was pleading with me.  
"Look, Jay, I know why you'd be afraid. Fear's only a four letter word, remember? Ok, I can really understand why. But, I figure this, I am going to leave this alone after this. As much as I can. She'll have that belt, it's what she wants. Something she can drag around for all it's worth. Gives me the break as well."  
"Whatever you think is right, Destiny." He said. "I'm behind you, you know that."  
"I just have to wait a month to tell Vince. I don't even know if he'll go for it."  
"Oh, he will." Jay said. "You make him money."  
"I know."  
I talked with him for a little while longer and got off to get Matt. I brought him downstairs and fed him. Then, I decided to check out what was behind this beautiful house. A beach. I changed into my bathingsuit and walked down to the water. I walked past the amazing pool and hot tub and down to the waters. The water was beautiful. Blue and clear. It wasn't too cold and it wasn't too warm.   
I put Matthew in his little seat and laid out in the sun. Total relaxation. I laid back and let the sun wrap it's rays around me. I had no intention on doing much. I was going to let the sun bleach everything away. I was starting my therapy for a new life, a new me. 


	12. Chapter 12

I thought about the idea I had come up with. It became sort of sad at the moment. I had made the decision to put to rest a fued that had made my career what it was. I realized then that I owed Amy my career. Everything I had ever done in the WWF was because of her. She, even if she wasn't directly related, had helped me, in some way, achieve what I had achieved. I thought to myself and said I had to some way, give back what she did for me. I was going to make this match all about her.   
I looked over and saw my baby. I let him out of the car seat and let him play in the sand. Everything was so peaceful here, so calm. I was in a place I never thought I'd ever see. I didn't know peaceful, I didn't know calm. My whole life was built around me trying to prove myself to someone, about me going out there and go against the top dogs. I never settled for anything less. If I knew I could do it, I went out and did it.   
"Matt, do you think I'm crazy?" I asked my son. "Do you? Am I insane for showing up on Smackdown and making an ass of myself? And, am I going to make the biggest mistake of my life when I face Amy one last time?" Of course, my son didn't verbally answer. He didn't say, "why yes mother, I think you are". Instead, he just sat there, looking straight into the water, sand covering most of his body. And, that was an answer to me. Go out and do this. Do this like this'll be your last match. Once you do this, you never have to worry about Amy again. You'll be over.  
Over. It seemed so strange to me. If this went the way I hoped it will, I'd be a whole new person. For my whole career, nearly three years, maybe even almost four, I had been stuck in the same fued, the same story line. Now, after all this time, I'd be in a new story line, I'd be a different Destiny.   
Chris and I had been the Tag Team Champs for not that long. When we won, we went into Unforgiven and Chris left right after. I left after that RAW. If this all went right, we'd build ourselves as a respectable tag team. We all ready were known, and respected. But now, we were the champions and it was time to make this tag team my number one priority, in the WWF of course.  
"Hey, look at that sexy woman on the beach." I looked up and saw Chris walking over. "You know, I only have two days left on my vacation."  
"Oh, I'm going to miss you." I said, sitting up. "Chris, I need to ask you a favor. I don't know if you'll like it-"  
"Why don't you just ask me." He sat down.  
"Well, I had this idea, something that struck me and I need it to do this. I need you to lose your IC Title."  
"Why?"  
"Sometime before I come back. I've got this idea." I said. I explained my match idea with Amy. His listened to everything I had to say. Nodded. He didn't really put down what I was telling him.   
"OK. Full time Tag Team Champions. I can handle that." He said. "But, are you sure about this."  
"I've got to get rid of her, right? I have got to stop this. This is the only way I know how. Give her my title, have her go on her own way."  
"All right, I'm behind you. Good luck with it. I'll tell Vince when I go back."  
"I think I should." I said. "Call him before you leave. Talk to him first, then let me."  
"Sure." Chris put his feet out. "Best way to raise a kid, on the water."  
"I know it" I said. "I was, for the most part. My parents didn't give a shit. But, my acting coach did. He took me to the beach all the time." I smiled. "He was great to me."  
"Matthew has a great mother, and father. Even if they aren't together."   
I looked down at my hand. I still had the ring on. What was I going to do with this? After I talked to Vince, I knew I had to talk to Matt. I looked over at Chris. He had Matthew in his lap and he was smiling down at him.   
"Let me call Vince." I said. I didn't look at him when I told him. "Let me do it."  
"Sure?" He asked.  
"Yes, I am." I answered.  
"Well, I'll hang onto Matt here. You go. Now." He shoved my arm. "Go."  
I nodded and got up and walked back up to the house. I sat down with the phone in my hand. I waited a few seconds before dialing. I was about to hang up with Vince's voice boomed over the receiver, "hello?"  
"Vince." I said, my voice a little shaky.  
"Destiny? What do you want?"  
"I know, Vince, that I am probably the last person you want to talk with right now. But, I have something to run by you." I told him. "It may seem really dumb, telling you now. But, please listen."  
"Fine."  
"When I get back, I want you to set up a match, a cage match."  
"Why? Is there a catch here?" Vince asked.  
"Well, I sort of. I want it to be me against Amy."  
"Absolutely not." Vince told me. "With what happened on Tuesday you think I'd actually let the two of you get in the same ring again."  
"Vince, I'm not finished." I said. I took a deep breath. "Please, just hear me out. I want out of this story line. I don't want to have to face Amy again. I want to drop the strap to her, let her win. And, forget about it." I paused. "Have Chris drop his title."  
"I don't see where this is going, Destiny." Vince said. "Why in the hell would I stick you in the same ring with someone who you have caused so much trouble with? Give me a good reason?"  
"You know, Vince, I don't think I can do that."  
"Then I don't think I can grant you this match." He said.   
I didn't say anything at first. "You know, before I even thought about training, I hated this business. I couldn't stand it. I had no idea what the hell this was all about. I got here, I got know the business, and those in it, and I loved it. I still love it. But, I hate waking up every morning knowing I did something completely wrong. And, I know I did something very wrong. That's why I am not on TV right now. And, everyday I have to deal with going to work and having to push through all the bullshit with Amy, and all the bullshit with you. I can't get in that ring with Amy anymore. I know, physically and mentally I am through with her. I have spent too much time with her. But, I do know I have one last match left in me. One last time with her."  
"A speech won't impress me."  
"I've come to realize that over the years too, Vince." I said. "I don't care anymore what impresses you and what doesn't. I could careless if anything I say means anything to you. But, this one time, and possibly the first time in your life, you are going to hear me through and you will grant me my match." I was determined to do this. "I'm giving you what you want. Me free of the belt. Isn't that what you want? I'm giving myself the freedom of not having to deal with Amy."  
"How can you be so sure?" He asked. Truth was, I wasn't so sure. I couldn't be so sure.  
"I don't know, Vince. I really don't. I am going on a hunch. A strong one."  
"Well, I can't grant you a big title defense and add to the fuel to the fire on a hunch."  
"You do it anyway, Vince. You love the fact that we don't get along. It makes you money. And, you love money, don't you? Of course you do. Think of what you can get from this one match. Make a big deal of it. The final Destiny vs Lita match." I could tell I was getting his attention. "Ratings will fly. You know you love that."  
"I don't know, Destiny."  
"Do you think I'll be angry if I lose the belt? Vince, this whole fued, all of it, it's not about gold or who's better than who. It goes deeper than that. Much. And, I can't promise you that this will all go away. But, I do have this hunch, that it won't be so bad. Not anymore."  
There was a long pause on the other end of the phone. I knew that trying to get Vince to go along with my insane idea would be a tough thing. And, I also knew I had to draw him in, and I couldn't let up.   
"This is a big gamble." He said.  
"I know that. But, you took on a gamble with this company, did you not?"  
"Yes." He said. And then let out a long, heavy sigh. "Here's the deal. I'll set you up for this match. If I find anything that goes wrong, the match is off. I am trusting you with this match, OK? I can set it up. You're big welcoming back match. The final match between the two of you. You do understand that the pressure for it will be immense."  
"I know that. I know it all."  
"All right. You've got it. I'll tell Amy and we'll set a meeting up. The day you two get back. I want to meet with you. Make a lot of things clear."  
"Anything."  
"All right. I will talk to you then."  
"Thank you."  
And we hung up. I knew that the meeting would set the standards for the match. I also knew it would be a tough meeting. Me and Amy, our last encounter. It did bring on some emotions. But I felt so good knowing that this would all be over.   
"Well?" Chris asked. He was on the shore, holding Matt in the water. The waves washing up at their feet.  
"He said he'd do it. We just have to hold a meeting the day we return, Amy and myself. See how it goes."  
"That's good news, right?"  
"Yes, it can be. Just going to be rough. With Amy and myself in one room."  
"It'll be the last time."  
I walked over to them and took my son's hands. "And thank God for that." I looked up at Chris, and he smiled at me. "I want to thank you for everything you have done for me. You've stuck by me through it all. You never second guessed me. Not once did you ever let me down. I know I've been a real pain, a lot to handle. But, I want to thank you for never losing faith."  
"Des, I know a lot of things never went your way in your life. You didn't need someone to second guess you, someone to look down on you. When you hit rock bottom last year, I wasn't going to leave you when you needed someone the most. It was rough, and it was hard, but I always knew you had it in you to go on. I was there to see you through."  
"Chris, you did more than that." He smiled. "Not many stuck by me after the Matt thing. They came around now, but it's not the same. There are only a few people who I can still count on."  
"Those who were close to you before." He replied. "Me, Dwayne, Paul, Adam, Jay, Matt. The whole gang."  
"Almost the whole gang." I corrected.  
"You and Matt'll be fine." He told me. "I bet he understands too. He knows, this isn't meant to be. Look at how you were before all of this marriage talk. You guys were like brother and sister. The two of you were so close. You threw marriage into it, and made it unlivable. Take that marriage talk out, and you'll be fine." I sighed. "Don't believe me? You should. Maybe it'll be a little strange. But, you'll get back what you had before this marriage thing was thrown in. Matt was fine before. He had his parents, and the rest of his family. He'll be fine now."  
"I really wasn't talking about Matt." I said.  
"Oh, Jeff huh?" He asked. "You're going to have to go more out of your way for him. He was hurt, he was beyond hurt when all of this happened. I know it hurts to not have him in your life. But, you have to realize, you were the one who pushed him out of your life."  
"I know I did. And, if I could take it back, believe me, I would. I don't want to be with anyone else, I don't want to love anyone else. I love Jeff, I still love Jeff, and I'll never stop loving Jeff. I would give up anything just to have him speak to me again. If I can't have as my lover, I want him as a friend. I can't handle not having him in my life. I need him in my life. He balances me out. When things were hard for me, he was there to make it all better. I need him, by my side."  
"What you just told me, tell him." Chris told me. "You've talked to him, and pleaded with him. But you never did it face to face."  
"It is so hard to look him in the eyes, knowing what I did to him." I could feel the tears rise in my throat. I turned away from Chris.   
Chris put his hand on my shoulder. "You don't have to feel this way again. You can fix it." I nodded. "What if I told you he told me something? There's hope, hunny, there's always hope." He took my baby.   
I stood there and looked at him, holding Matthew. I began to think of all the times Jeff was with Matthew. That, even though the baby wasn't is, he treated him like he was. Jeff never once treated Matthew like something different. I never got over how quickly and how warm Jeff was to my child, my baby, who's father was his own brother. It must have killed him, but he never once showed Matthew that. And, even know the relationship between Matt and Jeff is different, and strained, when Matt has Matthew, Jeff still acts the way he used to.   
"What are you thinking about?" Chris asked me after a while.  
"Nothing." I answered.  
"BS. Look, if you're so worried, talk to him, talk to Matt. Matt's his brother, they're close. Maybe not like they used to be, but you know how they are with family."  
"I'm not family." I said. "You know, it wasn't even Matt's fault. I pushed him, I screwed him. You weren't there, no one was there. Matt, he had nothing to do with it." I paused. "You want to know why Matt was taken back? Yes, family had something to do with it. But Matt told him the truth. I told him the truth. It was my fault. I screwed up."   
"Don't beat yourself up over this." Chris told me, noticing my anger. "What is done is done. Now you have to start moving forward, to make it right."  
"I know." I said with a sigh.   
Chris didn't have to tell me what to do. I knew I had to set things straight. I knew I had to talk to Matt and to Jeff. But, Chris wasn't where I was. He had no idea how hard that really was. And, I couldn't just go up to Jeff and tell him things. I couldn't run up to him and tell him I loved him, even though I wanted to.   
"No one is perfect," Chris went on, "but a part of being human is being able to deal with your mistakes. Part of being an adult is being able to handle what you did wrong and being able to make it right. I can't sit here and tell you what to do with your life. You're an adult now, you have to do things for yourself. On the other hand, I can't sit here and let you cry and tell me what you should do. Go out and do it. Don't tell me what you should be doing. Do it. You're how old now? Twenty-five? That's old enough to be able to take matters into your hands and deal with it. I'm not your mother, you father, but I am your friend. I can see you through things, but I cannot do them for you. That's where you come in. So stop sitting around and complaining about what might have been. Go out and fix it and make it what will be." He looked me right in the eyes when he told me.  
"You know you're right." I said. "I have been telling people how much my life sucks and I haven't done a damn thing about it. I've picked fights with Amy, but never solved anything. I've complained and bitched about this marriage I'm supposed to have with Matt, but never talked to him. And, I have hurt the one person who really loved me, and never tried to get him back." I looked down.  
"Then why are you still sitting here?" He took Matt from me.  
Over the phone wasn't the way I wanted to get across to Jeff, or even Matt. As I walked back up to the house, I made a promise to myself, and a man I hadn't spoken to in years, God, that when I came back to the WWF, one of the first things I would do, was talk to Jeff. It took me a while to get the nerve to dial Matt's cellphone number. But, Chris's words haunted me until I did. It rang a few times, and I thought about hanging up.  
"Hello?" Matt asked. I didn't say anything. "Hello?" Nothing again. "Adam, I swear if this is you again, I am going to your room now, and I am going to beat the shit out of you."  
"No, Matt, it's not Adam. It's me." I finally said.  
"Destiny? Wow, you're the last person I thought'd call me." He replied. "I-uh-didn't mean it that way."  
"No, no, I can understand that." I sighed.  
"What's on your mind? Is Matt OK? Is he all right?" He started to sound nervous. And, I began to fell bad that I called.  
"He's fine, perfectly fine. He's on the beach with Chris now." There was silence.  
"Why did you call, Destiny?" Matt finally asked me.  
"Matt, I want to set things straight. I don't want to live a lie anymore. I want to go back to my old life."  
"What do you mean?"  
"I mean, Matt, is we have to call this marriage off. Look at us. Do you see how we're acting? Before all this, you and I were like family. You were like my brother. And, I trusted you like my brother. Now, I'm wearing this ring on my finger and I don't even believe in why. You deserve someone you actually love. Someone that you want to be with, not someone you feel you have to be with." He didn't say anything. "I can't do this, Matt, I can't. You and I, we're in no way meant to be. I know you can see that. It's hard not to. Look at Matthew now. He has us, he has his family. All of his family."  
"I see." He said. "You know, Destiny, when I found out that the reason you left was to have a baby, I couldn't have been more happy for you, and more scared for you at the same time. Then, in that same instant when I found out that baby was mine, I feared for myself. I didn't know what I could do, what I should do. My father always told me to do the right thing. And, it took my a while to get the nerve to do that. But, that right thing, I guess is the wrong thing."  
"Matt, this isn't about you, it's about us. We can't last. We never will. Matt, I do love you. I love you like my brother, and I don't want to lose that. These past few weeks I've felt that I have lost that love, lost that relationship, and I want it back. It would be a lie if you said you didn't want it back either."  
"You're right, it would be. I was so hell bent on doing something right, something so right, I didn't once think that it was so wrong." He paused. "Destiny, I don't want to do more harm than good. I want things they way they used to be."  
"I can't believe we're talking and making sense. I felt like everything I had said to you, you thought and told me opposite."  
"You mean with Amy?" He asked. "Look, Destiny, I don't want you getting into something you can't handle. You have too much to lose. You have to take care of the baby. I mean, I can support the both of us on my own. But you have to think about this, you are the top female in the business. You can't let any of that go, not yet."  
"You know, Matt, this went so much better than I thought it would. I thought you'd be on my case."  
"It has been just so tense these past weeks. I've been edgy to everyone. I haven't been a good friend, father, brother, anything. I've been stuck in my own world, where everything used to be OK. When I never felt weird around my own brother. When, I didn't have to worry about someone else. Don't get me wrong, I love being a father. Things are never going to be like they used to be, are they?"  
"I wish they could be, Matt, I wish they could." I said, with a sigh. "Things were great back then." It seemed so weird, back then, when, in reality, it was about two years ago. "But, we have to face the facts. We're parents, in a profession that doesn't let you have kids. We have to deal with a mistake we made last year, a mistake that rocked everyone's world, not just ours."  
"You mean when we slept together, after Unforgiven" Matt asked, quietly. It didn't sound like Matt asking me.  
"Yes, I do. You don't deserve that happening to you. I deserved all the punishment. I was the one who forced it. If I wasn't acting the way I was, I would have fallen asleep with my clothes on next to you, or in the next bed. You damn well know that's true too."  
"Destiny, I'd be lying to you if I said I didn't want that to happen. I'd lie to you if I said I didn't push you along. I knew what could happen if Jeff, or anyone found out, I knew."  
"Matt, who pushed you onto the bed? Who took off your clothes, and mine? Huh, who? I did. I made this mistake."  
"Why are you beating yourself up over this? Des, it happened over a year ago, it's done. Unfortunately, it's not over with. We have to deal with it still. It'll never leave us."  
"Well, I'm dealing with it. I'm going to talk to Jeff. I'm going to set this as straight as I can get it. I just wish it didn't take me so Goddamn long to do that." I paused.   
"Jeff will listen to you. He still loves you, he told me that."  
"He did?" I asked. I couldn't believe what he said.   
"I mean, he doesn't tell me everyday. But, I know it. I know that family means everything to him, that's why we talk."  
"You talk because I risked it all to save your ass. I told him everything, I put the blame on me. That's why when I told you, if Jeff asks you anything about what I said to him, you say it's all true. I told him what happened, I stretched the truth for you, to make sure the two of you didn't go under as well."  
"Why did you do that? Why did you put yourself up like that?"  
"Because, you said it yourself, blood is thicker than water. You said it yourself."  
"But, you told me that Jeff was your one shot."  
"I know, I know. You have but one brother."  
"You have but one true love."  
"I can find another, maybe not a true love, but I can move on. I'm trying to. I just want to set things straight, make it so I can live with it."  
"Destiny, I'm not going to let you lose him, not for good. You almost did, but there is still that small bit of hope. I'm going to make sure that doesn't get lost."  
"What's the use? I just want to put it to rest. Make it comfortable now. That's all I can do now anyway."  
"You can do more. You just have to try."  
"I'm going to. Try my hardest to do whatever I can." I said.   
Matt told me he knew I could do it. I could win Jeff back. He knew Jeff would be back in my life, and that it might not be in a love way, but I wouldn't have to worry about him anymore. I just wanted to be able to breath easy knowing that he was back in my life.  
When I hung up with Matt, I sat on the couch for a while, gathering my thoughts. I was taking an unknown step into something I didn't know anything about. The lines were unclear, and the road was foggy.  
Ten minutes after I got off the phone with Matt, I walked back on the beach. The sun's raises beat down on me the moment I went outside. It was getting near 2:00 and the sun was relentless. As I got closer, I could see Chris rocking, lightly, and Matt's curly hair blow back with the light breeze. He was asleep. I walked over to them and put my arms around Chris and kissed the top of his head.  
"Well?" He asked me. "What happened?"  
"I talked to him. And, I found out he saw eye to eye with me."  
"You don't know how relieved I am to hear that." He said.  
"It took me by surprise. I didn't think he'd agree with me. We had been at each other's throats for so long now, it seemed hopeless." I sat down on the sand. "This year has been the most rollarcoaster year I have ever experienced. I haven't felt a single emotion long enough to either enjoy it or hate it. I've had my good and bad days, more bad then good. I feel like everything that's good is turning sour. And, the moment something good happens to me, instantly it's taken away. I can't hang onto anything good in my life. Something bad, something wrong always creeps on me and ruins it."  
"You're on your way to fixing it."   
"I don't ask for much. Hell, I know I don't deserve a lot of anything right now. But, I think I deserve to feel good for once. I think I deserve to have something not taken away from me and this empty feeling put in it's place." I looked at Chris and could see something in his eyes. I looked away. "I'm hurting, Chris, I really am. I'm scared. I'm scared of a lot of things."  
"Destiny, thing's with Matt went well. What's wrong?" Chris asked me.  
"This isn't about Matt." I said. I stopped. I realized this wasn't about Matt, or Jeff, or the WWF. It was about my life. My life had been, for the most part, a big mystery. No one really knew the whole past of Destiny Diaz. And, the real truth had been taking control of me this past year. Past demons were haunting me. I felt like shit. I needed to come clean. I needed to talk to someone, tell them everything.   
"Something wrong?" Chris asked me again.   
"No, nothing. I'm all right." I said. I took a deep breath. "I am so happy that everything went well with Matt."  
"What did I tell you." Chris handed me my baby.   
"I know, I know." I smiled. But, Chris could still sense something wrong with me. But, Chris knew me. He knew not to open me up. That I only opened up when I wanted to.   
"Well, I'll leave you be now. Me and the wife are going out." He smiled. They were so cute together.   
I looked down at Matthew, and vowed to God that I would never treat my son the way my parents treated me. I stared out into the ocean. This was all to much. Why now? I had tried so hard to forget about everything in my life before the contract. I had tried so hard to put behind me the person I used to be. But now, it was surfacing.   
At around three I went back inside. The sun was hot and Matt was sweating. I put him to bed and brought the baby monitor around with me. I sat down on the couch watching a blank TV. I was in my own world. Relieved and very happy that Matt and I were able to come to terms with what we were doing, and we knew that this wasn't for us. I was so happy that we could get back what we lost.   
But, at the same time, I couldn't believe why I began to think about my past, about New York. It wasn't that long ago, but seemed like forever. The wounds were never healed, only concealed. I had been so used to covering up what once was. I was never asked what it was like growing up. I barely told anyone enough of the story to be felt sorry for. I never wanted anyone's pity. It wasn't what I wanted.   
My insides were nearly about to explode when the phone rang. I jumped ten feet. I let it ring three times and then decided to answer it. I figured it was someone for Jay, but it was for me, and it was Jay.  
"How's it hanging?" He asked me. "You didn't destroy my house too badly, did ya?" He laughed.  
"Nah, I'm a good house guest." I answered.  
"So, you were the one tying up Matt's cellphone for a while." He said.   
"Sorry, had to get something out."  
"Figured." He said. "He seemed happy when he left his room. Set things straight?"  
"Yes, it took a hard hitting conversation with Chris to get my ass in line."   
"I didn't call to ask about that one." He said. "I wanted to check up, see if you're OK."  
"I love you!!" I heard Adam yell in the back.  
"Yes, we all miss you here." Jay replied.  
"I miss you guys also." I smiled. I heard some muffle noises.  
"Des!" Adam shrieked on the phone.  
"You stole the phone!" I heard Jay yell.  
"How's it hanging in Tampa? You doing all right?"  
"I'm doing just fine. Miss you and Jay and all that insane antics. I miss it all."  
"We all miss ya. It's so different without you and Matty." He told me. "Miss that kid."  
"Get one of your own."   
"Yeah, maybe." He replied.   
I laughed. "So, how are things going? Vince say anything about me?"  
"Nah, he doesn't say anything." Adam answered. "Well, I'm gonna go now, Jay's coming back on. Love you lots, bye bye."  
"Love you too, Adam."  
"Hang on one sec." Jay told me. I waited. "All right, Adam left. What exactly did you talk to Matt about?"  
"Well, what do you think?" I asked. "Everything." I explained to him just what happened between Matt and myself.   
"I'm so happy for you."  
"I still feel so empty." I admitted. I didn't want to get too into what I was feeling.  
"That's because there is one more man you have left to talk to."  
"I know it." I said. "I'm saving that for when I get back. I want to have it all perfect."  
"You know, Des, maybe that's not the best way. When you get back, track him down and just tell him exactly what's on your mind. Don't think about what you're going to say, just say it."  
"I don't want to think about it, I do just want to do it. I know if I plan something out, I'll end up messing it all up in the end."  
"You have a long time to think. I know you'll be fine."  
"I just want to get back in the ring. I want to get back into my world. I miss the action, the fans, and most of all, the superstars." I said. "I've been gone a few times in my career. When I hurt my back, the baby, and now this. It takes it toll. I lose my sanity, or what's left of it."  
"I understand exactly what you mean." He said. "I'll be coming down this week coming up, whole week. Give you a buddy to hang with."  
"Great! Chris joins RAW again this week." I replied.   
"I won't be on RAW, or Smackdown."  
"Why?"  
"Don't really know, Vince told me today, you get next week off." He answered.  
"I just hope he's not going back to anything." I said. "I honestly think he really can't stand me. There are days when I really get that impression. And, there are other days where I think he might actually like me, where he talks to me and treats me like some of the other main eventers. But I really don't think he truly likes me all that much. It doesn't bother me in the least. I'll admit that. I honestly don't give a shit."  
"Good, don't. You don't have to be buddy buddy with the boss man." He told me. "You of all people should know that."  
"I do. That's why I have no intentions of going out of my way to please him."  
Talking to Adam and Jay was a breath of fresh air. And also being able to see Jay soon was also going to help my sanity. I was building something here in Florida, in Tampa. It started with Chris and it was going to continue with Jay. I could feel myself go through a transformation. Tampa would stand out in my mind as something incredible. Something was going to happen in Tampa that would change my life. I knew when I left, I wouldn't be thinking of New York. I'd be thinking of Tampa. Things would change, something was going to happen. I had no idea what is was or just how big. 


	13. Chapter 13

I was laying in bed reading at eleven that night. I had written for a straight hour on the match I had requested with Amy. I thought I had produced a decent match that showed all of our strengths, well as many as I could think of. I thought that on that piece of paper, well several pieces of paper, I had the best match of our careers. The best way to go out. I made it where that I had lost the belt, but I didn't lose the match. It was clean, the way it should be. And the line between loser and winner were very thin, if at all there. I didn't do it because I didn't want to be a true loser. I could swallow the pill just like the rest of them, if not better. But I wanted the final match to showcase something special, something different. When we walked away on the one thing that had consumed our lives for years, we couldn't call a winner or a loser. We'd have a new champion, and nothing more.   
I finally went to bed at about one that morning. I had a dream about my childhood, about New York. I was about thirteen. I was sitting in The Dakota, our apartment building. I was sitting by the white piano looking down at Central Park late in the afternoon. I had come off a summer long movie set that was raved in the indy papers, but like everything I had done, it had gone unnoticed in the real movie papers. I had grown to live with it at a young age. It hurt, but it was something that I lived with.  
I had decided to put that movie on. "Second Chance" it was called. I played a girl, sixteen, three years older than I was at the time, her name was Debra. She was a loner, never had a place to call her own. Her parents never loved her, no one really knew who she was. I wanted the role, I could relate to it and bring real emotion into it. The whole second chance comes in when she is given a second chance in society to fit in, to be loved and to love. At that time, I hadn't gotten that second chance.   
"What is that crap you're watching?" My father asked me.  
"A movie, my movie." I answered firmly.  
"Turn that shit off. That's all it is, shit. You maybe someone over there in that independent bullshit, but here, where it counts, you're nothing. You never will be anything. You just a lost cause." He told me coldly. "I don't ever want to see this sorry excuse for acting ever again." Normally, I'd take his and my mother's bullshit and listened to them, today was different. "Am I speaking a different language, Destiny. Turn that crap off."  
"Hank, is something wrong?" My mother asked.  
"No, Rose. Just your daughter, flaunting her movie. As if it's anything anyway."  
"Destiny, what the hell are you doing? We have told you over and over, you work is nothing. It's not worthy to be called acting. Why are you wasting our time by putting it on. Turn that off." Again, I did and said nothing. "What the hell is your problem young lady? This is a disgrace to the family. Get it off the TV."  
"Listen to your mother, Destiny. Do as we say." My father added. Nothing. "Destiny, you will listen to us! You will do as we tell you, when we tell you."  
"No!" I screamed. "I am not going to listen to you anymore. You put me down and you tell me I can't act. I am sick of it."  
"Get used to it sweetheart, because that's the truth. You read it over here, you're nothing." My mother said. She looked me right in the eyes.  
"At least I made a movie! At least I get casted."  
That set her off and she hit me, right across the face. It stung.   
"Don't you talk to me like that." She told me.  
"I can say whatever I want!"  
"You apologize to your mother right now."  
"No."  
"Do it, Destiny, so help me God."  
My father hit me. He hit me hard, and he hit me three times. Each one harder then the last. I felt something warm come from my nose and knew my nose was bleeding. I could feel some swelling on my right eye. But I wouldn't back down. My mother went to the VCR and turned it off.  
"Stupid girl. When will you learn?" She asked. "You are not my daughter with that sorry excuse for acting." And she walked away.  
"Go clean yourself up." My father told me. "You're a mess."  
I shot up. The clock on the night table next to me read 3:45 AM. I got out of bed and went downstairs. I got something to drink and sat down at the kitchen table. I rested my head on my right arm. Tears whelled up in my eyes and streamed down my face. I needed to let go of my past. Tampa, Florida, this, was my way of doing so. It was all surfacing, and I was going to get it out before I left. Remember, Tampa was to be remembered.   
Monday came with sad and happy emotions. Chris left and within an hour Jay came. I was so happy to be seeing Jay. When I saw him walk off the plan, I ran to him and gave him a hug. He hugged me and picked my baby boy up and gave him a hug.  
"Missed you guys." He said. Matthew gave him a hug of his own.  
"It's been weird without you either." I said with a smile. I kissed his cheek.  
Jay had become my bestfriend. I loved him, I loved him for a while. Not the kind of love I had for Matt or for any of the other superstars I was close to, and not the kind of love I had for Jeff. I didn't love him like a brother or a friend, or a lover. I couldn't describe it. I won't try to. But it is a kind of love that is different, and something that made me feel sorta funny inside, butterflies.   
Jay took my hand as we walked out of the airport, Matthew still in his arms. He had one bag over his shoulder, one, on wheels, dragging behind him, and I had one. People had thought that Jay and I were married.   
"No, just friends." Jay would say with a smile. "He's not my son." In the back of my mind, I wanted him to say yes.   
We walked to my car and Jay offered to drive us home. I didn't stop smiling since I saw him get off the plane. It really was a breath of fresh air to see him. And I could tell felt the same.  
"It's good to see you." He said, looking at me and then smiling.  
"You too. Your house is boring without you."  
He laughed. "The WWF is boring without you."  
"Maybe, but you have Adam and everyone else."  
"How are you feeling?" He asked.   
"I'm ok, healing. Both mentally and physically."  
"A lot to be healed." He had no idea. "But, physically, you're doing better?"  
"Not so much pain. I mean, I'll feel something sometimes. But I'm OK."  
"And mentally?"  
"I'm still working on that."  
He cracked a smile. "I can see that. Well think of it this way, you've passed one mile stone with Matt. You'll have another with Jeff, and with Amy." He said. "You'll never be normal."  
He was right. Never be normal, I knew that. But I did know I'd be close leaving here. I put my hand on his as we drove. He did make me feel good, feel special. He went out of his way, for anyone to make them feel good, feel special.   
We pulled up in the driveway and Jay ran to his house and kissed the front door. I smiled and put Matthew down and held his hand as we walked inside. Jay dropped all of his things in the living room and ran around his house. When I saw him again, he was in a bathingsuit.  
"Should I take a hint?" I asked.  
"Wear one or not, you're going in the ocean with me."  
"Oh, Jay!" I yelled. He carried me over his shoulder.   
"Matt, lets go watch mommy get wet!" Matt hobbled off after us. "Pretty cool to know that I'll be making you wet!"  
"Jay!" I yelled. But, I couldn't fight off this WWF Superstar. I went in the ocean. Matt stood on shore, looking at us, a smile on his face. "Matt, don't you come in."  
Jay walked on shore and stood by Matt. "I got him." He looked at me and smiled. "Oh, and Des, I'd rethink black bra with white shirt." I laughed.  
"You want me, and you know it." I joked.   
I quickly ran up to the house and got Matthew's playpen. Jay and I set it up and went back in the water. Jay got me a shirt to wear after we got down swimming. I threw my shirt and shorts on the beach and swam in my bra and thong. Jay and I didn't care. It wasn't about that.  
We started getting into the grove and began wrestling. I hadn't had any wrestling contact since I left, and I was going crazy. We stopped kidding around and got into it. It was a sparing match. I found out that I wasn't as rusty as I thought I was.   
"All right, I'm gonna have to call this. You're going to wear me out."  
"Yeah, you're going to do the same to me." I smiled and put my hands on my hips.   
"Call it a draw?" He asked. I nodded. "Good." A wave came and knocked us both down. When I surfaced, I was in Jay's arms.  
"You saved my life!" I cried and hugged him. I was obviously joking around.  
"Baywatch!" He carried me in his strong beautiful arms up the beach and placed me on the sand. "Matt, watch me save your mother's life!" He laid me down and started pressing on my chest. "One, two three!" He yelled. The his mouth met mine as if he was giving me CPR, he blew a few times, and I laughed. "It worked!"  
"Jay." I said with a laugh. Matthew was laughing too.  
"He liked it."  
"That's because you're funny looking." I got up and brushed the sand off me. "Eww, sandy hair!" I ran into the ocean and dunked my head.   
"You look good." Jay said. It came out of no where. "I don't mean in a sick, I want to screw you sort of way. I mean, in the flattering sorta way."  
"Thanks." I said with a smile and I blushed.   
"You've got the scars from the accident, but it doesn't even scar how you look." I looked away. "What?"  
"Nothing." I answered. "Nothing. It's just been a while since someone told me I looked good."   
"It's true." I turned back and he was piling sand up in a hill.  
"You're such a kid." I told him and laughed. He got up and ran to me. "Jay!!"  
He speared me back into the water, a wave breaking over us. When he stood up, he reached down and pulled me up too. He shot me a cheesy smile. I took his legs out from under him with a small swipe of my leg. He fell flat on his ass and I laughed.  
"Who's the kid?" He asked. I laughed and dove into the next wave. I surfaced and saw Jay on shore. He was carrying Matthew, who was now in his diaper. Matthew was leaning on Jay's shoulder, his hair sticking to Jay. I looked at them and smiled. Something about it felt warm, so perfect.   
As I looked and smiled, a wave broke on me and I tumbled forward. It hurt my side, the one that was supposed to be healing, but I felt fine and tried to get up. But, the break of another wave hit me in the face and I went back down. I've been in many of these before, most of them a lot worse, worse on my back and neck. I felt a pair of hands pull me up, and saw Jay.  
"You ok?" He asked me.  
"Yeah, fine." I answered out of breath. I put the shirt Jay got for me on. "I'm all right, seriously."  
"You're holding your side, are you sure?" He asked me.  
"Yes, fine." I walked on shore. "I've had worse. This one time in New York, I was at a beach on Long Island and I had a wave break on me, heard my neck snap. I did like a million flips before washing up on shore." I smiled. "It was fun."  
"You had me scared." He put Matt in my lap.  
"I can handle my own." I said. "Hey baby!" I turned him to face me.   
"I want that." Jay said. "I want stability like this."  
"Jay, this isn't stability." I told him.   
"I want marriage and children." He sat next to me.  
"Don't look at me."  
"Unfortunately, I am not." He said. He buried his feet. "Actually, I should say, unfortunately, I can't." I could feel myself blush. "I won't lie. When we pulled that stunt, way back when, after we hooked up. I kinda wanted it to be for real. But, now, now it's different. Now you've got something you want to go for you, and we lost whatever we had. Don't get me wrong, you're very beautiful, but what was there is gone." He sat there, throwing sand on his feet. "You hungry?" I nodded.  
We packed up camp for a while and headed inside. I sat at the kitchen table as Jay went through what he had and decided to make some pasta. I sat back in the chair and watched him.  
"What guest room did you use?" He asked.  
"The dark one." I answered.  
"Nice. It's the one Matt stays in when they come down." He told me. "You like it?"  
"Yes I do." I leaned back more on the chair. "Tell Matt that I'm claiming the room. He'll have to find another."  
He laughed. "Well, there's Adam's room, no one takes that. Then, there's the room Jeff uses, two beds, two double beds. Small bathroom. Matt can go there. They are brothers!"  
Jay brought me over a bowl of pasta and tomato sauce. I mixed it up and ate some, giving some to Matt as well. He liked it, naturally. He doesn't dislike much. Infact, he finished the pasta, I wasn't really that hungry.   
"I think I'm going to lay down." I said. "Do you mind watching Matt?"  
"Not at all!" Jay said. "Go, go lay down. It'll be a boys night out!"  
I laughed and went upstairs. I put Jay's shirt on the chair in the room. I put my bra and thong in the bathroom next to my room. It wasn't the master bathroom, or the smaller one next to the room with the double beds. But, it was beautiful nonetheless. Black marble. I love it. I put on a pair of boxers I brought with me and got under the covers. My side was sore from the wave. But surprisingly, not from the sparing. Unless it was from both and I didn't feel it until now.   
I slipped off to sleep rather quickly. I felt like I could sleep for years. I had so many sleepless nights this past year. I felt a presence in the room and opened my eyes. Jay was putting Matthew in his crib. I rolled over.  
"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to wake you. He fell asleep on the couch and I thought to bring him up here."  
"No, it's ok. I had been out for an hour anyway." I sat up covering my chest with the blanket. Jay laid in the spot next to me on the Queen size bed.  
"I've been doing a lot of thinking since you first brought Matt to us." He said. "I can't stop thinking about having one of my own, being married, a father. I'm a family man and I want just that, a family. But, it's true what they say, about this business, it's not a family business. It's not meant for having kids and being married."  
"You have to make it a family business. I have."  
"Believe me, I have every intention on doing that. I just don't know how long I can wait."  
"You'll be just fine, Jay. There are a lot of girls waiting in line to get their hands on you."  
"That's just it. I don't want some wrestling skank who hangs around the locker room after the shows are over looking for a piece. I want a real love, someone I can call my own. Not just some girl who doesn't watch the shows on TV, just comes down to the arena looking for some lonely beat up wrestler guy." He looked at me, his hands behind his head. "Believe me, I know I can have that, I can have a lot of after match party games. But, that's not it. It's not what I want. I've been there, I'll admit it, I've been there, played those games before. But, the game's over. I want to play a new game, a new game called marriage, called family life."  
"Well, Jay, you know I'm with you each step of the way. I know who you are, very well. You're the perfect man for the job." I put my hand on his arm. "I mean it. I see you with Matt all the time. You're great around him. You have such a gentle touch, a touch I found out about long before any of this. You're going to be fine."  
I rolled over and leaned on his chest. I could feel his heartbeat.   
"I don't care what my future wife says, you are going to be in the head of the wedding. One of the very important people."  
"Ohh! Jay."   
He put his arm around me. "When that day comes, I know that we won't lose this. Our time."  
"I know. I won't let it happen. You mean a lot to me, Jay."   
He squeezed me tight. We laid like that for a while. I didn't want to move. I was safe inside these walls, and inside his arms. I wanted so badly for Jay to be happy. He deserved it, all of it.  
A half hour later, Jay called in Chinese. He didn't want to cook, and I didn't want to go out. So we called in. I put on a small belly shirt I borrowed from Stephanie. I don't even know if you could call it a shirt! I wasn't wearing a bra, so any sudden movements and I would have popped out.   
"Food's here." Jay told me.   
"Good, I'm hungry." I sat down.  
"You actually look like a Diva." He smiled.   
"Is that a good thing?"  
"For the horny men out there, yes." He answered.  
"Oh goody." He laughed at me.   
"Maybe you should think about doing those. I mean, you've got the body, and the face."  
"I don't know. I'm not here to subject my body for sexy pictures."  
"You've made that very clear. The fans know it. You made that point."  
"So, why go back on it?"  
"Because, they know you're not in it to sell sex. But to have fun."  
"Right." I smiled. "So, what are you plans when you go back?"  
"I really don't know what Vince wants me to do. He's rarely put me and Adam together anymore."  
"I don't get him. He's got a money maker in front of him, and he screws around." I shrugged. "He'll realize it when the ratings go down." I reached over and grabbed a baby corn from Jay's plate and started sucking on it suggestively. Jay moved around a little.  
"Really?" Jay asked.  
"I am quite good."  
"I know you are." He smiled and laughed a little. "I know what you can do."  
He did know. I fished eating and heard Matthew on the baby monitor. I put my plate away and went up to get him. He was standing up in his little crib. I grabbed a hair tie from the night stand and put his hair up. Yes, it was that long. Shoulder length.  
"Hey baby." I smiled and kissed his cheek. I carried him downstairs. Jay was on the couch watching some tapes of matches.  
"You're first title match. No Way Out."  
"Back to the good old days." I sat down next to him and put Matt on the floor.   
"This match was really great. With all the shit aside, it was a great match on both parts."  
"I know." I said. "And, now look where I am."  
"Many more great matches under your belt. Many more titles."  
"I think I want to calm down on all these titles and these matches."  
"What do you mean?" Jay asked.  
"I mean, look at me. I've won every belt, almost. I've faced a lot of tough guys. I just would like to take a break in the ring. Fight some girls for once. Stop being so Goddamn powerful."  
"I see. Well, talk to Vince about it."  
We sat there, watching old tapes of our matches. RAW's Smackdown's and pay-per-views. We ranked on each other. I'll admit, watching my matches was pretty funny. My style, in the beginning was awful.   
"You improved so much." Jay told me. He gave me two thumbs up.   
"Thanks a bunch."  
I looked over at Jay and he was smiling. I wanted so bad to help him, help him find the woman he'd spend the rest of his life with. I knew him well enough to know what he'd like in a girl. I leaned into his chest and heard his heart beating. He deserved a beautiful woman laying like this. Being with him. Jay was the absolute sweetest man. He was loving, caring, and he knew how to please a woman. And I am not talking about sex. Sure, he could do that, but he knew how to be sensitive to her needs. He knew just want to do.  
"Destiny." He spoke up.   
"Hm?" I asked. My arms were around him, and my eyes were closed. His arm was around me.  
"How would you like to bring some of your things down here? Live here when you need to. Think of it as a get away house. I know it's getting hard and harder to live in Cameron, or North Carolina for that matter. And New York is too busy. It's calm here."  
"Oh, Jay, I couldn't do that to you."  
"It's nothing. You can bring down whatever you want. Turn the room two doors down from you into a play room for him, or his room. It's a room I just keep my old promo posters up. I can always move them. They're just there to waist space." He said. "I wouldn't ask you if I didn't mean it." He lifted my chin up. "I want you to."  
"You sure?"  
"Yes, I am sure. It's yours. Those rooms are yours. The bedroom, bathroom, and the extra room. All yours to do what you wish."   
"You're the best." I kissed his cheek, very close to his lips. I went to move and he brought me closer. He put me on his lap, facing him, one leg on each side of him, like I was kneeling. Our faces were very close together.  
"I know." He said and smiled. Then, shoved me off. I landed on the couch and pulled him down with me on top of me.   
"You're not that good." I said.  
"Oh really?" He said in a snotty like voice. "Screw Triple H, I am that damn good!"  
I laughed. "Yeah, I guess you're right."  
He kissed my forehead. "You'll be just fine." And he got up. "Ain't that right Matty?" He picked my baby up and spun him around. Matt made a sound. I sat up and saw Jay holding Matt. He was so good with kids. He was going to be a great father.   
"Here's to celebrate you joining the house." He held up two Caronas.   
"Sounds very good! You got lime?" I asked. He pulled out a container of lime pieces.  
"I have two cases." He smiled.  
"I can handle my liquor. I have many years of practice." I replied. I took my Carona and sipped it. "I'm looking forward to staying here. To get away."  
"Whenever you want. Keep the key I gave you."  
"Do you mind if I drop the Vette off here?"  
"Not at all."  
"I have a lot of things kept at Matt's. My Vette, two bikes and my dirtbikes. I've got my Camaro in New York with my other two bikes." I said.   
"How many dirtbikes you have?"  
"Four." I answered.  
"There's a dirtbike course thing about ten miles north here. They also race there too." Jay told me. He sipped his Carona. "Should check it out."  
"Maybe." I said. "I need danger in my life."  
He laughed and nodded. "You can park the Vette in the driveway, cover it up if you like. I got a shed off to the right over here. You can put the dirtbikes there. I've got a big enough drive way to handle your car and the bikes, I think."   
"Should be fine." I said.  
"Ok. Bring over a crib and whatnot for Matthew. Put it in your room, or make that other one his."   
"You're the greatest, Jay." I said. "I mean it. You really are. I'd be lost without you, without a lot of you."  
"Ah, yes, our power trip?" He smiled. "Well, most of them."  
"Exactly. No matter how far I dig myself into a hole, you're there to pick me out."   
"It's some unwritten pack thing." He said, and shrugged his shoulders. "Hey, it helps the rest of us out." He threw a pillow at me.  
"Hey! What was that for?" I asked.  
"Impulse." He smiled. "I'm getting drunk tonight!" He danced his way into the kitchen. "What munchies do you want?"  
"I don't know." I answered. "Don't really care."   
He returned with chips, pretzels, dip, anything he could find. While he was searching, I put Matt into a playpen next to us, for safe reasons. Jay put the Caronas next to us along with the lime.   
"I could get used to this." Jay said. "Sitting here, laying around. Not having a care in the world."  
"Sounds good to me." I replied. "But, I'd miss the business too much. I am going crazy."   
"Nah, you're not. Because, you know what, I'd go crazy too. But you just need that time off, to yourself. To enjoy what's around you." He said. "Life doesn't stop. Not even for the immortal Destiny Diaz. You need the breaks, to see what you're missing. See what you could have. Even if it takes an accident, or a suspension to get it. Sometimes you just need out."   
"I've never had a true break at all in my life. I plan on taking this one well."  
"You've got a whole week and a half on your own." Jay told me. "Some real down time."   
"Yea, me, myself, and I." I sighed.   
"Don't be so down. You deserve it." He said. "You need to slow down."  
I nodded and sipped my Carona. "I know I do. When I came back, so much happened, to my mind, my body, my soul, that I need this break."  
"It's not just that week. It's your whole life. Now you've got people who care about you. Actually give a damn if you're hurt or not. I was really worried about you going into that week. I knew you had taken a lot of shit and that what Amy said on RAW wasn't helping you out."  
"Not like the locker room brawl helped any of your nerves." I said. "God, I am so happy Trish was there and she got Paul. Something would have happened. Someone was going to get hurt, badly."  
"I know. We heard you scream as Paul took you out of the room. And we over heard Trish telling someone about a fight in the locker room. We, I mean, Adam, Matt, Jeff, DJ, and myself all knew that moment what had happened. We knew it was you and Amy. Vince wouldn't tell anyone anything. We got Paul to talk to us, somewhat. But it still didn't help fully."  
"I don't regret it, none of it." I looked down. Jay put his hand under my chin and lightly brought my face to him. He got closer to me and I closed my eyes as his lips met mine. We engaged in a soft kiss.  
"I'm sorry." He pulled away quickly. "It's the booze talking, I think." He started to laugh and got up. He brought two beers back with him. "Yes, lets add to the booze craze." He smiled.   
"Hey, who cares." I said with a shrug, knowing that on my end, the kiss had nothing to do with booze. I wasn't going to talk to him about it. Because, I really didn't know if it was influenced by the booze.  
"I really am sorry about that kiss thing."  
"It's ok, Jay, it really is." I told him. "Honest. Chill out."  
I looked up at him and he looked down at me and smiled. I placed my beer down and put my hand on his. I put his beer down with the other hand and took that hand in mine. I pulled him on me.  
"Des, what are you doing?" He asked. I kissed him. "Oh...are you sure-" I cut him off with a kiss. "All right."  
He started kissing me. I reached down and lifted his shirt over his head. And started kissing his neck. He pulled my shirt over my head and unclasped my bra in one quick movement. It felt so good, but so wrong. I couldn't do this. But how I wanted to.  
"Are you sure?" He asked me, short of breath.  
"Yes." I answered with a nod.  
And we continued. And continued and continued. On the couch in his living room. I'd like to thin it was the booze talking, but I knew it wasn't. That both of us were sober and alert and knew what was going on. We just didn't want to stop it. It felt so good, so incredibly good, it was impossible to stop. Where was this going to lead us? Lead me? What was happening in Tampa? 


	14. Chapter 14

I held Jay close to me on the couch. It had been so long since I had been intimate with anyone. And, it felt so good. Each nerve on my body was standing on end, alert. Jay's head was rested on my chest and I held his head, playing with his hair. We were breathing hard and sweating. I just held him in my arms, rubbing his back.   
"Was that the booze talking?" I asked, knowing it wasn't.   
"I don't know what that was." He answered, looking up at me. He kissed me. "I hope this doesn't change anything."   
"It didn't last time." I answered. He went to get up. "No, stay. I don't want you to move." I held him close and tight.   
He moved up and kissed me. He began to thrust himself inside me again. It was slow and methodical, playful and fun, romantic and exotic. Nothing like I had remembered, and everything I had expected. I didn't ever want to stop. My arms around him, my legs entwined with his.   
"Stop?" Jay asked.   
"No." I answered. I looked at the clock, it was late, one in the morning. I looked at the playpen where my sleeping son was. Sound asleep. "Keep going."   
And we did. Well into the morning. At four, I found myself holding Jay like I was hours before. We were tired out. My arms were around him tight as he laid there on me. I looked at saw that his eyes were closed. I rested my head back on the couch and rubbed Jay's back, and fell asleep.   
I woke up before Jay, at ten. Matt was still sleeping too. I rubbed my eyes and looked at Jay. We were still naked, and he was still on me. I patted his back and he woke up.   
"Oh, shit." He said, and got up. "Des, I-"   
"Jay, it's ok. I know what happened, I wanted it to happen. Don't worry." I sat up and took the blanket draped over the couch over me. "Jay, calm down. I'm fine. It, it was amazing. You were amazing."   
He looked down and back to me. "Really? Well, you were great yourself." He laughed a little and found his boxers and put them on. "What are we going to do about it?"   
"I really don't know."   
"Same as the last time, just forget about it." He said.   
I looked up at him. "I don't know, Jay. I mean, I, I don't know. I want you, but." I stopped what I was saying.   
"But what?" He asked. "Look, sorry, Des, I don't want things to get weird."   
"You don't want me, Jay, you don't."   
He sat down next to me and kissed me. "Maybe I do." He said.   
"No, Jay, you don't. You want normal. Someone not me. Though, I'll probably be your best lay ever." I smiled.   
He laughed. "Yeah, maybe." He got up. "Hungry?"   
"I am." I put a shirt on and my underwear, grabbed my son, and followed him into the kitchen.   
"I have to get his cereal ready."   
"Give him these." He gave me a box of Apple Jax. "Maybe he'll like it."   
"He does." I smiled at my baby as he ate the dry cereal.   
"And what will you have?"   
"Oh, I don't know." I answered. "You?" I looked at him and smiled.   
"Are we making this an all day thing?" He asked with a half smile.   
"Would it be so bad if I let Jessica watch Matt for the day and you and I spend time together?"   
"Ok." He answered. He smiled.   
"All right." I laughed a little. I went to the phone and dialed the number written on a piece of paper next to the phone.   
"Hello?" Jessica asked.   
"Hey, Jess, it's Destiny." I said.   
"Oh! Hey! How are you?"   
"Fine, fine, and you?"   
"Great."   
"I have a small favor to ask." I said.   
"Sure, of course I'll take Matthew for the day."   
"How did you know?" I laughed.   
"Just a hunch. Run him over here in like a half hour. Is that ok?"   
"Fine. Thanks so much, Jessica." I hung up.   
"Guess she said she would." Jay said.   
"Yes, she will." I replied. "I'm going to get him ready."   
I took Matt upstairs and changed him. I packed a diaper bag for him, of course put a pair of shorts on, and went next door. Jessica was happy to take him. I thanked her a million times before walking back next door. Jay was sitting at the table eating a bowl of cereal.   
"Ain't much of a cook." He said.   
"You and me both." I laughed. "That lesson, and many others, seemed to skip by me."   
Jay laughed and ran at me. He picked me up and ran me up to his bed. He threw me on his bed and I pulled him down with me, undressing him as I kissed him. The sheets on Jay's bed felt good against my bare skin. Jay felt good against my bare skin. I ran my nails up and down his back, and he got goose bumps.   
"You drive me crazy." He told me. "Absolutely insane."   
I rolled him over on his back. "You'll make a woman very happy one day." I kissed his chest and down to his belly button. I heard him grunt as I was doing it. I moved back up and he went inside me.   
I wish I could say I knew what I was doing when I did it, but I didn't. I didn't want Jay to think this was going to happen often. I was alone, very alone. And my mission to find happiness wasn't doing what I wished it would.   
After, I threw a long T-shirt on and went out on the balcony of the room. I stood out there and looked out. Everything was so different. I didn't know what end was coming or going. My head was spinning. Spinning out of control.  
"Des?" Jay asked. "Something wrong?"  
"No." I sighed. "I'm just thinking."  
"Me too." He sat on a bench. "About how wrong this all is." He looked up at me. "Des, you're beautiful. And you're a great girl-"  
"Jay, don't worry. I know where you're going and I understand."  
Jay smiled a little. "Our painful breakup is over."  
"It was hard, I know." I sat next to him. "I can't go on."  
He laughed. "That's sad, Des."  
"I know, you were my whole life, Jay." I said. I stood up and walked to the edge of the balcony. "I have to die now."  
I got on the ledge of the fence around the balcony. Jay was laughing. "No, I can't let you die!" I walked close to the edge and Jay stopped laughing. "Des, get down." I didn't listen. "Destiny, I'm serious. Jokes over." But I didn't get down. "Destiny, please, get down. You're starting to scare me. Please, Destiny." I closed my eyes and thought about everything I did wrong. And the list began to grow. I inched closer. "This isn't the way out, Destiny." He kept his distance, but was still there.  
"Jay, if I were to fall-"  
"I won't let you fall."  
"Maybe someone should." I took a deep breath.  
"Destiny, what's wrong?" He asked. "You were fine before. What happened?"  
"Jay, have you ever felt that no matter how hard you tried, how much you did, the end result was the same? That no matter how hard you tried, you still couldn't do a damn thing right? Well that's how I feel. It's how I've always felt. And, the one person that made me really feel something inside, something completely different, that one person is gone. And why? Because of me. I can't do anything right, Jay, nothing. I have it all in our business but I feel like I don't deserve any of it. I got out every night, do the same things, and I don't feel anything. I'm lost. It's not enough, I'm sorry. I'm not that strong, I'm not that weak. I'm not anything. I'm nothing. It's my fault. I don't know why every time I try to fly, somebody always tries to hold me down. I'm losing my faith every single time I try. No one is on my side. I don't make everyone happy, I make no one happy. Not even myself. But, it's nothing new, I'm used to it. I'm used to pain, agony."  
"Destiny?" Jay asked.  
"Not used to hearing this from me? I can't stay quiet anymore. I've kept it in so long. I am so lost, so confused. Jay, I'm scared."  
"Destiny, I'm here to help. I will always be here to help you. Get down. Talk to me." Jay said. He reached for my hand. I turn around and took it. "Get down." I slipped and fell into his arms. "Don't do that again."  
He brought me inside, back into his bedroom. But this time, he held me on his bed. I began to cry. I didn't know what had just come over me or why I did what I did. It shook Jay up pretty badly as well. He was shaking as he held me. I held him back.  
"I'm so sorry, Jay. I, I don't know what I was doing." I said. Tears were slowly falling from his eyes.  
"Why?" He asked. "Why are you so miserable? So alone, so scared?"  
"I don't know. I just, I've always been this way. And I thought I was starting over here in the WWF, ya know. I thought everything would be different. I had a new career, then I had a son, then I had Jeff. Three things that mean everything to me. With just one gone I'm a mess. I don't have Jeff, and right now, I don't have my career. I have my son. I can't lose him too."  
"You'll be back, in one month you'll be back on that stage doing what you do best. What makes you happy. You'll get Jeff back, you will. I know it. And when all else fails, you have me, Adam, Matt, DJ, Paul, Chris, all of us to fall back on. We'll never let you down."  
"I know." I said. I wiped my tears. "I don't know what I'd do without you. You guys have helped me so much."  
I held Jay close to me. I felt so bad for what I had done to him, and relieved at the same time. I had held everything in for so long, too long. And Jay understood. He held me close. I felt safe, very safe. Everything was going to be ok. 


	15. Chapter 15

I could hear Jay's heart beat as I laid there. His breathing was fast. And I knew I was the reason why. I sat up and looked at him straight in the eyes. He looked at me back.   
"I'm sorry, Jay. Sorry about that."  
"It's all right. I had no idea you felt that way." He said. "I didn't know you were hurting that much."  
"How would you know?" I said.  
"I just feel that I should have known something was wrong."  
"Jay, you can't know what no one will tell you." I looked at him. "Besides, I don't want pity. I don't want anyone's pity."  
"We don't worry out of pity. We worry because we care about you. We care about what happens to you. All of us, and I mean Matt, Chris, Adam, DJ, Paul, and myself, and Jeff, would put their lives on the line for you."  
"You have no idea how good it feels to hear that. After for so long feeling and knowing, and being told that you're not worth a damn."  
"You're worth a damn to us. A whole damn."  
Jay gave me confidence in myself, confidence no one else had given me. He also made me realize that Matt, Chris, Adam, DJ, Paul, Stephanie also gave me that confidence. And, no matter how far I could get from the business, Jeff was still there. For better or for worse, he was still a big part of my life. I had to get him back. And Jay, in his own way, probably without even intending to or realizing it, gave me the confidence and the drive to do that.   
"Please, Destiny, next time you feel this way, talk to me, to anyone. Don't let it get like this." Jay said. "I don't want to take the chance in losing you. I couldn't live with myself if you had gone."  
I gave Jay a hug and thanked him for everything. He was my savior and I couldn't have done a lot without him. Jessica arrived with Matthew at six that night. It felt good to have my son in my arms again. Jay ordered us pizza that night. It was a simple night. Jay told me where I can put mine and Matthew's things and where I could set my cars up.   
"It'll be fun." He smiled. "And, I promise, no funny business."  
"I'm not worried about that." I said. "You know, I really have to thank you for letting Matt and myself stay here. Now and letting us bring some things down here."  
"Hey, what are friends for?"   
For awhile, I thought I had forgotten what they were for. I had forgotten a lot. But, being with Jay I realized what they were for, what a lot of things were about. It felt good to get some feeling back. It felt good to remember how it feels to be wanted. I had forgotten so much because of the shit I went through with Amy.   
That night, I had another nightmare of my past. New York was haunting me in everyway. I tossed and turned as images of my father and mother striking me flashed in my memory. I saw the abandonment, relived the feeling. Each word was negative, I never felt as if I ever mattered to them.   
"You're wasting your life away." My mother told me. "If you even think you will make it doing this shit, you have another thing coming. You better wake up, get the fuck out of this dream world you're living in and start living down here on earth. You'll never make it doing what you're doing. You're a no body, and you never will be somebody."  
"No!" I would scream. "You don't know a damn thing!"  
"Watch your language! Who the hell do you think you're talking to? Huh? This is not some movie set, you're not a big star here. You never were. You better watch yourself, Destiny." And she hit me.   
"That's where you're wrong!" I finally stood up for myself. "You and dad are both wrong. You're wrong in how you judge me, about how I'll turn out. All of it. You never were right! Watch, you'll see. One day I am going to sore above you, and you will wish you had cared! You will wish you noticed! Because, one day I might not be here, and you will be to blame! I am sick of your shit, I'm not taking it anymore! It's jealousy that runs through your veins, each time you see a movie, or me, you can't stand to know that I am someone!" I was crying and yelling at them. "This, this isn't normal! What kind of child lives like this? In fear that her parents are going to one day beat her to death."  
"It can happen." My father said. "You were a mistake. A bad one at that."  
"A mistake, maybe. But the two of you are the biggest mistakes by far. But, I am not going to take this anymore. I'm going to fight back."  
"Try."  
With my mother watching, my father beat me. Badly I might add. I tossed and turned in my sleep, and began to scream. Jay rushed in and woke me up. I shot up out of bed and looked around. I was sweating, and Jay was by my side.   
"What's wrong? I heard you screaming from my room." He brushed my hair back.  
"A bad dream." I answered. "I keep reliving my past. These nightmares of my parents, what they did to me."  
"What did they do?" He asked.   
"They were so abusive, both physically and mentally. I couldn't get away from it. It surrounded me, and to this day it still haunts me."  
"Destiny, I'm sorry."  
"Don't be. I just want to break free. They're no longer here, I have been away from them for so long, but it still haunts me. And now, it's all coming back to me."  
"Is that why you were so quick to get on the ledge?"  
"I guess so. They are always in my mind, telling me I'm not good enough. When I doubt something, it's because of them. They are always telling me I'm a fuck up, that I'm a screw up. I want to break free, and I am trying so hard, but nothing works."  
"Destiny, you have so many qualities in you that are amazing. Whatever they said to you in the past I know isn't true. They have controlled you too long. You have to be free from their hold on you. Now, here, you have the time and strength to get rid of them. You have to." He said to me. "I know you can."  
I didn't want to go back to sleep alone. I begged Jay to stay with me. He did and held me all night. I wanted so desperately to move on, to get away from my parents and my past in New York. I wanted to just get on with my life. My mind was ready, but my heart wasn't. It was another battle between the heart and the mind. An oh so common tale but each time it was so unclear on how to get to the end.   
I woke up the next morning, and Jay was holding Matthew on the bed. Jay smiled at me when he saw my eyes open. I smiled back and sat up.   
"Good news." He told me. "I called a moving agency place and they said they'd move your things down from New York and from North Carolina to here. You just have to call them back and give them the addresses to the houses, and send them a copy of the house keys."   
"Thank you Jay." I kissed his cheek. "I'll drive the car down. I am going to bring the Vette down. They can take the bikes and stuff."  
"I told them about the cars and the bikes and all that."  
"Well, I'd have to think about what house I want to completely get rid of."   
"Well, when you decide, call them up. The numbers on the pad on the counter."  
I nodded and smiled. Jay got up with Matthew and left the room. I laid back down, looking up at the ceiling, thinking. Thinking about what it was I was going to do next. I never cared much about tomorrow, but I found myself not being able to stop thinking about it. So much had to be done. And not with me moving down to Florida, but with my life. With Jeff.  
I had been obsessed over the idea of getting Jeff in my life again. I had so many ideas of what I'd say, and when it came down to saying it, I just couldn't. I was very worried about what he'd think about this whole thing. I hadn't spoken to him since that day, and he showed no desire to speak to me.   
I rolled over to the phone and started dialing a number. I didn't know why, or what I was doing. My fingers were doing all the work. The ring tone rang several times, and I didn't bother putting the phone down. Not until the voice from the other end said, "hello?" I said nothing. "Hello? Matt, you pulling pranks? Or is that you Adam? I thought I taught you a lesson last night. My fist still hurts." It was Jeff's cell. "I swear to God, whoever it is. I know it's one of you."  
"No." I said, I covered my mouth.  
"What? Who is this?"   
I hung up. What was I doing? I didn't know. I knew I had to do something soon about this. It was driving me crazy.   
I got out of bed and went downstairs. Jay had Matt sitting on the counter and he was playing the radio. Jay was dancing in front of the counter making toast and whatnot. Matt was laughing and clapping along. I smiled, leaning against the doorway. Jay looked up and saw me, and promptly stopped. He smiled and went about his business. I walked in and grabbed the pad with the movers number on it and went to the phone in the study.  
"I'd like to move most of my apartment in New York down here to Tampa Florida." I said.  
"All right, we need to know the addresses." I gave him the information. "What are we moving?"  
"Well, there's clothing, baby things. You know what, why don't I go up there with you."  
"Sure." The man said.  
"I will leave here on Friday, and I will be up there and I will tell you what to move."  
"It's a deal."  
I hung up and went back into the kitchen. Jay's dancing was done for the morning. He was watching Matt on the counter and his food at the same time. Matt had an open box of Cheerios, most didn't even make it into his mouth, but onto the counter top and the floor.   
"What I have to look forward to." Jay smiled.   
"Always having to clean up after your baby." I brushed Matthew's hair back out of his face. "But it's always worth it." I smiled at my baby. "God, he's so big. Feels like yesterday he was this big."  
"I know. Watching him grow up, it's amazing. I feel like I helped raise him too. All of us have at some point. Matt may be his biological father, but the other six of us are his dads too."  
"Six?"  
"Adam, Chris, Paul, Jeff, DJ, myself." Jay answered. "Jeff did help raise Matt. He looked past his own brother being the father."  
"I know. He did too much. He walked into a very weird situation and he handled it so well. And what did I do? I messed all of that up. He looked past the one night stands I had while I started here. He looked past Matt and I, and the baby. He put a lot on the line and put his pride aside. Look what I did."  
"Destiny, why don't you tell him? That's what all of this goes back to. Tell him. You've told me, Adam, everyone. Tell him."  
"If it were only that easy." I sighed. "I know I have to. I want to."  
"Then why not do it? You have a month here. Use that time to seriously think about it. I think you should, really." He kissed my cheek. "It's really best if you try. You're both dying inside to talk to each other. He won't because he is still hurt. You have to make this move."  
It was my move. The ball has been in my court for a while now. Time had passed and things had cooled off. He wasn't after my head anymore. But, it was so hard to turn around after all that time and try to fix something I had messed up. Everything in me wanted to, but the voices in my head kept telling me I was the screw up and I now had to live with what I had done. This was the hardest thing I've ever had to deal with in my life so far.   
I knew going up to New York to remove basically everything from my apartment was going to be both a breath of fresh air and very difficult at the same time. I hadn't once thought about leaving the place, it meant so much to me. But it was also a place where so much bad had happened. But I had to finally give it up, move on, start over. It would be the first step of the new Destiny.   
Most of what I owned was there, very little was at Matt's house. I would be meeting the movers there in three days. Jay would be gone, and I would be going up there. Then, I would have the house to myself to fix up the rooms Jay said I could have, and to do some well over due thinking. And, not just about Jeff, but the match I came up with and how I was going to finally lay to rest the years of abuse I had dished out and received. I don't think anyone would ever understand how hard it was to let this go, and how hard it was to keep it gone. Because I will tell you right now, it was very hard to stay away, and there were many times where things got rough, got heated.   
I had always wondered if putting that match together was worth it. There were days when it was more bad than good. Some days when I just wanted to rip into her, just because I needed someone to rip into. Or, because she really did deserve it. I had become so used to turning to Amy when something was wrong because she was the only person I could beat up for no reason. She didn't have to be any part of the reason why I was pissed off, but she was Amy and I had the right to kick the crap out of her. And, I bet if you ask her, she felt the same way about me.   
The Lita/Desitny angle was the biggest thing since the Austin/McMahon one. The fans reacted to it. It was so real, because it was real. The fans latched onto it. We had become the money makers, and when we would face each other, we were out for blood, and the fans ate it up. We took each match to another level. Nothing we did was ever like the time before. Each time out was different. And I think the fans respected the fact that what we brought to the table was real. At first, they didn't know that, but they did catch on and saw that this wasn't something Vince McMahon wrote down, but something that was inside the both of us. They saw that it was real and they believed in it more. They knew they weren't going to get ripped off by some stupid poorly acted screen play. They were getting the real thing. We gave them it all, and they appreciated it.   
"I'm leaving soon." Jay said. "You'll be fine without me, right?"  
"Of course. I have the moving to do and Matt here to take care of. I'll be fine." I answered.  
"If you ever need anything, call me." He told me. "Don't be afraid to."  
"I know, I won't." I told him.   
Jay walked over to me and started rubbing my shoulders. "I just don't want you to feel like you have no one to talk to."  
"I'll be fine." I told him.   
He smiled and sat down with Matthew in his lap. I could see the sparkle in Matt's eyes as he looked into Jay's as Jay watched TV. Jay was the only person who could have Matthew fall deep asleep in his arms. Jay was the only one besides me who could make Matthew do a lot of things. If I wasn't around, Jay was the one Matthew would turn to, more, sometimes, than his own father. Appearance wise, Matthew was a Hardy through and through. Because of the way he looked was the only reason why I didn't get a paternity test to see if Jay was the actual father. Looks alone settled it.  
I would get second thoughts every once in a while, but it was so obvious on who the father really was. I wasn't worried about anything along lose lines. I looked at the two again. Jay was looking at the TV, but Matthew was looking up at him, a sort of awe look on his face. A few strands of hair were in his face, but he didn't budge. He just sat there, admiring Jay. I could feel a sense of warmth inside my heart. A real family feeling. A feeling I hadn't felt since I was with Jeff. 


	16. Chapter 16

I headed upstairs to sort out the mess I had made. The window was still open. I walked to it and looked out. The ocean, the beauty. Then I thought, what the hell was I thinking? Was jumping going to solve anything? Absolutely not. I closed the window and turned from it.   
Looking back, I would have hit myself for attempting to end my life. The events that had played out before were indeed tough, and some that were to come were going to be worse, but the over all payoff was worth the fight. The long hard road known as life is never settled by jumping out of a window or slitting your wrists. Jay had once again saved my life.  
Jay was without a shadow of doubt my very best friend. I would die for him. While writing this, I told Jay what I was going to say about him, and it brought a tear to his eye. He told me he believed that Matt was the person who all of this was about, but I told him Matt was like a brother, siblings fight. Then he said that Paul should be worthy of this. I told him Paul was my father, and children always get into fights with their parents. Jay helped me through every single problem I had. He was there every step of the way, the only person who never turned his back on me, even in the slightest. He never yelled at me, but comforted me. I don't think I would have been able to put my feet on the ground if it weren't for Jay.   
Once I told him how I felt, he told me how he felt. That I was his very best friend. That I gave him the confidence to face a lot of things. He said he would never have been able to be a husband, and a father to be if it weren't for me. I take pride in being able to hook Jay up with his wife. He even told her that I was his best friend, and in many ways came first. We hang out a lot, and for a while, she got jealous and nearly broke off the engagement. I explained to her everything.   
Jay and I were very much on the same page, but also part of two very different books. He understood why I did the things I did sometimes, but he never really got why. Like, with the whole Amy match, he understood why I had to do it. But, he just didn't see it from my point of view. He was the only one who was there every day since the Matt incident two years ago.   
I heard someone come into my room. I turned and saw Jay with the Tag Team Title in his hands. I smiled and laughed.  
"I owned this once. Seven times actually." He said looking at it. "I put Matt in his playpen."  
"Ok." I replied. "Yea, feels good to own it."  
"And the Women's Title."  
"Ah, yes, but not for long." I said. "If I get my way, I won't own it for long."  
"Right, you're insane and dropping it to Amy of all people." He threw the belt onto the bed.  
"It may be insane, but it's what I have to do. If I don't do this now, I am going to have worse days with Amy."   
"True. And you need to concentrate on the tag titles." He sat down. "Ready?"  
"For what?"  
"This step. Coming here, dropping the Women's, facing Amy a last time."  
"Of course." I answered still looking out the window.   
"Destiny, are you really ready?" He asked more serious. "This isn't just some story line you can bullshit your way through. It's not some task that any one of us can guide you through ever so carefully. It's about you, and you alone. Something you have to go through, you have to deal with."  
"I know, and I am finally ready." I told him.   
And I was. Finally ready to put so much behind me. He was right. I couldn't bullshit my way through it. I couldn't expect to have him or anyone else sugar coat it for me anymore. Moving, the match, Tampa, it was all self realization. And I knew were the end result would lead to...Jeff.   
Jay helped me clean up the mess in the bedroom. It was a pretty big mess. The whole time I was cleaning, I couldn't help but think that after this was over, after I was settled in here, and after I had finished with Amy, I would be meeting Jeff. And, a year of pain, heartbreak, would come full circle as we tried to sort out what we could. There was no doubt I had beaten around the bush, I had tried to get out it so many times. But, once this was over with, I didn't have any more excuses left. It had to be done.   
I hugged Jay good-bye as his flight left at 8:00 Monday morning. I saw him off with Matthew in my hands. My flight to New York left in two hours. I had no place to go, so I waited in the airport. I thought about leaving everything behind in New York, finally selling the place. I had decided on keeping what was at Matt's, at Matt's. Most of my dirt bikes, a few motorcycles, some of Matthew's things, some of my things, and my Camaero. The rest of my things, the two dirt bikes, the three motorcycles and my Vette were all coming with me.   
Matthew fell asleep in my arms. I cradled him as I sat there. I was scared. Scared that I was going to be on my own for this. No one could help me. When I came back to the WWF, no one could help me with anything. I had to do this on my own. I had to grow up.   
My flight was finally called and I took my sleeping son and the one carry on onto the flight. I sat in my seat and got ready to take off. We flew out of Florida, and sailed to New York. I didn't write, listen to music, nothing on the flight. Matthew was good, he sat there and minded himself. I thought. I didn't know much of anything else. Most of what I knew, I was going to be clearing out of my life, in hopes to start something new.   
I felt bound, tied, to New York. I couldn't get away from it. It was there at each turn. I was going to put a stop to the pain. I was sick of seeing it, using it as an excuse. I was determined to get over this, over myself.   
The plane touched ground in JFK International Airport. I hauled a cab and set off for Manhattan. Matthew was good on the ride there. He sat with me and looked out the window. He would make little baby noises and point to things. I played with the pieces of hair that fell in his face.   
"Look just like your father." I told him.   
I sat him down and took a brush out and brushed his hair out. I put it back up in a ponytail. I twirled the ponytail in my fingers. God, did he remind me so much of Matt. In the back of my mind I had the whole marriage situation still playing out. It was a good idea, it was for Matt, but were we ready to grow up like that? I knew I sure as hell wasn't. It crushed Matt to know we weren't going to go through with it. But, I bet he was relieved at the same time. It felt right, but it also felt so wrong. I've said it many times, and I'll say it again, Matt and I have tend to mistake the sexual tensions there for something more. We're simply as close as brother and sister. But, sometimes, you get blindsided.   
I looked down at my hand and realized I hadn't taken the ring off. It was so beautiful, and I wasn't going to not wear it. I took the silver chain off of my neck and put the ring around the chain. I wear it, to this day. It's a small reminder of me and Matt, of everything about us.  
The cab pulled up in front of the apartment building, no movers yet. I thanked him, paid him, and went inside. Barry, the usual doorman wasn't there. I walked inside expecting to hear Susan, the cheerful desk lady, but she wasn't there either. At least I had Paul, the elevator man.  
"Destiny! Darling, so good to see you." Paul said with a smile and a hug. "It's been awhile since I've seen you. I watch you on TV all the time. What's happening with you, dear? So much bad on the TV. Have you come back home darling?" He was so sweet. "Oh, baby Matthew. How is the little boy?"  
"He's doing great, Paul, thank you. It's rough at work, but I'm getting through it."  
"I can see it's rough, sweetie. But, you have two belts. Congratulations. So, what brings you home, princesses?"   
"Moving, Paul."  
"Moving? Where? Why?"   
"Tampa, Florida. I'm staying with a friend. It's just easier for me right now, Paul. I know, it's hard leaving here, but it's just something I need to do." I answered.   
"Will you come by and visit, sugar?" He asked.  
"You, Paul, I would do more." I smiled and he smiled back. Then I reached my floor. "I will see you on the way down."  
I walked inside the room, it was cold. I shuddered when I walked in. Memories began to fly at me a mile a minute. I set Matthew down and slowly walked in. I didn't want to spend the night here, and hoped I didn't have to. The place was empty of anything. It was an eerie feeling. I hadn't been there in months. Everything was left the way it was the last time it was in use. My cell phone rang.  
"Destiny, make it there ok?" It was Jay.  
"Yea, just walked in." I answered. "It's so freaky, I don't like it. These movers better get here, I don't want to spend the night. I'll stay in a hotel if I have to."  
"You'll be outta there in no time." He told me. "Everyone's asking about you, though. You're the life of the Goddamn party, ya know that? Everyone loves you."  
"No, not everyone."  
"Pretty much. They're wondering about you. I told them you were just peachy. Chris misses ya a hell of a lot."  
"Sweet of him." I said. "Matthew, no, don't touch that."  
Jay laughed. "Apartment not baby proof?"  
"It never was. My parents would have loved for me to kill myself on something around here as a kid." I answered. "Surprised they didn't fake an accident around here."  
"You hang in there, kid." He told me. "I'm pulling for you."  
"I know, I'm trying." I sighed. "Don't miss me too much, ok?"  
"I won't, just don't miss me too much. I know how impossible it is."  
"Oh, right, I know. I can't live without you." I said sarcastically.   
"I'll let you get back to trying to fake accidents. Call me when you're ready to move out."  
"You got it."  
I hung up. I set up Matthew's portable playpen and stuck him inside so I could make heads or tails out of everything. It wasn't messy, it was just a matter of what was staying and what wasn't. I didn't need a bed, dressers or any other furniture. I needed clothes, shoes, toys, anything that Jay didn't have. I started with Matthew's things. I folded his crib up, took apart the playpen in his room, it was too heavy to lug around and I didn't' feel like it. The movers came in the middle of my wrecking spree.  
"I can start putting clothes in boxes. I need these things moved." I said.   
As the movers took apart Matthew's things and boxed his toys, I went through my closets and drawers. The room Jay gave me had a lot of closet space. More than I'd ever need I think. I took the clothes off hangers in the closet and left them in a pile in the closet for whoever would come in next. I empty my drawers. As I filled boxes up, the movers took them away.   
After I filled up my clothes, I worked on Matthew's. After that, I took boxes and started putting books I had in bookshelves and old records we had. I wrapped up anything that was of value to me. Then I came to our white grand piano. I sat at it and put my fingers on the keys. I hadn't played in a very long time, but it all came back to me once my fingers hit the keys.   
"Do you want to take that?" A mover asked me.  
I nodded my head. "Yes, I do."  
After hours of hard work, my apartment was empty. Memories were washed away. My life was starting over. As I walked out of the apartment, I was taking the very first step. 


	17. Chapter 17

I closed the door behind me as I left my room. I didn't look back. Paul was waititng with the elevator. I got in carrying only what I carried in. I would be heading out.   
"Good luck now, darling." Paul said to me. "When I watch you next on TV, it better be better."   
"It will, Paul, I promise." I told him. "It will be a lot better."   
I thanked Paul for everything, and kissed him on the cheek good-bye. I met with the movers one last time before seeing them again in Florida. I went inside the parking garage and found the 1999 black Corvette. I filled the trunk up and some of the backseat. It's not a big car, so it was a squeeze, and set Matthew's car seat up in the front seat next to me. Before leaving, I called Jay.   
"Hello?" He asked.   
"Jason, how are you?"   
"Oh, please, Des, stop." He said. "Leaving?"   
"Finally. Few hours here is enough to kill you."   
"That would be bad. Driving back? Call me when you stop and before you leave tomorrow, and when you get back to Tampa."   
"Damn, Jay, you sound worse than Paul sometimes. Speaking of which, how is he?"   
"Fine, fine. Still fighting for you here, believe it or not. Vince wanted to extend your suspension, just yours, and not Amy's. And, he's been buddy buddy with Kurt."   
"Little bastard."   
"Paul fought for you, and won. Everyone's waiting for you to come back. They're actually kinda scared. No one has any idea on what you're going to do next. I didn't spill any of your plans, but people are wondering."   
"Let them wonder. They won't know until I come back." I said. "I'm going to start heading out. Catch some time, see how far I can get."   
"All right, call me." He said. "Love you much."   
"Right back at ya babe."   
I put Pearl Jam into the CD player and stared out. "Once" played over the car stereo system and I sang along as I drove down 7th Avenue, away from New York. It was finally over, finally gone, finally behind me. I didn't hear my parents voices in the back of my head anymore, they were gone. As I drove into New Jersey, it was all behind me.   
About half way into Jersey, with Matthew alseep, and the CD on it's third rotation, I started thinking about my match idea. I had written and rewritten the perfect match. One that gave both of us equal time to show off what we had. The more and more I thought about it, I realized our suspensions would be up two weeks before the next pay-per-view, No Mercy. With that in mind, my match now became huge.   
I was unsure at best if Vince would go for this, or if Amy would go for this. Unsure being an under statement. Vince was on my bad side for as long as I can remember, and anything I came up with was shot down. And Amy, well, we don't even have to go there with her. Since day one this woman had haunted me, and I haunted her right back. A never ending fight for something, over something. It wasn't about Team Xtreme, or about Matt and Jeff. I've said jealiously, and I'll stick with that, but I can't help thinking there's something else behind this. Why were we so mad? Really, we were exactly alike. Trying to prove the same things to people, with the same ways of doing them. Our style was the same our minds were pretty much the same as well. We were just too blinded by a natural hate to even see that. Adam joked one time that Amy and myself would be great team mates. "You and Amy would be the perfect team. The style's right, the gimmick's right. Just get the hate out of the way" he said. He's probably right.   
Our similarities scared me sometimes. I bet her too, because they are there. I drove along, banging my hands against the steering wheel to the drum beat. Matthew awoke when we hit Delaware. He smiled and clapped along to the music. I didn't care about the WWF, Amy, wrestling, anything when I looked into my son's eyes.   
I made a pit stop in Maryland. The water I had drank caught up with me, and I needed to take the baby out of the car seat. I walked inside and, after getting ice-cream, went straight to the bathroom and changed the baby. I ran some water in my hands and ran them through his hair. He smiled at me and then went back to playing with the plastic spoon from the ice-cream we shared.   
I put him down and held his hand and we walked out. I bought another ice-cream and sat outside with Matthew. The sun was high and it was pretty nice out. Not too hot, not too cold. It was beautiful out. There was a small breeze and strands of my hair that didn't go in the ponytail blew out. My sweatshirt was tied around my waist and I was wearing a white tank top and blank jeans.   
I figured I'd drive to Matt's house and stay there and take off again in the morning. It beat paying for a hotel. I picked up my cell phone and called Jay.   
"Des, that you?"   
"The one and only." I answered. "I'm in Maryland, taking a break. I'm driving to Matt's house. Baby and I are going to stay there until tomorrow."  
"Sounds good to me. Call me when you get there and before you take off tomorrow."  
"Yes daddy." I said.   
"That would be Paul's job. Don't get any ideas."  
I laughed. "I know."  
I said good-bye to Jay, and sat on the bench for a while. This part of the country was perfect. I smiled and looked down at Matthew. He was running around the bench. I figured I'd let him get it out of his system now, so he'd be good in the car on the way to Matt's.   
After a few more minutes I packed my son up and we headed to Matt's. On the way my cell phone rang, from an un expecting person, Vince McMahon. I wanted to know what this man wanted from me.  
"So, where have you been on your suspension?"  
"Why do you care? I've been out of your hair." I answered. "What do you want anyway?"  
"Your suspension is up in two weeks. You, and Amy, will be returning soon to the WWF. As I will tell her, I expect change. I will not tolerate anymore of these games, these attacks. Another one will result in a longer suspension, and then one of you will be fired."  
"And you have to tell me this now?"  
"I am giving you a fair warning, Destiny. I know how you can get when things go wrong, when you get angry. Your temper is one worthy of stories. When you return you are going to be put right back into it all, no slow but steady approach. I expect you to be in top physical and mental health. Because there is no easing in."  
"Bring it, Vince." I told him. "I have ideas, I have an idea. You can throw all you want at me, Vince."  
"Ideas?" He asked.  
"Yes, I will tell you in two weeks. I am finalizing it now. You want to put an end to this, well so do I. And I know how." I answered.   
I hung the phone up without a good-bye. Vince wanted big, he was going to get it. He was going to get his big match, his money, it all in two weeks. 


	18. Chapter 18

I drove up the driveway of Matt Hardy's home, and in a way, mine too. I took Matthew out and we walked to the door. I opened it, did the alarm code and walked inside. Matthew ran to the couch and tried to get on it. I smiled and helped him up. I sat down next to him and stretched out my legs. I put him down and started walking through the house. I reached the room I used, it was next to Matthew's room and two doors down from Matt's. This was, of course, before any marriage ideas came into play. I went through everything and picked some things out that I wanted to take to Florida with me. I brought the other suitcase to the front door.   
Once I got that done, I called Jay. He said he was hanging out by the pool with the guys, he said Paul was dying to talk to me, and I wanted so badly to talk to him.  
"Sweetheart!" He said when he got on the phone.  
"Daddy!" I yelled back.  
"How are you hun?" He asked me.   
"Fine, healing. Everything's going great."  
"That's so good to hear. Two weeks and you'll be back. Jay knows something, what do you have planned?"  
"You'll see. I heard you were fighting for me while I was gone."  
"You bet your ass I was. I got to defend my baby girl. No one hurts her."   
"Thank you, Paul." I told him. "I miss you all so much, I want to come back so badly."   
"You'll be back soon. We miss you too. I haven't been able to talk to you. Steph wants to go out to lunch the second you come back. I think after RAW, all of us are going out for drinks and what not, and the next day, I want to take you to breakfast."  
"Wow, I got a busy two days." I said. "But I love every minute of it."   
Talking to Paul lifted my sprits up, and also made me want to come back so bad. I was getting that feeling again, and I wanted to get in that ring and fight once again. I was started to feel it and I couldn't wait two weeks.   
I walked to the window and looked out. About five minutes away was Jeff's house, five minutes, ten or fifteen minute walk. I didn't know if he was home or not. Impulsively, I picked Matt up and put him in his stroller for a walk. I wasn't thinking, of course, as I took the path to Jeff's house. It wasn't until I turned onto his block that I realized what I was doing. And even then, I wasn't really sure. I just kept going, I couldn't stop.   
I saw his house, but still kept walking. I stopped right in front of his house, I looked up at it. His car wasn't there, so I thought he wasn't home. I walked up the driveway and into the backyard. He had sure done a lot to it. He had something built in the back with one of his allumanummies on it and a bunch of ditches dug in a pattern, full, sort of, with water. I saw a small bulldozer or something like it, painted, parked in the middle of the yard. Inside these ditches were a few pool rafts. I wondered what he was up to now.   
I walked across the yard to the dirt bike track. He taught me how to do this track. He taught me a lot. I saw the volcano was full of gun powder, as if it had been used recently. I could smell it in the air. I didn't dare go near the house. I looked around the property and couldn't believe the mistakes I made. Guilt hit me like a train and I felt incredibly bad. Not for myself, but for Jeff, and Matt as well.   
I screwed up a relationship so much more valuable than anything on this earth, the relationship between two brothers. Yes, things have been fixed, mended between the brothers, but it will never be like it was. Something I did dissolved a lot of trust and a lot of willingness to trust again. It's just played off so well on TV, no one knew a damn thing, and it was Amy that got people to think and realize all wasn't good in paradise, and maybe the reason Jeff and I broke up wasn't because of what it was said on TV.   
Jeff lost so much that night. His girlfriend, and his brother, temporarily. He lost trust in two people he thought he could trust like no other. He lost the two most important people in his life. And though he got one back, it's not the same, nor will it ever be. Guilt took over me and I couldn't move. Matthew started to make noises, he wanted to go home.   
Tears streamed down my face and I found it difficult to push the stroller down the road. I got past the house and turned the corner, but my mind was else where. Waiting for the street light to change so I could cross the street to get to Matt's house, a black Corvette pulled up beside me, at the light. My face was emotionless as I stared directly ahead of me. The window was cracked a little, enough to get noises out of Matthew. I looked down at him and told him to please be quiet. But he kept looking at the car and squealing. Then I looked over, and I froze. My eyes met the beautiful green eyes of Jeff Hardy. He looked right at me, not happy and no mad to see me. I wanted to look away, but I couldn't. I felt the tensions and I felt the heat, it was all still there. My stomach sank, my heart jumped into my throat. My hands gripped tightly to the handlebars of the stroller and I started shaking. His eyes didn't move from mine. When the light turned green, he sped off, leaving me there.   
The rest of the walk home, I wondered what he was doing there, and if he knew I stopped by. He could have come up that way to go somewhere. He didn't see me turn out of his block, or did he? I was so worried that Jeff saw me at his house. And I was so freaked out by seeing him at the light. He was in North Carolina. But for how long? And, could I bring myself to go there again and talk to him?   
Once I got home I put Matthew in his play pen and headed straight for the bathroom and turned on a cold shower and stuck my head in it. Why was I so freaked out over this? I see Jeff everyday at work. But, the only time I was ever in eye contact distance with him was when he was in the ring, and I happened to me outside of it. But never had I looked into his eyes, not once since Unforgiven last year.   
I wrapped my hair in a towel and came back out. Matthew was sitting down in his playpen playing with some of his action figures. He gets so many of them. We're always getting our own figures before they hit shelves, and most of the wrestlers, well most of the ones I'm close with, give some of their figures to Matt. Usually we get about two or three, one we keep in the box and the rest, we just do whatever with. I had a ring set up at Matt's house, every ring and every accessory I could get my hands on. I packed that ring up, and all that came with it, it was coming with me.  
I picked my baby up and drew him a bath. He took three figures in with him, ironically, those figures were me, his father, and Jeff. I cleaned him up and put him in his pajamas. I let him run around, well the best he could, with his figures for a while. I got on the floor and played with him. He's such a good baby. He's a great sleeper, and looks just like his daddy. With one exception, his eyes. His eyes were like his uncles...Jeff's. He had those piercing green eyes. He was a Hardy all right, you couldn't see any of me in him. I just hoped I hadn't given him and of my fucked up qualities.   
Matthew tired himself out and when I went in the kitchen to get an apple, he was sleeping when I came back. I scooped him up and put him to bed. Tomorrow would be a long day in the car again and I wanted him to be well rested. I watched him sleep for a little before I headed to my room.   
I got under the covers and found it hard to sleep. Seeing Jeff today caught me off guard. I never expected he'd even be here now. Seeing him triggered off something in my mind. I wanted so badly to fix things, but found it so difficult to make that first step. And there was no way he would, he had no reason to. He was the one who was hurt, I had to do this. It was now my turn. Who knew what the next few months would bring. 


	19. Chapter 19

I wanted to call Jay and tell him what had just happened to me. What I saw and who was down here. He probably knew, Jeff wasn't on the road with them. And, if he wasn't, why didn't anyone warn me? That wasn't on the top of my concerns list. The fact that he was here, and he could have seen me up at the house was.   
My heart still raced as I left Matthew's room. I got into my bed and couldn't fall asleep. Every time I closed my eyes, I saw his eyes look right back at me. His eyes were so beautiful, but so haunting. I couldn't shake the image of his green eyes staring into mine. It felt that he wasn't even staring at me, but through me. He glared as if I didn't exist, I wasn't standing there.   
The alarm I set for seven that morning went off, and I sat there wide awake, with only about three hours sleep behind me. I dragged myself out of bed and into the shower. After I got out, I woke Matthew up. He was still tired. I left him in his pajamas and carried him to the car. Pop tart in hand, I started the car, and headed out for Tampa.   
I was so concerned about Jeff, if he saw me, and what he had to be thinking. Everything I had planned for a moment like that had flown out the window. I didn't speak, I didn't even move. How was Jeff to know how I felt if I couldn't bring myself to move a muscle around him.   
I drove a little while longer and made a pit stop in Georgia. I took out my phone and called Jay. Matthew was awake, and I brought him in to change his diaper. The phone rang a few times before Jay picked up. I looked at my watch, it was about noon.   
"Did I wake you?" I asked.  
"What? No, I had to get up anyway. Where are you?"  
"Georgia." I answered. "Pit stop, I'm going straight through after this."  
"All right. Take care of the house." He told me.  
"Of course, Jay." I said.   
"Of course." He replied.   
"Why didn't you tell me Jeff was down in North Carolina?" I asked.  
"Because, I honestly didn't know. He mentioned something about going away for the weekend. He never said where, and no one thought he'd be home. Why?"  
"I saw him. He's not on some small vacation, he's home." I answered.  
"You saw him?"  
"Yes, I was walking with Matt and his car pulled up next to me at a light. I swear it was him, we stared right at each other."  
"And?"  
"And what?"  
"What else?" He asked eagerly.  
"Nothing else." I answered. "As soon as the light turned green, he sped away."  
"Oh." Jay said. "Well, in two weeks you'll be back on board. The both of you will be here."  
"I know, I know. And it'll probably be like before. I've got something I need to take care of, get out of the way, before I can work on this."  
"Amy?"  
"Yes. Amy." I answered. "I've got to get all this out of the way. Then, I can start putting my life together."   
"Do what you have to. I'm here for ya."  
"I know, thank you, Jay."   
I hung up with him and headed out for Florida. No more pit stops. I changed the CD and put on one that I had made, a bunch of entrance themes. Don't ask, sometimes you just get in that mood. Anyway, I was blasting the themes of everyone I knew. It got me in the mood to wrestle. The desire returned and I was yearning for the chance.  
Finally I past the sign that read "Welcome To Florida", I welcomed it. Soon enough I'd be at Jay's, setting things up, and having the movers move all my stuff in. I was looking forward to staying with Jay. It was a new taste, I had been bouncing back between Paul and Chris, and God knows who else just because staying in New York was too horrible.   
The longest part of my trip seemed to be the time it took to get from the sign to Jay's house. I was in such anticipation to be there, that the miles dragged on slowly. Once I finally arrived, the movers weren't there yet. But, I didn't care. I left what I had in the car and brought Matthew inside. I went to the phone to call Jay, he wanted me to.  
"You know, I am getting sick of calling you all the damn time." I laughed.  
"I know, I am getting kinda sick of hearing your voice too." He replied. "So you must be home then?"  
"Yes, and happy to be. The movers didn't get here yet, but I could careless right now. I'm just so happy to finally be here."  
"Well, what's there is yours too." He told me. "Make yourself right at home. You have two weeks to make it your house too, then you're back on the road."   
"Back to the insanity." I said.  
"You ready for it?" He asked.  
"Yes, I can't be more ready. I think whatever it was I was looking for, I think I found it here." I answered. "Most if it."  
"That's good to hear. Soul searching worked then?"  
"It did." I looked around. "It really did."  
"So, a new, fresh Destiny will emerge from the wreckage? A strong, wise, Destiny?"  
"Something like that, yeah." I answered. "Smart enough to start being responsible. A grown up Destiny will return. And I realized I had a lot of growing up to do."  
"Good to hear, Des." He said. "I'd love to stay and chit chat, but I gotta run. I'll call you sometime soon."  
"All right, love you, Jay."  
"Right back at ya babe."   
I hung up. As I did, the movers arrived at the house. I let them in and the process of bringing what was worth keeping at New York began. I showed them mine and the baby's room, and the other room Jay gave us. I showed them where to park the dirt bikes and motorcycles they brought up as well. Matthew got a kick out of it, seeing everything being brought upstairs. I paid them and gave them a generous tip and they left.  
After, I brought Matthew upstairs with me to my room. I set him in his playpen and I kept the door open to the balcony I had on the room. I had the movers put my piano on it. I sat at it and began to play, not a song I had heard of, just something I had made up. Matthew looked at me as I played. I thought about everything that had happened this month. And, a more grown up Destiny was going to emerge from the wreckage. I had taken a look back at everything that happened to me prior to leaving. The fight, what led to the fight, the car accident. Being suspended was a Godsend, a miracle in disguise. With everything that led to me being suspended, and the hard times I faced here in Tampa, I got a good sense of who I was, and what I was still made up. I was still strong, and I was still able to handle almost anything. And, seeing Jeff in North Carolina was a sign, I had to take a step forward. Tampa did everything it promised. It woke me up, made me wise, showed me I was strong, and I grew up. Most importantly, I grew up, and I woke up. Tampa changed me, and I will never forget it. 


	20. Chapter 20

Obviously, my Jeff sighting shook me to my very core. And, it's what was on my mind on the flight back to the WWE. They had RAW today in Boston, Mass, and I was going up there to be apart of the card. God only knew what was in store for me, I had no idea. Was I going to be going face to face with Amy? Would the Destiny/Lita angle pick right back up? Or, would I ease into it, keeping this tag team alive?   
The two hour flight was long, and I, along with Matt, were very ancy. Neither of us could sit still. I had him on my lap and we looked out the window at the coast as we flew over what we drove down just two weeks ago. It seemed so different from this point of view.   
I had gotten so many voice mails on my phone from many of the superstars. Everyone was waiting for me to come back, and waiting to see what would happen when I did. They were all so convinced I would attack Amy the second I saw her. They thought they knew me so well. In reality, no one knew me. Not many knew the true me. I opened up to a very few people. I had with Matt, but things started to level out with us, and I hadn't spoken much to him. Jay knew about me, Paul and Stephanie knew me, and Jeff knew me. Once upon a time he knew me.   
The plane touched ground in Boston, and I ran off it. No one met me at the airport, I didn't really tell anyone what flight I'd be taking. I got my things and rented a car. It was around two when I got there and before anything, I had to meet with Vince. Something I didn't want to do, but knew I had to.   
Vince had called me setting up a meeting at some outdoor cafe and told me how to get there from the airport. When I arrived, he was sitting there drinking coffee. I sat across from him with Matthew in the chair next to me.  
"He's looking well." Vince said.  
"Thank you." I replied.   
"Now that you're back, I have to warn you about some things."  
"I know Vince, I know." I said. "I have an idea, I want to run it by you."   
"Really?" He asked. I proceeded to tell him my idea. He seemed interested in what I was saying. "How can I trust you with this? How do I know you won't take advantage of this?"  
"What about her?" I asked.  
"I am asking you."  
"You can be sure it's just business. And, after the pay-per-view, it'll be over with."  
"It would be your ideas on how to bring it about, but I know that this match, it has to happen. I don't want to deal with her anymore."  
"And dropping the belt is something your comfortable with?" He asked.  
"I'll do whatever it takes to make sure I don't have to cross paths with her." I answered.  
"I will take it into consideration. Run it by our writers, see what we can come up with. As for tonight, find Chris, you have a Tag Team Title match against Adam and Jay. See you at the arena."  
Boy, Chris Jericho and Destiny vs. Edge and Christian. Wonderful. I wasn't looking forward to it, but really didn't mind it. I was getting back into the ring, and this would promise to be a good match. We knew each other inside out, there was nothing we couldn't do.   
I had some time to kill before going to the arena, and I didn't want to run into anyone until I got there. I ordered something to eat, a sandwich, from the cafe and split it with Matthew. I sat there thinking about all that happened to me before Tampa, and all that could happen to me after. Live for the moment. It's what I kept telling myself over and over again.  
I looked at my watch, everyone would be showing up now at the arena. Before the show was the best time to talk about your match, and I had to catch up with Adam, Jay, and Chris. I drove to the arena, and when I saw it, started to drive around it. I drove past the parking lot used by the superstars and saw a lot of familiar faces walking inside. I took a deep breath and looked at my baby.  
"Ready?" I asked him.  
He smiled and nodded at me. With that, I drove into the parking lot. No one was walking in when I got out of my car. I had my bag with me full of my ring gear and walked on in. First, I saw stage managers and crew and they were all happy to see me. They directed to me to the locker room everyone was hanging out in. I thanked them and took a deep breath before going in.  
"Oh, my God, she lives." Adam said. He ran to me and gave me a hug. Everyone walked to me.  
"My baby." Paul said to me. "It was too long."  
"You're telling me." I said. I put my things down.  
"Let me see my boy." Matt said picking his son up.   
"He missed you." I told Matt.  
"I was away from him too long." I smiled looking at them.  
"We have to get into this match." Chris told me. "Get your hellos in now, and we have to talk about what we're going to do." I nodded.  
"How are you feeling?" Adam asked. "Healed?"  
"Yeah, I think I'm going to be ok." I answered.   
Adam smiled. "You have no idea how happy I am to hear that." He put his arm around me and we filed out. Chris, Jay, Adam, and myself sat in our own room to talk about the match.   
"Vince told me he wanted to concentrate on this team." Chris told me. "He's going to involve us in a lot of matches and a lot of storylines. He said he thinks this team can be pretty strong." I nodded. "This match, I think, should really test the team. We should go to that ring and really get everyone's attention. They know what we can do, they know we're good. This match should test it."  
"Ok. We can do that." Jay said. "Give you a run for your money."   
"Didn't Vince hint he wanted to keep a feud here going?" Adam asked.  
"Maybe. I think he said start after the pay-per-view. Get it going into the next one." Chris answered. "But, we have to make this one stand out so when we do kick into it, we can go back to this match, and people will remember."  
Made sense. And, a feud going with the four of us would be a good one. We know each other so well that we can go out there and say a lot of things and it would all be ok. We could put on one hell of a match. I was ready and willing to hear out what they wanted to do in this match. Lets turn it up a notch, lets get in there and lets us be us. Lets not hold back. We wanted to get inside that ring and really put on a show. We weren't going to hold up for anyone.   
We left the room when the match was cemented inside our heads. I had a clear idea on what was going on, and I knew what my job was in the ring. I went back to the locker room to change. It was my time to get into that mood, and I left everyone alone so I could stretch and get a clear head. It felt good to stretch, I hadn't really done much on my suspension. And, I needed to get back into the loop.   
As I was stretching, Jay came around the corner and pinched my butt. I stood up and looked at him funny.  
"Please, don't give me that look." He said backing away. "You ready for this?"  
"I was born ready, Jay." I answered. "It'll be just like riding a bike. Something that you know no matter how long of a time you're away from it."   
"I know you'll do just fine." He told me. He brought me close to him and kissed the top of my head.   
I jumped up and down waiting in the gorilla area with Chris. Our music was about to hit. It was a while since I heard my music, and when it hit, it sent chills up my spine. Chris and I walked out together with the Tag Team Titles, and me still sporting the Women's Title. The fans freaked out when they saw me. It brought a tear to my eye. Chris grabbed a mike.   
"Hell yeah!" He yelled. "It's been awhile since these titles have been defended. But I think you people are more happy to see Destiny, my tag team partner, back in action!" The fans went nuts. Chris handed me the mic. I was put on the spot.   
"Wow." I said looking around. "It feels incredibly great to be able to walk down that ramp, into this ring, and stand here in front of you people. There is no feeling like it in the world. And, I'm sorry I let certain things get the best of me, and that you the fans, were cheated because of it. But, things won't be like that anymore. You're going to see a new Destiny from here on out. I promise to not disappoint any of you. Because this is all about you, the fans."  
My on the spot speech made a pretty big impact. The fans stood up and chanted my name for a good solid minute before Edge and Christian's music started. Chris and I got ready as the two entered the ring. The four of us had a big stare down which broke when Chris and I started throwing right hands.   
We got the upper hand quickly. It was going to start out seeming as if we had this match one off the spot. We made tags in and out as we beat on Adam, isolating him from his partner. Getting him as close as arms reach before pulling him away. It became a joke, and the fans ate it up. We walked all over Adam, and it didn't become a challenge anymore. We got too cocky, and Adam made a comeback on me. He pulled a spear out of no where which got me down.   
He crawled to Jay who came in quick and got to me before I could make my tag. The tables turned, and I was the one having mind games played on me. Jay got me in a headlock and starting talking to me, making me laugh. I made a come back, breaking the hold and tagging in Chris. He rallied up the crowd on Jay and then a double team hit. I got on the top rope and hit a Corkscrew on both Adam and Jay.   
That's where the match really picked up. I was going up top left and right, Chris was springing himself off the ropes all over the place, Adam was using his in ring skills and tossing us all over the place, and Jay was using his ring presence to get the crowd on their feet. We were using our best qualities to the up most fullest in this match.   
About half way through the match, I got really emotional. I got Adam in a snap suplex and, for some reason, the fans really reacted to it. When I stood up after doing it, I sort of chocked up a bit. I took a step back and looked at them and smiled. I pounded my first on my chest and raised it high and they went wild. My heart was in this fully.   
Adam came back and got me ready for a powerbomb, but he told me as he was lifting me up to reverse it into a Hurricanrana. I did just that, and again, the fans reacted. I got him with a few clotheslines before he knocked me flat with one of his own. He threw me into the ropes and hit me with a spinning heel kick, and I ate some boot. I could taste blood, but spit onto the matt and kept going. I got Adam down and started crawling for Chris.   
I made the tag in and Adam got his tag off. He and Jay had it out and he tagged me back in. I was ready to end it. Adam came running in and Chris came in after him. I pointed to Chris and he nodded, we put on stereo Walls Of Jericho's and both men tapped out. We won our match.  
I was so happy that I was back here, that when we won, I sort of started crying. I hugged Chris tightly, and he knew I had gotten pretty emotional here. Adam and Jay dropped face for a little and patted my back as I was still in Chris's arms. When I pulled away, I raised the tight high, and everyone could see my face, and see I had been crying.   
"This is what it's all about!" I yelled pointing them. The first row heard me, and I think the mic's picked it up.   
"A very emotional Destiny makes her return here on Monday Night RAW." JR said. "Making it known tonight it's all about the fans."  
"Indeed." King added.   
Chris and I walked back up the ramp hand in hand. We stopped on the stage and raised our hands high. Amy walked on the ramp and the crowd booed. I turned and saw her there. Chris came close to me, but then back away. I walked right up to her and looked her in the eyes. The fans knew something would happen. Everyone backstage was so sure I would crack. After a few minutes of staring, I just shook my head and laughed.  
"You're not worth it." I told her and went backstage with Chris leaving her alone.   
"You handled yourself well." He told me with a hug.   
"The bitch is back!" Dwayne yelled coming my way.  
"She sure is." Adam answered. "Back and better than ever."  
"Destiny, we're going out tomorrow." Stephanie told me walking up to everyone.   
"Hey, Steph, nice to see ya." Chris joked.  
"I got tied up before, so I'll make it up to ya."  
"Course you were tied up!" Chris joked again. Stephanie playfully hit him.   
"Yeah, sounds good to me." I said with a smile.   
I was congratulated by everyone on my match. It felt great to be back in the swing of things, to get that rush. And it was an even better feeling to just walk by Amy. Treat her as if she wasn't there. But, I knew the fans wanted to see a brawl, one last fight. We'd give them one last fight. I was in the locker room, alone, when Amy came in.  
"Don't worry, I'm actually not out for your head."  
"Like you could get it anyway." I told her.   
"Vince tells me you want to drop that pretty little belt of yours." She said. "You, the all mighty Destiny, is willing to actually lose a match."   
"And the less than scum Amy is actually going to win a match. Funny how things work out."  
"Right." She said rolling her eyes. "You think you can keep it cool in that match? Not let the selfish side rise up? Honey, lets face it, you and I both know the second I start to climb out for the winning climb, you're going to freak out and have to take the match as your own. And, when I do win, what makes you so sure you can actually keep your hands off me?"  
"Unlike you Amy, my hands aren't everywhere."  
"Right, and that's why you're a mother."  
"Must you drag my son into this?" I asked. "What were you thinking?"  
"Sweetheart, anything to ruin your day makes mine a hell of a lot better." She answered smugly. The way she was talking, with that confidence, that attitude made me want to kill her. But I kept it under. "So, you want to end this? You want to go two weeks full on, head on, and then after one match have it all disappear?"  
"If I can't have you disappear, it's the next best thing."  
"If anyone were to 'disappear' around it, it'd be you hun." She told me. "No Mercy will live up to it's name, I can assure you that." She smiled, a sly slick smile. She then slapped me across the face and left. I jumped up, but let her go.   
I was out of my mind by the time the rest of the gang caught up. No Mercy would indeed live up to it's name, like Unforgiven did the month before. Everyone saw the fire in my eyes as we walked out of the arena. Matt held on to our baby, he barely let him go all night. I was walking faster than everyone, I was ahead of them.  
"Will you hurry up!" I yelled back. "I want to get back to the hotel."  
"Calm down, Des." Paul told me. "Where's the fire?"   
"I'm tired." I answered. "Sorry, I just want to lay down." I rubbed my head.  
"Something wrong?" Paul asked me. "Come back with Steph and I."   
I got in the backseat of their car. I stared out the window as we drove along. Day one back started out as a great day, but that one incident in the locker room changed it all. It may have been respectful to suck up my pride with Amy. But it wasn't something I wanted to do. And it killed me inside to have to take what she gave out without giving anything back.   
"I think I'm gonna go to Matt's room and check on the baby." Stephanie said. She kissed my cheek and left.   
"What's wrong, hun?" Paul asked.  
"Nothing, nothing. It's the fact that I can't do anything without worrying about leaving this behind."   
"Amy." He said. "Being that close make you uneasy? You handled yourself well."  
"Not that. We had somewhat of a conversation. And, I sucked it up, didn't jump at her. But, it hurts not being able to speak."  
"Show's your the better person. A much better person." Paul told me.  
"Maybe so, but I sure as hell don't feel like one." I said. I rubbed my head. Paul rubbed my shoulders.  
"Destiny, you can't expect to go head first into this and feel better. It's going to take time." Paul told me. "You know what it's like when you lash out right away, and you have to learn how to just take it, and I know, it sucks."  
"That's an understatement." I told him.   
He put his massive arms around me and rested his head on my shoulder. "I believe you can over come whatever you set your mind to." He kissed my cheek. "You're amazing, Des, simply amazing. Whatever you do, you do ten times better than anyone I know can. When you're focused, you are on. Don't let anything ruin that about, Des, no one. Don't let her ruin what you have going for you. No one can do the things you do, no one can do them how you do them. Don't let her ruin any of that. You're too good for that."  
"Thanks, Paul." I said. I gave him a hug. He leaned back on the bed and I laid beside him, my head on his chest.   
"Promise me that no matter what happens, this'll never change, and you'll never get too old for it." Paul told me.   
"I promise." I answered.  
"Because, I still want to be able to hold my baby girl." He said.   
I felt so blessed to have Paul in my life. And, moments like these reminded me of that. We had faced our problems before, and sometimes they got pretty rough, but through it all, he was still there. They say a parent is someone who is there, someone who looks out for you, comforts you, takes care of you. Paul did just that, a better father than my own.  
I got up and thanked Paul, and went to my room. I feel onto my bed and looked at the ceiling. Times were changing here in the WWE. A lot was still going to change. And, as much control as I wanted to have, it seemed like I was just going along for the ride. 


	21. Chapter 21

Smackdown the next day was in Vermont. I packed my things together to get ready and opened my door carrying my two bags. As I turned to walk to Paul's room, I bumped into someone.   
"I'm so clumsy I'm sorry." I said.  
"My fault." The familiar southern drawl said. It was Jeff. I looked at him and he looked at me. "Destiny." He said.  
"Jeff. Sorry, didn't mean to."  
"I know, like a lot of things." He said and walked away.   
I sighed and continued to walk. I knocked on Paul's door and Steph answered. She smiled and let me in.  
"You look like hell." She told me.   
"Yeah, well the day would have started off better if I didn't bump into Jeff a few seconds ago."  
"Did you?" She said. "Do tell."  
"Tell what? I bumped into him and said I was sorry that I didn't mean to. And he said, 'I know, like a lot of things'."  
"Ouch." She said. "I'm sorry."  
"Yeah, well, shit happens." I said. "I'm not giving up."  
"I like the attitude." She put her arms around me.  
"Lets get the show on the road, we have about a two, three hour drive ahead of us. We lead the train to Vermont."  
"We do?" I asked.  
"Yup, Adam, Jay and Chris are following us. Matt, Jeff, and your son is following us."  
"Oh, I get it." I said grabbing my things.   
We threw our things in the car and Adam, Paul, and Matt met up to talk about which way they would go, since they were the three drives. I looked at saw Jeff holding my son in my arms and it broke my heart. He still is so good with that baby. I had to look away or I would cry.  
"Ready?" Paul asked as we got into the car.  
"Yes, lets get the show on the road." Stephanie answered. As we pulled out, I saw Jeff holding Matthew high and a smile on his face, and a tear fell down my cheek. I brushed it away quickly and sat back. I grabbed a diary I had been keeping since my son was born. I opened to the next clean page and started to write. Write about how nothing was going to stop me now. Once I got Amy out of the way, every excuse was gone. The one hurdle I had to face.   
"Anyone want to stop for food?" Paul asked about 45 minutes into our trip.   
"Sure." Stephanie answered.  
"Des?"  
"Yeah, sure." I answered. I closed my book and the three car train pulled into a rest stop. I got out and stretched and walked inside. We all got a big table to eat at. I sat with Matt and my son and gave him some cereal while I picked at a sandwich. I glanced a the end of the table, and there he was, joking with Jay and Chris. I sighed and looked at my son. His laughter seemed louder than anyone else. All I could hear was his voice, his cute southern accent. I could see his smile in my mind, his beautiful green eyes. I closed my eyes and I saw the times he smiled for me, his eyes glistened.   
"Des, can I see Matt?" Adam asked me.  
"Sure." I picked him up and carried him to Adam. "You don't have to ask."  
I walked back to my seat and continued to pick at the sandwich. I wasn't hungry. I was leaning on my right hand picking at the sandwich with my left. I glanced over at Adam with Matt and saw that Jeff was playing with him too. I took a deep breath.   
"Before we hit the road I wanna pee." I said getting up.  
I walked into the bathroom to get a hold of myself. It was all in front of me. I had to formulate a plan. How I was going to talk to him. The door opened and I figured it was Steph coming in. It wasn't, it was Jay.  
"What are you doing in here?" I asked. "This is the girls bathroom."  
"Yeah, I know. I figured I'd look for some chicks here." He smiled. "What's wrong?"  
"Nothing." I answered.  
"Destiny, look who you're talking to." He said. "Too much Jeff for you to handle right now?"  
"Maybe."  
"Hey, it's weird for him too. He keeps looking at you and looking away. It's weird, it's the closest the two of you have been since, you know. We talk to him and he laughs with us, but I don't think he really knows what we're saying."  
"Seeing him with Matt hurts. He's so good to that baby."  
"He loves that kid. It's his nephew. I don't think he had any intention on punishing that kid for anything. You know how Jeff is with family. He's going to spoil that baby."  
"I know, all of you are. My child is going to be the spoiled brat."  
"Nah, he won't be like that. He's got two good parents to keep his ass in line." Jay told me. "You know what's right, Des, do it."  
He left. And, like always, he was right. I went back out and everyone was in their cars. I walked with Stephanie to ours and got in the backseat. I put my feet up on the seat and leaned against the door. I continued writing in my little diary for most of the ride. Then, I got tired and fell asleep.   
"Des! Up and at em, where here!" Paul yelled to me. I opened my eyes and looked at him staring me right in the face.   
"Woah, hello, Paul." I said. "Too close for comfort." I pushed his face back. We arrived at the arena. We weren't staying overnight in Vermont. After the Smackdown taping, some superstars were headed on a fight to Iowa to do a house show there and two more in states around it. I was on that list of superstars.   
We walked inside the arena and one of Vince's associates pulled me aside. He lead me down a hall to where Vince was setting up the final details for Smackdown. He saw me walking to him and excused himself from the men he was talking with and walked with me back down the hallway and out onto the ramp of the Smackdown set.   
"In that ring, we house the best of the very best. Lives are put on the line every night. There is no question what we do is stressful, you know first hand. Day in and day out, there is no explanation for what we do, what we go through, and what we put our bodies through."  
"It's all true, Vince, but what are you getting at?" I asked. I was shocked that he wasn't about to yell at me.   
"I thought about your idea, the one you told me yesterday. I read the match lay up over and over again, and I find it flawless. You have constructed a great match, even better than many of our writers. I haven't slept much, I've written down so many ideas of how I want to play this out. It's perfect. It will be better for the both of you. It starts tonight. You and Chris are in a tag match, Amy and Kurt are going to interfere. I am having Chris face Kurt at the next pay per view. RAW you will set the challenge, and basically ruin each other's matches. Then, after the pay-per-view, I will personally make sure this matter is taken care of."  
I was stunned. Vince vowed to work with me and make sure this was all going to be taken care of. He said he was working out of my best interests. He agreed that, for the most part, I was pushed into the things I had done. He said he'd discuss with Amy what needed to be discussed and would check in with me from time to time.   
Vince walked back up the ramp and went backstage to the men he was talking to before. I stayed on the ramp looking into the ring. It was built now, and the padded security walls were being placed up. I took a deep breath and smiled, then walked up the ramp myself.   
"What was that about?" Paul asked me as I walked into the locker room.   
"Someone had a change of heart." I answered. "Things are going to be just fine."  
"That's good to hear." Stephanie answered. "Ready for tonight?"  
"Yeah, it all goes down tonight." I answered. "The road to No Mercy begins tonight."  
"Be careful." Paul told me. "Stay calm, keep your cool. You're doing great so far."  
I nodded. I suited up and Chris and I were wanted for a promo. We didn't have anything really prepared, just let flow.  
"I'm standing here with Chris Jericho and Destiny, the reigning Tag Team Champions." Coach said. "Once again you defend your titles against 7 time Tag Team Champions, Edge and Christian."   
"Edge and Christian? Am I supposed to be afraid of these two ass clowns? Are we supposed to run and hide? We're the Tag Team Champions! Not a bunch of has beens!" Chris said.   
"Lets face it, Edge and Christian have done a lot, and in the past we all used to be on the same page, but that was then. Now, these reekazoids, or whatever it is they say, have to realize that the times have changed. They might have been the most dominate tag team around, but take a look at this force." I added.  
"So, I take it has you're not worried about losing your belts?" Coach asked.  
"Never." I answered.  
"You have the best damn wrestler in history and the best damn Diva in history. When you put that together, you get the best damn tag team in history." Chris said, and we left. Next, the camera showed Edge and Christian watching our promo.  
"What is that?" Adam asked. "Who the hell do they think they are? We're the best tag team around here."  
"You're right, Edge. We'll show these chumpstains what tag team wrestling is all about."  
"You said it, bro."   
Then, their music hit and they walked out. We wished each other luck before the match. I slapped Adam and Jay's butts before they went through the curtain. I giggled to myself and got ready for Chris and I. The music started with his countdown and that segment before the pyrotechnics started. Our video had this countdown and his pyro. When the pyro hit in cut into a different song, "Strength" preformed by Disturbed. And, a new tag team video for us. I was excited about it.   
Our music hit and we walked out. The fans loved us. We had the perfect chemistry. We got in the ring and walked into a stare down with Adam and Jay. They punched us and threw us into the ropes, I hit first, when Chris hit, he missed the rope and went over it, landing outside. Adam got me in a backdrop. Jay got out of the ring and went to Chris while Adam and I started the match.   
I landed hard on my back and felt some soreness. I got right back up and walked into a few punches. After, Adam threw me into the ropes and I came back with a headsisscore take down. I got some momentum going and threw Adam to the corner and did a handspring elbow to him, and then got him in a bulldog as he walked out. I picked him up and threw him into our corner to make the tag to Chris.  
"My back, I can't not yet." He said to us.  
"Monkey flip." Adam told me.   
I nodded. I jumped and put my feet on his chest and fell back sending him flying. Jay ran in and I knocked him out telling him the deal. Our plan sort of went out the window and we had to adlib some of the moves. It wasn't that bad, we had all been in the ring enough to make a match go. After Adam tagged Jay in, Adam went to Chris and started beating on him just to make it look good. He didn't do anything harsh.   
Adam and Jay took turns wearing me down. They would throw me in the corner but Chris still wasn't ready. Finally, Chris put his arm out, and I tagged out. I could see he was hurting, but he knew he had to go in. Each time he took a back bump I could see the pain well up in his eyes. He tried his hardest not to let it show on camera. I was so tired from what I had done, that I should have stayed out, but I wanted so badly to tag back in. Chris was too proud, he wouldn't tag out, not this early.   
Adam got Chris in the Edge-a-cution, his submissions hold that targets the lower back and the knee area. I got angry, why was Adam doing this? He looked at me, and I knew why. It was part of the original plan, and Chris wouldn't have it any other way. But, it didn't make me feel any better. I couldn't take it and ran in and broke it up. Jay ran to me and we had it out for a while.   
I got back up on the apron and Adam threw Chris into the corner and I tagged myself in. I ran after Adam with his own move, the spear. I got him down and started punching him. Jay got in and it was a two on one, that Chris broke up himself. He knocked Jay out of the ring and we put a double team on Adam for the win.   
After we won, Chris collapsed. I knelt beside him, rubbing his back. I could see tears in his eyes as he laid there. He rolled over and looked up at me.  
"Are you ok?" I asked him.  
"I don't know." He answered. "I think I'll be fine."  
"Do you want EMTs?" I asked. He shook his head. "Ok, let me help you out then."   
"I felt it when I hit my back on the apron and hit the floor." He told me as we walked up the ramp. "I didn't have any time to prepare for it. I didn't know I was going over. And, when I went over, I was dead wait hitting my back right on it."  
"Please, get yourself checked out." I told him. "It's for the best."  
We got backstage, and an EMT crew was there waiting for Chris. He didn't want it, but went on the stretcher to the first aid room for a check up. Adam and Jay came back next and we watched as Chris was rolled away.  
"It was when he went over." Adam said. "I saw it."  
"He told me when I went out there." Jay said. "I hope he's ok."  
I went to the first aid to check on Chris. I knew there wasn't much they could do here, and he would have to go to the hospital for further check ups. And, when I got there, that's what they were doing to him. He was being taken away by the local hospital EMTs for x-rays.   
"I'm following you." I told him.  
"No, stay here." He replied. "Have fun. You just got back, you don't need more stress."  
"I want to see if you're ok." I said.   
"I'll be fine, stay here." He told me as the doors closed on the ambulance. I sighed as I watched it drive away.   
"He'll be fine." Jay said coming up behind me. He handed me a peach Snapple.   
"I hope so." I replied opening it and taking a sip.   
"I knew he was hurt. He told me when I went to fight him." He replied. "He'll be fine."   
He walked back inside, I stayed outside for a little bit. I took a few sips of my Snapple before turning to go back inside and change. I was very worried about Chris. I knew back injuries well. I had one, a serious one. I didn't understand how serious until way after the fact. My career was in serious jeopardy, but, I somehow managed to pull it off. Someone told me it wasn't my time yet to give it all up.   
I walked into the locker room and sat on the bench. Stephanie came up to me and put her arms around me. I just wanted to know if Chris was all right. I then hear a familiar voice on the PA.  
"Well, Destiny, I'm sorry to hear about your match. Poor Chris." Amy said as she stepped out of the curtain. "Such a shame. Enough about him, lets talk about the true has been, you. What have you done with yourself on your months suspension? Sleep around? Get pregnant again? It's common for you. If you want to know, I spent mine working hard, training, getting ready to kick your ass, show you what dominance is. You think taking the cover of a magazine means you're the best. Holding the titles you held? Please, anyone can when they show T n A around here. I'm not going to waist my breath going on, I'll show you with actions. When you least expect it, there I'll be." And she left.   
I was pissed. But, I wasn't going to go out there and mess with her. I was going to be the better person. Everyone looked at me, as if I would do something. I just went to cool myself off in the showers. I showered and changed my clothes, putting my dirty ring gear in my bag and walked out of the arena. I chose to ignore the situation best I could. No one brought it up.  
"I know what can happen with back injuries." I said once in the car.   
"That was one of the scariest days of my life." Paul said. "Seeing how it happened, and what happened, and what it looked like after it happened. I was so scared. One suplex. That's all it took."  
"The suplex seen around the world." I replied, remembering exactly what happened.  
"And it was only a suplex, and all that damage. Chris only fell off the apron." Paul said.  
"Please, don't point that out." I told him.  
"I'm not worried, he's fine. Just a strain or something, ya know." Paul replied. "I was just pointing out how much can come from something so small."  
He was right. My suplex was just a suplex, but done on a bad spot. And Chris just went over the top rope, but did so in a bad way. I wasn't really interested in Paul's theories. I just wanted to know about Chris. I felt I should have been there for him. I felt that as soon as I got to the hotel, I should just drop everything and find him.   
"I know what you're thinking." Paul said. "You're going back to the hotel and getting some rest. You and I are going to Maine to do a house show, and then to New Hampshire. Then we have some days off before RAW."  
"I know." I said with a sigh. I looked out the window, thinking about what Amy said. "She was supposed to do a run in."  
"Who?" Stephanie asked.  
"Amy. But, I guess she never found her window of opportunity."  
"That or she got scared to face you." Stephanie replied. I smiled.   
During the ride to the hotel, I got a call on my cell phone. I jumped as it rung. I frantically said, "hello".  
"Ah, Des." Chris said on the other line.  
"Chris, how are you? Are you ok? What's wrong?" I asked.  
"Calm down killer." He joked. "A sprain here, strain there. Doc said stay off it for a few weeks."  
"Damn, you're wife won't be happy."   
"No, she can go on her back." He laughed.  
"But seriously, I'm glad it's not anything too serious." I said.  
"Yup." He answered.  
"I'll come get you when we get to the hotel." And we hung up.  
"He's ok then?" Paul asked.  
"Strains and sprains." I answered with a smile.  
"Good to hear." Paul replied.  
When we got back to the hotel, I quickly got into my car and drove off to get Chris. My spirits were lifted knowing Chris was ok. I drove the twenty minute drive to the hospital to get him. When I got there, I have him a light hug and he checked out and we were on our way to the hotel.  
"Looks like the team is side lined for a little." Chris said.   
"It doesn't matter, all that matter's is you're ok." I replied.  
"Yes, I believe that's a good thing." He looked at me. "Jeff was talking about you."  
"What? What did he say?" I asked eagerly, almost running off the road.  
"Calm down!" Chris yelled. "Nothing bad. He said he was happy to see you back. He said he knows how important this business is for you, and being away from it kills you. He also mentioned he saw you walking in Cameron. I didn't know you saw him."  
"I did. I was taking Matthew for a walk."  
"Yup, that's what he said. He said he saw you there, and couldn't help but look, then got nervous and sped away."  
Jeff didn't suspect anything when he saw me in Cameron. It brought a smile to my face to know that my name came from his mouth. He was thinking about me. 


	22. Chapter 22

I wanted to make sure Chris was ok before going to sleep myself. I waited for him to fall asleep before I did. I laid there in the next bed as Chris doze off. When he did, I rolled over and started to think, about Jeff. I couldn't believe that he had mentioned me. It is something pretty big considering what we went through, what I put him through.   
I did finally fall asleep, and, what seemed like shortly after, there was banging at my door, and Matt's voice, yelling, "Des!! Des, ya gotta wake up!!" He kept yelling and banging on the door, I had to get up.  
"What the fuck do you want?" I asked angrily. I was tired.   
"Great news!" He answered excitedly.  
"Better be great, I still have two, three more hours of sleep left."   
"The band of all bands is touring. And, on an off day, they hit home." He told me.  
"What?" I asked.  
"Pearl Jam!" He yelled.  
"Shut up, you're gonna wake Chris-what?"  
"Yes, Pearl Jam. The band of all bands."  
"Serious?"  
"Swear. Just found out today, I made my calls and we're going." He smiled.  
I screamed. "Oh my God! Matt!"   
"I know, me, you, and Jeff are going to see the band!"  
"Jeff?"  
"Duh, of course. He loves them too. Des, it's going to be ok. You'll be too busy watching Eddie and them to even notice." He told me. "I'll let ya know when everything's final." He kissed my cheek and ran off.   
I closed the door, both extremely happy and upset and the same time. I couldn't go back to bed, so I took my shower and got ready, and woke Chris up. His back was very sore, and let me, and maybe everyone in the hotel know it by screaming, "fuck!".   
"Why not stay here?" I asked.   
"I can't, I'd be bored out of my mind." He said. "I'll come along, join ya at ringside. Who are you facing tonight?"  
"Umm, some up and comer, it's only a house show. I'm on the road until Sunday, my one day off, and then hit RAW on Monday."  
"Ouch." He said. "I was supposed to do that, but I bet I'm going to be sent home. I'm going to RAW."  
"You're insane."  
"I know." He flashed a smile. "Winning tonight?"  
"You know it." I answered. I sat down on my bed and waited for Chris. When he was ready, we were ready to leave. The trip to the airport was full of traffic. When we got there, many superstars were leaving to go home, and the rest of us unfortunate ones were going to the house shows.   
"Chris, good to see you alive." Paul said walking over with Stephanie.  
"Yeah, I'm hurting." He replied. "But I'll live."   
"Do you know if Matt is hanging around?" I asked.  
"Umm, not as long as the rest of us. He's got a show tonight, with Jeff, and he goes home, Jeff stays to Sunday." Paul answered.  
"I gotta talk to Matt about something." I said. "I'll catch you guys later."  
I left them and went searching for Matt. I found him, sitting down with Matthew on his lap. I walked over and sat beside him. He looked up and smiled at me.  
"Better mood now?" He asked.  
"Yes. So, explain to me about Pearl Jam." I answered.  
"April 26th, they hit home. We have off. I called some people I know and all, and they're going to get us in." He smiled. "Last time, we got backstage and met the band."  
"So you've been through this before?"   
"Yup, few times." He flashed a smile again. "You'll love it."   
We were talking when Jeff came back from where ever he was. He sat down next to me without a word. I didn't really notice, I was talking to Matt. But, when I sat back and saw him there, I nearly freaked. I played it cool, smiling at him, sort of. He smiled back at me. Matt put Matthew down, and the baby walked over to Jeff. Jeff, without hesitation, picked him up.   
Our flight was called and we walked on. I sat with Paul and Stephanie on the flight. The plane was mostly full of wrestlers going to the show. Which, made it more interesting. When able, everyone got up and hung out, chatting, and bullshitting about past shows. It was, generally, a great atmosphere where everyone joked and had a great time. I hate flying, but being around these guys made it less stressful, and I normally don't realize much.   
I sat in the aisle seat, Paul next to me and Stephanie on the window side. Stephanie quietly hummed to herself, and Paul was reading through a magazine. I was listening to my CD player, Pearl Jam, or course, I had Disturbed with me along with Tool and a bunch of other great bands. Paul tapped me on the shoulder.  
"Anything good?" He asked.  
"Pearl Jam." I answered. "Going to see them."  
"With Matt and Jeff?"   
"Yes, how did you know?"  
"Matt can't shut up about it." He laughed. "Have fun."  
"Naturally."  
"Ready for your first marathon weekend here in the WWE?"  
"Ready as I'll ever be." I answered. "Just gotta do it."  
"Exactly." He told me.  
Paul started to talk to me about getting back into the grove and everything. I started to look around the plane, and what he said started to get drowned out. I looked at Jeff with my son. Well, Matthew was crawling across his father and Jeff. I smiled and then Paul tuned back in.  
"...You have all the talent, the fans and everyone know it." He looked at me and smiled. "You're the type of talent that knows they have it, whatever that it is, you know you have it. But, you're also that special type of talent that knows and doesn't let it get to their heads. That's an asset hard to find in fame."  
"I don't let it get to my head because I know how quickly it can get taken away." I replied.  
"Scary truth." He replied. "It can be taken away quicker than it came. You ask any one of these guys and they will tell you their biggest fear is having all of this taken away before they're ready, and it's so easy for that to happen."  
"Don't I know. Injury, baby, suspension. I don't know why people still come to see me."  
"Because they can see that you are grateful for what you have here and that you don't take it for granted, and you're a Goddamn gem around here."   
I started to believe that when Paul told me. I never did, and never thought I would, but when he said that, something clicked. Everything he said, that I had paid attention to, clicked, and I had that feeling that I was something around here and that I meant something to the company. Sure, I knew that I was an important asset around the WWE, a lot of wrestlers feel that, because, for the most part, it's true. But, I started to feel that I had a slightly more value than some of my colleagues. That my contributions to the WWE were slightly more important and valuable than some others. And, that what I did in the ring was looked at more and was made more of a big deal than some of the other wrestlers. It didn't make me cocky, it didn't go to my head, just made me feel good.  
"But, anyway, this is a walk in the park for you. Because, like you said, you've been through a lot." Paul said.   
We finally arrived at the house show, and had little time to ourselves. I planned on taking the three hours and using them the best I could. Three hours may seem like a lot, but we usually get at least five. Anyway, I got off the plan and stayed with Paul. We went to baggage claim to get our things.   
"What are your plans now?" He asked. "Don't think you're hanging around me. I have plans." He looked at Stephanie.   
"Thanks for the info because that's exactly what I wanted to picture in my mind." I laughed. "Seriously, I don't know what I'll do. I've got three hours, I'll use them best I can."  
"Maybe you should talk to a certain wrestler." He hinted. "Ya know...wink, wink"   
I smacked his arm. "Shut up." I shifted my bag on my shoulder. "I see a lost man with my baby in the distance. I'll catch you later."  
I left Paul and headed to Matt. He was standing there, holding Matthew, looking lost. I walked up behind him and bumped into him. He turned, saw me, and laughed. He put Matthew down and held his hand.   
"What are you looking for?" I asked.  
"My moronic brother." He answered.   
"Why?"  
"Because I have no idea how he's getting to the show." He answered. "I don't know if he's coming with us." He saw my face. "Oh shut up, you know you want him."  
"Matt!" I yelled. People turned and looked at me. "You are so evil."  
"I know." He replied with a vindictive smile.   
We waited for Jeff, and once he was found, we rented a car. Jeff and I didn't say a word, I wanted to, but couldn't find the right ones. And in situations like these, you need the right ones. He sat in the front while I sat back with Matthew.   
"Chris all right?" Matt asked. "I didn't get to talk to him much."  
"Yeah, just a strain." I answered. "He's going home."  
"Looked painful." Jeff said, though I doubted it was to me. "I got to talk to him about it. He said he's got his meds, and he's fine."  
"God bless meds." Matt said.  
"Amen." Jeff replied.  
There was no use in getting a hotel. Matt drove around for a good half hour, just driving around, passing the arena. None of us had an idea on where to go, so he just drove. He then saw something that made him get off the parkway and drive, pretty fast, down a small road.  
"The king will once again show why he is the king." Matt said as he pulled into a mini-golf parking lot.  
"Should have known." I replied. I took Matthew out of his car seat and walked in. Matt, Jeff, and myself put money in for a game, I had Matthew's stroller, and pushed him along.   
"This time, I'm kicking your ass." Jeff said.  
"Do you want to put money on it?" Matt asked.  
"A brotherly wager is it?" Jeff replied. "I don't know how fair it'd be to you. I mean, when I blow you out of the water and everything."  
"Scared are you?" Matt asked. "I can understand why."  
"Lets make it fifty." Jeff said. "You in?"  
"Of course." Matt answered.  
Jeff glanced at me. "Uh, sure."  
"Ladies first." Matt said.   
I put my red ball down on the first hole of the "expert" course. The first hole was a twisting one, and I had no idea how to play it. I closed my eyes and swung I was able to get the ball right near the hole. I'm not a very good mini-golf player. Ask any of the guys, I'm the one who losses the ball, the one that hits it out of the park. The one person who, about half way through the course, needs to get a new ball.   
"Baby, brother, it's your turn." Matt said. Jeff didn't say anything. He put his green ball down and hit it, hitting mine and putting it in the hole. "What a team you two are. You know you work so well together." Matt smiled. Jeff and I both glared at him with burning eyes. "Time for the king to go."  
The entire game, Matt was making sly comments about Jeff and me, and at the time, I wanted to kill him; but thinking about it now, what he did helped some, and did even lighten the tense mood Jeff and I had. Though we didn't talk, I did feel more comfortable around him. The out come, however, was the most interesting. The self-proclaimed King of Mini-Golf was so sure he'd win the bet, he didn't, I did.   
"That's not fair, Jeff, you knocked her ball in the hole about five times!" Matt cried. "That doesn't count!"   
"It's not his fault." I replied.   
"Yes it is! That just doesn't happen out of no where!"  
"Calm down." Jeff told him. "It's just a game. Be thankful I didn't win."  
"That is true. If it was you, I'd kill myself."  
"Doesn't surprise me." Jeff said.   
We got in the car and Matt and Jeff went at it for a little. I found it funny, but tried not to show how funny. We finally arrived at the arena and everyone there asked the same question, "Matt lost mini-golf?", and all I could do was nod and laugh and go, "I won". With that response came dropped jaws.   
"What, you have that little faith in me?" I asked. "Damn, what friends you are."  
"It's not that, Des." Adam said running over. "It's just, you suck."  
I laughed. "I know."  
I suited myself up for the ass kicking I was going to give the person I'd be facing. It was, I'll say, a wild ride. But RAW turned out to be even more wilder. With a match between Amy and me scheduled for two weeks at No Mercy. RAW had a lot of things to hold. 


	23. Chapter 23

The crowd was so intense at RAW that I could hear them backstage in my locker room. I was nervous, very nervous. I felt like something was going to happen, but couldn't think of what. Amy wasn't aloud to touch me, well off stage anyway, and something told me that Amy wasn't going to be of a physical problem to me tonight, or that big of a problem in the first place.   
I had a promo to cut about Amy, and my match tonight against Trish. There was so much going into No Mercy and the match with Amy, everyone wanted to know about it and the both of us were getting hit up for promos all the time. I went into that promo cold, with nothing planned out.  
"Des, they're calling for you." Adam told me. He picked Matthew up. "He's in good hands."  
"I know." I replied.  
I got up and walked out. The RAW promo set was just down the hall. Mark walked past me and nodded at me. I saw Jay run by. He asked where Matthew was and I said with Adam and he ran back off. Coach was waiting for me at the spot, looking over a few notes.  
"I don't have anything planned." I told him.  
"Something I've become used to with you." He said with a smile. "It's all good, we have about 30 seconds until you go on."  
The cameras were showing Trish getting ready for our match next. Then, from there, came me and Coach, I was standing there, belt around my shoulder.  
"I'm here with Destiny, it's been awhile since we've seen you, you returned last week. But, since your return there has been all talk about your match with Lita at No Mercy, a cage match with your belt, and a lot more on the line." He said.  
"Well, Coach, everyone's been used to seeing me and Lita beat the crap out of each other, and I have to admit, I love doing it. It brings me a lot of joy. But, I got to thinking, what about a battle so grand that there would be no way of topping it? No Mercy is going to be that battle." I told him.  
"All of your matches in the past have been full of high energy, high flying, and so much emotion. You never seem to sell short."  
"Always, these people came to see and show, and that's what they get. The hatred I have for Lita spans more than this show, than any wrestling show can provide, I think the fans have gotten that idea. It's always been a real serious issue with Vince and everything, the way we act. But, I can say one thing, everything will change after No Mercy, everything."  
"Care to share what that will be?" He asked.  
"At this moment, no. But, I can say this, you will be seeing something very different." I answered.  
"Off from this, you have a match against Trish tonight."  
"Ah, yes, her. Just a casual fight, nothing on the line, nothing more than a little pride. Lita, take notes, because in the next two weeks, you're going to be seeing a little foreshadowing of what I will do to you at No Mercy. A lot of women around here are going to hate me for the way I treat them, but I go into each match thinking that it's Lita I am facing, and Lita better be afraid."  
I walked off, and back to the locker room. I walked in and saw Jay playing with Matthew, and Matt laughing. I smiled and walked to my locker and threw my belt in. Adam looked at me.  
"Got something you want to say?" He asked.   
"No, why?"  
"Seem preoccupied." He answered. "Unlike you before a match, you're always focused."  
"I know, I just have that feeling in my stomach that something's going to happen."  
"With, Amy?"  
"Surprisingly, no." I answered with a laugh. "I don't know, call in women's intuition."  
"I always hear that." He said. "Well, if you need anything."  
"I know, it'll be fine though."  
I strapped myself up and got ready to go. I met up with Trish in the gorilla area. She had a smile on her face and was happy to see me. I was happy to see her too. It had been some time since we had a good ring fight.  
"Looking forward to this." She said.   
"Me too." I answered. "I've seen your improvements. Almost up to my level." I laughed and she laughed too.  
"One of these days I'll be that good."  
Her music hit first and she ran out. I came out next. It wasn't long into that match where my intuitions kicked in and I knew someone was coming behind me. I got up from Trish and turned and my face met a steel chair at the hands of Kurt Angle. When I came too I could see Trish trying to fight him off. I got up and defended Trish. It then became a two on one fight against Kurt. But, Kurt had the chair as an equalizer, and we were pretty much shit out of luck. We got some good hits on him, but Kurt was relentless. He knocked Trish out cold. I was doing my best against Kurt when someone else shoved me aside. I heard cheers and when I looked up I saw Jeff.   
I was stunned. He was fighting Kurt back with a chain he got backstage. I went to Trish and picked her up and carried her out to EMTs that were just about to come out. I put her down and she started to come too. I went back on stage, but could only stand at the top of the ramp and look down at the two men fighting. Refs and security started coming down to break it up, Matt ran down with them. Mark and Paul ran down to pull them apart. Their faces, bloody, and they still tried to get at each other.   
Mark had thrown Jeff over his shoulder and Matt was yelling at him a little as he walked up the ramp. Paul hand Kurt's shirt collar and was dragging him. Matt stopped at me.  
"Are you ok?" He asked.  
"Uh, I think so. Trish is fine, right?" I asked.  
"She'll be all right. Come, come on, lets go." He told me.   
Matt walked me to the EMT room where Trish was. A huge bump on her head was already formed. I rushed to her, I held her face and then brought her into a hug.   
"I'm so sorry." I said.  
"It's ok, Des, you didn't know." She told me. "It's all right. Are you ok?"  
"I think so." I answered. "Head hurts, my back hurts."  
"Yeah, I saw what he did to you." She told me. "Why did Jeff come out?"  
"I don't know." I answered. I looked at her. "Probably for you."  
I sat back and let the men examine me, see what was wrong. I thought about why Jeff came out, and was convinced it was for Trish, who else would it be for? A tear streamed down my face as I thought about all of it. I didn't know what to make of any of it. I was so confused. I grew even more confused when Jeff walked into the EMT room. 


	24. Chapter 24

"Is everyone ok?" He asked.  
  
"Yes, thank you, Jeff." Trish answered. I just nodded my head. "I don't know what would have happened if you didn't come."  
  
"Just making sure you're alright." He shot me a quick glance and walked out.  
  
"He still cares about you, you know." She told me. "I can tell by that look."  
  
"It was so quick how can you tell anything?"  
  
"I can tell." She smiled.  
  
"You're crazy. I'm leaving. AMA, I don't care, I'm going to the hotel so I can sleep."   
  
I said goodnight to Trish and headed out. Outside of the EMT room was Paul and Matt. They both hugged me before saying anything.  
  
"Don't ask us, we don't know either." Paul told me. He knew my question.  
  
"It's so weird." I replied. "I really don't know what to think about all of this."  
  
"Hey, if you want to know, I can try to get it out of him. But don't count on it, he doesn't talk." Matt said.  
  
"No, I know. I just want to know what's going on in his head. Is this his way of showing he still cares? Or his way of telling me he's moved on."  
  
"Moved on?" Matt asked.  
  
"Yeah. Showing me that he no longer feels anything towards me. He can be in the same room with me, do things that involve me, and it not be a problem anymore. He's gotten over me, over it all, hates me, and has moved on."  
  
"Hate you is something I know he can never do." Matt told me. "And, Destiny, he was too much in love with you to be over you and moved on now. And, Des, he's still too much in love with you."  
  
I was confused over Jeff's recent actions. He was getting close to me, closer than he had been in a year. I wanted to know why, what was his motivation? Did he even have motivation? What was going on?  
  
Paul and Matt took me back to the hotel. Paul said he wanted me to stay with him so he could watch over me over night. Typical father feelings. I wanted to sleep, but it was harder for me tonight, and not because I was hurt. I began to think about just getting up and going to Jeff's room and asking him why, and telling him everything I needed to say. I had nothing planned, nothing written down. I didn't know what to expect, so I expected the worst.   
  
I snuck out while Paul and Stephanie were out cold. Jeff roomed alone because Matt had the baby and needed the extra room. I slowly walked down the hall past Adam and Jay's room, past Chris's room, past Trish's room and drawing closer Jeff's. I was within three feet when the door opened. I froze in my tracks. Out came a beautiful blonde woman who had to be nearly half my age. She looked about sixteen, eighteen the oldest. I was shell shocked. She thanked Jeff and Jeff saw her off. I stood and watched. I was convinced, he was over it and moved on.  
  
I turned and ran off, not aware, or caring, if Jeff saw me run or not. I closed the door pretty hard behind me when I returned and jumped into bed. I remember crying myself to sleep.   
  
But, who am I to get upset over that? Compared to the mistake I did, it was harmless. But the pain was still there, and it still hurt. I couldn't believe he'd do something like that. Jeff was the person who shunned those who did do those sort of things. And here he was, doing something he swore he'd never do, something he was disgusted over. What was his reasons?  
  
Paul woke me up the next morning. My eyes were still red from crying. He looked at me. "You ok?", he asked me as he brushed my face. I shook him away and rolled back over.   
  
"Destiny?" He asked this time more nervous. "What's wrong?"  
  
I broke out into tears. He sat beside me and pulled me into his bare chest. He stroked my hair with his fingers. He said nothing, just held me. When Stephanie emerged from the shower she ran over to me as well. Paul looked at her and she nodded, then left.   
  
"I'm sorry." I said to him once I regained myself.   
  
"Don't be." He told me. "But, please tell me, what's wrong?" I hesitated at first. "Destiny, when have you ever been afraid to tell me anything? Baby, I'm worried about you. Tell daddy what's wrong."  
  
"Last night I was thinking about what Jeff did and I had to go and see him. Talk to him. Tell him everything I've been meaning to say. When I got near his room some groupie chick came out, she looked like she was half my age, maybe not even legal yet. And, when I saw her, I lost it."  
  
"Jeff?" He asked. "You sure he wasn't just talking to her or something?"  
  
"No, if you saw her, you'd know why she was there." I said.  
  
"Destiny, I'm sorry." He told me. "I wish there was something I could do."  
  
"There's nothing anyone can do." I answered. "I deserve it."  
  
Paul hugged me some more. There really wasn't anything anyone could do. I didn't want the pity, that's for sure. I didn't deserve it. I made the first mistake.  
  
"I need a shower." I said. And got up.  
  
I stood in the shower for a good long wile. I wanted to wash away last nights vision. I didn't want anyone to know I was upset. Smackdown was showing up to be a good one. And my match with Amy was growing closer. I had to stay focused. This was something too big to mess up over some stupid girl.   
  
When I got out of the shower, Paul was waiting for me. He packed all of my things up for me. He hugged me again. I thanked him and he took my bags and flung them over his shoulder. We walked out of the room together. Stephanie was downstairs talking to other Divas when we got there. Everyone was there already. Some people left, but everyone was mostly still there. Jeff was still here.  
  
"I should kick his ass now." Paul said to me.   
  
"No." I told him. "It wouldn't be right. You can't beat a man for having sex."  
  
We walked to the bar and ordered some drinks, they unfortunately didn't serve alcohol this early. I sat on the stool drinking my strawberry smoothie. I took the strawberry sitting on the glass and ate it, placing the green leafy part on the napkin. I reached over and took the pineapple from Paul's drink and ate that too.   
  
"Sorry." I said with a smile. "It was good."  
  
"Glad you enjoyed it." He told me. "We should head out soon."  
  
"We have a ten mile drive." I said. "Don't worry about it.  
  
"I know, but I have to meet Vince about something. I don't know what it is he wants."  
  
"You go, I'll catch a ride with someone else." I told him. "Can't keep him waiting."  
  
"You sure?" He asked.  
  
"Of course. Now, go." I pushed him. I then looked around the room and screamed, "Jason!!"   
  
He came running over. "What? What do you need?"  
  
"A ride." I answered with a smile.   
  
"You're crazy.' He said with a laugh. "You got it. Adam's coming with us. We're leaving in a half hour."  
  
I nodded. "Yes captain". He laughed at me and walked on.   
  
"So there, missy." I heard Matt say as he sat beside me. "What was that little favor Jeff did for you?"  
  
"Oh please." I said.   
  
"He's still crazy." He replied. "Man, did I chap his ass over that."  
  
"What did you say to him?"  
  
"I went on and on about how he's got to stop getting himself into messes like that. Kurt Angle can easily take Jeff and break him into millions of little pieces. Jeff got lucky on their last encounter, but I know that lightning won't strike twice. It was so unlike him to just run out unplanned, without thinking. He's a rational guy, he doesn't do things like this." Matt said. It made sense. Jeff had been doing things unlike of him. But, I didn't dare tell Matt about what I saw. "He didn't seemed fazed by what I said. It was like I wasn't even talking to him. Something in him is changing. He's been changing ever since, well, you know, but now, now you can really tell. I'm kind of worried."  
  
"I'm sure he'll be fine." I said. "You know Jeff, he always bounces back."  
  
"I know that, but he's always so far gone most of the time it's hard to tell what he's feeling. He had me reading up on bipolar disorder because I was so worried."  
  
"You know he's got anxiety disorder." I said.  
  
"I know that. But this was just as we knew what he had. Sometimes I still pull that stuff out and say, I wonder." He shrugged. "But then again, he's Jeff Hardy. He's never quit right upstairs. That's how he's always been."  
  
I nodded. "Why don't you just ask him what's wrong."  
  
"Des, you should know the answer to that. It takes so much to get through that wall he's built up. And, after what happened, he built half a wall more around everyone."  
  
"Except me, he built himself a skyscraper."  
  
"Point being, he's not going to talk to anyone." Matt said. "I just have to keep an eye out for him."  
  
In the time we went out, Jeff rarely got like that. But, I had seen him before hand just completely miserable. And I have seen him after the same way, maybe even worse. I knew of Jeff's anxiety disorder well, I have it. But something told me it wasn't just Jeff's anxieties that were haunting him. 


	25. Chapter 25

Jay gathered Adam and myself and we left. I thought about what Matt had said about Jeff, and tried to piece together what I could. No doubt the infamous Unforgiven incident was what contributed to his downfall in the greatest form. I did not expect him to be over it in one year, though now I had questions about it; but I had not expected him to be free of it in a year, I also, however, had not expected him to still be this greatly effected. And, if it wasn't because of that, what was it?  
  
I never lost interest in Jeff, and never stopped worrying about him. And now, more than ever, I was even more worried about him. He was slipping away from reality, driving hard and fast down into the ground. His eyes didn't show the Jeff Hardy we all knew. They were empty and lost, and it scared me. The creativity that used to generate from him was no longer there, his glow had died. His soul had died.  
  
I knew what it was like to be in the rut, I experienced the same sort of anxieties Jeff did. Diagnosed with a paranoid anxiety, I always felt that something was judging me and I was never good enough. I felt secluded at times and had my good a bad days. It got to the point where my acting coach had me tested for bipolar, and got a paranoid anxiety disorder instead, with a touch of depression. I didn't know up to that point if Jeff was depressed, if he was "clinically depressed" like I was. Manic depression, a fancy medical term for feeling like shit all the time.   
  
Being manic depressed and being paranoid wasn't pleasant, obviously. The two made for life to be a living hell, drain your soul from you. Having the depression and the anxiety disorder had made for some interesting nights full of tears, blood, and things I can't even remember. But, I was not myself for those episodes. I was completely withdrawn from reality, no longer sane. It went unnoticed, as did everything else, in my house hold. I was always isolated there. But, when not at home, I wasn't myself. I was taken back, not myself at all. My eyes showed a hallow passage into an abyss of nothing.   
  
At that moment, my heart jumped into my throat, my body shivered. I could feel a tingle down my spine. My "rock bottom" seemed awfully familiar to the downward spiral Jeff was now taking. I reached into my bag and grabbed my cell phone and frantically dialed Matt's number.   
  
"Hey, what's up?" He asked me. "Here your boy back there? He's talking up a storm. Or trying to at least."  
  
"Matt." I said just above a whisper and in a shaky voice.  
  
"Des, you ok?"  
  
"Matt, I need to meet you when we get there, it's very important."  
  
"Just tell me where." He said. "Are you sure you're ok?"  
  
"Yes. Meet me in the parking lot. I'll find you."  
  
And I hung up. Jay looked back at me. A concerned look painted his face. I mouthed the words "later" to him and he nodded. Adam was asleep.   
  
I couldn't calm down the whole ride. All I kept thinking about was my personal downfall and how Jeff was following in those very footsteps. Down into an abyss were escape is rare.  
  
"Going to tell me?" Jay asked when we arrived.  
  
"Not now." I answered. "I'll find you."   
  
I saw Matt pull up. Jeff walked by with Matthew in his arms. Matt came over to me.  
  
"Are you ok? The entire drive I was worried about you."  
  
"It's Jeff." I said quietly. "You need to help him, and now. I know what it's like. I've been there. I have all of that. The anxieties, I have manic depression. I take meds for it, I know what it leads to. Jeff doesn't deserve to be there, down where I was. I know what empty is and I know he's going exactly where I was. You need to help him." Matt looked at me blankly. "Just help him."  
  
I walked on, leaving Matt with his blank look. I never came out and told anyone about my medical past, and never really had any intentions to do so. I was handling it well on my own, without help, and I didn't want anyone to be worried or concerned. But, I had to come out and tell Matt, if I didn't I know Jeff would have gotten any help. Matt's reaction to it all was only natural for someone who didn't understand, and didn't know. I just found it very hard to explain this part of my past to anyone.   
  
I walked into the men's locker room with Jay waiting right there for me. As soon as I walked in, he grabbed my arm and led me back out.  
  
"Well?" He asked.  
  
"Just concerned about Jeff." I answered.  
  
He looked at me for a second then nodded. "He'll be alright." He put his arm around me and we went back inside.  
  
Vince put me in a match with Molly Holly. I wondered what he was doing to prevent Amy or Kurt, or both, from running in. It had become a huge issue with the wrestlers, and Vince was getting many complaints from them, and from other authorities.   
  
My question was answered when I went out for the match. Security lined the top of the stage. Guards surround the ramp, the ring, and the security barrier. It sent a chill up my spine. It was hard to be bouncy as I walked down the ramp.  
  
The match went on smoothly. I kept one eye on it, and one eye out for any danger. Half way through, there was a small disturbance on top of the ramp. I was ready for anything. But, through the guards came Matt and Jeff. I froze for a second and didn't lead into Molly's blow.   
  
I got right back into the match. It seemed that all of the security didn't faze Kurt Angle one bit. He snuck by the guards and created his own disturbance to sneak into the ring. He threw a jacket and a baseball cap down and was ready to get inside the ring. I was on the turnbuckle and saw it all. I made the decision to go after him.  
  
I dove onto him, almost taking out Michael Cole. I threw him down and started beating on him. I'll never forget Kurt's bruised and bloody face as I continued to beat him. I had no intentions on stopping. I screamed and got emotional as I threw punch after punch. He was able to throw in some blows to the eye Molly hit when I wasn't paying attention. But, I overpowered him, and it felt great.   
  
I felt a pair of hands on me and throw me off. When I looked, I saw Jeff in my spot, going punch after punch. I was amazed. Matt ran to him, and security jumped on him. They wrestled both men to the ground, Jeff went kicking and screaming.  
  
"I'll kill you, you son-of-a-bitch!" He screamed to Kurt.   
  
"You ok?" Matt asked me when we came my way. I nodded.  
  
Mark and Paul waited on top of the ramp for Jeff. Jeff grabbed a mic from Lillian and made an announcement.   
  
"Kurt! Kurt you think you're so tough, so bad picking on women. I want to see how bad you really are. Sunday, Unforgiven, you and I are going to dance. No if ands or buts."   
  
He threw the mic at Kurt. Security dragged Jeff up the ramp and once he got up there, Mark once again threw him over his shoulder. Kurt was taking to a hospital to see if he had any fractures, I was taken to the EMTs to look at my eye. Jeff was thrown in the room across for me. Mark yelled at him first. I heard it all.  
  
"Are you serious? You just told Kurt you'd face him on Sunday. I don't care if you want to kill the bastard, we all do. And, I don't care that you just sprung a match on Vince. It has nothing to do with the politics of this sport."  
  
"Then what do you want?" Jeff asked.  
  
"Why did you do that? Why are you doing this? You've pissed off a very strong and powerful man." Mark sighed. "Be careful."  
  
I wanted to ask why myself. But, I couldn't bring myself too. Mark left Jeff and came to me. He pulled a chair up.  
  
"You ok?" He asked.  
  
"Fine, just shocked." I answered.  
  
"As are all of us." He sighed. "But, you're ok?"  
  
"Yes." I answered.  
  
"All that matters."  
  
He got up and left. I didn't want to hang around any longer. I told Jay I was taking his car back. He let me. He said he'd catch a ride with Matt. I thanked him. I wanted to get back and relax forget about tonight and concentrate on Sunday.  
  
I was walking through the parking lot, looking for Jay's car. I was only a few feet from it when someone grabbed me. I let out a scream.  
  
"Dumb slut!" Kurt Angle yelled. "Think you can get your boys on me huh? I'm going to do something I've always wanted to do, something I should have done last year."  
  
He threw me into the wall. I looked up and saw Andrew, he grabbed my arms. Kurt ripped my shirt leaving scratch marks that began to bleed. I yelled again. I tried squeezing out of it, but the concrete ate at my arms and I could feel the blood trickle down.   
  
I gave Kurt a groin kick, then one to his chest. I lifted my leg up and kicked Andrew in the face. I bolted. I was so afraid. I kept looking behind me as I ran. I ran right smack into Jeff and hit the floor. I was hysterical.   
  
"What happened?" He asked dropping to the floor almost as quick as I did. "Destiny." He grabbed my arms and saw the blood. He then saw my chest. "Who did this?"  
  
Laughter rang throughout the garage. Jeff got up and took off. I stood behind and heard what was going on. But, it wasn't Kurt, it was Andrew.  
  
"He ratted out Kurt as soon as he saw me." Jeff said when he returned. "When I run into that bastard it'll be the last day he'll be alive. I am going to enjoy Sunday." He noticed the look of fear on my face. "I'm taking you back. You're not driving, not like this your not." He helped me up. "Give me Jay's keys. I'll tell him you were too beat up to drive."  
  
He put the keys on the drivers seat with a note: Des was too beat up to drive. He put my things into his car and helped me into the passenger seat. He then got in.   
  
"Why are you being so nice to me?" I asked. "I don't deserve it."  
  
He pulled out of the spot. "You're in need. Someone has to." He sighed. "The past doesn't matter when someone tries rape. It's not the first time he's tried this. Last year too. And, every attack. Destiny, Kurt's not going to touch you anymore. I promise."  
  
"Thank you, Jeff." I said.  
  
We were silent the whole ride. There was so much to say, but I couldn't bring myself to say it. I also knew this might be my only chance to say it. If I didn't say it now, I may not ever get the chance again. I knew now was my shot.  
  
"Stay with me until everyone comes back. I don't want to take the chance of having Kurt get into your room." Jeff told me.  
  
I nodded. When I got inside I sat in a chair by the window. Jeff sat on the bed closest to the door. I looked at him and saw a broken man holding on only by a few strings. I had to help him, like he was helping me.  
  
"Jeff, do you mind if we talk?" I asked.  
  
"I can't think of a better time."  
  
"What's happening to you? You're changing right before our eyes. You're erratic, it's not like you at all. Doing the run ins, sleeping around-"  
  
"And who are you to judge on that subject? Who did you sleep with before us? And who did you sleep with while there was an us?"?  
  
"I know. I wasn't judging you on that. I think I still know you pretty well, and that's not you."  
  
"I thought I knew you too."  
  
"Jeff, I'm not proud of what I did. I hate it. I hate myself everyday for it. I think each day what I would say when a moment like this would come. And, now that it's here I found myself speechless." I sighed. "I'm not telling you to forgive me. Tonight might be the only night I get this out and I want you to hear what I have to say."  
  
"Ok." He said.  
  
"I have beaten myself day in and day out over this. There's not a single day where I am not thinking about what I did and what an ass I am. That night you thought I stopped loving you, but the truth is I haven't. I still do. I always will. It gets harder everyday to live with myself, to get up and go on. I don't know how any of this is going to sound after a year, but I am sorry. I've always been sorry.  
  
"I don't want your pity. I don't want you to feel like you owe me anything, you don't. I know I can never give back what I've taken from you. I'll try if you let me, but I don't even know how close I can come. But, if you're willing to let me, I am more than willing to start making it up to you. It seems like such an impossible task."  
  
"Destiny, I don't want you to beat yourself up more than you already have."  
  
"Jeff, I don't care. It doesn't matter. If it makes you feel better."  
  
He looked at me and stood up slowly. He walked to the window, close to were I was seated. He took a deep breath and looked right at me, "you're right", he said.  
  
I looked up at him. He turned and looked back outside. It was dark, there was no moon out tonight, a new moon. The room was dark, only two lights on. I got a chill.  
  
"I can't lie and say I don't feel better knowing you guilt. Knowing your sorrow, knowing how you've been feeling. I know this has eaten away at you since it happened, everyone's told me so. And I can't say that hearing it hasn't made me feel a little bit better. It makes me feel guilty sometimes, knowing I get off on your pain. But, sometimes it makes me feel that much better. Sitting here now, I wish it didn't."  
  
Everything was coming out now. Everything I wanted to say and more, everything I wanted to hear. It was all playing out, and every fear I had about this moment had fled. I could now sit in the same room with Jeff without feeling scared, worried, and that feeling in my stomach died out.  
  
"I had wanted to do this for so long." I said. "And was so scared to. I pictured this going so horribly. And now that it has gone so well, I don't know what to say." I looked at him. "Well, it could have gone a lot worse."  
  
"I suppose." He said. He sat in the chair next to me. "Are you feeling better? How's your chest, and your arms?"  
  
"My chest stopped bleeding. My arms are still bleeding a little bit."  
  
"I'm sorry. I got caught up in this I forgot all about that. Let me help you." He disappeared for a second into the bathroom and came back with hydrogen peroxide, cotton balls, some gauze pads, and some medical tape. "I know how much you love this part." He said as he put some of the peroxide on a cotton ball. "Do you need that silver bullet?"  
  
"No, I'll be fine." I said.  
  
"Right." He smiled a little. He rubbed it on my chest and I yelled. "Ok, ok. Here." He blew on it.   
  
"Uh, thanks." I said. He looked at me and didn't say anything at first.  
  
"You're still a baby." He said.   
  
Jeff bandaged me up. He kept calling me a baby as he did. There was nothing I could say, it was true.  
  
"I better go." I said. "They'll be home soon."  
  
"You're right. It'd be wrong for them to see us talking." He said.  
  
"Bye, Jeff. And thank you." I said.  
  
He nodded. I didn't know what to make of his last comment as I went to my room. It stayed with me all night as I tossed and turned until morning. 


	26. Chapter 26

I woke up the next morning with a new out look. But, with a lot of questions also. Could I just walk up to Jeff? Say hello, or say anything. His final words to me last night ran in my head. It haunted me like a sick dream. One simple phrase.  
  
It also got me thinking. Did anyone know about this encounter yet? My only guess would be Matt. He was coming over shortly to drop the baby off. It made me also question if I should tell anyone. No matter what, I knew I had to tell Jay, if Matt knew or not. If Matt did know, I was very curious on how Jeff told him, what his version was. And, I wanted to give Matt mine.  
  
"Des!" Matt yelled through the door. "Open up."  
  
I opened the door. "How's my baby?"  
  
"Fine, thanks for asking." Matt answered.  
  
"So funny."   
  
"Actually, I'm sort of confused."  
  
"What else is new?"  
  
"Now who's being funny? Seriously, Jay said you didn't take his car home. That you left a note." He said. "Is everything ok?" Looks like Jeff didn't say anything.   
  
"I felt kind of dizzy." I said. "And everything's fine now. I just needed to lay down."  
  
"Good to hear. Anyway, I wanted to go to breakfast with Jeff but he left a note saying he went for a run." He shrugged. "I need to hit a gym anyway, I haven't in a while."  
  
"I know, you can so tell." I joked.  
  
"You're so on today with the jokes!" He said. He kissed Matt on the head. "I'll see you later, if not I'll see you Friday."  
  
"You got it."   
  
That explained why Matt didn't know. He didn't see his brother. I went to the phone and dialed Jay's room. Adam answered, though I don't think he even knew he did.  
  
"I need to talk to Jay." I said.  
  
"Yeah...Jay..."  
  
"Des?" Jay asked.  
  
"He's still sleeping?"  
  
"Yes, he has no clue what's going on." He answered. "I'm glad you called. I had to lie last night, mostly because I was confused myself. You didn't write that note. I know the handwriting."  
  
"It's why I'm calling. Can you get away for lunch, say 12:30."  
  
"Yeah, I'll come get you."  
  
"It's going to be a party of three, Matt dropped the baby off."  
  
"Wonderful, I haven't really seen the kid."  
  
I hung up and started getting ready. Matt was walking around the room, laughing. It brought a smile to my face. I scooped him up and brought him into the bathroom while I showered and dyed my hair. Red, faded into black. The best job I had done in awhile.   
  
"So, what's the deal?" Jay asked when we got to the diner.  
  
"I still can't believe it myself." I said, wiping the chocolate milk off Matt's face. "I spent a good hour and a half in his room last night."  
  
"Destiny."  
  
"Don't jump the gun, Jay." I said. "After Kurt's performance, I wanted out. I didn't expect the encore presentation. A duet, with Andrew." Jay's face grew tense. "I was walking through the parking garage, looking for your car. Kurt grabbed me and threw me into a corner. Andrew was there waiting. He tore open my shirt, I don't need to explain his intentions. He left these marks on my arms," I pulled the bandages down, "and some scratch marks on my chest. I was able to break free and ran, literally, into Jeff. I told him what happened, it just came out. He had this heated look in his eyes and jetted out there. He was out for Kurt, but he was long gone. He found Andrew, and he ratted Kurt out. Jeff said I couldn't drive back like this and helped me into his car, leaving that note and he brought me to his room.  
  
"I couldn't breath when I was in there at first. But I knew this was my shot, my chance. Fate brought me there and I had to take advantage, if I didn't I wasn't sure I'd ever get a second chance. Everything I had planned to say, it just flew out the window and I went black. But I did it, I spilled everything. I got all of it out."  
  
"What did he have to say?"  
  
"He told me how he felt. He put the guilt on real thick, but I understood."  
  
"So, you two re alright now?" Jay asked.  
  
"That's just it, I don't know. Before I left he said something that's still in my head. Everyone would be coming back soon so I thought I should leave. He said, 'It'd be wrong for them to see us talking'. It leaves a lot unexplained."  
  
"Want to hear my take?" Jay said. "Last night was a breakthrough and a very awkward moment. And, what sucks is it's going to remain awkward for a while. The more you warm up to it and embrace it, the quicker it'll become familiar again. Take baby steps. There's not logic in diving in head first. You do what you feel is right. Your heart always leads you in the right direction, no matter how many detours you take along the way."  
  
Jay made perfect sense, as always. I wasn't going to fear public opinion, I never did and it wasn't me. I have taken many detours in my life, and now I was finally able to see the light.  
  
"Big match for you Sunday." Jay said.  
  
"Yes, one I am looking forward to losing."   
  
"Really?"  
  
"Yes, I'm also a Tag Team Champion, people forgot that. With Chris's RAW return, we're going full force into that. People never really look at us as champions because I've been pushed into the Destiny/Lita angle and no one notices it. And since Chris got hurt and me being suspended, it seems like our gold was forgotten. Plus, I'm sick of dealing with Amy's crap and I want to move on from that. The fans got all they could out of it. We've gone so personal that there's nothing left. I don't want to be pulled down by her anymore. I want to live my life the best I can without worrying about crossing her path. I'm ready to move on. Hopefully this will be the first step of ending the relationship we have."  
  
"Very smart. You and Amy have hated each other for two years, and I know that it'll never go away, everyone knows that. But, you're making the right decision, Destiny."  
  
"Thank you, Jay." I said. "I'd like to think so. I'd like to think that this cage match will send the message to everyone. With the title changing hands, and me moving on to focus on my tag team gold, we shouldn't have to cross paths again. And the fans have gotten all they can get and I hope they see this as an ending point also."  
  
"They will. I think all of the emotion you two will put into that match will be enough proof."   
  
I sighed. "God, so much has changed in this one year. It's only been one year since Unforgiven and since then life has been a roller coaster. Everything is so different. I feel different."  
  
"You are." Jay said. "You are completely different from the woman we first set eyes on. That's the beauty of it. You've become one of us, admiring and loving the sport. You've embraced it. You're not just the girl who got in on a lucky break, you've earned you spot and the fan base and fame you have now. You've grown on it, and in return it all has grown on you. You've done so much, accomplished even more. You are a true gem in this business." He paused, then looked down. When he looked back up, his eyes were glossy. "We've had out share of encounters," he continued, "And I wouldn't change any of them. As we've grown I have seen all of you changes, and you are far more beautiful because of them."  
  
I reached across the table and hugged him. Jay, as I've said so much, was my best friend. And every day he found a new way to make me understand why. We've done so much together, things that would tear other friendships apart. But, we stayed strong. He truly is one special individual.  
  
"You know I'll be running down that ramp Sunday after your match."   
  
"I know, I'm expecting it." I replied, cleaning Matt up a little more.  
  
"Have you talked to Paul yet, about your second Kurt encounter?" I shook my head. "I'm honored and flattered that you came to me first, but he has to know. He will find out about it either way, and I think it's best coming from you. That way he'll know the truth."  
  
"He'll go ballistic, you know that. But, once again you are right. Goddamnit." I smiled. "We're flying home together, correct?" Jay nodded. "Ok, I'll run by and get you and Adam at six then."  
  
"Sounds good to me." Jay said. "I want to get home."  
  
"Yeah, I want to see Chris, I miss him." I said. "I've just come off of a suspension, I want to get back into the swing of it all."  
  
"I know, but we're in LA on Friday, promotions, interviews, the works." Jay replied.  
  
"Two days of normalcy before we dive head first into the shark tank?"  
  
"Yup, we fly early Friday morning. I think like seven." He said. "Vince booked us all for seven o'clock flights."  
  
"Bastard." I said. "Can't he let us sleep, even a little?"  
  
Jay laughed. "Me and you are going to have to drag Adam's ass on that plane. There's no way he's going to be functional at seven in the morning."  
  
"That's for sure." I laughed.   
  
Jay and I finished our lunch and went back to the hotel. Jeff was in the weight room, alone. I told Jay I'd see him later and went in. Jeff had his diskman with him and didn't see me coming. I put the baby down and sat beside him. He looked at me, and jumped a little.  
  
"Sorry, didn't mean to scare you." I said.  
  
"No, it's ok." He replied. "Hey, Matty." Matt smiled at his uncle. "What brings you here?"  
  
"I saw you." I answered. "I need to ask you something."  
  
"Shoot."  
  
"Why did you say what you did last night to me?"  
  
"What would that be?"  
  
"About people seeing us together?"  
  
"That? Just said it. Des, no one is going to know what to say about us when they see us talking. Don't get me wrong, I don't care what people think or say about me in any way. I don't know. I haven't even told Matt yet about it." He looked at me. "I'm not making sense. Sorry."  
  
"It's ok." I replied. "I don't care about what people think either. And, if I'm going to be talking to you I don't care who sees. Am I going to be talking to you? I mean, I know things aren't going to be perfect, but I'd like to try."  
  
"Me too." Jeff answered. "I want to try and be friends again."  
  
I smiled. "How do we start?"  
  
"How did we start in the first place?"  
  
"I replaced Amy in your team." I laughed.  
  
"Ah, yes." He answered. Matt started to cry.  
  
"I better get him to the room. His toys are there." I said.  
  
"What time are you leaving today?" Jeff asked.  
  
"Six. With Adam and Jay. You?"  
  
"Seven, same airport though. Me and Matt are leaving for home."  
  
"I'll see you Friday." I said.  
  
"Bright and early." He shuddered.  
  
I scooped Mat up and left the weight room. I should have stayed and gotten some lifting in, but Matt had a change of plans, and of course, what he says goes, every time. I tried to hush him in the elevator leading to our floor. Torrie Wilson was in there when I got in. She smiled when she saw us.  
  
"Not a happy camper?" She asked.  
  
"Not in the least." I answered. "He was fine until we got into the weight room. He lost it in there. He's bored."  
  
"Aww." She said. She smiled. "Matty, you bored of all this? Yeah, we all want to go home too." She smile again. "He's a beautiful baby, that's for sure."  
  
"Thank you." I replied.   
  
I opened the door of my room and set Matt free. He went to the bag of toys Matt and I kept for him. He plopped his little behind down and tore the bag apart. I smiled as I watched him. I could watch him for hours on end without getting bored of it. He was a beautiful baby with every positive trait from his father. He looked like his father, dead ringer. He was a Hardy. He was free spirited and I knew already he was going to be independent, just like his mother. I was nervous on just how much he'd be like me. I had so many negative qualities I didn't want to be genetic and passed on to him. He looked just like his father, and I wanted him to act like him too. I was so fearful Matthew would be just like me, like how I was, and I didn't want that for him. He had so many people around him to be a positive influence, to keep his head on straight. I didn't want him to take advantage of that in the future and end up like I did.  
  
Don't get me wrong, I love my life how it is now, but how it got here I hated. What my life was before wrestling, I hated it. The lies, the games, the endless party from sound stage to sound stage, movie set to movie set, bar to bar. It all seemed the same and I was getting burned out very quickly. I did everything I could to get back at my parents. From taking on every deal I could in film and clubs, to taking every drug I could find. I was the poster child of your typical New York scum. A teenage waste land, I was supposed to be dead and washed up long before any of this. Critics on the indy scene stated that "though her movies are incredible and her talent is unmistakable, Destiny Diaz will not see her twenty-first birthday. This self-destruction time bomb dazzles us on the big screen, as well as shocks us in the papers". It was a review I could never forget, because it was true. I knew I had a talent and I knew that no matter what my toxicology reading may be that day, I could easily pull off a movie set and amaze anyone. But, the second the cameras went off and the lights dimmer, I looked the part. I was a New York junkie.   
  
I feared my bad choices and horrible past would be genetic and Matthew could end up that way. The environment in which he was growing up in wasn't stable. It would be so easy for him to dabble in what I did, become what I was. I didn't want that, and I couldn't forgive myself if that happened. I felt I'd be letting Matt down, as a father.   
  
I snapped back into the present and my worries went away for now. I took a deep breath and watched him play, alone in his own little one year old world. There were no deadlines, grudges, personal hells. No such thing. Innocence is defiantly lost. 


	27. Chapter 27

The airport was crowded and noisy and I wanted to get on the plane. Adam held Matt on his lap to my left, and Jay was at my right. I was dazing out as I waited, endlessly, for our plane to come in. We had arrived with a lot of superstars and were the only three left in the airport.   
  
"This is ridiculous." Jay said leaning forward. "Three hours?"  
  
"Maybe there's bad weather somewhere." I said.  
  
"US Airways flight 1607 to Tampa Florida is canceled due to hardware failure." A voice said over the loudspeaker.   
  
"Fucking great." Jay said. He stood up and walked to the lady standing at the desk by the boarding gate. "Blondie, here."   
  
"Can I help you, sir?" She asked.  
  
"Apparently not considering I'm still here in Boston when I should have been in Tampa an hour ago." He answered.  
  
"Your flight had to make an emergency landing due to hardware failure, I'm sorry, sir, there's nothing I can do." She said.  
  
"Do you know who I am?" Jay asked. He must have been pissed, Jay never pulls rank on anyone. "I'm Christian, a professional wrestler. I've been traveling for, pretty much, the past month. Getting my ass kicked. I am tired, beat, sore, and I need to get home, because I have about two days before I set off and do it again."  
  
"I'm sorry, sir, there's nothing I can do." She repeated.  
  
"I think not." Jay said. "You find us a plane with four empty seats going to Tampa and you get us there." He pretty much demanded her to do something for us.   
  
She looked fearful and picked up a phone. Jay's eyes were red. He never usually gets this angry, and Adam and I were trying hard to hold our laughter in. When he tries yelling at us, we just laugh back at him. He's got this funny look when he's mad.   
  
"Sir, I have a flight, but it leaves in five minutes. It's at gate sixteen-"  
  
Before she could finish Jay had us running to catch this other flight. When we got there the doors were closing. The pilot of the flight just got word about us, and we were let on. Once in the seat Jay let out a sigh.  
  
"Well, that was some handy work." Adam said turning around to face us. His seat was in front of us.  
  
"I want to go home." Jay replied. "No if ands or buts about it. I was getting home."   
  
Adam and I looked at each other and smiled, trying not to laugh once more.   
  
I sat back in my window seat and looked at the world below me. Matthew was in between Jay and myself and wasn't bothered by the flying. He grew up on plans and in hotels, nothing of that nature fazed him. Me, on the other hand, hates flying. It scares me to the bones. I've flown many times before joining the WWE, to get to different sets, but I never grew used to it.   
  
"It's only two and a half hours." Jay told me.   
  
"Yeah, I know." I replied. I took a deep breath.   
  
"At least we know the boy's got the hang for flying." Adam said turning around again. "Look at him. He's content."  
  
"That's not my genetics." I said.   
  
"No, we know that. Anything mischievous would be you." He replied with a laugh. I laughed back with that sarcastic laugh. "I was kidding."  
  
"I know." I said back. "He's going to be like his daddy anyway, I can tell. Look at him, he looks like him. He's got his fathers every trait. I don't know if you see it like I do."  
  
"I do." Jay spoke up. "I see it. I see him with his father and I know."  
  
"Does his birth certificate read Hardy?" Adam asked.  
  
"Matthew Anthony Hardy." I answered. "I was there myself, I did it myself. And when it came down to thinking of a name, I couldn't think of one. Nothing came to me. Matt didn't know he was the father, no one knew I was pregnant, except Stephanie, so I couldn't really ask Matt what he thought, or anyone really. She liked the name Anthony and for her, I wanted to use it, but I wasn't as crazy about it as she was. And the nickname Tony didn't really strike me. I came from New York, I saw enough Tony's, ya know. I remember that first night after he was born laying in bed and I couldn't sleep. The name Michael came to me, Michael Anthony, it was cute. But then Matthew came into mind, and it just stuck. And to me, if I named him Matthew, Matt would believe me that he was his son. And when I looked at him the next day he just looked like his father I had to."  
  
"Why did you use Hardy and not Diaz?" Adam asked.   
  
"That was more like a split second decision. I was at the desk ready to leave and they asked for a last name and I just blurted out Hardy. That's how it happened. Only Matt and Stephanie know that. Not Paul, not even Jeff found out."  
  
"Well, hopefully you'll get that last name." Jay said with a smile.  
  
"Screw you." I said.  
  
"Pretty intense if Jeff didn't even know." Adam said.  
  
"Well he was really uptight about Matthew in the first place, it just wasn't my place to tell him that I used the last name. Maybe it was, maybe I should have been honest up front, ya know." I paused. "I remember when I told Matt, right before we went out for a match, it was a Smackdown, I was escorting him to ringside, and I just told him. He was thrown off the whole match." I laughed. "It was kind of funny."  
  
No one had questioned Matthew's name before. I didn't care that anyone asked, anyone could have asked and I would have told them the truth. Stephanie was a little cautious about doing it. She thought it might damage some friendships, or anything that might develop. She was right, it could have ruined a lot, which is probably why I didn't tell Jeff about Matthew's last name. He never asked me about it, not once. Either he knew or assumed that I used mine or Hardy. But I never opened my mouth about it.   
  
I should have been honest from the beginning, but I didn't want to taint anything that could happen. So I thought best to just not say anything unless anyone asked. I didn't want to cause anything among any superstar, and of course myself and Jeff.   
  
I didn't tell Paul because I knew his fatherly instincts would dig their claws into me and guilt would push me to tell people. I didn't want to tell anyone out of guilt. Paul would also advice me on how dangerous it could be. But I decided to do it. Matt Hardy is Matthew's father, and I want Matt to have the same last name as his father. No one can take that away from him. The name is proof to him, to Matt, to everyone that Matt is indeed his father.   
  
I can now say why I did it. At first, it seemed, and was, an impulsive decision, but with reasons behind it. Reasons I didn't see it at first. I wasn't sure if Matt would even accept Matthew as his son. There were possibilities that he could not have been. I knew. I knew for sure that Matthew was Matt's son. Another reason why I named him Matthew. But, if I gave Matthew the Hardy name on his birth certificate, Matt would have to accept him. Everyone would. To me, that immortalized it, and Matt would know.  
  
The plane finally touched ground in Tampa, Florida, and I swear I thought Jay was going to kiss the ground. We got our bags and headed out to the daily parking lot where we owed about ten dollars in tolls. I put Matthew's car seat in the front seat of my Vette and everything in the back.  
  
"You should have brought the Camaero." Adam told me. "It has more room."  
  
"I know, I had a truck, it's in Cameron." I said.  
  
"Why?" Adam asked.  
  
"Something Jeff and I invested in together, I couldn't take it." I answered.   
  
"Buy one." Jay told me.  
  
"Then something's going to have to go." I said as I got in. "Meet you home."  
  
We all took off in our cars to home. Adam lived in a different estate than Jay and I, about ten minutes away. The exit after us on the freeway. Jay and I pulled into the driveway, me behind him. The driveway held my Camaero, Jay's Thunderbird, my Corvette, and Jay's Blazer and BMW Coupe. The Thunderbird is a 1969 all black, Jay's baby. He hardly drives it. He bought it with his first paycheck. A beautiful car. He puts a tarp over that one. The Blazer he's had forever. It was the car he lived in when he was breaking into the business. And the beamer was his own little present for himself.   
  
"You're gonna get rid of something?" Jay asked.  
  
"What else can fit in this driveway? It's huge, but if I add another truck."  
  
"It's one huge circle, with this extra space here for my baby." Jay said. "Your cars are there, and mine are here. You can pull it off."  
  
"I know, but I then have no use for it." I said. "I know who to give it to." I smiled.  
  
"Wonderful, I'd love to talk more about your stupid decision to trade in a beautiful car, but I have to get into my house." Jay took off, running inside. He left the door open and his bags right in front of it. Matt showed the same enthusiasm he ran straight for his playpen and all his toys in the living room.   
  
I picked Jay's things up and put them by the stairs. I could hear Jay running upstairs. I laughed to myself. Matthew was doing his own running, from toy to toy. I myself went upstairs to bring mine and the baby's things to our rooms. Let me give you a layout of Jay's house as best I can, to better understand where things are. When you first enter the room there is a big open room, that's the living room, the one anyone can go in. It's a hardwood floor with a couch, love seat, all of Matt's toys that aren't upstairs. The TV's in there, everything you'd find in a living. That leads into the kitchen. A small step up from the living room. Typical kitchen. It's pretty big with two ovens and things. Both are in the island in the middle of the kitchen. And there's a little breakfast nook with three chairs and a small table. Next to that through an open door way is the dinning room. Hardwood floors again, big windows. In there is a table that seats about ten and a china closet with, get this, actual china in it. Now this big open space that the living room is in descends under the staircase that's pretty wide, fits about five grown men across comfortably. On the other side of the staircase is the living room no one can touch. It's all white, everything in it. There's candles, a small rock waterfall thing. A very beautiful room. Next to that is Jay's personal gym and one of the three bathrooms, the smallest one.  
  
Upstairs is the bedrooms and things. First, the master bedroom, Jay's room. He designed it himself, everything in it, even the bathroom. It's all a beautiful hunter green, the bathroom having a matching hunter green marble tiles. My room is across from him, a burgundy color. My bathroom is black, and I love it. Matt's room is next to mine, peach color. Next to his room is his toy room, Jay's old junk room. The other bathroom is at the other end of the hallway, next to the office. The laundry room is also up here, at the other end of the hallway.  
  
Alright, anyway, I sorted mine and Matthew's clothes out for the wash. After, Jay had calmed down, thank God, and was playing with the baby.  
  
"I'm going to Chris's." I said.  
  
"I'll be over in a few minutes, I'll bring Matty with me." Jay told me.  
  
"Alright."  
  
I went out the back door and ran across the backyard. He had a huge pool, and over the fence was the beach. Chris was outside poolside. There's no fence dividing their property, just some hedges. I cut through the hedges and sat beside him.  
  
"Nice day to be poolside huh." I said.  
  
"Des! How are you!?" He asked very excited to see me.  
  
"Fine, fine and yourself?"  
  
"Very good. Doctors cleared Monday for me." He said. "I asked for Sunday, they said don't push it." He laughed. "One day, just one day."  
  
"Yeah, but you don't want to jump it early." I said.  
  
"I know. But, I'd do it now." He smiled. "I've seen the show's. Heat's on for Sunday."  
  
"I know. I wrote that match, every move." I said. "It's a part of me."  
  
"Well, after you kick ass, me and you get to kick ass together."  
  
"Hell yeah, been waiting for that. Do you think people forgot about us?"  
  
"Hell no!" He said. "No chance in hell." He laughed.  
  
"I have something to tell you sir. You're not going to believe it. Jeff and I are, well, talking."  
  
"What? Wait, back up. When?"  
  
I told Chris the entire story. Everything that happened between Jeff and myself. He couldn't believe it, and told me so many times.  
  
"How did Paul and Steph take it?"  
  
"I haven't told them yet." I answered quietly.  
  
He chuckled. "You better. Stephanie's going to want to know about the whole Jeff thing. Paul, on the other hand, is going to want to know about Kurt. Give them a call."  
  
"It's what Jay said." I paused. "Anyway, you want to buy a car?"  
  
"Unless it's your red with black leather enterer Camaero, I don't want to hear about it." I smiled. "Destiny Diaz, what's going on?"   
  
"I need a tuck." I answered.  
  
"So the Camaero goes?" I nodded. "I'll give you forty-five for it."  
  
"Ok." I answered.  
  
"I'll go to the bank first thing tomorrow."  
  
"Want it that bad?"  
  
"Only since I saw you with it." He answered.  
  
I laughed at Chris. Jay came across the yard with Matt. Matty ran as best he could towards Chris. Chris picked him up and propped him on the beach chair.  
  
"Good to see you, Chris." Jay said. "You gonna be there Sunday?"  
  
"Only as a spectator." Chris answered.  
  
"I know what it's like, and I hate it." Jay said. "So, good thing it's you and not me." He laughed.  
  
"Adam come back too?" Chris asked ignoring Jay's remark.  
  
"Yup." I answered.  
  
"Call him up. Barbeque at my house." Chris said.  
  
Adam came right over. Being alone was boring him, and scaring me. We all went down to the beach, set up towels and basked in the sun. Jay took Matt out into the water, not too deep of course. I sat back and told Chris more about the Jeff story, also informing Adam of it as well.  
  
"Well, Goddamn, Destiny." Adam said. "It's about freaking time."  
  
I laughed at him. It was a perfect day. The perfect way to relax us after that flight. We were so wound up over Unforgiven and everything that was going on that we forgot what relaxing was. It felt like I had finally exhaled after returning. It felt good, very good.  
  
"This is what I love." I said taking a si[ of my Smirnoff.  
  
"Drinking?" Adam asked.   
  
I laughed. "Besides that." I said. "But seriously, beautiful Florida evening. BBQ Chris style, not caring or worrying about where I'll be tomorrow. And seeing my baby run free."  
  
"Complete Utopia." Adam added. "Enjoy it because we only have three days of it."  
  
"You leave Friday?" Chris asked. I nodded. "Damn, Vince keeps you on some schedule."  
  
"Bastard." Adam said.  
  
"Well, indulge all you want while you're here." Chris said.  
  
"Oh, and do I plan on it." I said. "Being 100% lazy."  
  
"My favorite thing to do." Adam said with a smile.  
  
"Yeah? It's the best thing you do." Jay joked.  
  
The night was beautiful. Three wrestlers and a baby. Unfortunately, Chris's wife, Jessica, was out of town. Chris told us what he'd been doing on his down time.   
  
"Physical therapy was painful." He said. "All I had was a sprain, and it sucked. I felt that I was doing better in therapy, and when it stopped hurting I thought I was cleared, but obviously not."  
  
"What did you do on your down time?" Jay asked.  
  
"Everything around the house I promised Jess I'd eventually do." He laughed. "And she knew when the, 'hun my back hurts' excuse was used past it's limit."  
  
"It's scary, they always know." Adam said.  
  
"We know all. When you're lying, joking, it all. Women's intuition, and God do I love it."  
  
"And it's flawless!" Adam cried.  
  
"Mine has many flaws. But when it's on, boy is it on."  
  
"I used to like you." Adam said.  
  
"I know, but now you love me." I laughed.  
  
I don't think I could ask for a better first night home. I had my friends around me and all we did was laugh and joke and get a little wasted. I wasn't worried about Sunday for the first time since I composed the match. Things were perfect. 


	28. Chapter 28

The next morning I woke up to find Jay and Matt playing downstairs. I walked down the stairs in a sports bra and a pair of Jay's boxers. I got myself a cup of coffee and sat on the living room couch, my match for Sunday was in my hands.  
  
"Morning." Jay said. "I heard him this morning and brought him down here. I started the laundry."  
  
"Thanks, for both." I replied.  
  
"The big match?" He asked looking at the papers.  
  
"Yup, the final revision. Right here is how it's going to go down. After my own revisions and Amy's input, we finally have a winner." I answered. "I plan on studying this all day."  
  
"The match with go fine, perfect even." Jay told me. "I've seen you slave over it, and all the revisions, it's going to be perfect."  
  
"Thanks, Jay." I said.  
  
I hoped it would go perfect. This was the first match I alone came up with. I was very nervous about how the fans and other superstars would react to it. It was a match only Vince, Amy, and myself had seen. There was such a huge hype surrounding it, both backstage and in the media. The big cage match, the final battle.   
  
When I wrote it, and when I was going over it, I never thought about injury. It was so easy to get very hurt. Two very extreme Divas in a steel cage, add blinding hatred to that and it's a recipe for disaster. We somehow survived our every encounter, escaping serious career and life threatening injury by the skin of our teeth. I prayed that this would be like every one of those matches.  
  
Many fans, pro wrestling writers, and fellow superstars understood why this battle had to happen. They saw it unfold since day one. They saw two very combustible characters with a hatred that drew from some place so deep go at it each day, only adding fuel to the fire, never quenching that desire to take out the other one. Without knowing every detail of our feud and not knowing exactly why it had gotten this far, they still understood that this match had to happen, it could not be avoided. Those were the people who had respect for us, and could see that this was person.  
  
Other fans, writers, and even some superstars thought it was all a publicity stunt. That, whatever it was that was shown on TV was over some small fight that was resolved, and the only reason me and Amy kept going was for money and the exposure. I have to be honest, it brought in a killer paycheck and the exposure we got was phenomenal. These were the people who thought we had taken it too far and this was just a stale attachment to a sour and pathetic three year battle.  
  
We were real. My feelings towards Amy and hers towards me were nothing but real. And though the origin of it all is something I can't being to explain, I can still say it's real. What started out of jealously exploded into a deeply personal and very extreme feud. What began from a simple replacement branched off into the biggest feud in WWE history, maybe even passing Austin vs. McMahon.  
  
I can tell you what kicked it off. The day I came into the WWE was the day Amy lost her place in Team Xtreme. But, it wasn't the fact that this team was the biggest team in WWE history. It was the fact that she had started out in it. She was a part of it when it was only a baby. And, at it's hype she was booted out and I was put in. I can't blame her for being upset about it. I know I would. Vince McMahon didn't help the situation, pinning us together, and making us always turn on each other. But, when a month, two months went by and she still couldn't shake it, it's when I decided to get in on it too. And, well, the rest is history.   
  
It was an emotional match to write, because it was the end of an era. Basically, my whole career revolved around this feud, and most of Amy's had too. The best part of her career, and all of mine was invested in this. And even though we had the best times of our career with each other, it was now time for a change.   
  
"I'll keep an eye on the little guy today." Jay said. "This might be the only time you really have to look over that."  
  
"I know this match like the back of my hand." I said. "I've written it over and over again. It's not knowing it that's the problem."  
  
"What is?"  
  
"Going through with it." I answered. "Knowing it's the last match I'll ever do with Amy. Even letting go of Amy kind of upsets me."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"I know, it's weird, but even though we hate each other, my career has revolved around her, in everything I've done, in some form of the way. And in such a short time, it's all going to be over."  
  
"And you think Amy is going to leave you alone? She may have to when the cameras are rolling, but when they're not, she's going to go right at you again."  
  
"My hope was to end all ties with her after this match. She's going to have what she wants, Women's gold." I answered. "Maybe she won't, maybe she will. I can only say when it actually happens. But having that time on camera without her is going to be a breath of fresh air."  
  
My goal was to eliminate as much time around each other as possible. Growing less and less and each day passes, and, hopefully, eliminating it for good. With this match over, I no longer had something she wanted. Her career would be going one way, and mine another, and hopefully, that would eliminate as much time we'd be around each other. We weren't in the same race for the same things. We would be demanded of different things at different times.   
  
"Well, if it does happen, and she does leave you alone, I think all of us are going to be happy."  
  
"Yes, that is true. I hated putting all of you through all of that. It was bullshit because it was my problem not yours, and each time one of you was being dragged through it with me. And nine times out of ten, all of you were going through some part of it."  
  
"We only went through it with you because we care about you. We're a tight family. You, Adam, Chris, Paul, Stephanie, Matt, Jeff, and myself. We'd only carry the weight if one of us were in trouble, not anyone else." Jay told me. "Before you got here, Adam and myself were best friends, then we got really right with the brothers Hardy because we were very much a like. We were the high flyers, the risk takers. The young dumb kids who'd do anything to get a foot in the door, and crazy stunts were it. No Mercy '99 that was our pay-per-view. We were born there, our gimmick, that ladder match. Since then we added to it, but Adam and myself sort of veered off it just a little while Matt and Jeff went on full force. Anyway, I'm getting sort of off topic. We had our bond in the business. You came along and grew on Matt and Jeff, and in return grew on both Adam and myself. You had your friendship with Chris, and your tight bond with Paul which got in with Stephanie. You're the link between us all." He laughed to himself. "Some how, in that blabbing, I think I made that point across."   
  
I laughed. "I guess so. But, seriously, I hate what I made you all go through. Paul and I got into some arguments over what he thought I should do about this. That locker room brawl is what set it off. When we went all out on each other."  
  
"Oh right! Trish was there, she got Paul. He carried you kick and screaming. That was incredible. Word got around real fast about that. We were all like, 'what? No way?'. It was insane." Jay said.   
  
"Exactly. This match, I'm hoping, is going to make sure nothing like that ever happens again."  
  
I adjusted my legs on the couch and dug into the match. I envisioned what I thought it would look like. I saw how crazy this could get, how hurt we could get, and just how risky it would be. I knew that this wasn't going to be a walk in the park match. It was for much more than just a belt. It was pride, and those years of hatred. The final resting place of it all.  
  
I did wonder if my plan would work, if we could just let go of it all. I knew our demands were going to be different, but I wasn't sure if we could let alone all of those years of hate. We hurt each other so much over the years that I wasn't sure I could keep my hands off of her. The match was one big question, a trail by error.   
  
Jay had left to take Matt to Adam's house. I enjoyed the quiet and really sunk into my thoughts. I was driving myself insane. Every worry, everything that could go wrong circled my brain. I had to get out. I left the match on the den and left for the beach. I walked to the water and stood there, looking out. Hoping for a sign. Was this the right thing to do?  
  
"Where's everyone?" Chris asked walking down to me.  
  
"Jay took Matt for the day." I answered. "I'm go over my match for Sunday."  
  
"Ah yes, that one. The big one." He said. "I don't know if I can see Destiny without Lita and Lita without Destiny. You two are an inseparable duo here. Hatred that works into Vince McMahon's plans. His goldmine."  
  
"I know, and our own goldmine as well. I wish I could say it was for the money. A lot of fans still believe that. But, it sure as hell isn't."  
  
"I know, I know." Chris said. "How have you been feeling since the accident?"  
  
"Fine. I get pains ever now and again. It does haunt me." I answered. "I escape with minor injuries, a little internal, but anyone else in that car wouldn't have made it."  
  
"What happened?" He asked.   
  
"I was so preoccupied with everything. With Amy with Jeff, it all. I didn't see the pole and bam! I hit. I didn't hurt at first. I knew I was bleeding, but I just stood up and walked around. They say I was found a mile and a half from the site. I just walked off."  
  
"I'm not bringing it up to torture you." He said. "I was just wondering how you were." There was a pause. "Be careful Sunday. I have this feeling."  
  
"Yeah, so do I." I said. "This gut instinct that I shouldn't do this the way I want it to be done. This intuition that something is going to go terribly wrong."  
  
"Then don't do it."  
  
"I have to. It's too late to back out now. The match has been set and promoted for a month now. There's no going back. I have to fight my instincts and just go for it. Live for the moment."  
  
"One that could be your last."  
  
"Then let it be my last. If I go out in the match I created, doing the style I love, facing the person I hate, then so be it. I have had a wonderful career and I wouldn't change any of it."  
  
"I know that. But, I also know I'm not the only one who doesn't want to be sitting in that hospital waiting to see if you're going to walk again, or if you're even going to make it. It doesn't take a lot of something to go seriously wrong. You mix hate and your styles, one slip and you could break a bone the wrong way. I'd hate for another Owen Hart incident to happen. I was too close to him, and I am too close to you."  
  
Chris really let me know that he was against this match. It made me wonder if anyone else felt that same way. Jay told me he was worried and he wasn't sure it was going to do it's job. But, despite what he and Chris had said, I had to go through with it. It was too late to back out now, and even if it wasn't, I had to do this. Call me cocky if you want, but I had to prove I was the best. Even if I had to lose the title to do so. It may not make any sense in that way, losing a title to prove I was the best, but it my twisted mind, it's how it worked. 


	29. Chapter 29

"I don't know what else to say." Chris said. "Except for be careful."  
  
I nodded. "I appreciate your concern, everyone's concern. It's just that no one else understands why this has to happen, only two people do, myself and Amy, and that's it, and that's how it should be. No one else has to understand why this is happening."  
  
I thanked Chris once again and went back up to the house. His concerns got to me. But it was true, no one else had to know why Amy and I had to fight this way. And even if we tried to explain it, it didn't make much sense to anyone. It seemed insane and stupid. To risk so much over something that seemed so little, in hopes for the nearly impossible to happen. But that's how it had to be.   
  
Before I could get any further in my match, I had to place a phone call. I hadn't really talked to Paul in some time, and right now I needed his opinion more than anyone. The phone rang a few times before Paul answered.  
  
"What's up?" He asked.  
  
"Paul, it's Des."  
  
"Hunny, how are you?" He asked. "I was hoping to hear from you."  
  
"I'm stressing. My match with Amy is in a few days and I am terrified."  
  
"Ah, I knew there had to be a reason why you'd call." He laughed. "I know this is a big thing for you. You wrote this match and you put your heart and soul into it. Your reasons are noble, and if it does work for the better, then cheers to you."  
  
"I don't have a backup plan. It better work out." I said.  
  
"I didn't think you did. Impulses, that's what you work on. Destiny, I've been in very important matches, I've been in matches I put my heart and soul into. I have been in very emotional matches with people I didn't like. But, I can't compare any of them to the match you're about to fight."  
  
"Do you have any fatherly advice for me then?"  
  
"I have plenty of advice. I can give you a piece of advice for any match you might find yourself in."  
  
"So, what do you have for mine?"  
  
"However, in your case, I can't think of any advice."  
  
"How comforting." I said.  
  
"That doesn't mean I don't have something to say." He replied. "I have no advice for you here. Nothing that's going to help you through this. You yourself have to get yourself through this. You know what this match is for, you're the one with the heart and soul into it. You're not fighting this match for anyone but yourself. You and only you know the benefits and know why it's worth the risk. Others may not agree with it one iota, but you know what it's for and that is all that matters."  
  
"That might have been the best advice you've ever given me." I told him.  
  
"I'm good even when I don't try."   
  
"Don't get too cocky now." I told him.  
  
"But please, be careful. I know how heated these things can get, and I have seen what they do to a person. I don't want to see you turned into a crippled bitter washed up superstar."  
  
"You have such high hopes for me." I joked.  
  
"I'm serious, hun. Don't get wrapped up in the hype of it all. Don't forget why you're doing this, and don't let anyone tell you why."  
  
"Yes, dad." I said sarcastically.  
  
"Destiny." He said to me. "Don't get fresh. I am being serious."  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"Don't get too big for this. It's a big night for you, don't get an ego now. You've been grounded your whole career and that's what kept you on top, don't lose it over this."  
  
Paul made a lot of sense to me. When it came down to the business he was the one to talk to. He never joked when he talked about the business, always serious. He took it all very seriously too. That's just how he is, and why so many respect him. He is the business, and no one can take that away from him. Try, and he will leave you with scars that will never heal.   
  
When I hung up with Paul, I took to the match with a new perspective. It was now where I began to feel that I too was the business. I began looking at it the way Paul does. And everything he said to me began to make sense.   
  
There is one match where every superstar crosses from being a WWE wrestler to a WWE superstar. Those who are defined as superstars. Not your regular wrestler, but the ones who the fans go nuts over, the ones who have the following. You can easily tell the difference. When you embark on that match, you know it as soon as you get into that ring that tonight is going to be the night. And, when it's all said and done, you are given the right of passage, you are looked at with a whole new credibility. I had been in the WWE a long time before I had that match. It was a year ago. Last Unforgiven was my match, the match that launched me into WWE superstardom. I was well known, but more so by who I hung with then what I could do in the ring. Unforgiven last year proved why I hung with the big boys.  
  
This Unforgiven was a new corner for me. I became the business. I crossed a line only the elite few can cross. People like Paul, Mark, Steve. The real headliners that everyone comes to for advice. I was now becoming a leader. Paul hinted it to me on the phone. And when I read the match for the billionth and one time, I saw what he meant.   
  
"Still at it?" Jay asked when he came home from Adams. It had been about three hours.  
  
"Yes." I answered. "Adam not with you?"  
  
"Nah, he had things to take care of." Jay answered. He set Matt down. "You've been here too long, I am taking you to lunch. Get ready."  
  
"Jay, I have a lot of work to do."  
  
"Think of it as your last meal." He smiled. "Des, even the best need a break. It'll be good for you. Clear your mind before diving in again."  
  
Jay was right, and I set the match down. I went to my bathroom to shower and change. As the warm water fell across my body, I could feel the hatred and the frustrations I had with Amy wash away. The old Destiny was washing down the drain, and the new, improved, focused Destiny was coming through.   
  
"You know," Jay said when we were at lunch. "Seeing you like this is starting to make me ancy."  
  
"What do you mean?" I asked.  
  
"I guess because I've never seen you so wrapped up inside a match before."  
  
"Well, things are going to be different with me from now on."  
  
"Really?" Jay asked.  
  
"Really." I answered. "This match has done a lot for me and I am ready for that next step in my career."  
  
"Well, whatever that may be, don't lose sight of this Destiny. I happen to like her."  
  
I didn't think anyone thought that I could actually buckle down and be this serious about matches. Don't get me wrong, I was very serious about everything I did in the WWE, but this was different. All of it was different and I felt that if I didn't change, no one would take me seriously again. No woman in the business was ever looked at as a business woman with the exception of Linda McMahon, who, was never a wrestler. But every female wrestler was never looked at or thought at as to be serious, to be about the business.   
  
"Well, with only days left, you must be excited, and you have to want it to be over."  
  
"Yes, to both." I said. "I want it to be over so bad because I am so sick of stressing on it. But, I guess it's for the best. I mostly want it to be over so I can see how people react to it, how well it goes over. That's my main concern. I want the fans to know that this is my heart and soul, ya know."  
  
"Well, I know I believe it, and I know I am not the only one. " Jay said. "I know what you've done to prepare for this, and I am looking forward to seeing it played out." He smiled at me. "You have done so much, there is no reason why you can't succeed. And you will." 


	30. Chapter 30

I remember my last day in Tampa very well. It was kind of like the last day on death row. I sat on the front step of Jay's house as he packed up the car. It was 6:30 in the morning. Matthew was sleeping on the couch inside, I didn't even dress him, just moved him downstairs. Chris found his way over to us, in his bathrobe and coffee in hand.

"Nice to see you hard at work here." He joked; his voice was a little quiet. He was scared.

"I am of no use to Jay right now." I replied. "I am so nervous."

He nodded. "I am too. I feel completely powerless. I'll be there, backstage, waiting, but I feel completely powerless. I am powerless. No matter what happens inside that cage, I have no control."

"But, it's always been like that."

"No, not this time. This is different." He said. "Not that I don't have confidence in your match or anything, it's not like that. It's just, I have this gut feeling. Usually I ignore them, because I get them before my matches, but I can't help it this time. I can't ignore. The moment you told me, I felt this way."

I had seen Chris nervous before, it wasn't anything new. But, this, this was something different. This was full on fear, and I never saw that from him. I couldn't turn back now; there was no way. I was three days away from my fate.

"I appreciate you being worried about me, but I have to do this. I know that it's going to be the most dangerous and most important thing I will ever do, that's why I have to do it. I have to end this, and this is the only way I know how. Turn over the title and continue on in the tag division. I can't face her then."

"Yeah, but I don't know if I'll have a functional partner after this match. Des, I can't lose you to this match. A lot of people need you around to make their days go on smoothly. Despite every piece of drama you have brought with you, you make a lot of people's day go on. You're loved by a lot of people, and if you don't make it out of this match in one piece, a lot of people aren't going to be able to continue in their careers as well." He paused. "I don't want you to think that you are the holiest of wrestlers around here. In fact, I don't even know what I am trying to say. Better yet, I do, I just don't know how to tell it to you. How's this, you're a muse. You inspire, and not just us, but the people out there who watch you. Sacrificing yourself to the wrestling Gods isn't necessary; you're already a star."

"This isn't about being a bigger star, this is about pride. This match is what the business is about, everything we stand for." I said. "I know what you're trying to say, Chris, and I am very touched, but this time I'm going to have to go against every feeling everyone is having, including myself. I have to put my life and body on the line for real this time, just to have the rest of my career. If you don't understand that, then you don't understand me."

I didn't want this to become a huge debate, I knew why I was doing this, and only I had to know. But those who knew me understood in some degree. I know now that Chris was very nervous, to put it simply. He, like everyone else I knew, didn't want me to get hurt. And there is much more in his reasons that I thought about in that match.

"Well, then can you just promise me one thing?" He asked.

"What's that?"

"Be safe, or, as safe as you can be." He told me.

"As safe as I can be." I replied.

He hugged me. "I'll see you on Sunday." He said in my ear.

"You will, and after, we're going to go out."

"Right, no matter how careful you will be, I know you, and you won't be going out for a few days."

He kissed my cheek, and Jay and I were off. Jay was unusually quiet, and with Matthew sleeping, there wasn't any noise going on. I was lost in Destiny-land, that I didn't really ask. Destiny-land, for those who don't know, is my own personal Utopia. It's where I go to think, relax, and try to calm down. I'm there before matches, and most of the time when I am alone, and a lot of the time when I am not. It's where I like to go when I need a moment.

"Des, I know this match is a big thing for you, but," Jay started. When conversations start like that, you know they aren't going to be good ones.

"But...?" I asked.

"Nothing." He said.

"No, you can't say that, and then say nothing, and then expect me to believe you and not ask anymore." I said.

"I don't want to make you upset or nervous even more before your big match."

"And that's supposed to make me forget?" I asked. "Jay, you know I don't handle these situations good. I have no patients."

"I know, which, when situations like these do come up, I like to take full advantage." He smiled. "But seriously, you've probably heard this from Chris, so it won't be new coming from me." He said. "I'm worried, worried that Amy's got something up here sleeve. I'm worried that whatever deals were made about Kurt not being able to be there won't hold, and, no matter what Jeff can do to him in his match, it won't be enough."

"I forgot all about Jeff's match against Kurt." I said with shock. "I've been so wrapped up in this, that I forgot about that. It's such a huge match for him. It's just like my match, so much on the line, so personal."

"Yeah, well, don't expect everything to go so smoothly. Expect that Amy's got some plan and that she's going to do whatever it takes to really put you out."

I really wanted to believe that the match would just as it was on paper. But, anyone knows that in this business, things never go like they do on paper. I guess, I wanted to think that because I put so much into this match, that nothing would go wrong. It w as very naive for me, and I am never naive.


	31. Chapter 31

We had a long flight, Tampa to Seattle, over five hours. Five straight hours.We had a long flight and a lot in store for us, and with Matthew in was a lot to handle. Adam was meeting us in Seattle, and we hoped he was awake. You could never tell with him.

There was a little tension between Jay and I. I knew he wasn't the first nor the last person I'd have tensions with over this match. Jay stood uneasy with me as we went to get our boarding passes. He couldn't stand still, and kept looking around. The only time he ever looked at me was when he took Matt out of my arms. He held him against his chest.

"Jay, lets not play this game." I finally said. He looked at me. "This guessing game. Ignoring me because of your worries."

"I don't know what to say." He said. "I'm scared, petrified. I don't want to watch your lifeless body in a hosptial because you're braindead in a coma." He paused. "You don't think that will happen? Destiny, anything is possible. Anything can happen. Any number of things can go wrong."

"We face that everyday Jay. This isn't anything new. I wish you'd all just leave me alone about this." I said.

The tensions of the match were spreading to everyone I was coming in contact with. I was afraid of what was going to come next. I was afraid of Paul the most. He could be very scary when he gets very emotional.

The flight became even more longer and painful. I couldn't think of a single thing to say to Jay. I guess this was the final prep for the match. The moments where talk in unnessecary, and everyone is uneasy. It can be just seconds before the match, to many hours.

The piolt finally made that announcment that were would be decending soon. Matt was awake now, and moving about in the center seat. He was so used to planes that it doesn't bother him one bit. I held on tight as the plan touched the ground. I always get quesy at that part.

Once the plane was landed and people were getting on their way, I reached up for my carry-on. I felt a hand on mine and looked over and saw Jay. He looked at me and said, "I'll get it." He set the bag down and picked Matt up. We were the last ones on the plane.

"Des," he said to me.

"I know, Jay, I know." I replied.

"Do you have time today?" He asked.

"Some, yes. I have an interview in two hours." I answered. "I'm booked from then on."

"Ok." He replied with some dissapointment.

"Jay, we don't need to explain anything. I'd really rather not talk about the match." I said. "Well, talk about it in the way I have been with you and Chris."

"Fine, but I want to leave it at this." He said. "Be careful. That's my main concern."

"That I can do. Be as careful as I can."

We were one of the firsts in Seattle. The hotel was pretty empty of superstars. Vince was here, naturally, but he had checked in and left. He went to the venue to make sure everything was in order, and had to run all of the interviews and everything. Jay and I found our rooms, he, and Adam, were across the hall and over to the left. I went into mine with Matthew and began to upack. I did think about calling Adam to make sure he got up and was at least on his way.

I set Matthew down on one of the beds and he began to play with a figure of his father. I put all of our things in the draws prvoided and the bathroom things in the bathroom. The closet space was for Matt's things, his toys and stuff. I opened the sliding door that led to the balcony and looked down. We were on the third floor. The fence around the balcony was of paraelle bars, Matthew would be alright. I had an outside view, which meant Jay had the indoor pool view; which meant, he'd be sitting out there making fun of all those below him wearing bathingsuits they think they look good in.

I turned back inside and Matthew threw the figure on the floor. I laughed at him and said, "don't like daddy today?". He made a face. Matt would be up soon, with Jeff, and he would call my phone when they arrived at the airport. I now had two hours before my life would be completely different. Two hours before the zoo began. These would be the longest and most painful two hours ever.

I called down to room service to order up something to eat. Matthew and I hadn't really eaten at all. Matthew had Chereos on the plane and seemed pretty good, but I had to give him something else. They came and brought us some eggs, I wasn't too hungry, Matthew ate most of them.

I soon began to feel rather morbid about the match. What if everyone was right? What if something so horrible happened to me that I didn't come out of that match the same, or in the worst case, dead. What if I went into that coma and never came out? I admit, this was insanly morbid. What would happen to my son if I didn't come out of this?

I knew that before I could engage in something this monsterous, I had to write out, I guess, my last Will in Testament. I said I wasn't lying, this was very morbid. It wasn't official, but it would be, by deffinition, something like it. I had to know my son would be taken care of, and everyone in my life had something to remind them of me. I sat at the desk, and in my last hour and a half, wrote it up:

_Dear Everyone,_

_I apologize for this, I know it's not something you all want to hear, but it's something I need to do, just in case. Yes, just in case all of you are right, and something goes wrong. I know that you all will be extremly mad at me for thinking this way, but I have to know that everything will get taken care of. _

_Matt, I'll start with you. As the father of our son, I want you to promise, to whomever, that you will take care of him if, indeed, I don't make it out of this. I know that in your care, and of course, in the care of everyone here, that he will be safe. I know that you will be able to give him everything a father should, and more. I know you will be able to give him more than I could ever. You were meant to be a father, and now that you are one, I hope you realize just how perfect you are. You have helped me grow, now it's time you help our son._

_Paul, you are my absolute everything. You have shown me since the first day the upmost kindness. I love you, in every way the word is defined. You have been a father to me, more than my own could have ever been. Watch over my son, continue to love him as you have loved me. He is, after all, your grandson, in so many words. You have guided me in my career and my life. You have shown me more things than I could have ever begin to see on my own. I haven't seen in all my days on the acting scene what you have shown me in one. _

_Stephanie, you are my girl, my baby girl. Make sure you explain this before all the guys get hot over it. We've been through a lot together. You've shown me that not every McMahon has a twisted, sinister mind. You're kindness has helped me along the way in this insane world know was the WWE. You always were my favorite shopping buddy. And, if this all goes OK, I will make you over again, and I just might let you do it to me as well. But, anyway, you were the first, and only girl I could really trust. _

_Chris, you are my tag team partner, and that doesn't stay just in the ring. Over the years we've grown a lot closer, and I treasure that. And, if you are wondering, if this doesn't go good, you can have all my cars, and yes, my Vett also. Fate, I beleve, has brought us closer together, and has brought us to this point that we are now at. I love where we are. Don't let anyone tell you your band sucks, it rules. I thought I should at least talk about your band. I can't even think of what life would be like if you weren't a part of it. Thank you for everything you have done._

_Adam...ahh...Adam. I knew you were trouble the moment we met, do you remember McDonalds? I know no one else would forget the infamous first encounter. Since that, um, I don't know what you'd really call it, but since then, you have been at my side, for better, and a lot worse. You're my partner in crime, and when it's all said and done, I know I can come to you in the end. I love every second we've had together, and no matter what happens, I know I will never forget them. You are one of a kind, Adam, and don't let anyone talk you down. You are a lot stronger than anyone gives you credit for. I love you._

_Jay, what can I say? You're my best friend. You've taken me into your home, no questions asked. I can go on and on about you, but now that I am trying to, I can't think of a word that can even match how I feel. I love you, Jay. I trust you, confide in you, everything I didn't have growing up. You are an amazing person, and without you, I wouldn't be here, I would have given up a long time ago. I know we've met some challanges, but it has only made us stronger as friends. There is no one more important in my life than you. I love you._

_Lastly, Jeff. I have saved you for last because I don't know what you'd really think of this. I never stoped loving you. I know what we said in the hotel room, and I know I can say more. I've always loved you, I always have, and I never will stop. You are the reason I live. Knowing I coast you so much pain has hurt me in so many ways, ways I can't describe and won't beging to. You are my inspiration, in everything I do. That hasn't changed. Nothing has changed about how I feel about you. My world is for you, I live for you. Jeff, I am alive for you. You're the reason I take another breath, wake up in the morning. I love you._

_I could go on forever, but I know that you already hate me now for being so morbid. I am sorry, but this is something I had to say, because I don't know if I will be able to after this match is over. I don't want everyone to not know how I feel about them. I love you all._

_Love Always, and Forever More,_

_Destiny_

It didn't come out at all like I really wanted it too, it was better. I packed Matt up and walked down to the lobby. More people were checking in. I had an interview with JR. Good ol' JR. He was a legend in his own right. My phone rang as I was leaving.

"Des, it's Matt. We arrived."

"Good, good. I'm leaving for my interview now." I said. "I'm in room 315, Jay's in 318. Find him, I'm taking the car we rented and going."

"Alright." He said. "Do you have the baby?"

"Yeah, I didn't want to leave him with Jay, again." I answered. "Did you see Adam at the airport?"

"Actually, yes. He didn't see us, though." He answered.

"Good, he did wake up."

"I'm going to let you go, I don't want you to be late."

I hung up and got into the Celica that we were lucky enough to get. Matthew was strapped in and we were off. I was nervous for this interview. It was the biggest one I had ever had. It was going to be one of many I would have in the two day period. I would be meeting with everyone, JR, Cole, people from both RAW and WWE Magazines. Plus, the fan day that took place tomorrow.

JR was at the arena. He was looking over some things with Vince. I walked down the unfinished ramp and found him standing where the ring would be. He saw and walked over, we shook hands.

"I promise this will look better on Sunday." He said. I smiled. "The crew is over there, so lets get started."

JR and I stook over where some of the black wall was. A single camera man and a crewman stood there. They counted back from 3 and we started.

"Welcome ladies and gentlemen, JR here and I am standing with Destiny. The Women's Champion, Tag Team Champion, is there anything you can't do?" He smiled, it was a rehtorical question. "Sunday, it has to be the most important day of your life and your career."

"It is." I said.

"It's being marked as the final match." He continued. "Is it really the final match? Is this all we're going to see of Destiny and Lita?"

"Yes, if it all goes well, it will be. I think everyone has seen all they can from us. But, I don't have a crystal ball. I don't know if this is truly the end. You never know in this business."

"That is very true. But, it will be a step." He said. "Your title is also on the line, right?"

"Yes, JR, it is. My Women's Title. And, I have to say, it's the least of my worries. I am not worried about keeping it, or lossing it if that may happen."

"Really? You've held this title longer than any women we've ever had. Can you really just give it up?"

"Well, it will be hard. I am not saying it won't. My main concern is being able to get out of the match, win or lose." I answered. "I've been Women's Champion for so long now. If I loss it, or if I don't, that's not the main thing here."

"You just very well may be the first person not concerned about their title at a pay-per-view." JR said.

"This isn't about the title, though. It's about pride, servival, and above all else, sanity. I can't tell you what this woman has done to my sanity, or what's left of it." I replied.

"Well, one thing has to be for sure, you inner circle must be pretty scared."

I smiled. "Yes, they are. Very, in fact. That's ok for them to be. But, I won't back down. Too much is involved in this match, too much is at stake."

"If I may," JR began, "I spoke recently to Triple H, just sort of off hand. We got into talking about Unforgiven, and your match came up. Would you like to hear what he said?" I shook my head yes. He picked up a piece of paper. "'Destiny's old enough to make her own decisions. She can create matches, and she can participate in anyone she desires. I know what she's says about me, our relationship and all, but I am not her father, real one anyway. And, anyway, she's old enough. But, I can't say that I am not scared, beyond it even. But I have full faith in her that she will do well'." I almost cried. "How does that make you feel?"

"It makes me feel really, really good. Knowing he believes in me like that makes all of this that much easier."

The interview went on a little bit longer, and I was off to meet Michael Cole. That interview was pretty much the same as the one before it, as were the ones with the magazines. It was dinner time when I was finished, and Matthew and I were very ready to get back. I called Matt to tell him we were on our way, and when I got there, he was in the lobby waiting for us. He ran over and took him.

"There's my boy." He said with a huge smile. "Did you miss daddy?"

"What do you think?" I asked. "Of course."

"I'm going out for a bit, I'm going to take him."

"Matt, you haven't seen him for a few days, take him anywhere. It must kill you."

"It does." He said. He kissed my cheeck and was off.

I went into the gift shop to by some stationary. I went back to my room and began to hand write my letter seven times, one for each person I talked about. I wanted everyone to know what I said about the other. It made me feel better knowing everyone knew everything. I folded the letters up and put them in envelopes with everyone's name on it. I then crawled up on the bed and fell asleep.

In what seemed like seconds I heard banging at my door. I rolled over and saw that I had dozed off for two hours. I opened the door and Jay was standing there.

"I've been trying to reach you for two hours." He said.

"You've been knocking at my door for two hours?" I asked.

"No, check your cell, your hotel phone. I was worried."

"I;m sorry, I was sleeping." I said. "What do you want?"

"Are you hungry? I know you haven't eaten anything." He said.

"That's true. I guess. Where are we going?"

"Well, we, as in you, me, and Adam, are gonna go some place cheap, fast food or something. Nothing to big."

"Sure, I could really go for some Taco Bell." I said. I looked at Jay, and he sort of began to space out. "Jay?"

"Des, can I ask you something completly off topic, way out there, not even in this ballpart?"

"Yes..." I answered slowly.

"Well, I know what we did back at my house. It's been on my mind since it happened. I'm not good with this sort of thing, and I can't really tell you why I'm asking you this now."

"Jay, just tell me." I said.

"I know we weren't careful. I know we weren't thinking." He started. "I just want to make sure nothing happened as a result of it. And if it did, I want to know, and want to know why you haven't told me."

"I haven't told you, Jay, because it's not true." I replied. "Ever since Matthew, I've been on the pill." I smiled. "Better for everyone really."

"Alright." He said. "I just wanted to make sure."

I don't know how this is going to sound, but, I can see myself having children by Jay. And, I don't mean getting married and spending the rest of our lives together. It's hard to explain, really. Jay is a great man, a responsable, mature, adult. He's taken to Matthew as if he were his own. He loves children and I know he'll make a great father.

Jay seemed kind of disappointed that I wasn't pregnant. Carring Jay's baby, to me, wouldn't be a bad thing. He's a very respectable, and very decent man. He knows how to take care of things. We were so close as friends, that it wouldn't be weird, or bad, if that did happen. Kind of like that pact you make when your eight to your best male friend, if we're this age and still not married, we marry each other.

We met up with Adam, and the boys gave into my demand for Taco Bell. We sat at a table together and talked about previous pay-per-views. Matches that really set us apart from the rest. Adam and Jay talked about one match, well two matches, that really stood out. No Mercy 1999 and the very frist TLC match.

"You would think that it would be easy to stomach Jeff's match tomorrow after every insane match he's been in. But I can't help but be worried." Adam said. "We've been in most of them, but no one can do them like he does. No one has a complete disregaurd for their body like him. It's amazing. He does it every day, all the time."

"I forgot about his match." I said. "I've been so caught up in mine. I am very worried. Kurt's got so much on Jeff."

"Ha! Now you know how we feel." Jay said.

"I wouldn't really worry. I mean, I am, but I'm not. Jeff's in this one for the right reasons. Kurt can beat Jeff in a straight up wrestling match any day, he can beat any one of us. But, this isn't a straight up wrestling match. Jeff's got desire. He's not fighting for him, he's not in this for him. He's in it for you, Des." Adam told me. "Kurt does everything for himself, and that's why he is who he is. Jeff, he's doing this for you, for your honer. He's going to win because when Jeff gets like has been, he snaps. Kurt has no idea what he's getting himself into, none. In fact, no one really knows what Jeff will do. But we all know he's gone insane. Kurt, and all of us are going to see a side of Jeff Hardy we have never seen. Trust me, Jeff will over power Kurt, and he's going to win."

Adam was very convincing. But, nothing anyone could say could really make me feel any better. I guess this is how everyone was feeling about me. I hadn't see Jeff, at all. I didn't want to either, I didn't want to get in his way. We all know Jeff has cracked, and getting in his way now, would make me completly snap before the match.

"If this match is anything like last year, we're all in for a treat." Adam said to me.

"Trust me, it's 10 times better." I said.

"That's what worries me." He replied. "It's what worries us all. And you know, because you're worried about Jeff's match. You were there last year at this very same time. Hell, you were in that match. We all thought that nothing could get any more extreme, any more wild than that. And now, here we are, a year later, and you, both of you, have topped yourselves."

"It's getting harder to do that." I said. "I hope that after this match is over and done with, I don't have to prove anything anymore. I hope I'll just be able to do any match I want without having to out do myself."

"Don't worry, you're a star now." Jay told me.

A star? I never used to think so, I always thought I was the average star. But now I was believing the hype. I wouldn't say I was become an egotistical maniac, but I was beining to see that I was a superstar. It was a great feeling.

We shortly left. It was getting late and we all had early plans to do the fan meet and great that lasted pretty much the whole day. It's nothing like the meet and greet before Wrestlemania, but still a lot of fun. We drove back to the hotel and said our good nights. I didn't see anyone else that night, except for Matt, Jay, and Adam. I didn't really want to see anyone else. I just wanted to stay to myself. My room was quiet, all I heard was the sound of crickets and the passing cars on the free way in the distance.

I had a troubled night. I couldn't sleep. I would have a few brief periods of good sleep, but then wake right up and have a few periods of stairing at the ceiling. At around two in the morning I heard a familiar sound coming, lightly, through my walls. "Nothing Man" by Pearl Jam. It was Jeff. It was his song. The song I gave him, and the song that stuck with him.

I got out of bed and headed over the room next to me. I knocked softly, twice. A few minutes later, Jeff answered the door. He was wearing a pair of white sweatpants, and no shirt. The song was on repeat and began to play over again. His hair was blonde, a little lighter than normal, and up in a messy bun, thing. All the lights were off except for the one by the desk. I saw Matthew's little crib with him in it, sleeping, and Matt's feet in the bed.

"Hi." I said quietly.

"Can't sleep either?" He asked.

"Pre-pre-match jitters." I answered.

"Come in, you're not alone." I walked inside. Matt was spred out across the bed with his mouth wide open, snoring slightly. Jeff sat in the chair at the desk. "Writing, you know it always helped me."

"Yes, and it was always beautiful." I replied. "How are you feeling?"

"Scard, very nervous. I know what everyone's saying, that I have not shot in Hell. Maybe so, but I am going to go out there and do to Kurt whatever it is that I can." He answered.

"You'll surprise many."

"Always do." He said. He looked down. "I know what they say about me. Everyone thinks I'm going crazy."

"For challenging Kurt? No, that's noble." I said.

"No, outside of the ring." He said. "Everyone thinks that I am really going crazy."

"We all know about your disorders."

"It's not that. It's more."

"Well, you have been acting out of character, even for you." I said. "What's on your mind?"

"Things around here are getting fucked up. Things with Kurt, things with Amy. The things that start in the ring and spread outwards. Things that shouldn't." He paused. "Fuck the ring, fuck the WWE. Things in my life are out of wack. Just that adds to it."

"We have noticed some changes." I said.

"Yeah, me too. I wish I could pin point it, ya know. I wish I knew what was going on inside my head. I'm just too fucked up to even know about my own problems."

"Jeff, you're not fucked up." I said. "In a rut? Yes. Look, hopefully after Sunday, a lot of your, and mine, problems will go away. Then we can finnaly concentrate on the things that are really wrong with us. I know that Kurt and Amy have a lot to do with why you feel the way you do. It's why I feel the way I do. And there is not one person that can make me better. No one. Once this is all over, I can finally work on what's really wrong with me, and there's plenty."

"Matt's been prying at me forever, trying to get inside my head, figure out what's wrong." Jeff said. "I've been so preoccupied by all of this, I don't even really know. I do know that a lot of it was lifted when we talked. But, so much is still there."

I nodded. For him, a lot had to be. He wasn't his usual self, he hadn't been in a year. Things were looking up for him, but the Jeff Hardy we knew was almost gone for good. We were in the exact same boat, so to speak. We were sbsolutly miserable, him more so than I. Since our relationship crumbled, neither of us were the same, and it showed. And since then, everything else in our lives seemed to get worse.

"It's weird, through everything that's happened, you, you're the only one who understands." Jeff told me. "Who would have thought."

"Jeff, even though we're not together, I am still here for you. Despite everything that's happened, I always will be."

"You were the only one able to get inside my head and actually understand." He said. He smiled a little bit. "Still got it, it seems."

"Yeah, it's a gift." I replied.

I didn't know what to say. I wanted to say a lot, so much had to be said. But Jeff was completly torn apart. His match and everything involved with it was eating him up. When I looked into his eyes, I couldn't see anything, couldn't sense anything. I used to look into those beautiful green eyes and see the world, but now, I saw nothing.


	32. Chapter 32

I didn't know what to say to him. I hoped that after all of this on Sunday, something would change in him, and he could start to become the Jeff we used to know.

"I also know what everyone's been saying about your match." He told me.

"Yeah, I've talked with Chris and Jay and they both want me to back out." I said.

"Back out? Hell no, not now. This is your baby, you can't back out." He said. "It's time to show everyone why you used to hang with us, why you're the best damn Diva ever, and one of the best wrestlers around."

"You understand." I said.

I said down on the bed. I looked up at Jeff, he was absolutly beautiful. He always was. I didn't want to bring myself back to those nights after last years Unforgiven. I had put myself there every day since. I was sick of being upset and depressed and lost. I didn't want to be that girl anymore. I had spent so much time wondering and crying. I couldn't, and wouldn't, do it anymore.

"It's amazing, two years in a row now we're dazzeling audiances with our matches." Jeff said. "This is the second Unforgiven where you and I are involved in the most crazy or matches."

"Yes, well things are changing after this Unforgiven." I said. "Mistakes were made, and for the better of it, they have been forgiven. After this Unforgiven, I'm not going to screw anything up, I'm not going to be the crying always depressed girl that I was. This Unforgiven marks a new Destiny."

"That's the spirit."

"And I am going to help you help yourself." Jeff looked at me. "You said it yourself, things are fucked up right now. And I might be the very last person you can fully trust, but I am the only person that fully understands your mind."

"Maybe." He said. "You used to know my mind. Now all you have is memories. You can understand, but you used to know."

"What are you talking about?" I asked. The mood had just changed.

"You don't know me anymore, Destiny. Not like you used to. Last year, a part of me died. The part of me you knew. I've been trying to find that person, find myself since then. It hasn't worked. I'm the lost one now and there is no one who can find me."

"Jeff, I thought we were working this all out?"

"Yes, we have. I can sit in a room with you and not feel as if my heart is being crushed. I can talk to you now. But I don't trust you. I can't. I won't be able to until I find that person that died, if I ever can revive him." This was all a shock to me. "Destiny, you and Matt did something to me I know I can never forget. Matt is my brother, and we were raised to always forgive family, because you only have one. And I'll be honest with you, I hate him. I hate him for what he did to me. I could never truly forgive him. But he's my brother, and there is a love there, that no matter what, will never die. I'll be honest, for a few monthes I couldn't stand to look at him. My father told me men are faulted. He said that family is the only true bond, and if I walk out on Matt forever I will regret it for the rest of my life." He paused. "Destiny, even though Matt and I have put this behind us, I can't trust him as I once did. And you and I are starting to do so also. I can be your friend, I can be there for you, but nothing more. There's nothing for us but to be friends. You can't help me."

"So why bother even coming to you to set this right?" I asked. I felt the tears come up, but I wasn't going to show pain. I wasn't that girl anymore.

"Des, look, I don't want to ignore you. I hated that. But I can't look towards you for anything like this. The moment you slept with Matt, the second time, you threw away any vow of trust. I can't confide in you as I once did."

"You may not want to, but believe it or not Jeff, I am the only one who even knows, remotly, what you're going through. There is not one person in this federation, or in your life, that knows what it's like to have a mind like yours. So you can go on and say that I don't know you anymore and that you don't trust me. Fine, I can deal with that. But how's this, you are going to need someone, very soon infact. And, when you can't go to Matt because he doesn't know, you're going to be even more lost, and with no one to turn to. So build your walls, you won't be able to bring them down."

I left the room. I was heated. But, what was I to expect? Jeff to come to me with open arms? We had just put together a friendship, and I couldn't lose that. I slammed the door behind me. I began to pace in the hallway. I wasn't running anymore. No more knocking on someone's door in the middle of the night. I wasn't that girl anymore. I hoped Jeff would come out and say everything's ok, but I knew he wouldn't. He was so far gone. I feared there was nothing anyone could do.

Moments later, a very tired Matt came out of the room. I didn't notice. He stood infront of me andI bumped into him.

"You alright?" He asked.

"Yeah, fine." I answered. "Just had a conversation with Jeff."

"Then I take it that conversation didn't go so well." He said.

I held everything back. "No, it's ok."

"Don't kid yourself, or me. I see it in your eyes."

"Really, I'll be fine. I don't want to be that depressed girl anymore, I'm sick of it."

"You have every right to be upset. Things are still hurting. Don't feel so bad."

I threw myself at him. "I'm the last person he trusts, he would ever trust. I should expect that, you know. But I thought everything was ok. I want to help him. I know that man in there, more than he wants to admit to. I can help him, I know I can. I don't want to see him like this anymore, searching for whatever it is he has lost. I know what's going on inside his head, mine's the same way. I know how it hurts."

"Jeff still needs time. You know him. It's hard for him to trust people as it is, and all of this happened. I'm his brother and he barely trusts me still. I know how much this may hurt you, but you know Jeff. You can't attack him. He'll just close himself off."

He was right. I didn't give him any imforation about what Jeff said, and how harsh it was, and how right he was. I just looked up at him. "Can you please hold me?" I asked.

Matt excepted my request. His grip was firm, but I melted in his arms. His hold brought me back. Back to ealier this year. We were going to get married, for Matthew. It brought me back to how we used to act, earlier, and how we acted before Unforgiven last year. All those feelings I had for him the year before came rushing back, including how good it felt to be with him after Unforgiven. And I don't mean in a sexual way.

"Can you stay with me tonight?" I asked.

"Des, I don't think that's such a good idea." He answered. "I still have Matthew sleeping in there, and Jeff. He was laying down when I left. Probably not sleeping, and I bet he's wondering where I am."

"I'm not asking you to stay in my bed. Bring Matthew with you, wait for Jeff to fall asleep if you need to."

"Sneaking around didn't help us before. It was what got us in trouble."

I pushed him away. "Fine."

I went back into my room. I held my composure the whole time. I wanted Matt with me because I didn't trust myself alone. My emotions and anger were running wild, and I knew I shouldn't be alone, and I was right. I raided the mini-bar, which was very well stocked. I lost all control. I drank it all, ever last drop. I ended up in the bathroom, leaning against the tub. I rolled my shorts up on my left leg. I had a razor blade in my hand from my purse. I slit it across my thigh. The sting felt good, better than the emotional pain I was going through now. This was something I hadn't done since I was a child. But I was in over my head.

I moved myself into the tub and leaned against the wall. The blood began to stream out of my leg. I cut pretty deep. The blood dripped into the tub, I could hear it. I just sat there. I couldn't move, I didn't want to move. The hours slipped away and dawn arived.

There isn't a real way to explaine why anyone cuts. You just do it, it's your way of coping. Putting emotional pain and turning in into physical. Physical pain's eaiser to deal with, I suppose. Physical pain you can see, and move one with. You're unsure of what's going on inside your head, becuase you're not really there. And with one slit of a blade, everything seems to go away. I don't recomend anyone do it. It's very dangerous. Infections are involved, and even death if you hit the right place hard enough. There are eaiser ways to deal with things. For me, it took me longer to realize that.

Anyway, the blood collected in the tub. It seemed into my shorts. There wasn't a terrible amount in there, but enough to make my very light headed. And I was very light headed.

I knew I had to fix my leg. I had to do something. I got out of the tub, but was unable to walk. I fell to the ground and began to crawl out, dragging my leg, and blood, with me as I crawled. My head was killing me and I felt so sick. I was very hungover. And today was the big signing. I reached for the guaze and medical I kept in a First Aid box. I tried to put the guaze on the cut and wrap the tape around my leg, but I couldn't keep my eyes open, and I slipped out.

When I opened my eyes I saw Matt standing over me with Jay, Chris, and Paul. Apparently, Jay had been trying to get in touch with me, but there was no answer. He got Chris and got the key to my room and found me, uncouncious, on the floor in my room. Their inctial reaction was to get Paul, Matt happened to over hear it all.

"She's awake." Matt called out. All four rushed over to me.

"Destiny, oh God, you're alright." Paul hugged me. "Christ, what made you do this to yourself?" I was only able to moan.

"Mini-bar's empty." Chris said holding up an empty bottle, than dropping it.

"Why would you do this?" Paul asked. I looked over at Matt. "Hardy?" Paul got up. "What did you do? What did you do my little girl?"

"Nothing." Matt nerviously answered. "She was in my room last night, talking to Jeff. She ran out in a hurry. I woke up when she slammed the door. I asked her what was wrong and she said nothing. She wanted me to stay the night, but I didn't think it was right. Now, I wish I had."

"What happened with Jeff?" Paul asked.

"She didn't tell me, and I never asked him." Matt answered. "Paul, don't do anything. Please. I am begging you."

"Alright." Paul replied.

They tried to get me to eat and drink orange juice, anything to get my energy up and my blood cells working again. I was barely concious enough to chew or swallow. I was in pretty bad shape.

"We need to take her to a hospital." Paul said.

"And when they find out what she did to herself, they'll comit her." Jay said. "She's not crazy."

"And, unfortunatly, she actually needs Sunday. I know none of us want her in that ring, especially now. But if we take that away from her, forget it." Chris said. "I know it sounds really crazy, but if she can't do this on Sunday, she might cut closer next time."

"They're right." Matt said. "We're going to have to watch over her. I will. You guys go to the signing. Don't tell anyone about this."

"Don't worry, Matt." Jay said. "We'll take care of everything."

It had been a few hours before I woke up. Matt was sitting in a chair, looking blankly at the wall. I tried sitting up, but I felt light headed. Matt noticed, and rushed to my side.

"Here, drink this." He gave me the orange juice. "Eat this too." He paused. "Why? Did you want me to feel guilty? Well, you did."

"Because this is all about you." I said.

"Then why?"

"I wanted you in my room because I didn't trust myself alone. Is that good enough?"

"Why did you do it?" He asked.

"I didn't know what else to do. I can't cry anymore, I can't run. I had all of that anger and no where to go." I answered.

"Because of Jeff?"

"Yes. I felt completly unwanted. More so than that, I felt useless and hurt. I was told, in a very hurtful manner, that I am simply untrustworthy. I know I can help him, I know it."

"Is that what this is about?" He brought me close to him, and it all came back.

I looked up at him, and he looked down at me. Our eyes locked, and I couldn't bring myself to look away. I really couldn't. And I knew he couldn't either. He brushed his hand down my face and took my hand. My body melted.

"I'm sorry about all of this. About everything really. Screwing up your relationship, coming up witht that crazy idea to get married. I know that I am the reason things are so bad right now, and I know that I haven't helped make them better." He told me. "And if I hadn't have left you last night, this never would have happened."

"Don't blame yourself. It's my fault too. I slept with you also, remember. And I haven't helped myself at all this past year. I've been crying to everyone else. And why I try to keep my compsore, I fuck it up by doing this, and again I drag everyone down."

"We only do this because we love and care about you." Matt told me. "I love and care about you." My heart skipped a beat. "Destiny, you're the mother of my child, my son, our son. I can't lose you, I can't do it on my own. The moment I found out, I wish I had known before hand. What we did, it wasn't an accident, I don't look at it that way. I don't do something like that without feeling something very strong for the other person. I don't look at sex as just something done. For me, I have to do it with a lot of feeling involved. I don't know how you think of it, and I am not making any asumptions. But that's how I feel."

"Sex was my thing. I used it for atention. I thought here, it'd work the same. Adam first, and so on. But each time, something in me changed. A lot of things in me changed here. I hate admiting to it, but I didn't feel anything for Adam. He probably didn't feel anything for me either, and that's ok. With Jay, it was different, both times. The second was the most different. Yes, I did it again. And with you, it was really different. I can't lie and say that both times I didn't feel anything, even the second time." I sighed. "Love, sex, it's all a complicated mind game."

"It is."

We didn't say anything else about it. It was true, about Matt, and Jay too. Though, with Jay, I can honestly say, from both of our point of views, that what we didn't wasn't basesd on love. I'm not saying it was based on nothing, but more of a strong bond, a really strong friendship, like I've said. It's something that is controlled, I don't feel the need to sleep with Jay when I need it. And, the same for him. But, with him, it was, the second time, a test. We were so close that we had to test the limits of our friendship. It's like, the friend you are so close to, you consider them family, but you have to see what it would be like if you did. That sort of thing.

Anyway, Matt checked on my leg. They had cleaned up the blood in the bathroom, and most of the carpet. They also changed my clothes. Matt changed the bandage on my leg and wne to the mini-bar, no restocked with orange juice, apple juice, and water. He refilled my glass.

"Since you're not eating." He said.

"I am really sorry you missed the signing. Vince is going to give us both shit about this. No doub't Amy's there, talking away about me."

"Leave it to you to worry about that." He told me. "Don't worry, Jay and Chris are coming up with something."

"Of course I'd worry about that, you know me." I said.

"Do I." He replied. "More than you know, I think."

"I bet I know you more than you think." I said.

"We may never know." He looked at me, strangly. "Why did you really do it?"

"I told you." I answered.

"It's not just about Jeff." He said. "It can't be."

"Why not?" I asked.

"I don't know." He answered. "One incident can't make someone drink everything in a mini-bar and then cut themselves."

"No, but a year long of incidents can." I said. "I never dealt with anything that happened with us. All I have done is cried about it, cried so hard that I've thrown up. But I didn't release it. Same thing with Amy. Except, I relased it on her. Everything that's ever happened with Jeff, every moment I saw him, everything, I didn't do anything about it. I'm not saying this is the best thing to do about it, but I don't know anything else. This was a year in the making." Matt didn't say anything, he stopped looking at me. "What?"

"I should have seen it." He answered. "It was all right there in front of me. I was just too busy thinking about how I was going to marry you, do the right thing and all, and too worried about everything to see it."

"Matt, this isn't your fault." I said.

"If I didn't sleep with you last year, you wouldn't have done this. If I had paid attention to you, this wouldn't have happened."

"Last year was just as much my fault too. And, I think you've paid more than enough attention to me. Too much maybe."

"Destiny, for you, there is never too much. Never too much attention, never too much love." He said. "There's not. I've known you just over two years now, and I know it's not that long, but I can't help but tell you that you are the most wonderful, strong, and beautiful woman I have ever known. Not since my mother have I seen strength like I see in you. She was so happy and so full of life, and I never thought I'd find a woman like that, and then I met you. And you are, you are everything that I loved about her."

"I think I am far from happy." I said.

"No, you're wrong." He said. "What's been happening, that's just making you stronger. But I know when you're in that ring, you couldn't be any happier, or when your with our son, you couldn't be any happier. Your smile, it brightens up the room, and everyone's day. Destiny, I really hope one day you can see all of the good that I see inside of you. See all the reasons why I love you. Why everyone does."

"Everyone except Jeff."

"No, even him. I know that for a fact." He said.

"Really?" I asked.

"Really. You don't see him as much as I do. He's starting to talk to me again, and I know it. He tells me so."

"If he really loved me, then why would he say those things to me?"

"Because he's hurt." Matt answered. "He's still hurt. Trust me, Destiny, I would never lie to you."

That was true. He never did, not once. I couldn't, then, seem to understand why Matt was always so nice. He comparing me to his mother was a shock. I wish I could have known her. Matt was very emotional, both brothers were. They weren't afraid to tell you what they were thinking and how they felt. They were human, and knew it. They didn't try to be some macho man showing no emotion what so ever. They didn't buy into that crap.

"I know you won't, I just want this all to be over with." I said. "Just get everything out so we can move on."

"I understand." He said.

"Just put everything out there, all at once. That way, we can just deal with everything and there's no surprises." I paused. "I don't think I can handle anymore surprises."

"Neither can I. I think all of us have been shaken down to the very last bit." Matt replied. "But, I guess that's what you get for tapping into a very sensitive subject."

"I wonder what would happen if we showed up at the signing." I said, off topic.

"Paul would kill me. I swore I'd watch over you." Matt answered.

"I wouldn't want that."

"Besides, you don't have all your strength back, you couldn't walk out of here."

"True. My leg throbs." I said.

"Have you ever seen anyone about that?" Matt asked.

"Have I went to a looney bin? Yes, I was comitted for a year. I was sixteen." I answered. "I went to an all female 'rest home'. Three floors, each floor with a different level. Level 1 for the hard to deal with teens, level two for the ones who did have problems, and level three for the completly fucked up ones. For three monthes I lived in level three. One person to a room, one nurse to a person. You couldn't do anything without someone being there."

"I didn't know." Matt said.

"I didn't think I needed to tell anyone. Not that I am ashamed, I will admit my mistakes. It didn't help. They just watched you and you went to a shrink you knew wasn't listening. So, when I came out at 17, nothing changed. I was just a way for a year from the things I loved doing."

"What made you get sober?" Matt asked.

"I got sick of it. At 19 I ended up in a hospital. Drugged out of my mind, beaten, and raped. When I came to and sobered up I realized that this wasn't the life I could live. There was someone else in my room, pretty much the same situation as me, and she died. I saw her die. I always heard about that kid that died over what we did, but it didn't change us. We didn't care. But I saw her die. I saw them cut her up and did everything they did to her, and she died. That changed me."

"You lead an intense life." Matt said. "Don't let anyone tell you your life was easy."

"Indeed. All over my parents. I wasn't good enough. Parents really know how to fuck you up. And, unless you've been through it, people just see it as an excuse. No one beleives that two people that brought you into this world could be so crule. They can be." I answered. "I think parents can be the most damaging people in someone's life. You were lucky. You're father may have been strict, but he loved you."

"He was, and still is." Matt said. "He wanted what was best for us. He's old fashioned. When mom died he lost a part of himself. He had to play both roles. He didn't know what to do at first, but he learned. And sure, he had his flaws, everyone does, but he went so far out of his way for us."

"You can tell. You two are the most well put together men I have ever seen." I said.

"Jeff lost it too when mom died, it's why he is the way he is. I bet you if mom hadn't died, he wouldn't be this mysterious man." Matt told me. "He has it together, but in a different way. He so much like my mom is so many ways, and in others he so different. All of her good qualities he has. I am like my father. Jeff was so close to her too. More than me. It was this bond they had. And, when she died, Jeff didn't know how to deal with it. It was hard for him to move on. He shut himself up, kind of like now."

"How did he cope?" I asked.

"I don't know. It took him years to finally come back to himself. And, what we got was the Jeff everyone knows. I don't know what it was that made him snap back. He didn't say. Slowly he was able to fully deal with it. And he just became this mysterious man. This deeply creative man who's mind was beyond anyone's comprehension."

"So maybe in a few years Jeff will finally be over this and we'll get an even more mysterious strange Jeff?" I asked.

"Maybe." Matt smiled. "Don't worry. This is different. He'll be alright. You just can't get on his case, he freaks out. It's the one thing he can't stand. He hates being rushed. You push, he goes slower. He knows when he's ready, and no one can make him get there any quicker."

"It makes perfect sense." I said. "Why can't we all be like that?"

"No one has the patients anymore, I guess." Matt answered. The phone rang and Matt answered. "Paul, hey, I was expecting you to call again sooner. No, this time she's awake. Fine really. No, she still looks a little pale, but she looks so much better. Don't worry, I'm feeding her. It's bleeding a little, but not so much anymore. Do you want to talk to her?" He paused. "It's Paul."

"Hey." I said.

"You have no idea how good it is to hear your voice." Paul told me. "I called before and you were out still."

"I'm sorry."I said. "About all of this. Dragging all of you into it. It's not fair."

"We love you, Destiny, and we would do anything for you at anytime." He told me. "Is Matt treating you well?"

"He's a prince." I said. "He's doing everything for me, more than he should. What am I missing?"

"Nothing, really. Don't worry, everyone thinks you're projectile vomiting."

"Is that the story you came up with?" I asked.

"No, just that you're sick. People assume it's bad since you didn't come." He answered.

"Is Amy talking?"

"Don't worry about it, she's fine." He told me. "I don't care what she says, I am just worried about you. When I saw you on that floor like that, I nearly fell over. Everything was in slow motion, and for the first time, I had no idea on what to do. I couldn't hold you to see if everything was ok."

"I am very sorry, Paul."

"You don't even have to tell me why, just promise me I won't ever have to see you that way again." He told me. The sound of his voice when he said that was unexplainable. It was a tone I never heard him use before. It sent chills up my spine.

"I promise." I said. It took me a while to get the words out.

"Because I don't think I can take seeing that once more. It blew my heart out. I thought I had done everything I could have as a father figure for you, and when I saw you I felt completly helpless. I felt that you couldn't talk to me, that there was some kind of problem in your life, and I can't do anything about it."

"Paul, trust me, I'll be fine." I said.

"I will always trust you, sweet heart. But, I can't help but think that you just might do it again, and that I am going to have to watch you just that much closer." He told me. "I love you, and I don't want to see anything bad happen to you. I have to go now, I will call you again later."

"Bye." I said.

"So, is everything ok?" Matt asked me when I hung up.

"Yeah, fine. He's just worried." I answered.

"We all were." He said. "Not knowing where someone you love is, and then finding them passed out in a pool of their own blood, seeing a trail of blood from the bathroom. So many thoughts go into your head, and then, we saw the blade in your hand, and we knew. You have no idea what it's knowing someone you love has done something like that to themselves. Maybe you do, but, I didn't. My head spun, I thought you were dead, honestly. Chris checked a pulse, he was the only one who was able to touch you. I know I was afraid you'd be cold. Paul couldn't stand, barely. He nearly fell to the floor. Jay had to hold him up. And that didn't help much because I know Jay had to lock his knees so he would keep from falling over."

"I'm sorry, ok. I didn't think about anyone finding me. I hoped no one would. I was able to do it before with no problem, just this time I cut too deep. I didn't want to hurt anyone, or have anyone find me."

"When was the last time you did this?"

"I did a lot right after it all happened last year." I confessed without argument. "It was too much."

I confessed it all to Matt without him having to really ask me. It was time I did. Right when everything happened, it was the only way I could release my pain. I didn't know who I could talk to then, it was all still too weird. Matt listened, like he always does. This time, I brought him to tears. And even though he isn't afraid to show emotion, I haven't really seen him cry. It wasn't a big cry, just tears streaming down his face.

"I want you to know that no matter how bad things are, I will always be here for you. It's going to take so much more to get me to stay away." He told me. "Goddamnit, Destiny, I love you."

"I know, Matt, thank you." I said.

"No, Destiny, you don't. I'm not talking about love the way Paul loves you, or the way Jay and Adam and Chris do. Not like that. Not that love that we've all grown to have due to friendships and really close ones. I don't love you like a sister, the way Jay does, or like a really cloes partner and friend like Chris. I don't love you like Adam, a partner in crime, or like Paul does, like a daughter."

"Matt-" I started to say.

"I sure as hell don't love you the way anyone does." He said. "Since Matthew was born I tried every possible way to say it, and none of them worked. I thought I should just shut my mouth, but I can't. Not anymore. This was fate, and I have to take advantage of it. I know how you feel about my brother, and I know how he feels about you deep inside. That's why it's taken me so long to come out and say it, but I have to. I just don't love you like they do."

"What are you trying to say?" I asked. I sort of knew, but he could have meant anything. "And whatever it is, don't let it be pitty for me hiding behind a mask."

"I can never pitty you, only smypathize with you." He said. "Destiny, I love you."


	33. Chapter 33

I didn't know what to say, what to do. I can't deny that I have feelings for Matt, but I was unsure if they were at the level his were. Matt sighed and sat on the next bed, he turned and looked at me. His eyes met mine, and peirced through me. I could feel his gaze pass right on through.

"Matt." I began.

"Destiny, don't think I am asking, or begging, for you to date me or anything like that." He interupted. "I just couldn't let another day go by without telling you how I felt. I know now is the worst time I could ever say anything to you, with what happened and everything, but it was killing me inside."

"I understand." I said. "I just don't know what to say."

"You don't have to say anything." He told me.

We sat in an akeward silence for the remainder of the time. I was happy when everyone returned. Paul, Chris, and Jay came into my room. They walked over to me and each gave me a hug.

"You look amazing." Jay told me. "Better than I could have ever expected."

"Thank you." I replied.

"You have no idea how good it is to see you awake and sitting up." Chris said, giving me a second hug.

"I'm sorry." I began. "I had no intentions on having anyone find me. I didn't want to put any of you through this."

Tears began to fall from Paul's eyes. "Hunny, all that matters is that you're alive and ok." He said as he took my hand.

"It's just not fair to anyone you." I said.

"Destiny, all that we care about is that you're ok." Jay told me. "You gave us a scare, but now you're ok."

"I guess this means you're going to take tomorrow away from me." I said.

"Actually, no." Paul replied. "We figured canceling your match would drive you over the edge-"

"You thought right." I said.

"Which is why we're letting you do that, but under one condition."

"I can't take time off." I said quickly.

"I figure, after the match is over, you won't be able to move a couple of days." Jay said.

"I can't send you home." Paul told me. "After this match, you're going to be with me. I want to keep an eye on you for a little, make sure you're getting through everything ok. I know it's going to seem like I am really pushing this father thing on you, but I think it's for the best, for now. I don't want this to happen again."

"Ok, I'll do it." I said.

"I'm serious Destiny, I need to-did you say ok?" He asked. I nodded. "I was expecting a fight."

"No, you're probably right." I said. "I don't want to argue."

"Thank God for that." Jay said, trying to joke. "Sorry, I know, bad timing." He paused. "I've got a few things to take care of, Des is it ok if I take off for a bit?"

"Absolutly, don't stop your life for me." I answered. He bent down and kissed my cheek. When he got to the door, he looked to the right and said, "hey, Jeff. How are you?"

Matt looked up. Jay closed the door and he stood up. "Something has just come up." He said. "I have to take care of something."

"Matt..." I said slowly, sensing something was wrong.

"I'm sorry I can't stay longer." He told me. He got up and quickly left.

"What's with him?" Chris asked.

"I don't know." I said looking back at the door.

"Well, whatever it is, I owe the wife a phone call." He said. He kissed my forehead. "Be good."

"I will."

"I guess that leaves you and me." Paul said.

"Will be you and me for a while." I replied.

"Yes, that is true." He smiled at me. "For a little bit anyway. I know you're not going to like it, but I think you've had too much time to yourself."

"Too much time to think." I said.

"Exactly. I know life for you has never been easy, and here, you were finally starting to see the upside of things. And now, things with Amy sky rocket, and everything else that's happened. It's like you don't get a break."

"My life is like a bad novel." I said. "You know, the ones where bad things are always happening."

"There's one way to put it." Paul said. "But, I think you need someone to take care of you for a while. I have a feeling that Sunday is going to be a big help. That's why I can't take that away from you. It's not just the fact that you put so much into it, it's the fact that once it's over, so much will be lifted. If this was any other match, you know you wouldn't be in it, but I have a feeling that Sunday night, tomorrow night, it's going to throw everything out the window."

"That's what I've wanted everyone to see all along." I said. "So much is riding on this, my sanity most of all. I know that once this is over, I can kiss her good-bye. There's going to be no need for it. The feelings I have for her will live with me forever, but there isn't going to be a need for any one of us to get involved with the other. It sounds complicated, but it makes perfect sense. I go my way, and she goes her way with the title. And I know everyone is going, how do you know this is going to work? Trust me, it is. I know that she's suffering like I am."

"I have trusted every one of your decisions since the moment I met you, why would I stop now?" He asked.

"Thank you, Paul." I smiled.

At that moment, a loud thud came from the room next door, followed by a crash, the crash sound that breaking glass makes. Paul shot a look in that direction, and my stomach dropped. That was Matt and Jeff's room. I knew the moment Matt left my room that something was going to happen. I knew that telling him exactly what Jeff had said to me was going to cause something, but I was unaware of what it was.

Paul ran out of my room. I heard him bang on the door next door. I grabbed some sweatpants and threw them on and limped out of there. Paul's banging, and whatever noise was going on in that room had got the attention of a few superstars. Jay came out of his room, which was next to Matt and Jeff's on the other side. He put his hair up in a pony tail and looked at Paul, then at me.

"Destiny, I think you better go back inside." Jay told me.

"I don't think so." I said. "Whatever is going on in there, I want to see, and I plan to do something about it."

"Destiny, I really think it's best if you go back into your room." Jay repeated, a bit more firm.

"No, Jason, I am staying right here." I was heated, not at him, at what was going on.

Paul literally broke the door down and stormed in. Jay followed, and I limped behind him. I should have listened to Jay. There was a pile of broken glass from the mirror that sat on the dresser. Matt and Jeff were inbetween the bed and the sliding glass door leading to the balcony outside. Matt was on top of Jeff. Jeff's head was bleeding from a pretty big cut on his head, and Matt's arm was sliced up. Jeff's hands were around Matt's throat, in order to keep Matt away from him. Matt just kept whailing at him. Paul and Jay reached down and pryed them apart.

"How much more damage do you have to do to her, huh?" Matt yelled to his brother.

"I don't quite think I have done any damage." Jeff yelled back. "She's the one who screwed around on me, what kind of damage do you think that is? What kind of damage is done when you're older brother fucks your girlfriend."

"You made her nearly kill herself." Matt snapped back. "When I found her, she was in a pool of her own blood, barely concious."

"Don't blame me for the way you two have made me. This all goes back to the mistake you two made."

"Alright, enough." Paul yelled. "Both of you, just shut up. I think the situation is bad enough without the two of you having to make this worse. When did I become everyone's father? Is this honestly the best way to handle things? You both made mistakes, deal with it, and not in this manner."

I limped over. "Let me handle this, Paul." I said. Jeff's face grew white when he saw me, almost as white as mine was. I looked up at Jeff, then shoved him as hard as I could on the little strength that I had. "I know that I made a mistake, but it was over a year ago. I have greaved and cried, and did the things that I have done today more times than anyone here knows about. I am sorry, and I don't know how to put it any other way, but I can't do this anymore. I can't feel like I am the evil one and you are the victium. I don't know what else to say or what else to do. I feel like one minute you and I are ok, and the next we're not. You better make up your mind on where we stand, and where you want us to stand, because my sanity can't take much more of this. And I won't waist my time on something that is never going to happen. If you don't want to accept my apology and be friends with me, then let me know now so I can erase you from my memory."

I paused, and walked to Matt, he was with Paul. I looked up at him and slapped him across his face. "What the hell are you doing? You can't keep doing this. He's your brother, you're only brother. Face it, we are the ones who messed up, and he has a right to be mad, granted he's taken it a bit far. Why are you pushing him away instead of fixing what was broken? Are you trying to defend my honor? Trust me, Matt, I don't need you to fight my every battle for me. If I need help, I'll ask."

"Like you have before?" Matt snapped back. "A lot of help you asked for today."

I slapped him again. "I told you what happened and look what you did. I knew you would, I never should have told you. Just, do me a favor, you want to help me, then don't help."

I left the room. I limped to the elevator. Paul ran after me. He didn't say anything to me on the way down. We walked through the lobby. A bunch of superstars were down there, including Stephanie. I could tell they were looking at me. I looked like hell. They knew something. I felt their glares burning in the back of my head. I turned to them.

"I didn't try to off myself." I yelled. "I didn't want to kill myself. And I am not crazy."

Paul was talking to Stephanie and came over. "Ok you, lets get out of here ok?"

"Please, lets just drive some where, anywhere, I don't care" I said.

"Stephanie told me she brought Matthew to Adam." Paul told me as we were going to his car.

"Tell Adam to hang onto him, he's not going near his father for a while." I snapped.

"I can understand your anger." He said to me. "It has to stop."

"Damn right it does. I can't take it anymore. Jeff being mad and Matt, Matt being mad at Jeff. I'm sorry for what I did, and I just want to make it right. Everytime I think I am, I take two steps back again. Matt's not helping either. He takes these things too seriously. He's not trying to fix things." I said. "Jeff accepts that Matt is his brother, that's why everything's ok with them. But, Matt's not trying to get it back to what it was, as close as he can get it."

"Like I said, I can understand your anger. I don't have the answers, but I think you need to calm down. You're getting too worked up and in your condition it's not healthy." Paul said a bit concerned.

"I know, I know. I just can't beleive it." I replied. "I really can't. After everything that's happened, you would think we'd get somewhere."

"I need to ask you something." Paul said to me, now more serious."Did you really mean what you said to Matt and Jeff before?"

I thought about it for a second. "Somewhat." I answered. "Not as harsh as it came out. I will admit that was very crule. But I was just so fusterated. I hate playing the games I play with Jeff. I need to know if this is going to work, or if I should stop trying. I am not asking for him to take me back, I am asking for a friendship, and if that's not possible, he needs to let me know. Because I can't be playing around like I am. That's not healthy. And, with Matt, it's like every time something goes wrong, he has to get over emotional about it. I don't need someone to fight my battles for me. He didn't have to get involved with Jeff like that. With everything that has happened in this short year, the last thing I need is for Matt to mess it all up. He's going to ruin whatever chance I have had a friendship with Jeff."

"I can see why you are upset." Paul said. "I would be too. Matt is doing what he's doing out of good intentions."

"Yes, that I realize, but sometimes even the best of intentions make the worst of situations." I replied. "And that's what he doesn't get. He maybe be out to do good, but he's screwing up worse than imaginable."

"I can give you that." Paul said. "And I can see why you'd be upset with Jeff. I will admit it, the games you play are getting old and tired and someone has to make a decision. You've made yours, now it's time to for him to make his. Yes, that's fair to say."

"I feel a but coming on." I said.

"But, I don't think lashing out at someone after what has just happened is going to make any difference what so ever." He continued. "You want to make a point, you have to be rational and fair. See both sides, and then just talk it out. "

"Rational doesn't work." I said. "I tried rational with Jeff, and we are no further along than we were. And with Matt, well, I don't know what to do with him."

"I think Sunday is adding to all of this." Paul said. "You're very nervous, very anxious. If you want to deal with this, do it after Sunday."

We drove around a little bit longer, and I wasn't any closer to making a decision than I was before we left.


	34. Chapter 34

Paul's always right. That fact didn't change at all since we had been driving. He didn't say much to me, not lectures, no nothing. He said his advise, and that was that. It was good that way. I don't think I could have handled any lectures. He had one hand on the wheel, and one on the stick shift, and he just looked at the road. We were on out way back to the hotel now. I had some what of a clearer head, and felt a little bit better about the situation. We pulled into a parking spot and Paul stopped the car. He sat there for a minute, then turned to look at me. He smiled, and in that smile I found the answers. It was strange, but helped me. He put his hand on mine.  
"Destiny," he said. "This will work itself out. Just deal with one thing at a time"  
I nodded and we out of the car. Paul put his arm around me as we walked inside. In the lobby, waiting impatiently, were Matt and Jeff. When they saw us walk through the doors, they nearly jumped out of their skin. Jeff had a black eye, and had put gauze on the cut on his head. Matt had a red ring around his throat, and little bandages on his arms. They walked over to Paul and I.  
"I'll be over there if you need me," Paul told me. He kissed the top of my head and walked off. "We are so sorry," Matt said.  
I put my hand up. "I know, and so am I. But, lets get into this after tomorrow," I said. "It's stressing everyone out, and no one's making any sense. After Sunday's over with, we can sit down and really talk about this. For now, lets just accept the apologies"  
They nodded. "Destiny, you look weak, go lay down," Matt told me. "I'll be fine," I said. The three of us looked at each other, and then I went back to Paul. I wasn't all that fine. I had been dizzy off and on since I had gotten up to see what was wrong. My leg still hurt pretty bad, I didn't want to give off any indication that I wasn't feeling well. "Everything ok?" Paul asked. "For now," I answered. "I took your advice. Holding off all explanations until after tomorrow"  
"I mean with you," he said.  
"Oh, yes, well I guess so," I replied. "I mean, I don't feel that great, and then this happens. But I'll be fine, really. Don't worry about me"  
"It's my job, I have to look out for you," he said with a smile. "And I don't regret any of it for a second"  
We walked back to Paul's room. He told me to wait in there with Stephanie and my son while he got all of my things. I laid on the other bed with Matthew crawling around next to me. Stephanie was on the other bed, sitting there, unsure of anything that was happening. She didn't have any details, nothing.  
"So, what have you heard?" I asked.  
"Oh, nothing really. Just that you hurt yourself, Matt and Jeff fought, and you were there to yell at them. Then you left with Paul," she answered. "Why would you do that to yourself"  
"I don't know, I've done it before, and it's been the way I've dealt with really bad things. I just went too far this time"  
"Have you done it since you've been here"  
I paused. "Yes," I answered. "I have, since the whole thing happened with me and Jeff. I'm not proud of it"  
"Why didn't you come to any of us? We would have helped you"  
"I know. This is my defense mechanism. It's easier to deal with physical pain, that goes away. Mental pain, it doesn't. By turning it into a physical pain, I can deal with it, make it go away"  
"But, you still hurt," she said. "What happened has still haunted you and caused you pain"  
"Yes," I said.  
"So, it hasn't gone away," she told me. "You haven't done anything to make it go away"  
"No, but at that moment when it hurts the worst, I can deal with it." I paused. "I know this is hard for a lot of people to understand, and I don't want to make you understand"  
"But I want to. Paul wants to. We all want to understand why you do this to yourself," she said. She was getting upset.  
"And I wish I could make it make sense to you," I replied. "But, I can't. I do this because it has been my way out since I was younger. I had never had anyone I could talk to, until now. And, I know it's been a year and everything, but I am still not fully used to being able to knock on your door and tell you I am hurting. It's just like you having someone there for you your whole life, and then like that, it's taken away"  
"Maybe you need some help with this. Help we can't give you," she said.  
"I had help, I was in an institution, and that didn't help," I told her. "They told me I was crazy and put me away"  
"Then maybe it's us you need," she replied. "Maybe you need someone to love you, and tell you they are here for you. Maybe you need the help of family, this family, the WWE family. You have a family here, Destiny. Me, Paul, Adam, Jay, Chris, Matt, Jeff, we are all here for you. I don't want you to ever think you are alone and have no one"  
She got off her bed and came to mine. She wrapped her arms around me and we held each other for a moment. She was right. I had a family here, I wasn't alone. There wasn't any place to hide anymore.  
Paul returned with all of mine and Matthew's things. He sat them down in the corner and sat down beside Stephanie and myself. Matthew crawled over to him and he picked him up and held him. Matthew laughed and giggled as Paul tossed him up and caught him again. I smiled back. It was a beautiful sight. Paul couldn't be any happier. He didn't have any children, for obvious reasons. It's hard in this business. Matthew, in a way, was like the child of all of us, us being not only mine and Matt's son, but Jeff's, Chris's, Jay's, Adam's, Paul's, and Stephanie's. "I'm going to order something from room service," Stephanie suggested. "Give me a food list"  
"I'm not all that hungry," I said.  
"You're eating something," Paul told me. "You need to build up your strength"  
He ordered for me, and I couldn't argue it. Paul then set up Matthew's little crib. Matthew was now crawling on the floor and went over to his crib. Matthew stood up and lifted his arms up to Paul. Paul bent down and put Matthew in his crib. Matthew sat in there with some of his toys and began to play.  
"Are you going to be ok for tomorrow?" Stephanie asked me.  
"Does it matter if I'm not"  
"It should," she answered.  
"I don't think I have a choice, I won't let myself sit it out. I've put too much into it to back out now." I said. "I just think your health should come first"  
I didn't have a choice, I'd have to be dead, or near it in order to get out of this match. I would have crawled off my death bed in order to do it. The day was almost here and I wasn't going to let anything stop me from doing it. I knew that even though most of my friends were scared to death for me, and were a little bit shaky of the idea of the match, but they all knew what it meant to me, because they all have had matches that meant that much. I know Paul, no matter how much he didn't want me to step into that ring, knew that I had to no matter what because he has had many matches like that. The food had arrived. Paul ordered me spaghetti, I guess he figured it was loaded with carbs, and carbs mean energy, even though carbs are taboo right now. I put a little on a separate plate and put it in Matthew's crib for him to eat. Paul kept a close eye on me to make sure I ate.  
"And you didn't think to get bread? What am I supposed to dunk in my sauce?" I asked.  
"Since when have you been so Italian?" Paul asked me.  
"I am Italian"  
"Your last name is Diaz, that's not Italian," Paul said. "Duh, my father wasn't," I answered. "My mother was"  
"You think you know someone," he joked. The night dragged, as does every night before a pay-per-view. You want the night to end so you can get to that match, and get it over with. It makes your stomach turn sometimes just thinking about it. You can't do anything either. You can't go out, because you don't want to be out late, or hung-over. You can go lift weights in the little gym, but it gets too quiet in there. You're sort of stuck, watching the time pass slowly by. Paul and Stephanie decided to invite the guys over for a pre-pay-per-view party. I had calmed down a lot. This happens sometimes, and not just for pay-per-views, but for random occasions. You just order up room service to bring alcohol and some food. Just a casual drink, of course. Paul reminded me, repeatedly, that I was not drinking. Everyone had come down in about ten minutes. Chairs had been pulled up, music played lightly, everyone had a beer in hand. Talk was about Unforgiven, obviously. Who had what match. I was sitting on the bed, Matthew had fallen asleep. I was watching him. I noticed Jeff in the corner, his head still bandaged and his eye black. I looked back over at Matt, the ring around his neck had turned into a small bruising, his arms still had small bandages on them. He was laughing now, talking with Adam about something. I looked back at Jeff, he was more or less by himself, beer in hand. He looked very preoccupied.  
I had remembered about Jeff's match against Kurt. He had been so calm about it. But that's just how he is. He gets quiet and to himself before matches, especially important ones. And, so much has happened in such little time, I could only imagine how he was feeling. Jeff looked up from his beer and noticed me looking at him. He shot me a half smile and then looked back down. I saw through the act. He looked back up at me and saw I was still looking at him. He got up and walked over, then sat beside me.  
"Penny for your thoughts," he said to me.  
"And yours"  
He laughed a bit, "I guess you could say that"  
"Tomorrow have your head turning"  
"Somewhat," he answered. "You do too"  
"Me"  
"Yes, you. Don't act so surprised," he said. I saw him look at my leg. "It's hard not to." He paused. "I know why you did what you did"  
"Not now, Jeff, please," I said. I knew where it was going. "Destiny, please. I know you wanted to save the talk for after Sunday, and I can understand why. It's nerve racking enough knowing what's waiting for us tomorrow. But, it won't be any easier knowing that I made you do this to yourself"  
"It wasn't just you," I told him. "It's everything, and it's cowardly"  
"Either way, Des, I did it. To me, it's just like if it was my hand that cut you. That's what it feels like for me. I've caused you enough pain, Destiny"  
"And what about the pain I caused you? There is no comparison"  
"You never once made me even think about hurting myself. I never took a knife or anything sharp to my skin. And here you have over me. That's far worse than anything I could think of"  
"Worse than having your heart ripped out by the two you love most?" I asked. I paused. "Why are we trying to see who hurt who the most? Don't be so hard on yourself over this, especially now. Tomorrow is a big day for you, and I can't have this cloud your mind. It's why I wanted to wait until after Sunday to get all of this out"  
"I won't be able to sleep tonight if I didn't talk to you," Jeff told me. He looked me right in the eyes. "I wish I would have known, known about your problem, and I mean really know about it." "Why?" I asked. "So I would know what to say to you," he answered. "I don't want any special treatment." "I didn't mean it like that," he said. He sighed and paused. "Seems I can't say anything right to you." "Jeff," I said. "Lets not do this." He nodded. "I guess you're right." He looked down at his beer, he had barely touched it. I saw him glance at his brother. "Is everything ok with you and Matt?" I asked.  
"Yes, and no. I mean, we're ok now. But, it's hard to explain really," he answered. "Matt and I will always be ok, always. Whatever happens, we will always come out of it ok and together. I love him, trust him, need him. And the same goes for him. Our bond has been tested on several occasions, and has come out strong each time. I mean now, more than ever, it's been tested at it's hardest. And now, more than ever, I've wanted to beat him down. It's funny, really. In one moment I want him dead, and the next second, I need him. I'll always need him." "I have been the biggest test to your relationship," I said.  
"Yes, you have," he replied. "And we're ok. Matt and I are going through a different time in our lives right now, and we have been even before what happened. Matt's a father now, and he has a different set of priorities than I do. Our lives have been put on different tracks, and that's hard for me to get used to. I'm the one with the problem, I can't let go of the past. I want it to be Matt and Jeff Hardy, the Hardy Boyz of two years ago. But, I can't have that. Don't get me wrong, I love Matthew, it's just me. I have to live in the now, and stop living in the past." "Why do you think that?" I asked. "I knew the Matt and Jeff of two years ago, and I know them now. And yes, a hell of a lot has changed, mostly because of me. But look at how you've grown." "After Sunday, when I get my head clear, I am going to fix all of this," Jeff told me. "I can't make it Matt and Jeff of two years ago, but I am going to make it a better one." I didn't understand what he meant. He had seemed a bit distant since he told me what he told me. I saw it in his eyes. He seemed detached, he looked detached. I wasn't sure how much of that was because of Sunday, but it was clear on his face. I knew everyone would write it off as Sunday, and part of me did too. But, I couldn't help but to think something else was going on inside his head besides that.  
It was a strange pre-party. Everyone was having fun, but no one knew how to act around me. One minute everyone would be laughing and joking, and the next every one was dead silent. It was an uneasy kind of fun. Everyone pretending that they weren't thinking about what had happened, or that it wasn't staring them in the face. It was soon one in the morning, and everyone had left. Stephanie had fallen asleep on the bed. I got under the covers of mine and laid there. Paul came out of the bathroom in a pair of sweatpants and now shirt. His hair was down. He threw his clothes from the day onto a chair and sat down on the bed. He noticed that I was awake. "You won't sleep." He said to me.  
"Of course not," I answered.  
"Tomorrow, you'll be a star," he said to me. He kissed the top of my head and laid down. I rolled over and looked at my son. He had a stuffed bear his father gave him clutched in his hand. It was Matt's bear when he was a kid. A lot has happened since his birth. A lot of good and a lot of bad. Tomorrow was the turning point of it all. All of that bad that had happened would finally come to an end. Things would be different, for the both of us. I would be taking a new path in my career, a safer path. 


	35. Chapter 35

The next morning came quickly. I woke up to the sound of Stephanie getting ready, and the TV. I rolled over and saw Paul watched television with Matthew laying on his chest. Paul was running his fingers on Matthew's hair. The bathroom door was open, and I could hear Stephanie from the other side.  
"Paul," she called. "What time do we have to leave"  
"Don't worry, we have plenty of time, I still have to wake Destiny up," Paul called back. "And I have to get ready"  
"You didn't wake her yet?" she asked. "Nothing like you waiting until the last minute to get ready"  
"What can I say," Paul said. He gently lifted Matthew up and laid him on the bed. He looked over at me and saw that I was awake. "That was easy"  
"When did he get up?" I asked.  
"About an hour ago, he was sitting in his crib. He just crashed," Paul answered. "Do you want the bathroom next"  
"No, you better go, I have to dye"  
"Ohh, gotcha," he said. "Well, I am going to go in now then"  
"Have fun," I told him.  
Paul went into the bathroom and closed the door behind him. I went through my bag, looking for the dye. Red, blood red. Sort of ironic I guess. I threw the clothes I'd be wearing to the arena on the bed, then went through Matthew's things and got his. Matt made Matthew his own baby sized Hardy Boyz shirt, which I put on him. Matt also made him a Team Xtreme shirt. I quickly dressed Matthew while he was sleeping. Stephanie came out of the bathroom shortly after. She looked at me and smiled.  
"Ready?" she asked.  
"Almost," I answered.  
"No, I mean for the match," she said. "Hours away"  
"Oh, that. Well, I guess so. I don't think I can prepare anymore for it," I said. "However it goes, it goes"  
"You'll do fine. You always manage to pull it off, always. Things could be going so bad for you, and you seem to come out of it ok," she replied. "I'm going down to get breakfast, meet you guys there"  
"Sure, shouldn't take me too long," I answered. "I'm a pro with this dye stuff now"  
She opened the bathroom door and told Paul where she was going. I heard the water stop soon after she had left. I thought about what Stephanie had said about me, that no matter what, I tend to come out ok. I wanted to believe that, but I couldn't see it. I had been down this long and dark road for so long, it was impossible to believe I'd soon be coming out of it. Stephanie was so sure that I would be ok. She sounded so convinced, I really did want to beleive her. Paul came out of the bathroom and I went right in. All of our things were packed away and on the bed. Paul took apart Matthew's crib. I stood in the shower for a long time thinking. Thinking about Matt and Jeff and what happened with them yesterday. I thought about what Jeff said to me last night and what I had done to myself. The scar on my leg was still fresh and red. I ran my fingers across it. The water made it burn. I thought about everything that had lead me up to this point, everything that had happened to make this match possible, everything that had led up to me completly lossing it. It was hard to beleive it'd all be over soon.  
I did a quick dye job. I taped my leg up and got dressed. Paul was in the room with all of the bags in his hand. I picked Matthew up and carried the rest out. Everyone was downstairs in the lobby. It was a caotic peacfull noice. We found our group right away. All of them in a circle, talking. Matt walked up to me and took our son from me. Matthew started waking up.  
"Want me to take him tonight? I know you're going to be pretty tired," Matt said.  
"That would be nice, thank you," I answered.  
"Big day for you," Adam said to me. "I'll come right down there for you if you want"  
"No, I need to do this alone," I said. "No offense to you, any of you"  
"Absolutly," Adam replied. "Just remember this, if Kurt decides to get down there, or something goes wrong, I will be there"  
"I know," I said and smiled. Matthew was now awake and wanting to run around. Matt put him down, but held onto his hand to keep him around. But, Matthew had broken loose and made a run for it. "Matthew Anthony Hardy, get back here now!" I yelled, I shouldn't have yelled.  
"Know it's bad when the full name comes in," Adam said. I had forgotten that only Matt, Stephanie, Adam, and Jay knew about the name. I told Matt and Stephanie right away, and Jay and Adam had asked about it on the flight to Tampa. No one else had asked.  
"He's a Hardy?" Jeff asked me.  
"Yes, and I should have told you," I answered. "I'm sorry"  
"No, it's ok," Jeff said, in the tone of voice you knew it wasn't ok. "I just assumed"  
"I should have been up front," I told him.  
"Really, don't worry. He's yours and Matt's son, it makes sense"  
"You're ok with this, bro?" Matt asked.  
"Fine," Jeff answered. "When do we leave"  
"Soon, I think," Jay answered.  
I sat down on a chair with Matthew clutched in my arms. I wasn't really sure if Jeff was ok with it. I could see why he'd be upset, but at the same time couldn't understand. Matt took him aside and I noticed them talking, probably about this whole situation. I watched, Jeff placed his hand on his brother's shoulder and insited he was ok. "Alright," Paul said. "Les go"  
I rode with Paul and Stephanie. The arena was only ten minutes away. Matt took the baby with him. Paul didn't seem to mind one bit about the whole name thing. Which I guess is a good thing. I felt all of the anxzieties creep up. This would not be an ordinary match. I hadn't seen Amy in days, and normally I wouldn't care to. But, not seeing her made me feel a bit nervous. I scared me knowing the first time I'd see Amy would be before the match. This really was a fly by the seat of your pants match, the two of us never talked once. Fans were lined up already around the arena. I wasn't there the day before to do the meet and greet. They saw into our car as we pulled around back and saw that I was there, and freaked. The gate closed behind us as we pulled into the garage. I got out and stretched my legs then reached in the back to my bag. I threw it over my shoulder and walked in with the two of them. A man told me once we entered the arena that Vince was looking for me and that I would find him by the anouncers table. I made a quick stop in the locker room to drop my things off and made my way down there.  
The ring was already set up, the cage was already hanging above it. I stood at the top of the ramp and looked up at it. It was pretty scary, very scary. I walked down the ramp and around the ring, Vince was standing beside the announcers table talking to JR. I stood behind them while they still talked. JR noticed I was there, he smiled and hugged me.  
"Good to see you're feeling better," he said to me. "Well, Vince, I will talk to you later." And he walked away.  
"You must have been sick, it's not like you to miss anything," Vince said to me.  
"Projectile vomiting," I replied back. "Wonderful," he smiled. "I want you to know that security's tight. I have hired extra security for tonight. Two will be stationed right outside your locker room door, they will walk you to the ramp if you'd like. I am going to have some at the top of the ramp, some by the sides, any way that someone can enter the ring will be blocked. There is no way anyone will get in. This will also include any of your friends as well"  
"I understand, but they will only come down to this ring if Kurt does, or at the end to see how I am. I can assure you, they won't cause you trouble"  
"You know me, I have to be fair," he said. "Well, after his match, I don't know if Kurt will be able to do anything else," I said.  
"Granted, but better be safe than sorry, right"  
"Absolutly," I answered.  
"Good, glad to see we are on the same page. Well, I have a lot to attend to down here, and I am sure you have a lot of preperation you need to do, so I don't want to take up any more of your time," Vince said. I nodded and walked back up the ramp. Michael Cole came up to me and told me that I was going to cut a promo in about ten minutes. I went back to the locker room, where everyone was now, and started to get ready. No one was really talking much, just sort of walking around. Everyone was nervous, for Jeff and myself. Our matches had a lot on the line, they were the most personal. I put my ring gear on, the same as it usually is, MACgirl pants and some kind of top that I alter myself. The pants were red and black, so I wore a black tanktop, a tank top I made, under a red fishnet. It all matched my hair, makeup included. My eyeliner was thick and black, and red shadow was worked into my eyes, my lipstick, a deep red. I actually matched. As I was leaving, Jeff came up behind me, and walked out with me. It was going to be our promo.  
"Mind if I get in on this?" Jeff asked Michael.  
"Absolutly not, go right ahead," he answered. There was a count back from five, and we began. "Michael Cole here and I am standing with Destiny Diaz and Jeff Hardy, two people who, tonight, will put their bodies on the line. Two very high profile, very emotional, very personal matches. I know the two of you aren't much for words, but there has got to be some you can use to describe how you are feeling"  
Jeff started first, "there really isn't. What can you say? You see a man constantly pushing and twisitng his way to get something from this woman right here, what are you supposed to do? I have faced Kurt before, and I can tell you he is one tough comepetor. No one thought I could beat him the first time, but I did, and the same goes for tonight. I am sick of the things he is doing to Destiny, and tonight, he will vow to stop"  
"I think all of us who have witnessed Kurt's games will agree," Michael replied. "Jeff is a real sweetheart for standing up for me," I replied. "I know a lot of things have happened in our past, but it's nice to know he is willing to stand up for me." The interiew became personal.  
"Yes, you two were the high profile couple of professional wresting, and I know personal issues have pushed you apart, and we are not here to open up old wounds," Michael Cole replied.  
"This isn't just standing up for some fellow wrestler, it's standing up for a friend, someone I love. And yes, we have had personal issues in the past, but the past is the past. Live for the moment, right? Isn't that our motto, the Team Xtreme motto? It was, and I still think it applies. And right now, I am going to show Kurt he can't push around the people I love, who I care about, my friend, and my fellow teammate"  
"Am I hearing this correct? An open offer to reform Team Xtreme?" Michael Cole asked.  
"We were unstopable. We had something that no one else has ever had," Jeff continued. "And it's time to show everyone that the past is dead, and the now has come back"  
I couldn't believe what he was saying. It wasn't just about bringing the team back, his words implied more than that. I was shocked, and I knew that Matt was too. But, this was more than Matt too, more than just this team, it was about Jeff and myself. Bringing back something that was long forgotten. "Destiny, I can only imagine what you must be thinking about this," Cole said. "I am thinking, lets get the three of us together in a room and lets talk about this," I said. "I am all for this. Showing everyone what it means to be extreme"  
"I think tonight, you will be doing that, the both of you. But, Destiny, tonight is a very personal night for you as well. Tonight marks the final battle between the WWE's biggest fude. How are you feeling"  
"I can't put into words the emotions I am feeling right now. This belt goes on the line, but it's not about gold. If I lose this belt, sure I'll be upset, but this goes beyond that. I can't describe how much I hate Lita. She has ruined my life, caused me more pain, cut me deeper than anything. That all stops tonight"  
"In a steel cage none the less," Cole replied. "There is no doubt that blood will be spilt"  
"Of course, we will walk out of there two completly different people. But that's how the game is played, right?" "When you two play the game, yes I can expect something like that," Cole replied. "So, what is going to happen then with Destiny Diaz after Lita is pushed out of the picture"  
"Lita was never my career, she was a big part of it, but she was never my career. I'd like to think I can go on and be a star and a champion without her. I am one half of the tag team champions, and I intend to keep it that way," I said. "Chris Jericho and I will prove to everyone that we are a team to be reckoned with"  
"The best of luck for the both of you in that," Cole said. "It's just hard to believe that this is going to be the end. We have seen this fued start the moment you got here, two years ago, and here we are still talking about it, and we will continue to talk about it. We sort of mentioned the past, and the present, lets talk about the future. What does the future hold for Jeff Hardy and Destiny Diaz"  
"Well, tag team success, for the both of us," I answered.  
"Naturally," Cole said.  
"The bringing back of old ways," Jeff said. "The returning to what feels right. Throwing it all out the window and coming together again. But, like Destiny said, we'd all have to talk about that"  
"We are all used to seeing the Hardy Boyz the tag team champs, and Destiny with Woman's Champion in that situation," Cole said. "But I know it's what the fans have been wanting for a year now"  
"It is," I said. "It's what we've wanted too. We've all branched out, got our own success, proved that we can make it on our own. So, why can't the team come back and each of us hold a different title? Keep the individual successess and have a team"  
"You make a very good point," Cole replied. "And we will see how all of this plays out. I wish the both of you the best of luck tonight. Michael Cole here, we are just hours away from Unforgiven, don't you move, more to come next." And that was that. "Thanks guys, good luck"  
"Thanks, Cole." Jefff and I both said.  
"What just happened?" I asked.  
"I-I don't know. I think we might have inadvertinally brought the idea of Team Xtreme back," Jeff answered.  
"Amazing," I said. I looked at him. "Did you mean it"  
"About the team? Absolutly"  
"No, about me. The past is the past, time to move on," I said.  
"That," he paused. "Yes, yes I did. You were right. I've been thinking about it, a lot, all of it. I don't want to get too much into it, like you said, we have matches to worry about, but I have been doing a ton of thinking lately, and I think, no, I know, this is right. I just used the team as a metaphor for the three of us, you and me even. Throwing the past out and moving on. I've dwelt in the past too much, I always do, I know I have to move on, with everything, and I used the team as a way to say it to you." He put his hand on my shoulder. "Whatever we had Destiny, and we had so much, that was powerful. You were my best friend, you understood me, I didn't just have my brother anymore. I can't lose that, I can't lose you as a friend, I don't want to. I've tried, and I can't. Lets just leave it at that for now"  
He walked off in a different direction. I walked off in another, not back to the room, just away. I had worked so hard just to get him to say hello to me, now he was telling me he couldn't lose me as a friend. I found myself confuised, not knowing if I was dreaming or if this was real. The Jeff I knew just a few days ago was completly different than this Jeff. I wondered if this Jeff was just a product of insane emotions, or if this was the real Jeff coming back to us. In my thinking I had walked down to where Amy and Kurt were being kept. Kurt walked out of the locker room.  
"Walking into enemy waters, aren't you?" he asked me. He got in close behind me. "Who would stop me if I were to take you somewhere right now"  
"Stop it," I said.  
"You're right, not now, not before my big match. I need the energy," he said. He got in real close to me and flicked his tounge at me. "Just ignore him" I heard a voice say. "I have been," it was Amy.  
"I didn't mean to walk down here," I said.  
"I think you and I can be somewhat civil right now. Why would I attack you before our match"  
"True," I said. "Are you as nervous as I am"  
"Scared to death," she answered. "I don't think I have ever been this scared in my life." She was still standing in the locker room, I was out in the hallway. "Well, any match we may have after this is going to be a walk in the park"  
"True, and I could use the low profile matches," Amy replied. "Though, nothing we will ever do will be low profile. Amazing, some new kid like you became the best thing to happen to my career"  
"I guess we have a lot more to be thankful for than we thought," I said. I leaned against the wall and squatted down.  
"Who knew," she replied. "I think your friends are going to worry about where you are"  
"Nah, they know how I get before a match," I said. "Saw your promo, the team's getting back together"  
"Oh, I don't know. Jeff's improvision," I answered.  
"Good luck with that, if it happens you know"  
"Amy, I didn't kick you out of Team Xtreme. That was a business decision, a change of scenery"  
"No, but it was you who came in. I lost it to you," she said. "I can't forgive you for that"  
"I just can't beleive all of this started because you are mad about that. You would think all of this would start on something serious"  
"I consider that serious. You don't know what Team Xtreme meant to me. It wasn't just a gig, it was like it was to you, family. And because Vince wanted to try something knew, the guys wanted to try something knew, I lost family. Why do you think I have been making your life such a living hell? I have been trying to get you to know what it feels like to have your family torn form you. But, I didn't have to do that, you did it on your own." "I may have made a mistake in my life, but I already knew what that felt like before I even got here," I told her. "You have taken a jealious streak, and stretched it out for miles"  
"You would think that, because you don't know. I didn't have one say in what happened. It was Vince, Matt, and Jeff. I was left out. I was given the elbow without even having to defend myself"  
"They said you were getting crazy, hard to work with, hard to deal with. They said no one could work with you because you were so wound up"  
"You don't throw someone out without telling them, without them having a say in it. Do you want to know how I found out I was out of the team? I was going to go to the ring with them when Adam stopped me and said, 'What do you think of your replacement? Looker huh? I hear she's got a lot of potential'. That's how I found out, Adam told me, Edge, Adam Copeland, not Matt Hardy, not Jeff Hardy, not Vince McMahon, Adam Copeland told me. That's when I saw you for the first time, all bubbly and happy, unaware that you took my family from me. And, each day I watched as you made them your own and turned them against me, and you got closer and closer and I just got further away, leaving me with Kurt Angle. Yeah, everyone thinks I wanted to side with him, we were in some kind of plot, no not at all. Kurt always wanted you, and I thought I could use him to bring you down, but he just took it too far, each time, but we were a team enough. I used his skills to help me, whatever he tried to do to you sexually is his own thing. I hate him, I think he's a rotten person, but I needed his ring skills, and that's what I used him for. Trust me, as soon as our thing ends, I will end it with him because I can't stand him"  
"I"  
"Didn't know? Of course not, why would you? Why would even try to understand why I am the way I am? You assumed I was jealious, but you had no idea what you had done"  
"First off, Amy, no one told me the truth about what happened. I went with what I was told, and now that I know the truth, yeah, it was wrong the way you found out, but I wouldn't change anything. Matt and Jeff are my family, and I have heard of the fucked up things you did to Matt while you were together. I had very good reasons not to like you from the start. The grudge you have isn't against me, it's agains Vince, Matt and Jeff, for the way it was handled, which I will admit, was wrong. You were pushed further away for the way you had acted, not just at work, when you were with Matt, it all. Amy, I was told that you were impossible and you had to go. As for Kurt, you can't expect to play the game without getting played yourself. You can hate me all you want for being put into Team Xtreme, or whatever, but the things you have done to me, I can't forgive you"  
"Exploting you was the only way to open everyone's eyes to you"  
"And you failed," I said. "They think you are the lesser person for doing it. I wish I can stand here and understand why you are mad at me, but it makes no sense. From what you say, you are mad at me because I took your place and became close to Matt and Jeff while you faded away. Did it ever occer to you that you faded because they wanted you to? Why can't you accepted the fact that you were not wanted anymore. You were the one who screwed up, became impossible, hurt Matt"  
"Did you not hurt Jeff? If we are going on that, well, you are no better," she pointed out.  
"Yes, I admit to that, though, I have worked to better the situation, I haven't seen you do the same. Not once have I seen you try and fix the relationship you once had with them. You claim they were your family, and when the going got tough, you ran. You expected them to bow to you as if nothing had happened. That's why you were replaced, personally and professionally"  
"That's right, Destiny, you will be nothing more than my replacement"  
"Oh, believe me, Amy, I have done more than be just your replacement," I said. "You are part of a troubled and forgotten past"  
"And, in due time, so will you, a new, younger, more beautiful woman will come along, and you will see what I mean"  
"No, Amy, that won't happen. I won't let successess get to my head. I won't buy into everything I hear. I'm grounded and I know how to handle myself personally and professionally. Everything we did was for the group, not for the individual, that's why we can make this work again. We've done our own things, and we can work it into the group. Something you could never do. Anything you did on your own always had to outshine the group's efforts. That's why you failed."

I got up and walked down the hall back to my own locker room, feeling that much better about tonight


	36. Chapter 36

I was now fully prepared for my match. I thought that my conversation with Amy wouldn't end up that way, that we might actually be civil for a bit, but I guess it was my fault it wasn't. I thought I could get to a real reason why she didn't like me, but I couldn't. I wasn't satisfied with our conversation, but it was the best it could get. The only answer I think I would ever get.

Matt was standing outside the locker room when I got back. He was standing up, leaning against the wall looking down. His right leg was up and his foot resting on the wall. I walked over to him and stood beside him.

"I was waiting for one of you to come back," he said. "I saw the interview."

"Was that ok?" I asked.

"Yeah, I think, I don't know. I mean it's a good thing the two of you are willing to finally move on from all of this, I guess I just never expected Jeff to do what he had done."

"I understand that, blew me away," I said.

"Good luck," he told me.

"Thank you," I replied.

"Just promise me you'll be coming back in one piece now."

"Yes, Matt," I said with a smile. He put his hand on my head and brought me into his chest.

Jeff didn't come back, and we all knew he wouldn't. He'd be gone all night actually, until they need him if there's another promo. I was sitting down with Matthew when Michael Cole came back. He asked for Matt this time. So, he went. We had a small TV in our room so we could see what everyone else was seeing. After the commercial, Michael Cole was on with Matt, Matthew sat up and squealed, "daddy!"

"Yes, that's right, daddy," I replied with a smile.

"If you joined us before, you saw the interview I had with Jeff Hardy and Destiny Diaz, if you are just joining us now, this is what you missed," he said. The whole thing played. "Matt, I've been looking for you since then, and I finally found you, what are you thinking about all of that?"

"About the team?" Matt asked. "I think it's going to be great. My brother and Destiny were the best friends and teammates I had ever had, and it was sad when things didn't work out, but it proved good. Just like my brother and Destiny said, we showed everyone that we could survive outside the team, we showed everyone that Jeff and I could survive outside of a team. And, now it's time to bring the magic back."

"Do you think that this might ignite the long cooled flame that once was Jeff and Destiny?"

Matt looked down and nodded his head a bit. "I guess so, anything's possible, right? But, that's something that's up to them. If it does, that's great, and if it doesn't, I think that's ok too. We're at a very emotional spot right now, and I think romance is the last thing on our minds. Why push into something that's not certain, or may not happen at all? When it comes to anyone dating anyone, I think we're going to play it cool, see what happens, not expect anything."

"Sounds about right, Matt. Are you going to be at your brother's side tonight?"

"No, he's asked me not to, and I respect that. This is a huge night for Jeff, and he needs to go at this alone. But, if something were to go wrong, I'd be down there in a heart beat."

"Well, we would hope so. Thank you, Matt, and good luck."

Unforgiven was to set off in five minutes. Matt had returned from his interview and went over by me and Matthew. He sat beside me and put him in his lap. I smiled and leaned into him. He looked at me with a serious look on his face.

"Everything ok?" I asked.

"I guess," he answered. "Can I talk to you about something? I know you wanted to wait, but I want to say this."

"Ok," I answered.

"It's about what I said to you," he started. " I know you know what I mean. I do love you, Destiny, I do, but I know that you and I can never be. And, to me, that's fine. I am the father of our son, and that is more than I could ever ask for. You have given me a beautiful son, and I don' t know what life would be like if he wasn't here. I feel like I am in your debt for giving me him. I think I am looking at him and looking at you and thinking about how it should be. A man and woman have a child and they are supposed to stay together at all coasts for that child. I know you think that's crazy, but it's how I was brought up. You do what's right. I was reading an old journal entry, back when you and I were going to get married, I think that's what brought all of this on. I know we would have made it, but I know you would have been miserable the whole time because it's not me that you want, it's my brother. And, I am ok with that, because I can't take away someone's true love. Yes, you and Jeff are meant to be, Des. You really are because I know how he feels about you, I see the look in his eye when he looks at you, I could never compare to that. That look, those words he uses to describe you, that's true love, real honest to God, true love, and I would be a fool to try and take that away from you two."

"Matt-"

"Destiny, I am serious. You are like my sister...who had my child, but besides that fact, you are, you are family. And though I will always love you and will always be there for you, I can't be the person Jeff is to you. I can't give you what Jeff can and I can't love you like Jeff does. We are different planes, and that is perfectly fine. I would rather have you as my sister, as family, and be happy, than have you as something more and be miserable. And I know that I haven't been so easy to deal with lately, and I am sorry about that. I have just been doing a lot of thinking, and it's finally all clear to me. I never meant to once hurt you, and I am so sorry that I did.."

"Matt, my only concern was you hurting your relationship with your brother. You've worked so hard to get it like it is, as right now, it's looking good for all of us. I know that you get very emotionally when it comes to me, but I can fight my battles, and I chose not to, I chose my way to handle it, and I know it wasn't the right way. We were both wrong."

"It was just so hard for me to fathom that Jeff would do that to you, say something so harsh."

"But, he was right, how could he trust me again?" I said. "Though, I have no idea where that Jeff went, and why he went away."

"I am glad this one is back," Matt said. "But, I just want to make sure you and I are ok, and that there isn't any hard feelings and that we can move on from all of this."

"Yes, Matt, we are cool. Things now, strongly, are turning around and looking good. I just wish I knew what to say about what you feel."

"Really, Des, don't worry about that. I told you, I am fine, everything's fine. I wouldn't tell you if it wasn't, and I am being truthful."

"Ok, Matt, I believe you," I said. "I do."

"Good, because I'd hate for all of this to turn into one big confusion, especially now. This are looking good, very good, and I am just as happy as you are to have this Jeff Hardy here and not the previous one. And, I am just as confused as you are as to why he's come back and why the other one went away. But, that's for another day I suppose, right now, I want you to get into that mind set for your match and show everyone no mercy. Show them you belong."

Matt hugged me and took Matthew and left. I sat there looking into the TV. Get into that mind sent, that's what I hat to do. I felt so much better going into this match now, than I had the day before. This were really weird still, and I knew that, but they were a good weird. Jeff was, for some reason, opening up to everything and his evil twin had mysteriously disappeared. It seemed very out of left field, but he was opening back up to me.

I got up and left the room, I didn't want to speak to anyone, and everyone knew not to bother me. This was how I had to handle this, handle any match. I was told good luck but everyone, incase they didn't see me before the match. I sat on a folding table in a vacant hallway. I let my feet dangle over and rested my back on the wall. I looked up at the ceiling. I could not believe everything was going to be over. I know that I had said that Amy was not my career, that I had done so much more, and I have, but she was such a big part of it. It felt like my career had been so much a part of hers, that without it, I'd be missing a big chunk of my career. I know I am so much more than just the girl who fights with Lita, but for two years, I did that, and then I did everything else, but my fade with Amy was always first. I was now the Tag Team Champion, but it was very hard to believe I could be only the Tag Team Champion, and not going at it with Amy. I got very insecure about my career.

I know now that I didn't have anything to worry about, but I couldn't help it then. For two years, that's all I did, I was able to fit in other things, but I was known as Lita's biggest enemy, and she was known as mine. That's how it went. My career started that way, and it's hard to let go of something you've known your whole career. It wasn't like a year into it, we started up a fade, and then ended it. It would be easier to let go that way. I started my career in this fade, and now had to let it go. It's like having to start a whole knew one, just on a name people know, and that's what scared me. Would people accept me outside of this fade, could I be just Destiny, and not Destiny vs. Lita?

If I had went to anyone with this, they all would have said the same thing, "you have nothing to worry about", and, in reality I didn't, or I shouldn't, but I did. I couldn't talk to anyone because as much as I love them, and as much as they have been in these kind of situations before, I felt mine was a bit different. It left me between a rock and a hard place with no where to turn. I was stuck.

I think this is what Amy wanted, to get inside my head. She knew she had this match won on paper, but knew that I'd come out on top either way. If she could get inside my head some how and make me lose sight and focus on the match, she'd look like the better wrestler. I had to stay focused, stay in the game. This match was made for injury and pain, and one second missed would screw the whole thing up. If I took just one second of my time in that match to think about something else, I could very well seriously hurt myself, and everyone's worst fears would be realized. I had to become numb, I couldn't feel anything, because if I did, I would lose it all.

I heard the pyros and music to start the pay-per-view. There was little time left. I closed my eyes as I sat against the wall and began to meditate, as best I could anyway. I took deep breathes and concentrated on just breathing. I would have at least two hours before I would go on. That's a lot of down time, a lot of time to sit in hallways and think about what might happen. I needed to clear my head, and this was working. Though, I know I couldn't keep it up for two hours, but doing it for a few minutes put me in a better mind set.

There is never much to do before a match, especially one of high importance. You want to be to yourself so you can get in the right psyche. You want to be pumped and ready to go, all of that adrenaline is racing. Some people need to be around other people, being alone freaks them out. But, most of the people I know have to be alone, and I think, personally, it's best. A few minutes to the whole show just to yourself. But, the down side to that is, you're alone. There's no one to talk to, so you think, think about all of the things you shouldn't be thinking about. You go to be alone so you can psych yourself up, and being alone gets into your psyche. So, in other words, it's kind of a lose loose situation.

In my meditative state, I saw Jeff walking.

"I thought this would be vacant too," he said.

"It was," I replied. "But, not now. It's ok, I don't bite."

"No, I know. Old habits are hard to break," he said.

"Seems to be an on going theme for me," I said.

"I think you're doing just fine," he smiled at me. "Crazy day, huh?"

"Yeah, you could say that. I feel like I am talking to a whole new Jeff."

"Like I said, I am done being mean and being a dick, I hated that," he replied. "Why not start over?"

"I don't know, why not?" I repeated. I smiled at him. "But yes, very crazy, you pitch the idea of bring the team back, I happen to walk by Amy's locker room, Matt and I have this conversation-"

"You walked by Amy's room?" Jeff asked surprised.

"On accident, I swear," I answered. "She still blames me for her misery. I must say, how you handled kicking her out, dick man, very not nice."

"What do you mean?"

"She said that Adam told her, you guys kicked her out without saying a word."

"Woah, wait one second," Jeff said. "We told her when our last match would be, we said that we wanted to go in a different direction. She knew it was over."

"Are you telling me that she lied?"

"Maybe. I know the day you came in Adam did say something to her, because he told me she looked pissed. Vince didn't want us to say anything at all, he wanted his people to deal with it, but we couldn't do that. Matt did all the talking, most of it, but you could have figured that out. We couldn't end it that way."

"Then why would she tell me that?" I asked.

"Maybe to scare you, make you think twice about getting back together, I don't know," Jeff replied. "But we told her, she knew. She wants to get inside your head, she wants you to be scared about this possibility. Don't buy it, I am telling you. Do you still want to talk, me, you, and Matt after Unforgiven?"

"Even though you guys have been talking already, yes, I do," I answered. "It's not a bad thing, trust me. But, I think we all have to sit down with this."

"Agreed, just name the terms."

"Depends on how you and I end up in our matches."

"Ah, could be hospital bed meeting."

"Maybe," I said. "Maybe."

"Well, I am going to continue my walk of solitude, if I don't see you before the match, good luck."

"You too," I replied.

He walked off.


	37. Chapter 37

I wish now I could remember Jeff's match better, but what I do remember is enough. I was too preoccupied with my own match, plus I was too nervous to look. I spent most of it in Paul's shoulder. I knew Kurt could kill him, in many ways. To him, it wasn't about Jeff, it was about me. He wanted me to suffer, and it didn't matter to him who was in the way, who he had to hurt to hurt me. I only wish now that was the only way Kurt had made me suffer.

All of us were crammed in the locker room, seated in front of the TV waiting for the match to start. Paul was to my left, Stephanie my right. Matt was at the other end, watching, his right leg on the chair, and his right elbow on his leg, his chin resting in his hand. Adam was next to him, squatted down like a catcher in baseball. His hands were also rested on his legs, his chin in them. Jay stood behind him, his hands on his hips. Chris was sitting a chair next to Adam, seated all the way back, and his legs spread wide open. The TV stood on a table, big enough for all of us to see. I had to pull myself away from my self isolation and come here. I figured I was safer here. Safe from having to run down to the ring and do something, anything, just in case something had happened. I had five strong men and a powerful woman here to stop me.

The final commercial before the show came back on was never ending. A Lugz commercial, our sponsors. I felt as if I was going to jump out of my skin if it didn't end soon. I looked around, everyone seemed so calm, but I knew that inside, there were shaking and screaming like I was. And finally, they ended.

Black.

Kurt Angle's music went off. He didn't do his usual routine at the top of the ramp, he just walked down the ramp, with a cocky stride and a glare that could kill. He didn't even notice the fans booing him, screaming at him, cursing him. I could almost see the cloud of hate surrounding him. Paul reached over and grabbed my shaking hand. I didn't feel any better. I felt his gaze burn through me, such intensity.

Black again.

Jeff's music didn't start right away. There was a few painful seconds were nothing happened, not even the crowd made noise. They seemed to take an eternity to pass by.

Finally the heart pound of the Hardy Boyz music hit and the arena blew up. Jeff walked out slowly and stood on the top of the stage, just stood there. He began to walk, slowly. No high pace run, now jumping around, just walked. He stopped about half way down, rolled his shoulders back, and then cracked his neck. All around the ring were tables with chairs on them, ladders laying down, street signs, garbage pails, everything necessary for a hardcore match. Jeff noticed them, but looked directly up at Kurt, his gaze matched Kurt's.

The crowd grew silent. Everyone's eyes were glued to the two men, wondering what would happen next. Anxiety began to over come me, and I felt my chest grow tight. I looked at Matt, he hadn't moved. I wondered, then, what was going on inside his head, how was he feeling. There was nothing he could do, what was about to happen was beyond his reach, and no one, no one, was allowed down there. Jeff made that clear to all of us. Now Matt, who had taken care of Jeff every day of his life, had to sit, helplessly, and watch whatever pain would come to him. I saw in Matt's eyes, the pain that caused him.

Jeff's face was unlike any expression I had ever seen him make. The intensity, the pain, the hate, all of it was on his face, and it radiated off of him. I was scared. Scared because I wasn't sure what was going to happen, scared because I had never seen him that way before. Jeff wasn't going to take this lightly, any match we had seen him in, any crazy thing he had ever done would seem like child's play compared to the things he would do, and under go tonight. His face showed he didn't care what would happen to him, as long as Kurt paid, and that scared me most of all.

Both men stared at each other motionless, and in the next second, Kurt dove out of the ring while Jeff dove in. Their places had switched. The quiet crowd gasped, and I jumped. The gazes went right back. Then, without warning, without running, Jeff heaved himself over the top rope, landing on Kurt outside. This knocked Kurt to the ground and Jeff straddled him, punching. These weren't open hand wrestling punches, but real, closed fist, I hate you punches. Jeff didn't care, and the ref was too frightened to do anything, though he did yell down to Jeff. Towards the end of his punching, Jeff began to scream with each punch.

You could see the worry on Kurt's face, and he reached under the ring for whatever he could find. A street sign. With whatever strength he had, Kurt smacked Jeff on the side of his head, and Jeff fell motionless off him. Kurt kicked Jeff the rest of the way off and stood up. Blood was coming from a cut under his right eye. Kurt took his pointer and middle finger to the cut, the blood going on his fingers. He brought his fingers to his mouth and sucked the blood off, a sadistic smile appearing on his face. He looked down at Jeff and chuckled to himself, then let out full blown kicks to Jeff's side and stomach. I guess Jeff was lucky he couldn't feel them.

Kurt threw Jeff into the ring. He then very slowly, walked up the stairs and into the ring. He looked down at Jeff, he couldn't move. He laughed and flicked him onto this back with his foot, then kicked him some more. I wanted to throw up. Paul moved his hand to my shoulder, holding it down firmly.

Kurt then picked Jeff up by his hair, then threw him right back down on the matt. And, once again, picked him up by his hair, and threw him down. Kurt did this four times. On the fifth, Jeff did his famous jaw breaker to Kurt, sending him to the ground. Once Jeff's butt hit the floor, he felt what Kurt's kicks had done. This phased Kurt for a bit, but he then threw Jeff to the floor and got him into some submission hold I'd never seen. Jeff cried out in pain, grabbing for the rope. His knee was the target here. The ref had to beg Kurt to let go, and he did.

Jeff quickly brought his left leg into his chest and held onto his knee. Kurt laughed, and used the time to flaunt himself. Jeff rolled over, and slowly stood up, putting most of his weight on his right leg. When Kurt turned, Jeff charged and speared him into the corner. Standing on his bad leg, Jeff used his right to kicked Kurt repeatedly in the chest, doing whatever it took to get him down. Finally, Kurt was seated in the corner, but Jeff didn't stop, he began to kick him in the head, until Kurt didn't know which was up.

Jeff didn't know his left from his right either, but he rolled out of the ring anyway, and grabbed a chair. Jeff stole a move right out of Rob Van Dam's move book. He ran around the ring and when he got close enough to Kurt, he jumped, putting the chair by his feet, and slamming it into Kurt's face. The impact caused Kurt's nose to bleed. Both men laid motionless in the ring. Jeff was on his back, he chest rising and falling very fast with each heavy breath he took. The close up showed Jeff's eyes, squinting in pain.

Jeff was too his feet first. He limped over to the chair and set it up, just as if you were going to sit in it. He then went to Kurt and picked him up. Jeff set Kurt up for a DDT, sending his face into the chair once again. The match was brutal, violent. I looked over at Matt again, he still hadn't moved. I believed this to be Matt's way of dealing with the awful situation Jeff was in, and his inability to do a damn thing about it. We all felt helpless.

Jeff made a mistake, and he knew it. He used eight seconds to regain himself, giving Kurt eight seconds to do the same, seven seconds more than he needed. Give Kurt an inch, and he will take a mile, it's that simple. Jeff went to pick Kurt up, but Kurt was ready. Kurt hit Jeff with a right elbow just under his eye, then a knee to the gut, and then a short kick to the knee, all in rapid succession, bing, bam, boom, Jeff was on his knees. Kurt grabbed Jeff by the hair and kneed him in the face, twice. Jeff bit threw his lip.

I wanted the match to stop, now. It had been about five minutes, and both men had taken a beating far worse than they had expected, it was only five minutes. I got up, Paul stood up beside me. I walked back to the bathroom, and Paul sat back down, knowing I couldn't get to the ring from there. I closed the door behind me and sat on the floor. I couldn't hear the match from in there, but I could still see all that had already happened. That was more than enough. The deafening silence that plagued the room made it all worse.

I compare the whole thing to a horrible car crash, you don't want to look, but you can't help but stare. You want to help those involved, but you have to keep the traffic moving, and there's nothing you can do. You stare intensely for the moment you see it, and then pass it by. I sat there, and for a second, felt bad for everyone else in that room. because they'd be going through it again right after Jeff's match, with mine. The human psyche was not meant for this type of punishment.

There was a soft knock at the door. I knocked back letting them know it was ok to enter. Matt walked in. I was surprised. to see him away from the match. I guessed his head hurt just as bad as mine.

"It's crazy," he said. "You would think this to be any other match, but no, it's not, it's more. Everyone knows it's more, the wrestlers, the fans, they know this is personal. And, because it's personal, we are all freaking out."

"Yeah, that's about right," I replied. "What makes it worse is we all know Kurt _wants _Jeff hurt, and the other way around. Matches, wrestling, this isn't supposed to be this personal, but it is. No one understands why, but it happens."

"Things happen, and we just have to be there for support," Matt said.

"How are you so calm? He's your brother."

"Don't be fooled by the appearance. I would give anything to be right there by his side, so he'll know it's all going to be ok. I want to be there so I can help him, protect him." He paused. "Maybe it's all in my head."

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe I want to reassure myself that it's going to be ok. I forget, all the time, that Jeff's a big boy now, his need for me is less and less with each day. We're not those kids anymore just getting over mom's death, and I'm all he has for comfort. Things have changed, and I don't want to notice it. I still think that he's always going to come to me with every little problem and that I can help him all the time." He slide down the wall and sat on the floor across from me. "The thing is, he's all grown up now."

"That doesn't mean he doesn't need you," I said.

Matt shrugged his shoulders. "No, it doesn't, but it doesn't mean I am the one he's always going to go to. It never really made much of a difference to me until he told me he didn't want me at the ring with him. Kinda hits home."

"I'm sorry," I said.

"No, it's ok, he has to do what he has to do. And, if I was there, what was I going to do? I'd be closer in case something were to happen, but this is Jeff's match, Jeff's thing he has to sort out, who am I to get involved?" He moved closer to me, placing his hands on my knees. "He's got to do this himself."

"Unfortunately," I replied. "Ready to see what's going on?"

"No, but, lets go anyway."

Matt helped me up and we went back to the same seats we were in before, as if nothing had happened. Matt sat the exact same way, and Paul put his hand back on my shoulder. I looked at the screen, Kurt had Jeff in the Angle Lock. Jeff rolled onto his back, and kicked Kurt right into the jaw, sending him back a few steps. Kurt caught himself, and charged for Jeff, who had that same steel chair now in his hand, and smacked it against Kurt's stomach. Jeff took a breath, and then rolled out of the ring, grabbing a table. He slid it into the ring, and then rolled in with it.

Kurt met him with kicks to the shoulder. Jeff was able to tuck his head away in time. Kurt took the table and threw it aside, picking Jeff up. He lifted him into a suplex and held him there, before dropping him on the ropes. Jeff held on with one hand, dangling. It was dangle, or fall onto the floor, probably head first. He swung his other hand up and pulled himself onto the rope. He balanced himself on the top rope, and in one quick movement, he did a Corkscrew Moonsault, perfectly. The impact left both men a bit loopy.

Jeff dove out one end of the ring, and Kurt to the other. Jeff grabbed the one thing he worked best with, the ladder. He slid it into the ring, right where the unused table lay. Jeff set his ladder up in one corner, but Kurt was setting a ladder up in the other. Both men were unaware of the other's actions, and both climbed their respected ladders, both reaching the top. We watched as both men jumped at the exact same time, realizing mid-air what was going on. They collided mid-air as well, stomach to stomach. You could hear the impact. They both landed on the canvas, Kurt on his back, Jeff on his stomach.

Kurt was the first one, this time, to start getting up. He was clueless at that moment where he was. That was Kurt's mistake, if you could call it one. That few seconds where his brain was unscrambling, gave Jeff the time to get up, and unscramble his. Jeff looked at the ladder behind him, then to the unused table, and the other ladder. A grin appeared on his face. I couldn't swallow.

Jeff took the ladder behind him and whacked Kurt on the side of the head, he fell full force to the floor. Jeff looked at him, raised his arm, and when it fell down unwillingly, he got to work. He lined both ladders up and placed a table across them. The table wasn't standing up, just laid right across it. On the ring, in front of where the ladders stood, Jeff put another table, this time setting it up. I wondered what it was he could be doing. He couldn't get Kurt up there.

He placed Kurt on the table underneath the ladders. He whacked him a few times to keep him down. Then, he climbed as fast as he could up the ladders and walked across to the middle of the table up there. He took a deep breath, looked to the sky and yelled something, he yelled my name!

"Destiny!" He screamed as he did a Swanton Bomb off the table onto Kurt below, on his table. Both men lay unconscious.


	38. Chapter 38

All of the air had been sucked out of the room. The fact that Jeff screamed my name didn't register with me right away. I was unable to move for a good thirty seconds. EMTs were heading down towards the ring, and I watched helplessly from backstage, unable to do a damn thing.

The EMTs went to both men, I could see Jeff shake his head and try and say something to one of them. He wasn't going to go. He slowly began to get up. Kurt was doing the same. This was the only brief moment in which both men walked about the ring, not trying to kill each other. The side of Jeff's face was completely swollen and black and blue.

One EMT stayed in the ring to look at Jeff's face. The emptiness in Kurt's eyes faded, and the hate came back. He grinned and charged for Jeff. Jeff shoved the EMT out of the way and took the blow full force. The EMT quickly rolled out of the ring and looked in at what could have been him.

I couldn't believe any of them were still able to move. But at the same time I completely understood. Like I had said before, this wasn't any other fight. It was about so much more, and the option of giving up wasn't there. You fought and gave it your all until ever fiber of you couldn't move, then it was over.

Physically, Kurt dominated the match. But, what made Jeff's sting a little harder was he wasn't afraid to be creative. Normally, Jeff's crazy ring antics are simply for show, but tonight, they gave him the edge. His faster than lightning style made Kurt unsure of what would happen next, and that's a very good advantage. Kurt's speed was different than Jeff's, Kurt's was from years and years of professional training, it was tamed. Jeff's speed, his style was wild, unpredictable. It gave him edge.

The EMTs remained by the ring the rest of the match.

Even the choke holds were real. Kurt got Jeff on the ground, his forearm dug into Jeff's throat. I don't think anyone knew it was real until the cameras caught a glance of Jeff and his lips had a faint tint of blue, and he couldn't keep his eyes open too long. I shot up. Paul couldn't keep me down.

"Let me out there, I will kill him!" I yelled, fighting back tears. "Why would he do this?"

Matt stood up without a word. Everyone, including me, turned to him. He walked directly to me, then held me. Pretty soon, I was holding him. I could hear his quiet sobs in my ear, and I knew. Matt realized that Kurt Angle could kill his brother, if he really wanted to. Matt's fear for his brother's safety increased tremendously. Out of the corner of my eye I could see everyone's face stunned with worry.

"There are people around that ring who will make sure nothing happens to Jeff," Paul reassured everyone, though I think he was partly trying to reassure himself.

And they did. Jeff laid there for a few seconds, his chest rising and falling rapidly. He slowly got to his feet, bringing a chair with him. He smacked Kurt right on the top of his head, and when Kurt went down, he didn't let up. After the chair was bent beyond use, Jeff grabbed a piece of table. In his beating, the sharp edge of the table sliced Kurt's arm. Who knew.

I think the slice annoyed Kurt. He used his leg to brush Jeff's legs out from under him. Kurt took that same piece of table and did the same to Jeff, sliced his arm. As if there wasn't enough blood on the ring and on these two men. Jeff grabbed the table's leg and whacked Kurt in the knee. Kurt let out a scream. Fed up, Kurt bent down and grabbed Jeff, and threw him.

Kurt took a moment to regain himself, and then limped to Jeff. Jeff looked up at him with his good eye. He braced himself for Kurt's punch. Right in his good eye. Jeff blocked the next one, and punched Kurt in his stomach. Kurt's next attempt hit Jeff on his head. But Jeff fired back. He just couldn't give up.

This match really reminded me of those little Desire videos the company made. Songs and clips that really sent chills down your spine. The first few used the song "My Sacrifice" by Creed, the perfect song. Jeff had one, the song used was "Not Enough" by Our Lady Peace. The song wouldn't get out of my head this whole match. Here's the lyrics:

There's nothing you can say

Nothing you can do

There's nothing in between

You know the truth

Nothing left to face

There's nothing left to lose

Nothing takes your place...

When they say you're not that strong

You're not that weak

It's not your fault

And when you climb

Up to your hill

Up to your place

I hope you're well

There's nothing left to prove

There's nothing I wont do

There's nothing like the pain

I feel for you

Nothing left to hide

Nothing left to fear

I am always here...

When they say you're not that strong

You're not that weak

It's not your fault

And when you climb

Up to your hill

Up to your place

I hope you're well

What you want

What you lost

What you had

What is gone is over

What you got

What you love

What you need

What you have is real

It's not enough,

It's not enough,

It's not enough,

It's not enough

I'm sorry,

It's not enough,

It's not enough,

It's not enough,

It's not enough

When they say you're not that strong

You're not that weak

It's not your fault

And when you climb

Up to your hill

Up to your place

I hope you're well

It's not enough

No, it's not enough

It's not enough

No one ever believed Jeff could do it, face Kurt. And Jeff always felt he could do it better. Jeff felt he could do everything better, what he had was never enough. Made sense why he was slightly insane.

Most of the match from here on is fuzzy to me. A mix of speed, blood, bruising, and hate. Both men began to blur together. I was set to do a promo right after the match. I knew I wouldn't' t be able to. Someone came in and reminded me that I had to. Matt turned to me.

"Do you want me there?" he asked.

"No, I think I will be ok," I replied. "But, it wouldn't hurt if you waited behind the cameras."

Matt nodded. "Of course."

I know Kurt expected Jeff to tap once he got him in the Angle Lock. In Jeff's eyes you could see he wanted to just tap, but he couldn't. it burned in him. It took everything he had to reverse it and kick Kurt off of him. It took Jeff a moment to be able to stand up. He picked up the only chair in the ring still useable. He went to Kurt and whacked him square in the head. Before Kurt was able to fall, Jeff kicked him in the gut, and signaled for the Twist Of Fate. The crowed freaked. Jeff was able to nail it without a hitch. Jeff went up top. Not on top of the turnbuckle, on top of a ladder. Swanton.

Kurt saw Jeff climb, saw him begin to jump, but never moved. I am still unsure if he was able to, or if he took it. Most of me tells me he couldn't move. I had never seen a more perfect Swanton in my life. Jeff was able to roll himself over lock Kurt's leg for the pin, the only pin in the match.

It seemed like a dreadfully long three count. With each count, we all drew closer to the TV. And when the ref was going down for the three, and Kurt's shoulders weren't moving, we all held our breath. Jeff didn't jump for joy when the ref hit three, he didn't jump up and freak out. He rolled off Kurt and sat up. Kurt lay there, breathing hard, and Jeff just looked at him. I cried.

Jeff couldn't get to his feet. It was over and all of that abuse got to him. The EMTs came to him and helped him up, and helped him up the ramp. He limped , his left leg had taken all of the damage. His eye was swollen almost shut, blood came from a small just under it, from his mouth, and a bit from his nose. He was beaten and exhausted.

I jumped up and ran out of the room trying to get to him. Matt was right behind me, and everyone else behind us. When I saw him, I nearly fell over. He looked so much worse than the cameras shown. He saw us, and he tried not to show the pain he was in. We rushed to him as they sat him in a chair.

"Wait here while we find you a room," one EMT said to him. "You'll be going to a hospital soon."

"I can't leave yet," Jeff replied. "I have to watch the next match."

"I don't think that is a good idea," the other said.

"I have to," Jeff said. "It's very important."

"As soon at it's over, you're going."

"You'll probably be bringing someone else with you," he said, looking at me with a smile. I smiled back.

"You can go," I told him once the EMTs left.

"I can't miss it," he told me.

"How do you feel?" I asked.

"Horrible. I should be so happy I won, beat him, but I don't feel that." He paused. "What does it matter, it's over, and soon your problems with Amy will be over and we can live a semi normal life."

"Jeff, you will never live any kind of normal life," Adam told him.

The same man who told me in the locker room about my promo came back. I hated to leave, but knew I had to. I walked slowly to the promo spot with Matt trailing behind me. Once we were there, someone handed me my two belts. I put them over my shoulders and the five count began. Michael Cole stepped in.

Action.

"Michael Cole here with Destiny," he began. "Now, I can only wonder what you must be thinking after seeing the match we just saw."

"Yes, you can," I replied. "Seeing someone you love go through something like that makes you sick."

"I guess that's what we will be hearing after your match."

I nodded.

"I would love to get your thoughts about your own match just moments ahead," he said.

"I wish I could give them to you," I replied. "There's just too many of them. Fear, anxiety, anticipation, all of it. It's the match I have been waiting my whole career for. This is it, ya know. I am prepared to lose the title, I think I've had a good run with it. I am still the Tag Team Champion."

"Yes, and speaking of that, earlier an offer was made to bring back Team Xtreme, with you in a tag team with Chris Jericho, how would that work?" Cole asked me.

"Yes, an offer was made, and I would love to bring the team back together, but I am involved in another team. Chris and I make a great team, this belt proves it. I know Chris and I will never have what Matt, Jeff, and myself had, I don't think any of us could have that anywhere else. Right now, I don't think Team Xtreme could be as faction, a wrestling team. Team Xtreme can exist as it once was outside the ring. Matt and Jeff Hardy and Destiny Diaz being the friends they once was. That's the kind of Team Xtreme I can see for right now."

"There's no way that you and Chris Jericho could coexist with Team Xtreme?" Cole asked.

"It would be too hard. But, who knows the future, live for the moment." I smiled.

"I wish you the best of luck in your match tonight, and, if at all possible, be safe," Cole told me.

"Thank you very much," I replied.

Cut.

Matt stood up and walked to me.

"Don't love me anymore?" he asked with a smile.

"You know I would love to, but I can't," I told him.

"I know, and I think you're right, about what Team Xtreme is going to be coming back." Matt smiled at me and we walked back to where Jeff was.


	39. Chapter 39

The guerilla area is always the worst place to wait before any match. You're right there, the last place before the stage. You hear everything. I was told I had to wait in the back for a bit, Amy was going out. The thought of us in such a tiny space together made everyone nervous. So I waited just outside it. Jeff limped his way to me.

"You shouldn't be here," I told him. "Get into the room they set aside for you and rest."

"I had to see you before you went out there," he told me. His voice was a whisper. "If at all possible, be careful."

I smiled. "I don't think that's an option."

"I'll save you a bed in my room, we'll go to the hospital together."

"It's a date," I replied with a laugh.

"Destiny," he paused and I looked at him. "For whatever it's worth, I'm sorry."

I couldn't respond, it was my turn to get ready and he was heading back. I took a deep breath and threw my belts over my shoulders again. The sound guy counted back and hit the button that would play my music. I waited a few measures before going out. I don't think I breathed for those few seconds.

The lights blinded my eyes for a moment when I stepped out. I could barely hear my music playing over the screaming fans. I stood at the top of the ramp with my head down. My legs couldn't move. I counted back from five, and shot my head up and began to bounce around. I could barely see Amy inside the cage. I took my time walking down the ramp, taking it all in. I stopped right before the cage and stood there, looking in, looking at Amy. I saw fear all over her face.

The ref took my Women's Title and held it up then opened the door of the cage. I looked up the stairs and then walked in. The door locked behind me, there was no going back now. The bell rang and it was time.

Stare down.

It's the only way I can think of starting a match of this magnitude. There is so much to take in, it's the only thing you can do.

I shoved her first, and then she shoved me back. I then Irish-whipped her into the cage. The match began. Once she got up, Amy came charging after me, spearing me into the cage. Once I hit the cage, I rammed right into her and onto the floor we went at it. The hair pulling, rolling around, chick fight stuff. Except we punch instead of slap. I went to punch Amy right in her face, and she moved her head and my hand in canvas. I screamed.

She was able to roll away and we stood up. In my mind cages were always a device of unlimited possibilities. So many ways to pull yourself up and let yourself go, so many ways to get hurt. Steel fence surrounds the ring, and it doesn't give too much. I love the critics who say it's all fake. It is, to a degree. We know how to take hits, we know how to do this with the least amount of pain. Steel is steel, and no training can teach you how to take that hit. You take it. My face took it.

Amy grabbed me by the hair and slammed my face into the cage a few times. I countered her last attempt and did the same to her. No blood just yet. As she was regaining herself, I climbed onto the ropes and balanced myself on the top one, using the cage. When she turned around, I was able to get a Corkscrew Moonsault off, perfectly. That was the first real pop of the match.

My hand still stung, but I tweaked my back doing that move. It was only the beginning of the match. I rolled off her holding my lower back. I had plenty of crazy moves still planned. This match was too important to blow on a tweaked back, there was no way I could give up or back out. If I was almost dead, I'd still have to fight. Not finishing was not an option.

Most of our match took place in the air. Amy and I both had that ability, and I wasn't going to waste it. The match really picked up about half way through. Amy had tried a Twist Of Fate on me, that was booed by the crowd. I countered it with a kick to her stomach, and then my own Twist Of Fate that was cheered. I began to climb. About half way up, she met me with punches to my lower back. Not the perfect thing for it, but she didn't know, and I honestly doubt if she cared. I was able to kick her a few times then wrap my legs around her neck. Huricanranna. My back didn't like it, but the crowd did. A lot.

The both of us rolled on the matt for a while before getting up. Amy threw me into the cage, my face hit the bar. The very top of my nose hit it, my eyes teared. Instinctively, I put my hands to my nose, to check for blood. There was. First bloodshed of the match. Amy's next move was a backdrop. I knew it too, but was still unprepared. I was thrown off by my nose. So, I didn't tuck my head like I was supposed to, and it bounced off the canvas. I only know that from seeing it on TV. There was a good few seconds where I was blacked out.

Blacking out is a strange experience. There are moments in your life you lose. Gone, completely gone and you'll never get them back. Most, and normal people, find this a scary fact. Me, I find it refreshing. Pieces of my life gone, vanished. Something out of my control. There are few things in life completely out of our control, and that humbles me.

Anyway, once I regained myself, I saw Amy climbing out of the cage. She had to have done something to only be half way up. She was supposed to be. At least she was following what I had written. I got up and hit her in the back this time. Facing her, I lifted her up and put her legs on my shoulders for a power bomb. It was a hard power bomb. I felt it. I stumbled back and leaned on the ropes. When Amy stood up, I dropped kicked her back down. It was the best dropkick I had ever done. Only one photographer caught the move, and he gave me the picture. It's framed.

The match began to pick up after my perfect dropkick. I thought I would feel so much different in that match. I thought I would feel hate, anger, I didn't. I was more afraid of it going right, like I had planned it. Also, images of what Jeff looked like ran through my head. So much was leading up to this match I was just relieved that we were doing it. My planning was paying off. I was almost sad that it'd soon be over. All of that just for twenty minutes. It's really amazing.

Amy and I were both on top of the cage. Punches going back and forth. I shoved Amy off. I stood up, I could get out, but I'm not supposed to. I stood up, the crowd stood with me. I took a deep breath and looked below. Live for the moment.

"For you, Jeff," I spoke under my breath for no one to hear.

It was for him, in a way. I end this with Amy and concentrate on getting our relationship back, in anyway I can. I put my arms out, showed the guns, something I hadn't done since everything happened. I don't remember jumping. I just let myself go and fell. I heard nothing, saw nothing on the way down. I remember hitting her, my shoulder blades hitting her chest. My back and legs slammed onto the canvas, my head tucked in as best as I could. The next thing I remember is a sharp pain shooting down the left side of my body, from my lower back to my knee. I couldn't move.

Amy was first to her feet, and she grabbed me by my hair. I stood up, but had no idea how. She scoop slammed me down and went to the top rope. She hit me with the Moonsault. She knocked the wind our of herself. I heard her gasping for air.

"I'll take a moment before I get up," I told her. "Lay still."

She nodded. I slowly got to my feet. I could see Amy getting better, so I picked her up. I got her in a head lock.

"Ok now?" I asked.

"Yes, thank you," she answered.

Irish whip, right to the cage. I walked over and took her face and smushed it into the cage, then ran it down the side, ripping into her face. We were bruised about the face, just not so bloody. That changed. Amy used her elbow to break the hold, then did the same to me. In an odd way, the cold steel and the ripping of my flesh felt good. The last droplets of blood I'll ever spill for Amy.

I think it was my adrenaline that was the reason I could function. The pain was dulled some, and I knew once I came down, it would strike me hard. My left foot was beginning to go numb and I limped. I had to be fast, I had to be quick, but it was so hard when I could barely move. My body was telling me to stop, but my heart was telling me otherwise.

I knew what everyone was like backstage, all of those who cared about me. I knew the looks on their faces and the feelings in their stomachs. I have that feeling before, I was still having it from Jeff's match. His blood stained the canvas. I know Paul was barely able to stay seated, I know he was shaking, and I knew no one would be able to calm him down. I know Matt was, as he was during Jeff's match, perfectly still, looking into the TV. I knew Jay was pacing around the room, wishing he was able to turn away from what he was watching, but knowing he couldn't. I knew Stephanie would be by her husband's side, trying to calm him while staying calm herself. I knew Adam was still squatted down, hands to his face, shocked. I knew Chris was standing by him, watching in awe, unable to utter the thoughts in his mind. I knew what they were all doing. And Jeff, I knew he was worried, I felt it. I knew it was hard for him to sit in that room, alone, with one person watching him, someone he didn't know, and watch this, knowing he couldn't help, knowing the pain I was feeling couldn't be comforted by him. I didn't have to see them to know what they were doing. I already knew.

Amy's Huricanranna from the top rope did nothing for my back. I let out a blood curling scream, one I felt throughout my body, and knew everyone else did. It was full of sheer terror and pain, and I began to cry. Something inside me shot out, and I began to scream, pounding my fist against the canvas. I had rolled onto my stomach one hand on my back and the other pounding into the canvas. I had never showed anything like this in the ring before. I had never felt anything like this before. The fear I tried to hold down since the first tweak was coming up, and fast. The numbness in my foot not reached my knee, and my screaming became more and more about my fears than the pain.

Amy rolled her way to me, she honestly looked scared.

"What do you want me to do?" she asked me.

"Give me a moment, start climbing, when you get half way up, I'll be ok. Another power bomb?"

"Ok," she replied.

I can't explain what these small conversations were about. I watched her climb, and when she was half way up, I was ready. I suppressed everything and relied on my mind to block it all out. I barely had the strength to lift her up. I slammed her down, with a scream. We kicked right back into the match. Right from Chris Jericho's move book, I did a Lionsault. When I rolled off Amy I hit the canvas with my fist again. It hurt.

I looked up and saw the cage walls towering above me. I felt very small and very insignificant at that very moment. I looked at Amy laying beside me, breathing heavy and in pain as well. And at that moment I began to think, was all of this worth it? Was it worth our bodies and our lives to end a feud? The very question I had been asked for months and denied was now in my head. I then looked around at all of the fans, and knew it was. I thought about Jeff and knew it was. I thought about my son and knew it was. Anything was worth it, to end this, start over.

I slowly got to my feet, each movement sending shooting pains throughout my body, but I knew I had to. Amy got up too, and we stared at each other. It was written, or planned, it just happened. I saw in her a broken woman, lost. I saw hate and pain. I knew this was something she wanted, that she too couldn't go on doing this anymore. The crowd began to cheer and scream, and we looked around. They didn't really know that this was it. We did, and in a way, I was sad, and I knew she was too.

We started the match again, I shoved Amy into the cage. She came back and I clotheslinded her down. I picked her up and she countered, she ran back, bounced off the ropes, and came flying back at me, knocking me down. She then started to climb, the final climb. I started up after her, knowing what was going to happen, and being completely terrified.


	40. Chapter 40

I remember it taking forever to get up to the top of the cage. Amy tried to get me off when she reached the top, but I was able to get up there. We sat up there, going blow for blow. I stood up, knowing what was going to happen next. I looked down at the canvas below me for a brief second. I teetered with Amy's first punch. With the second I teetered even more. Then the third and final punch.

I almost didn't do it, but knew I had to. I just let go, knowing that when I hit the canvas below, everything would be different. I was about five feet six inches taller than the top of the cage, since I was standing, and here I was, weightless, falling. I hit, and didn't feel anything at first, but I bounced, and it was the second hit that did it for me. That scream surfaced again. Amy climbed down, and fell off about three quarters of the way down. Her music played and the belt was given to her, but she didn't run up the ramp. She laid there.

EMTs came down to us when the show went off the air. They helped us up. The crowd was still insane, and it was amazing. Belt in hand, Amy came back into the cage. An EMT was there, holding me up. She could barely walk. We looked at each other, and I had no idea what her intentions were. I expected the worse. She looked at me, then around at everyone else, then went to grab me. She grabbed my hand and held it up with hers, and the crowd exploded. Hand in hers, I took my other hand and grabbed her shoulder.

Then it was over. She left, with help, and I nearly collapsed into the EMTs arms. As I was going up the ramp, they were waiting for me, all except Jeff. Paul went for me, and I feel into his arms. I tried so hard not to cry. It was catching up to me now, and my entire left leg was numb. Paul helped me walk backstage with everyone behind him. The more we walked, the less weight I could put on my leg, until, I couldn't at all. Jay rushed to me as I nearly fell over, holding me up on my other side.

"Destiny, you need to get to a hospital, and now," he told me, his voice shaking.

"I'm fine," I answered.

"Destiny, what happened to your leg?" Jay asked me.

I looked down and blood had stained my pants. The cut that I had done to myself not one day earlier had reopened, and was bleeding all over myself. I didn't even feel it open back up. But, in all honesty, it was the least of my problems. The fact that I didn't feel it open up, or that I couldn't feel the blood trickling down my leg, that was a problem.

I went from being helped by Paul and Jay, to being carried by Paul to the room in which Jeff was laying. When they laid me down, Jeff turned right to me. I saw in his eyes the same fear I saw in everyone else's. I saw the inability to utter a single word as the small on hand medical team rushed to me. They went and lifted my left leg up, and I screamed as the pain in my back intensified. They asked me if I could feel their hands on my left foot, and I couldn't.

"What about the right one?" one of them asked. "Can you feel this?"

I nodded. I could feel that just fine. The cut the left leg of my pants up the middle and I could see my cut, all the blood surrounding it. There wasn't much they could do for me now except replace the bandage. The ambulance that would take Jeff and I to the hospital was ready for us. They put us both onto stretchers and wheeled us out. Paul never let go of my hand. Other wrestlers were standing outside when Jeff and I were put in. Paul kissed the top of my head when he had to let go.

"We will be right behind you," he said.

I looked around. Expressionless and emotionless faces looked back at me. I could see the tears stream down Jay's face. He was the only one who did. I don't think anyone else could, it was all a shock. I waved before they closed the back doors, and off we were. Jeff looked over at me and then took my hand.

The reality of it all hit me on the ride. I was scared. There wasn't much anyone inside the ambulance could really do for the both of us. The put IVs in us, drugged us a bit and cleaned our cuts up. Jeff's face really began to swell now and they gave him some drugs. They would touch his face and asked him if it hurt, which it did, but he took it. They looked at his leg too, his knee was a bit swollen, but whatever hand test they did didn't seem to bother them too much. I hoped it wasn't serious. Jeff let them do whatever it was they had to. Me, I was scared.

We arrived at the hospital in about fifteen minutes. Everyone else wasn't far behind. They had an escort for them. Jeff and I didn't get to see them before they wheeled us into rooms. I wish I had. There was a double sided door separating the room I was in and Jeff was in. When it swung open, I could see him, and when it was shut, I couldn't. We were getting the full treatment, which scared me. They had done something to Jeff because I could hear him scream. My head shot over, and I had to know. His knee was slightly dislocated, slightly, I didn't know a knee could only slightly dislocate. But, in any case, that's what the nurse told me, and they had to pop it back into place. An x-ray machine went off in there a few times.

"Probably films for his leg, face, and chest," the same nurse told me. "Just to make sure."

They opened the door to wheel the x-ray machine in for me. I could see Jeff, he was looking straight up. He noticed me and looked over, he smiled at me. I reached my hand to him, and even though he couldn't reach it, he reached back at me. He gave me a thumbs up and then went into the gunz, then the door closed.

They took x-rays of my face and my back, but I was told I needed a CAT scan for that. They kept poking and prodding at my left leg, and I couldn't feel any of it. The closed my cuts on my head and leg and gave me a tenets shot. I could see everyone outside my room, going back and forth from mine and Jeff's. A doctor went out and explained something to them. I could see everyone's face's, and whatever it was seemed to scare them. That scared me. Paul came in.

"Hey baby girl," he said. "I bet they have you on some good drugs."

"Something like that," I replied. "How's Jeff? Do you know?"

"He's going to be fine. The x-ray showed a small facial fracture, nothing serious. His knee's going to be fine. He'll be out of action for awhile, but not too long. He's going to be just fine, don't worry."

"I am," I answered.

"How are you?" he asked.

"I don't know," I answered. "How did they tell you I am?"

"Honestly, they're a bit worried about your lack of feeling in your left leg. You're going up for a CAT scan to find out something. We're all worried." He paused. "I haven't told Jeff about you yet. I know he wants to know."

"Don't worry him, please," I said.

"Ok," Paul replied.

A doctor came in.

"Guess this is when I have to leave," Paul replied. "We'll be waiting for you."

"A room is set up, for the both of them," the doctor said. "I can have someone show you where it is, you can wait there. I'll have the man next door up there shortly, she'll be along soon."

"Thank you, very much."

They wheeled me out and everyone gathered by me. Jeff was wheeled out at the same time, he was going to our room. He looked at me and grabbed my hand quick as he went by. Matt kissed my forehead and then followed his brother. Jay was still tearing, still the only one. It was all too much for anyone to take in. Before they started moving me again, Stephanie came running with Matthew in her arms. I was so thankful I was able to see him before I went for my CAT scan.

"I am so glad I got you," she said. "I would have been here sooner, but I had to get some of his things, just in case."

"Just glad you came," I replied.

I held him in my arms for a moment, and then I was off. I cried leaving him. They wheeled me into an elevator that would take me to the floor where the CAT scan was. I had a CAT scan only once, and that was when I originally hurt my back about two years ago. I didn't freak out in there. A CAT scan is a long very tight tube in which you lay perfectly still. Many people freak out, even those who don't have problems with close in spaces.

This time was no different. I laid perfectly still and just took it. They pulled me out and then wheeled me into my room. Everyone jumped up when I came in. All wanting to know answers, and no one had any yet.

"Did you freak?" Jeff asked.

"No, I was fine," I answered. "How are you feeling?"

"Better now that I have this IV bag flowing," he smiled.

"Great, a strange man on drugs, just what we need," I said.

"I have to say this," Chris said, "I don't think I have ever seen matches like I have tonight. Despite the outcomes, you guys deserve a lot of credit for what you did. You really proved yourselves out there, like you had to, but you did."

"I agree," Adam said. "You guys really went out there and you did it. I know all of us were deathly afraid of you guys doing these matches and secretly wished you would back out, knowing of course, you wouldn't. The good news is our deepest fears weren't realized, you're still alive-"

"What I think he means is, you came through. You took high emotion and you dealt with it. You stood up and you faced two people who have done nothing but drag everyone down. Jeff you stood up for something you really believed in and you took it to Kurt. You proved that the littler guy can do it, I don't know if you realized it, but a lot of people are going to look at what you did as inspiration in their own lives. And Destiny, you stood up to the very evil that has haunted you since you first got here. You stood up and weren't going to take in anymore, and you're letting it all behind you. People will look at that match and feel that they can over come things that have pained them. You both are inspirations to those fans. You guys are brave, braver than you think," Chris finished.

Jeff and I looked at each other. We knew what we were doing and how it would impact our lives, but never once thought how it might impact anyone else's. The die hard fans look at everything you do and most of what you do really impacts them, inspires them. Jeff always said, "exist to inspire" and I always believed in that. Live your life in a way that others will look at and feel inspired. Don't be like anyone else. I can't speak for Jeff, but I have a pretty good feeling that he didn't think what he was going to do in that ring would effect anyone's life but his own and Kurt's. And I know I never set out to make this match to give anyone else the strength to stand up to anything or anyone. But, the fact that our matches did turn out that way made it all that much better.

The mood calmed a bit now that everyone was there and I forgot about my results. I had Matthew laying beside me in my bed, he was very much awake. Everyone talked about their fears and how they felt during our matches. I was right when I said I knew how everyone was during mine. I was absolutely right. One by one everyone gave off how they felt, including Jeff, who had to see it from inside the medical room. But, it was Jay's that made everyone go quiet.

"I was terrified, as everyone has been saying. Terrified that you would not walk out of that match, and you barely did. Every memory I had of you flashed in my head as if our relationship was dying. I saw it all, when we first met, to when you moved in with me, until now. Every good and every bad thing that I have ever witnessed with you flashed through my head. When you let out that scream for the first time, I nearly threw up, I had to hold it back. It took everything inside of me not to run out and hold you, bring you back with me and tell you everything was going to be ok, that I would take care of you for the rest of your life. With each ounce of pain I saw on your face, heard in that scream, I felt in my heart. And all I wanted to do was hold you in my arms and never let you go."

I looked up at Jay and I could see the tears that had been falling, and those he was fighting so hard to hold back. He walked to me and wrapped his arms around me and I held him. He cried a bit, but only a bit and then let go and excused himself from the room. No one said anything when he left, but Adam went for him. Everyone knew that it was Adam that could get to him, talk to him, listen to him. We were all as close as family, but we knew when someone else could do the job better, and Adam was like Jay's brother.

"I hope he's ok," Matt said. He looked around the room. "Can I ask everyone to leave? I really want to say something to Jeff and Destiny and I want to do it alone."

"Absolutely," Paul replied, knowing, somewhat, what it was about. He grabbed Matthew from me and everyone filed out.

"Is Jay out there?" Chris asked as he was leaving.

"No," I heard Paul said.

"What's up, Matt?" Jeff asked once everyone had left.

"What's been going on with the three of us?" He asked. "We love and hate each other in the same moments. We care about each other, yet we hurt each other so much. Jeff I want to apologize for last year, for what it's done for you now and whatever it may do to you in the future. Destiny, I want to apologize for being so over bearing. Your battles are you own, and I am sorry I jumped in too soon. Right now, I'm really confused on where we stand. We go from fighting to mentioning getting the team back together. I know now, in our careers, the team's not going to fit, but I know in my life it does. If getting the team back together means getting this friendship this love back together, then I want to do it. But I know I can't if it's going to be this rollercoaster we've been riding for a year."

Jeff nodded his head. "You're right. I think last night and all that happened during the day has forced all of us to think about our relationship," he paused and turned to me. "Destiny, I know that I haven't made it any easier for you over this year. I know that the fighting Matt and I have done with each other has made you torn up inside, and for that I apologize. I'm not the easiest person to know or the easiest person to love. I take my time with things, and I know that's been eating away at you. I'm sorry. I also know that once we get somewhere, somehow, it gets pushed back, and I know I don't help with that. Your grief has not fallen upon deaf ears, I've heard it, I've seen it. I know what I said to you the other day was wrong and harsh. I don't trust easy, and when that trust is broken, I fall to pieces and it's ten times harder to regain. I never meant to tell you I don't trust you and never will. You've worked so hard to get it back. The same goes for you too, Matt. You're my brother, and I know that no matter what, you and I are always going to be ok. I know our relationship is always going to be tested, every day. It's hard for me to grasp at what our lives are like now. I know you're a father, and it's hard for me to not have you there always. I know where your priorities stand, and I know they have to be there. I am living in the past, thinking that I have my brother the way I did, and I know I don't, and I know why, and that's ok with me. My nephew is the most beautiful child I have ever seen, he has to be, he has my eyes, and I'm told these eyes are golden. I'd do anything for that child, give anything up. I don't want to play games anymore, fight over nothing. This crazy dance we've been doing is killing me inside and I am sick of it. I want to move on, I want to fix things, I want to have my brother and my best friend back."

"Those eyes are golden," I replied.

"Jeff, I will always be your brother, and no matter what is going on in my life, what new responsibility I have may have in my life, that will never ever change. We were raised better than that, and I know you know it. Jeff, I love you, and that will never change either. I need you in my life because I don't know what will happen to me if you're gone. I've been scared for you, you've been shutting out and shutting off. I've felt like I didn't know you anymore, and it's partially my fault as well. Jeff, for better or for worse, I will be there for you, there is nothing you can do that will push me away. Family above all else. I would drop anything for you, die for you." Matt paused, regaining his composure. "I am sick of this too, sick of dancing around what's really true. I can't make it up to you, Jeff, I know I can't. I wouldn't do it if I went back, and I know Destiny feels the same way. I took advantage of vulnerability, and I hate myself for that, that's not who I am. I need you in my life Jeff, I need my brother, my son needs his uncle. Someone has to teach him to be creative. No matter what happens, Jeff, you will always be my little brother and I will always be there for you and I will always need you."

Matt walked to his brother's bed and the two brothers embraced in a hug that sent chills down my spine. Finally, finally after a year this was coming out and it was working out. Everything was being said and everything was going to be ok.

"I don't ever want you to feel as if you're not a part of my life," Matt told Jeff. Matt then turned to me. "Destiny, I want to apologize for the other day, for what I said, how I acted. Striking Jeff was wrong, and I know it. And Jeff, I am sorry that I am going to say this, but I have to. Destiny, when I told you I loved you, I was unsure. I know what we had, or whatever it was, wasn't something out of hormones, I know what it's not. I know it's not love, and I know you know that too. I know it made you feel uncomfortable and probably worse. I am sorry. Jeff and I were raised to do the right thing, always do the right thing, and having a child with you meant I had to be with you. I know now, that I can't, and I am ok with that. It wouldn't be right because it wouldn't be based on love. Our son will have a loving family regardless of if we married or not. To jump into such an extreme idea without the need is wrong. And the other day when I told you that I honestly loved you, I am sorry for that too. You and I wouldn't' work, and I know you know. But to say it was wrong anyway. Hopefully it doesn't weird anything out between any of us. I don't want that. I was acting on an impulse I thought I knew, but after I said it and thought about it, and I did, I knew it was wrong."

"Matt," I said. "I knew you didn't mean it the moment you said it. You're right, our son is going to be loved, he is going to see his parents all of the time. I may live a few states away, but that won't change it. Our son is going to be just fine."

"Jeff, I am sorry to have said it," Matt looked at his brother.

Jeff looked right back at him and a smiled appeared on his face. "Matt, I know why you would have done it, why you would have married her and tried to love her."

"For an entire year I have beaten myself up over this. I feel that every fight is my fault, or based on me. There were days where I thought about just leaving the WWF behind so you two could work it out. I don't want to be anyone's reason for hate. Jeff, I am not looking for you to take me back, I am looking for a friend, the friend I had. You and I, we're one of a kind, we are. I know we need each other because there is no one else that can really understand us. I need you in my life to be there for me. And Matt, I don't just need you as a father to my son, I need you as a friend an older brother too. You were always like that to me, as close to me as a brother. Please, don't get any sick ideas, brother and father and all of that. What we had, that bond, that was special, and I can't throw it away, I won't. I've been working so hard for a year to try and get some of it back. And, Jeff, you're right, we can't have what it was like two years ago, we can have something different. I want to try, I think we all need each other, and without one of us, we'd fall apart," I said.

"You're right," Matt told me. "This team, it wasn't some WWF deal. It went so much deeper. I thank Vince McMahon everyday for bringing you into our little gimmick. I knew the moment you were with us, something was going to happen, I had no idea it would be this huge. I didn't think you would impact so many lives and that Jeff and I would need you in ours. I never thought you'd date my brother and have my child. But I am glad you did."

"Matt's right. The moment we worked together I felt that chemistry and I knew that this was something special, I just never expected it to be this special. You're a huge part of our lives, and without you, I know I feel like a part of my life is missing. I know we can never get back what we had, but I know we can still have something great. I want that something. Once I didn't have the two of you in my life, I knew I needed you and I knew how much you meant to my sanity. I went a year not talking to you, Destiny, and a year not knowing what to do around Matt. That's long enough. Lets set this straight and make it right."

If we could, we would have had a group hug. It meant the most to me coming from Jeff. Matt and I had wanted this more than anything, and now that Jeff was on board, things were looking even better. Matt got up, hugged the both of us, and then went to get everyone. The mood was instantly lifted. Except that Adam and Jay still weren't with us.

"Anyone know?" I asked.

"Adam called me, said he and Jay were going for a walk, something's not right with Jay," Paul said, looking at his phone. "He looked pale during the match. I thought I was going to handle it bad. I did, but I thought I'd be the one like Jay is now."

"I just hope he's ok."

There was a soft knock at the door and we all jumped. The doctor came in, holding films in his hands. I began to get very nervous.

"I have your results, Miss Diaz."


	41. Chapter 41 Final Chapter

I couldn't swallow when he said the words. There was a small box on our wall and the doctor put the films on it and switched on a light. Whatever it was I was looking at made no sense to me, or anyone in the room, except the doctor. He pulled a chair up and sat down to face us all. I really wished Jay and Adam were here.

"I know none of you know what you're looking at," he began. "Basically, what this is telling us, a disk snapped in your spine and is compressing your sciatic nerve. We need to go in and take that disk out to relieve the pressure."

"Oh, my God," I said.

"Will she be ok?" Paul asked.

"Yes, she will be, after surgery," the doctor answered.

"Surgery?" Matt asked.

"Yes, it's very simple. We'll go in endosocpicly and remove the disk fragments. There will be minimal scaring and faster recovery. Once the disk is removed you'll feel better almost instantly, and with some physical therapy, you'll be back at your old games."

"This won't heal on it's own?" I asked nervously. " I have to have surgery?"

"Miss Diaz, if you don't have surgery, you will lose your ability to put pressure on your left leg and you won't be able to walk."

That hit me hard. I would lose the feeling in my leg for good and never walk again. That was not an option. I signed the consent and would be going first thing tomorrow morning. I was scared. The doctor left me to my thoughts.

"You're going to be fine," Paul reassured me.

"He's right," Chris replied. "It's going to be simple and you're going to be back in action with me again."

"Chris, maybe I should hand my title over. I'm not going to be back any time soon, and that's not fair to you."

"Don't talk like that," he told me. "You'll be back."

"I know that. Take it back. Defend it with someone who will be there," I said. "Don't argue with me."

Chris nodded and I knew he hated the decision. I wasn't sure how long I'd be out, but I knew it would be some time. Chris had been patient with me for so long, now it was my turn to give in. I couldn't think of anything else to do. What if I couldn't come back? The possibility, though rare, was there. Something could slip, or it's worse than they think.

"You're going to be fine," Paul said to me.

"I want to be ready in case I'm not," I told him. "If I have to give all of this up, I want to be ready. If I can't play with my son the way I used to, I want to be ready."

"Destiny, everything's going to be fine," Matt told me. "You're going to fly through this. You'll come back to the ring, you're going to be able to play with Matthew. Everything will be fine."

"I don't want to think that and it not be fine. I'd rather be ready."

A few moments later, Adam poked his head into the room. He walked in and closed the door lightly behind him. We all looked at him.

"I'm sorry guys, but, Jay's seriously freaking," he told us. "I think I need to take him back."

"Then he's not going to take this fine," Paul said. He stood up.

"The results came back didn't they?" Adam asked.

"Yes," Paul answered.

"Not good?" he asked.

"Not bad either. Destiny needs surgery."

"What, surgery, why?"

"A disk slipped, it's pressing her sciatic nerve. If they don't go in and remove it, she won't walk again. That numbness will be permanent," Paul told him.

"Good thing they can fix it," Adam replied. "You'll be fine, Des, you're a trooper. It's just unbelievable."

"You're telling me," I said. "Is Jay going to be ok?"

"I just need to take him back," Adam answered. "He'll be fine. How do I tell him this?"

"Tell him she'll be alright," Paul told him. "Because she will." He looked at me when he said that.

"Right, thanks guys. Sorry, Des I can't stay," he said coming to me. He bent down, kissed my head and said good bye to everyone else. "Call me if anything changes."

"You call me if anything changes with Jay," Paul said.

"Adam, wait," I said. "Tell Jay I love him, please."

"Of course."

I was worried. Jay had looked pale the moment I saw him backstage, and his color never returned. His voice when he spoke about how he felt during my match, it was unlike I had ever heard before. I could see the distance in his eyes. I could feel it when he hugged me, when I held him. Something wasn't right.

"I don't know what to make of this night," Matt said. He looked at Jeff and myself. "This go from bad to worse to fine and to bad again."

"When was anything ever fine?" Paul asked him.

"Lets just say certain things have worked themselves out, for the better. All of the bullshit that happened before tonight won't ever happen again," Matt answered.

I saw Stephanie smile. "About damn time," she said. Matthew was rolling around in my bed. "He's never going to sleep." Stephanie put her hand on his head.

"Give him to me ," Matt said, coming over to get him. "I know how to get him to sleep. Rub his feet." Matt smiled and looked down. "My mother did it to me when I was a baby."

Matt cradled Matthew in his arms, like he was a newborn again, and lightly rubbed his feet. Matt's eyes still twinkled every time he looked into the eyes of his son. Matthew had no idea the situation between his mother and father, he didn't know the situation of his parent's careers. Matthew didn't know about this past year, and he never will. My son will never know how insane his mother is, how insane she was. All he will ever know is that he is loved, his family is different and special, his living environment is different and special. He will be a wonderful person because of it. I'll know when the time comes that I have to give it up for him, and I won't hesitate one bit. I won't ask Matt to stop wrestling when Matthew needs to go to school, needs someone to be home with him. I couldn't, Matt would do it to, give it all up, and wouldn't regret it once.

My main goal in life was to give my children the things I never had. I didn't have much growing up, and Matthew had everything. He had more love than he could ever need, though, there is no such thing as too much love. Despite everything that I was feeling, about myself and Jay, all of the worries, I looked around the room and felt completely safe and fine. I saw men and a woman who loved me and my child. I saw people who would give their lives for a child that's not there's, though I've said that Matthew is like everyone's son. I believe that. With our careers, I knew being a mother would be hard. I always had help. I thought about dropping out for good to stay at home with him, but I was convinced by everyone that having Matthew around would be helpful. He made everyone feel good. When the baby was in the room, no matter what was going on, everything seemed better. Matthew may only have one mother and one father, but there have been five other "fathers" for him and one other "mother". Well, four other "fathers" and a "grandfather" , if you want to get technical.

Before we knew it, it was two in the morning. Matthew was asleep in his father's arms. Stephanie had fallen asleep on Paul's shoulder. Chris was playing cards with Jeff, and Paul was looking off out the window. I wanted them to go back to the hotel and get some sleep. I knew they wouldn't. I wanted to hear from Adam, to know how Jay was. The shock of what happened wore off, and everything seemed to be ok. The shock of the matches, the shock of our injuries, it all, it was gone. I was still nervous about this surgery, about Jay.

"Paul," I said. "Do you think Jay's ok?"

"I don't know, hun," he answered. "I know something's not right, I saw it on his face the whole match. I don't know how to explain it really. He looked distant, pale. It was weird. I mean, all of us were on the edge of our seats, twice. It's hard to handle seeing two people you care about get the shit kicked out of them. Jay almost looked like you when you saw Jeff's match, but worse."

"Oh," I said.

"You know what it's like, you watched Jeff. I was scared beyond belief. I couldn't have my baby girl not come out of that match, and you barely made it out. It's just not easy."

"I know," I replied.

"Do you want us to stay here tonight?"

"I'd rather you go home and get some real sleep," I answered.

"You think any of us are going to sleep? Please," Paul said with a smile. His smile faded. "I was scared when you first hurt your back, I'm more scared now."

"You said it yourself, I'll be fine, right?"

"Of course, I know you will be. I'm talking about when it happened. I never heard that scream before in my life, and I never want to again."

"You weren't here when I gave birth," I said.

"I doubt I would have heard that. That, that scream was sheer pain and terror. I felt it go right through my heart. I thought it actually stopped beating for a second."

"It just came out," I said.

"Well, shortly you will have the surgery and everything will be ok," Paul told me.

"Yeah," I said uncertain.

"I know you're scared," Paul said. "But, the outcome out weighs the nerves. I know you don't want the other alternative."

"I don't," I said. "Not at all."

Paul's ring tone made me jump. He had to step outside to answer it. He gently let Stephanie down. Matt, Chris, and Jeff all looked at him when he left. We all knew who it was.

"I wonder how it's going," Jeff said.

Chris gathered the cards together. "Hopefully well," he said.

No one said anything until Paul came back. Paul gently lifted Stephanie back up and put her head on his shoulder. We all looked at him. I couldn't read his face. He looked at all of us and then began to speak.

"Jay's not ok," Paul said. "Adam said the whole way back to the hotel Jay's hands were shaking. When they got to the room, Adam tried to get Jay to open up, but Jay hasn't said anything. He told Adam he wouldn't understand and is locked in the bathroom."  
"What's gotten into him?" Matt asked. "That doesn't sound like him at all."

"Well, that's what Adam's trying to find out," Paul said.

"Des, don't you live with Jay?" Matt asked. "That's where you're going after the surgery, right? Maybe on his off days you'll be able to find out what's wrong."

"Yeah, I live with him," I answered. "I don't know, I don't want to pry."

"Maybe tomorrow he'll be alright. Maybe this whole thing is just too much for him," Chris said.

Everyone had decided they were staying in our room for the night. They could have went home. They should have. But there they were, sleeping in chairs. Matthew was in my bed. Jeff and I were the only ones awake.

"Scared?" Jeff asked me.

"Very," I answered. "So much at once, you know?"

"I do. Before the match, the match itself, what happened with the three of us, Jay, it's weird," he said.

"Well, what happened with the three of us was something else."

"Yes, that it was. I'm glad though, I was so sick of everything else," Jeff said. "I tried to be the hurt pissed off one for too long, I hated who I was. When I told you what I told you the other day, I wanted to go out and take it all back. I heard Matt leave, I knew what he was going to do, and, in a way, it bothered me. I don't know why, but it did. He came back and beat me up pretty good, he was always good at that," Jeff laughed. "I deserved it, usually do. It dawned on me then, fully, that I didn't want to be this person anymore. When you yelled at us, yelled at me, I saw how ugly I was on the inside, and I hated it. I want to move on."

"Me too," I said. "I always did. I'm glad all of us are finally on the same page, able to work through this, together. It's impossible to do alone."

Jeff laid back in his bed.

"Going to bed?" I asked.

"No, no of course not," he answered yawning.

"Goodnight, Jeff," I told him.

I didn't sleep much that night, at all. I couldn't really move to much without getting that sharp pain, and my leg felt as if it were asleep. I thought about Jay and what could have made him so worked up. Most of all, I was thinking about my surgery. I hate hospitals, not that I've ever met someone that likes them. Machines beep and something drips, it's impossible to find any sense of clarity there. So I gave up really trying.

The next time I looked at the clock it was five in the morning. A doctor had come in to check me out. He made a comment about everyone in the room and I laughed. My surgery was scheduled for eight that morning, three hours. Pre-op would be starting by at least six, seven the latest. The nerves were setting in once again. This time I had no one to tell.

I watched the clock as the next hour drained by. Chris was the first one awake, at six. He looked around and saw that I was the only one awake. He smiled at me and sat up.

"When's your surgery?" he asked.

"Two hours," I answered.

"Better wake everyone up then. If they don't say good luck and all of that they'll be pissed."

"Then you can be the one to do it," I smiled. "I'm already going in for a surgery, I don't want to have to go in for another one."

"Fine, fine," he said.

One by one Chris woke everyone up, except my baby, who was still asleep in my bed. There wasn't much to be said. Everyone was nervous and a bit worried, but didn't want to show it. More so for me than anything else. I had been checked on by several doctors, and was told I'd be going up for pre-op shortly. My biggest concern was Adam and Jay not being there.

"They'll show," Matt told me. "They will."

"We're going to be right here when you come out," Paul told me. He went to me and held my hand. "When you get out of recovery, you will see us."

"I know," I replied. "I know."

The surgeon came in to begin taking me up. I looked Matthew in his beautiful eyes and held him tight. I began to cry. One by one everyone hugged me and said good luck. And one by one it became harder to let go of everyone. Jeff couldn't come to me, and I couldn't come to him, but he told me anyway.

"You'll be fine," he said. "They'll have you on the good drugs in no time. But, seriously, I'll be sitting here worried about you ever second you're in there, and hoping for you to come back soon. I will pray for you."

I smiled and thanked him. Paul was the last to talk to me.

"He's right, you know, about the drugs," he said with a smile and a laugh. "He's also right about us being worried every moment you're gone and be thankful when you return. He's also right when he said that you're going to be fine."

"Thank you, thank you everyone.," I said.

Just as I was about to be wheeled out, Adam and Jay came in. We all looked at Jay. He had his sunglasses on, so we couldn't see his eyes. But he looked fine, he was dressed fine, his hair was neat. He didn't show any expression, but not many in that room did.

"I guess we're just in time, huh?" Adam asked.

"Yup, I'm going up," I answered. "It's very nice to see you, Jay."

He nodded.

"I'm really glad I made it," Adam told me. He hugged me. "You're going to be just fine, I know it. And when it's all said and done, I'm going to be right here, waiting for you."

"I can't wait," I said.

Jay didn't say a word, and they began to wheel me out the door. Then, Jay grabbed at the handles on my bed and they stopped. I still couldn't see his eyes because of the sunglasses. It looked as if he was looking straight out. He bent down at me and met me face to face. He lifted his sunglasses up and looked me right in the eyes. I saw something in his eyes I only saw once before, when I moved into his house. When certain boundaries in our friendship were tested and pushed. That encounter when hormones took over any rational thought.

"Jay?" I asked softly.

He didn't answer me. He just looked at me. He leaned in more, and before I knew it, he was kissing me. His soft lips met mine, and I was very surprised, but didn't pull away. I took it. It wasn't a tongue down your throat prono kiss, but a soft beautiful kiss. When he pulled away, I was wheeled out of the room before I could say anything. But it stayed with me.

They say it's best to have a clear head when you go in for surgery. Yeah, I'd like to see those people try it. It's impossible, and any shot I had at that was now gone. I couldn't believe it. I never saw it coming. Perhaps I was too preoccupied with this match to notice. I didn't know what to think about it. I didn't know if it was good or bad, or what it was. I knew I liked it. But why? Why did he do that? How long did he feel that? What made him do that? Questions ran through my head as the began to put me under. And, as they asked me to count back from 100, the kiss was the last thing on my mind.


End file.
